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Friday, April 27, 2012

The Struggle

This week has been hard.  There has been struggle.  There has been outburst of emotion.  There has been RAW talk....  And I am THANKFUL that there has been TRUE communication! There has been DISCUSSION!  AND there has been PROGRESS!
Sometimes, to progress you have to go through the emotion. THIS has been true THIS WEEK.

I have to say that I am so proud of my girlies. They have banded together to get through,  and I am amazed at their maturity and LOVE!

WE have had discussion with Miss Alli over her past, as she brings it up, and she grieves.  This week was a true struggle for her. She had memory after memory and acting out after acting out....
And then, we reached her heart..... her fears, and her personal struggles.....

Sometimes PROGRESS seems like REGRESSION, but it isn't. It is MOVING FORWARD!  
I am proud of her. I am proud that she was able to talk about difficult, awful things.... that had NOTHING TO DO with 2 disruptions, but went all the way back to RUSSIA.

I am her FOURTH, YES, 4th mama...... and YES, that is sad, but TRUE!  And you know what? She loves me, and I LOVE HER!  AND between you and me.... We are doing AWESOME! :)
We covered some new ground this week....
She remembered her mama coming to visit her at the orphanage. Her mama brought her baby brother.... but did not get her out of the orphanage.  She did NOT know that her mama could NOT take her home because she had LOST her rights as a parent.   This was NEW news to our Alli. And it was HEALING news, that her mama did not leave her because she WANTED to , but because she didn't have a choice.
Her mama's rights were terminted, even though Alli has good memories of her bio mama. She remembers she was nice. She remembers cooking soup together and sitting on the counter.  She also remembers her mama being drunk and passed out.
I HATE it that our kids suffer so much.:( 
I'm so glad she has those precious memories.  I was explaining to the girls that each and every person does things they greatly regret.  The one thing that may have caused a child to be removed for good from a home that was abusive, or neglectful is NOT the only thing that went on in that home.  I would say that in MOST, not all, cases, there are also fond memories.  This is the case with Alli, and also the case with Anna.
Both of them remember their mamas.  This is not the case with Sarah or Erika, because they were left at the hospital at birth. 
At lunch today the subject came up rather naturally.  The girls are at the Jr. High age where they are curious about the changes taking place in their bodies, the process of child birth and the future.  Adoption, will come up in those conversations because obviously, I didn't give birth to them.
Sarah expressed a little sadness today that she doesn't know what her mother looked like.  We all said, we are SURE she looks just like Sarah. :)  This made her smile.  Erika had thoughts about what her mother and father would look like and her brother.  Her brother is around 20 years old now, and does not know Erika existed.
Alli couldn't comprehend why anybody would leave their baby at a hospital because her experience is so different. 
These struggles of identity will continue, and we will get through them.  I am so proud that the girls feel FREE to talk about it openly while both laughing and feeling sad.  What a great little group of girls.  They will always be there for each other. :)  They have a very special bond.

After lunch, we went shopping and had a great time together.  Me being Alli's 4th mama, Sarah's 3rd mama, Erika's 2nd mama, and Anna's 6th or 7th mama (all those foster mama's)  doesn't make me feel any less than their MAMA, because I AM their MAMA and the last one they will ever have, unless there is an "in law" after the title. .... :)

4 comments:

mommajeane said...

I love this post...and can so relate.

Keri said...

i needed this post today. rough things happening for my girl this week, and its hard. this post reminded me that its just part of the journey. this too shall pass!

Amy...who wanted 4. said...

What a happy ending. God has you all JUST where he wants you. I love hearing about the healing! :-)

NoMatterWhatMom said...

Thank you for this. I found you through someone else who commented on my blog and am grateful for another mom out there who gets it. I'm always looking for a better way to think about things, since the way I think and the way I speak has a whole lot to do with the way I act. It's been a tough week at our house, too. I needed to hear about hope and healing.

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