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Friday, April 13, 2012

"Just Going To The Bathroom"

"Just Gong To the Bathroom".... was what I heard from Sarah when I asked, "who is up?"
I can't express how much my heart is filled with Joy at that declaration!
Sarah has been home now, for almost 7 years. (May 5th)

It took nearly 3 years before she was able to go into the bathroom alone, due to previous abuse. :(
And now, I hear her say, "I'm in the bathroom!"  WOW!
I am so happy for her. :) She is my sweet baby girl.:)
It is amazing how a simple statement can make me feel such joy. My baby girl at one time was frozen with fear to not have me with her day or night , and now,  it is just normal for her. :)

When Sarah came home, she was such a tiny, spunky little bundle of energy.  She had a smile that would light up a room, still does.  But behind all that sweetness and cuteness was a very, VERY hurt little girl.
She was not quite 6 years old, when we went and picked her up from the Famous McDonald's play land.  I still remember her questions to me, when I asked her if she had any.  I fully expected them to be questions like, "Do you have any toys?" or "Where am I going to live?"
Her questions were much more direct, all having to do with her safety.  "Are you going to hit me?" "Are you going to leave me alone in the dark?" "Are you going to squeeze my hands?" 
My heart sank at the thought of what had happened to her.  We didn't know much, but we found out fairly quickly, as she gained more trust in us.

Today, Sarah is a happy, healthy, soon to be TEENAGER!  I cannot beleive it!  She was the baby for such a long time.  She still expresses fears of growing up, and we have told her, she doesn't have to make herself grow up. If she still likes to play with toys, that is just FINE!  One of her cool sister's in law told her that she played with barbies until she was 14!  I think that makes Sarah feel better. 

She is approaching her birthday with trepidition, as she THINKS it is going to make her cross an imaginary line from childhood to adulthood.  I think she will relax the next day when all is the same. :)
Explaining to her that growing up is a good thing, and something that comes naturally is a hard concept for her to understand.  Yet, I 'm starting to see little rumblings of change in her already. 
We talked about that recently, and I think it brought her comfort. 

It is wonderful that she LOVES being a kid.   That tells me she is happy and secure at home. :)
Of course she has said she is never leaving!  LOL

I'm enjoying these words now, because I know all too soon, some wonderful person will sweep her off her feet and her devotion will be to him.  

I'm so proud of our spunky, funny little girl. :)  Happy Familyversary Sarah!

6 comments:

Milena said...

Those early questions of hers are just heartbreaking :-( Such a joy that she has healed so well into the wonderful young girl she is now!

traumatotreasure said...

If it makes her feel any better, I still play with Barbies and I'm 21. Sometimes I get nervous that it's not okay and that I'm not doing the right thing...but then I change my way of thinking and start thinking about why I still play with them. I missed a very vital time in my life where play was taken. I also do adult things. Its a matter of balance. I can't be an adult all the time and still heal from my past trauma...so, I have to love myself enough to allow myself to go backwards and be a kid every now and then.

Nataly said...

Just by reading this post I can see that you love your daughter very much.She is blessed to have a mommy like you!

Amy...who wanted 4. said...

What a beautiful girl, inside and out!
Happy Familyversary Sarah!!!

Annie said...

She is adorable. How I wish I had all of your wisdom and intuition!

Muddled Muse said...

I remember when adulthood seemed so foreign and scary! I think I played with dolls until I was 14 or 15. But now that I am grown up, I wouldn't want to go back to being a child. God keeps us through every stage in life - and we are always his children.

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