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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

So What Do You Do When You Fail? BCLC Moments


I have heard many people say that in order to parent in a BCLC model, you have to be perfect.
"I could never parent that way, because I am not perfect". "It is impossible!"

These statements, most of the time are based in fear of failing. Being afraid to be vulnerable, being afraid to be transparent. Which can also be a form of Pride.

Pride prevents us from being vulnerable, honest, repentant and transparent.
Much of the time, fear is behind that pride. We are afraid for somebody, especially
our children to see who we really are; that we too make mistakes, that we too sin, that we too can have a rebellious heart.

Guess what? They already know, and so does God. :)

So, in seeking to be a better parent, we also need to seek the Lord for forgiveness, strength,
wisdom, guidance and healing.
As we receive forgiveness, strenght, wisdom, guidance and healing in our lives, we will also begin to live our lives accordingly.
The fruits of the Spirit which are : Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control..... are replaced for our old awful attitudes, WHEN we walk in Christ.

As we model these to our children, they will respond in a way unimaginable, and they will also want to be like us. That is when we direct them to the Lord. :)
Because HE never fails.

So what DO you do when you lose it? What do you do when you are impatient or not gentle?

It is really simple: You stop! You say,, "I'm really sorry that I was unkind, or impatient!"
Will you forgive me? You come down and look in their eyes and ask your little one to forgive...
and then you rock them and hold them and speak kindness and gentleness into them.

They will learn to forgive, because you forgive them.... and we all learn to forgive because HE has forgiven us.
When we are honest and vulnerable to our children, they know it. Kids WANT to be loved.
They WANT to be cherished, even when they are too hurt and too afraid to be vulnerable and show it.
Our job is to model to them, what we want for them to model back to us.

As we teach our children forgiveness, it will spill out into their relationships; especially the relationships they have with their siblings. They will learn to understand and forgive each other's short comings, because they have learned that we forgive them and they forgive us.
And BECAUSE there is nothing held back, it makes it easy for love to flow and reign in your home.

I had a situation this week, where I was not as patient as I should have been. Mike gently pointed that out to me, and I asked my daughter for forgiveness. You know what? I had hurt her feelings and didn't even know it. When I asked for forgiveness, our relationship went right back on track and things were back to normal.

Sometimes it is our children who may be unwilling to ask for forgiveness, and they may have a streak of stubbornness... that is ok... they are still learning. It is at that time where we simply model what we want them to do. "I forgive you, even though you haven't asked.... but you don't feel forgiven, because until you are willing to be vulnerable, you can't receive it." Our kindness can reach deep into the heart of our children, causing the softening of even the hardest of hearts.
It is then we can teach them about the Love of our Lord... and teach them about eternal forgiveness.

So, failing in parenting can be a good thing! It gives us opportunity to learn together.
We are all on a journey in life together. It sure makes sense to hold hands and stay on the path
of life. :)

2 comments:

Diana said...

I always love your posts!

Another word that came to my mind was REPENTANCE. In the process of repenting, or fixing our mistakes, we also teach them how to fix their mistakes, take ownership of those mistakes (rather than blaming someone or something else for our behavior), and that it is not only ok to fix your mistakes, it is vital to wellbeing.

In the process of all that, we all get to learn lessons about forgiveness. I hear people say all the time "I could never forgive so and so for XXXX. They don't deserve it!" My response is "Most people don't deserve forgiveness for what they've done. But you do. So and So doesn't have to repent in order to be forgiven. Why? Because forgiveness is about you. It's what frees your soul of the toxic anger and resentment. It's what allows you to drop the burden and move on. It doesn't matter what the other person did. What matters is how you respond to it."

Hevel said...

There you said it. There has never been a perfect parent. We make mistakes, we all do, but that can't be an excuse not to do what is best for our family.

Now, off topic.
You have a great blog. I love it. I know a gazillion other people would love it, too. Have you considered signing up for the Golden Haiku?
http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2009/11/the-golden-haiku/
I feel like my next blogroll is coming from there...

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