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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Tweenies


The Tweenies have hit our house like a force!
The girls are turning into ladies before our very eyes! They are maturing in mind and body and we are just in awe at God's wonderful grace in their lives.

The other day, Anna asked to have a mom daughter talk. I love those times with her.
She is sweet and sensitive. She brought the picture frame to me with the 2 pictures of her and her birth mom. The frame had broken and had a crack in it. She asked if we could get a new frame for it.

"Of course we can!" And we did. We went yesterday to get that frame. But before we did, I could see there were questions ready to come. Those hard questions to which there is no answer. The ones that cause pain and tears, and the ones I weep with her over.

"Why did she not keep me?"
"Why did everybody think I was bad?"
"Why did she use drugs?"
"Why did she not give me something to remember her?"

Those questions are so heartbreaking and so hard to answer. I don't know the answer.
I only know that God allowed Anna to go through some difficult times, and also allowed her to come to us and has immensely blessed our home with her presence. Because of her we have Sarah and Erika. Because of her, we have the life we have now. Because of that simple question she asked long ago... "Will you be my mommy?"

When these times come, my heart is ripped out. I am torn, because I want to know too!
WHY DIDN'T she care for you? WHY did she take drugs? WHY?

There are no answers.

But my favorite part is : GOD, in His soverign love for us has touched our hearts, her heart and we are a family in every since of the word.

At the same time she was asking these questions, she was wrapped in my favorite robe and holding on to me, saying, "I love you mommy."

It must be quite strange sometimes, during these confusing times, to be in two worlds.
The world that was and the world that is.

But in a sense, as believers, we are all that way. We live in a world that was, a reality that we were dead in sin and corruption. Yet, we are ALIVE in Christ, through adoption as sons in Christ Jesus!

Though we are very aware of our past, and many times it overshadows our present, we are ALIVE in Christ, and we have NEW LIFE, CHANGED LIFE, and we can live triumphant in HIM.

Anna is very aware that she is loved and cared for. She loves being in the family and has a strong sense of belonging. I strongly believe this will get her through the difficult times as she ponders her past and looks forward to her future.

I just love her to pieces. She is such a gift.

7 comments:

JJ said...

SO SWEET!

The Monroe 6 said...

Sooo beautiful.
My heart breaks for Anna, but what a blessing that you found each other!!
God is good.

Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family said...

aww :) I love your blog :)

Blessings,
Tami
mama to Celeste, Noah and Jeremiah
PRAYING JEREMIAH HOME QUICKLY
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com
www.jeremiahspromisejohn1418.blogspot.com

Melissa E. said...

God's plan for our salvation took the very bad and turned it into a greater good. I sometimes wonder if, like in so many examples in the Bible, especially in the OT, things that happen in our lives might be a "picture" reminder of this truth.

The Israelites were enslaved for years before they were freed from Egypt to show that God saves! They thirsted and hungered in the desert and were given Manna and water out of a rock to show that God would send salvation! They were sick and dying from the bites of poisonous snakes and were given the snake on the pole to look at and be save to show that a Savior would come and rescue dying sinners and give them eternal life if they would only turn to him!

It doesn't answer all my questions nor does it assuage the guilt that I feel when I find myself amazed at the precious gift that our boys are to our family. It is easy to look past the high price they paid for me to be so happy. Not that they did it intentionally but if I could go back and do life all over for them...

I think the same way about Jesus sometimes too. So grateful that he suffered and died so that I could be saved. But if I truly love him, how can I be so quick to be happy for my salvation when it came at such a great price?!

Wow! Sorry! I went on and on, but you started it...

:-)

Christine said...

You are a good mom. GOd had an amzing plan bringing the two fo you together.

Rebecca said...

There are no detailed answers for dear Anna about her past. But there is one answer that helps me cope with pain from hurts others have caused me. We live in a broken world. Things are not the way they're s'posed to be because of sin. We all make wrong choices all the time. Anna's bmom made a poor choice. She probably had pain in her life, and used drugs to escape from it. And those drugs led her down a path of self destruction. As a Christian, I'm sure Anna knows she has made bad decisions at times. It is only the grace of God that prevents us all from destroying ourselves and others. But the good news is that there is redemption! And God has given Anna a beautiful picture of that in her own life story... May the Lord comfort her with His Fatherly love, and give her eyes to see the beauty of His plan!

Mike and Christie said...

Melissa, as a mom, I feel the same way. I am so blessed and my happiness is because of somebody else's pain.
If I could go back and make it better, you bet I would.
I hate seeing suffering.

At the same time, I so identify with the rejection. In my own life, long ago, there was a husband who was supposed to go into the ministry and took a left turn in seminary. That turn led us to a life that I never dreamed I would know. A life of suffering, a life of homelessness, abuse and rejection. His alcoholism and drug use was meant by the enemy to destroy, But God in his infinite mercy....he Infinite love..... USED those very circumstances to break me, to cause me to see and to mold me and shape me.
I can honestly say today, that I am thankful. But back then? No way.
I had all those why questions.:)

Today, looking back, I can see His wisdom, his love, his gentle touch, his mercy. There are some lessons that can be learned no other way.
I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but I know that if the Lord changes a heart, that changing experience is precious in his sight.

Oh my! now you got me going! :)

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