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Friday, April 3, 2009

The "L" Word


As many of you know, when you have kids, you deal with little bits of lying here and there.
But then, there is this other kind of lying that isn't necessarily "here and there", but out of bounds. It is not about getting into trouble, or even trying to get out of trouble. It could be about an everyday occurrence, or just a made up tale for entertainment.

Many kids do this during the toddler years, and I wouldn't consider it lying at that point, especially if they cannot tell the difference between reality and fiction.

Our girls are actually still learning that movies are not real. Like, all the actors didn't take a break during intermission time on the movie "The 10 Commandments" to go to the bathroom, so they could finish the movie. LOL
(Anna really thought this!)

Our Anna has been going through a really great period of time, and been pretty delightful, but everybody knows, when change is around the corner, sometimes old behaviors can creep back up.

I noticed this week that I was told a story about teaching the billy goat to "SIT". hmmmm.... Then, one about climbing a tree to a certain distance, and then saying she locked the goat pen, when she didn't.
Well, today, we were talking about flying kites and she said that she had to rescue our granddaughter's kite from a tree. I KNEW this was not true.

So, I called her over for a good rock in the chair. I told her,
I noticed that you are telling lots of interesting tales lately. Do you remember that lying can cause mommy to not trust what you say?

She said, yes.

So we went back over what we did before.

If mommy catches you in an untruth and you have not corrected it first.
This is what we will do.

You will say, "I lied", the TRUTH is: and then state the truth.

Then an I'm sorry.

We did this very thing with our older boys too.

She agreed that we needed to go back to this.

And then I said these words......

"We need to talk about our future relationship".
(I was thinking tween years and more freedoms that come with responsibility)

I am telling you, the look on her face was ABSOLUTE FEAR....
I instantly KNEW how I worded that, was so bad.

So I very quickly said, "How wonderful it is going to be, how it is a forever relationship and how excited I am to see you growing up into such a fine and HONEST young lady etc.etc..... LOL

Her body relaxed, and I thought, wow.... will it always be there? Will she always question another person's love and commitment to her?

We rocked abit longer and made that wonderful eye contact and she said very sincerely, "Mom, I'm sorry I haven't been telling the truth."

I told her sweety, isn't it such an icky feeling to always wonder if you will be found out? She started to cry and say yes.

I asked her, Isn't it great when you have a really great story to tell and it is totally true and you feel good telling it?

She said yes through her tears.

I let her know that as she gets older, she will have many fun stories to tell about life and animals but she will only feel good about telling them, if they are accurate and true.

So we went back over our scenario once again, and I reminded her that she must tell the truth all the time. That I will hold her accountable EVERY time... and we had a good hug.

I also reminded her that she is firmly placed in THIS family, and she held on tight.

I feel she walked away from our embrace a stronger and more confident girl.

I'm so proud of her.

3 comments:

JJ said...

I loved the detailed scenario here, Christie, because there is a "melodrama exaggeration phase" AKA L'g happening at our house, by talking loudly as if to one's own self to get a reaction/attention. While I tend to know what is going on, others do not...and the more %+O reactions my little guy gets, the bigger the story gets.

ex: "Hey, get off my stick you big ol' tick! Oh, now I see, there are a bunch of chiggers under there. Wait a minute, I hope that's not a black widow. Nope, it's just a baby scorpion. Get off my stick scorpion!..." My son has a way of making adults I am conversing with become ADD! "Tick, where?" "You see chiggers?!" "Where is the black widow???" "SCORPION???"

Ah yes, THESE must be DS' good ol' days! Hopefully, I'll live through them, lol... "Did I just here him say RATTLESNAKE?!!!"

Tereasa said...

I have really enjoyed going through your old adoption posts. I don't know if I told you, but I found you by googling Beyond Consequences blogs. You are just what I was looking for. An experienced woman with a heart for God and a loving approach to raising children. I love it! Thank you for sharing tid-bits of life with your daughters. I learn from everything you say!

Mike and Christie said...

Tereasa,
I'm really glad you are enjoying the blog. One of the reasons I write is for those who come after. :)
Glad it is a help to you. :)

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