Happy Valentine's Day!

 St. Valentine was a real guy.  He was definitely involved in the bringing together of young couples in love. He married them, and was beheaded for his faith, AND for joining couples together against the Emperor's wish.  The emperor wanted SINGLE soldiers.  He did have a friendship with a young blind girl and exchanged letters with her. His last letter was signed to her...."Your Valentine".

A Loving Letter Inspires Valentine’s Day Messages

Before he was killed, Valentine wrote a last note to encourage Julia to stay close to Jesus and to thank her for being his friend. He signed the note: “From your Valentine.” That note inspired people to begin writing their own loving messages to people on Valentine’s Feast Day -- February 14th -- which is celebrated on the same day on which Valentine was martyred.
Valentine was beaten, stoned, and beheaded on February 14, 270. People who remembered his loving service to many young couples began celebrating his life, and he came to be regarded as a saint through whom God had worked to help people in miraculous ways. (from about.com)

The Littles

Erika and Anna often call Sarah and Alli, "The Littles". :)
So here are "The Littles" getting ready to go shopping and to a baby shower. :)

Alli just can't seem to stop growing! :)

Science Project

We finished studying the respiratory system and have been working on a lung project. :)
Here are the Noelles  painting their projects.

 Note to self:  clean art cabinet! ugh

Three finished products....
Of course, Anna added a heart to hers. LOL

CAUGHT!

Anna wasn't feeling well this a.m.  She was snuggling on the couch before school.....
And then I caught somebody....

 doing her chore for her. :)

Thank you Erika. :)

Alli and Daddy Date Night

Well, here they are after they came home. :) 
I love it that Mike takes the girls out one on one each Thursday night.   We started with me taking them out one on one, once a month.... Dad felt like he was missing out, so he decided to set apart Thursday Nights. 
It has been a REAL HIT with the girlies. :)
Tonight, they went to a few stores and to dinner.   I think they had a WONDERFUL time! :)
Sarah and Alli picked out what she would wear, and Erika and Alli picked what daddy would wear. Oh my, this is SO different from boys! :)
I am sooooo PROUD of my Alli. :)

Science and Dancing

We just finished our unit on the respiratory system and I decided to add an assignment.  We made the trachea, lungs, alveoli and bronchi out of clay.  They really had fun doing it.  We bought air dry clay so it won't need to be fired.  We will paint and label them in a few days and then I'll show the final product.

And after class, there was dance.... We bought some beginning instructional dvd's for the girls to dance their little hearts out. :)

She's On A Cleaning Kick!

I love it when somebody gets kitchen duty and takes it to heart!  These chairs have needed cleaning and guess who took joy in her job today???

Yep, My Anna. :)

Stop Picking Your Nose!

Well, that is what I heard as a little girl.  And if you want to be REALLY grossed out, I used to eat my boogers. YIKES!  Ok, I have confessed it! That felt good.

When I was a little girl, that was something I did.  It really bothered me that I did that, and when I was around 10 or 11, I vowed to stop!  It was  a real personal challenge for me. It sounds so silly, but it was true. I was broken hearted when I would fail.  I prayed one day about it and asked the Lord to help me, and I believe he did.  I am happy to say, I am no longer a nose picking booger eater! :)

And why have I told all of bloggy world about this? 
Because yesterday, Miss Alli and I went for a drive to have a talk about this year and all the progress she has made,  along with some changes that NEED to be made.  I wrote a little bit about it a few posts down. 
She really opened up and we had a great time.  So as she was sharing about  her own frustration with herself when she fails,  I decided it was time to come clean. :)
I told my "very shocked" daughter about my past indiscretions as she tried not to snicker....and then I told her....
To Make yourself stop doing something you don't want to do, is just like stopping picking your nose and eating your boogers!  You just stop.

She thought about that for a while, and then we pinky promised.  :)



(I just told the girls, no laughing about this blog post.... Sarah said, what is it about?  Alli said, "picking your nose?  Sarah said, "who"?  Alli, "Mom"... Sarah, "Who's nose did she pick?" LOL

Surgery Scheduled

Erika made the brave decision to have surgery to remove the plates and pins from her hip, and tho have the bone trimmed back on her left stump.  
I am really proud of her.  At first, she just said, "No".... 
Then we talked it over about the ramifications of her decision.  Was she willing to live with pain in her hip, if it could be eliminated?  Did she want to have continuous problems with fittings, if we left the protruding bone on? 

After about a week of thinking about it, weighing the pain, because it IS painful, weighing the long term ramifications, she made the mature decision and opted for surgery.

I know that some do not agree with our decision to include our children in this process and believe we should make those decisions period.  I would like to explain why we Do.

The surgery is not life or death related.  It is more for function.  If she needed emergency heart surgery, that would be a different story, and I do believe she would opt to save her own life.

I used to take care of a woman many years ago, when our boys were little, who was  quadriplegic.  She was in a wheel chair.  It is a long story how we came to meet, but let's just say our first meeting was rather sad.  Her aide left and didn't come back. She was living in an apartment alone, and needed somebody to take her to the bathroom. It had been 24 hours. 
She knocked on my door and said, "this is an odd question, but can you take me to the bathroom?" And then she burst into tears.  
That began a relationship we had for years. :)  I became her aide until a replacement could be found 6 months later, and then I became her aide again for the same reasons.  She lived with me for awhile until we found a permanent solution for her. 

During the time she stayed with me, she told me about the surgeries she endured, and how she felt she didn't have a voice over her own body.  She said everything was decided without her.  And she resented it.  Her wise words to me were, "Don't do that to your kids".  So I didn't.  It really is that simple.

As our son grew up, he had surgery at 5 and surgery at 6.   The surgery he had at 6 was nothing short of a disaster.  He had bilateral femoral osteotomy and aductor releases, to help the scissoring of his legs so he could walk better after the heel cord surgery.  The pain medication was not written into his order.  So, after waking up from surgery, he went 4 hours without any pain meds..... THEN, the wrong dosage was given and he suffered greatly.  I finally went to the director of the hospital in his office, and asked him to please come with me because I was so worried.  Let's just say a few heads rolled and he was given the proper meds.  This was a long time ago, and YES, I do believe care was not taken because our son was handicapped.  I can't imagine how much more it would have effected him, had he had zero say in the process.

We moved to Texas a couple of years later and Tim started going to Scottish Rite.  The thought of surgery made him shiver with fear.  He really did need one more... but we waited.  We let him know that he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to.  It was HIS body.  Just giving that small amount of control, empowered him to make the decision a few months later.  Not only was he mentally and emotionally prepared, he went home in record time.  In fact, he only missed 2 days of school.

I believe our children can recover faster when they are included.  I also believe emotional health  and a happy outlook on life, is WAY more important than trying to improve our bodies.  I remember my friend's words, as I listened to her recall the  pain and emotional scars of her memories as a child who was not treated as a person.
Erika's body is never going to be perfect.  She will never move freely on this earth, or have proper use of her legs.  She will not be able to bend.   So the purpose for this surgery is to keep her out of pain in the long run both on her hip and on the stump and to make it easier to fit her for prosthesis.

I want to always strive to treat my children  with the dignity and respect they deserve.  And a good lesson for our girls is that their body is THEIRS.  This lesson has many other applications.

Loving Hands.... Accepting Hands

What kind of messages do we give our children when it comes to our body language.  I just wrote a post below on the finger lesson.   

 Do our hands give the message to our children that they are loved and cherished?  Hands are very important.  We use them often to express ourselves.  We put them on our hips in frustration!

And we use them to say, "You come here right now!"
We use them to accuse! (thank you Sarah for being my guinnea pig) LOL
And sadly, hands are used as striking tools; instruments of doom.
When I was a child, and we were in the store, there were many times when my mother would reach for a can of beans and we would duck!  It made her so mad.... because it was most likely embarrassing. LOL  She would always say, "Why do you do that??"  Ummm... well.... we were trying to avoid the hand!  We were afraid of those hands, somehow, she didn't understand this. :/

I don't want my children to be afraid of my hands. I don't want my hands to be remembered as accusatory hands, but as hands of love, representing our Heavenly Father. 

 I want my hands to be welcoming and dripping with the Love of Christ.

 Both Mike and I  want our hands to be hands of loving acceptance and embrace. We want our hands to be patient hands, kind hands.
Isn't this a much better way?

 

 We want to be the extended hands of Jesus Christ to our children and grand children.  We want them to remember our loving embrace; not duck when we reach for a can of beans. :)

Thank you Anna and Sarah for helping me with this post. :)  (Anna's hands made the heart shape, and she took the pictures.)
"Oh to be His hands extended".

The Finger Lesson

One thing we work really hard on around here is not accusing others.  We try very hard to not "assume" that we know what another person is feeling or thinking. 
I know that personally, I have been accused of things before, by another person I had never met, and it hurt me so badly that they thought they knew me, and they did not. They certainly DID NOT. 
Those lessons are so painful to learn, and I want my girls to learn them EARLY in life.
So this is the picture I give them.

If you look at this hand.... my hand... what do you see?  When we accuse others, or ASSUME we know how they think or what they feel, there is one finger pointed at the person, but there are THREE fingers pointed right back at YOU... the accuser.

This has helped not just ME, but our girls to be very careful with their words.  Words have a way of coming back at you.... and we want to be the kind of people who think and speak the best of others.

This lesson came in very handy yesterday.  It is also a reminder for me.  Don't just speak kindly, THINK kindly.  Don't let your words devour each other.  Let them encompass and embrace each other, supporting each other in love.

Mommy, How Many?

Miss Alli asked at the dinner table tonight, "Mommy, how many good days have I had this year, vs. bad days?
Today was a good day!  Daddy and I looked at each other and thought about it.  We BOTH came to the conclusion that she has had WAY more good days than bad days, and we told her, out of 340 (soon to be 365) days in the year, we have maybe had 60 bad days.  But not even bad all day days.  Just where stuff like the other day happened. 
We both said, "Wow! When you put that in perspective, you have had a really awesome first year!"  She was so proud of herself and declared an even better year to come. :)  Giving her a sense of team work, instead of controlling her is so helpful.

Everybody was at the table and we all re declared our love for her, and she beamed. :)  She had a little food left on her plate and said she was full.  Erika got up from her place and went over to Alli and fed her the rest of her food. :)  I think she liked that. :)  Sometimes they love to play mama and baby.  I don't mind. The food was eaten and not wasted and they had some sister bonding time. :)

Silly girls. :)

Guest Blogging

I was invited over to  Kelly's blog as a guest. :)  He gave me a scenario to write about.  It was fun!
Thanks Kelly.

SOS

My friend Keri needs EMERGENCY HELP.
Anya is in the hospital again and needs immediate medical attention.  She is in Siberia and Keri is here in the U.S.  To top it off, Keri has been unemployed for 4 months and counting. :(
She DESPERATELY needs money to send to Anya.
Can you help?   Please visit Keri's blog and give her a word of encouragement. 
Together we can send Anya our love and care.

The Next Step in Healing

Yesterday was a hard day, but it was a good day too.  Yesterday showed me how far we have come as a family, and how we need to try harder in some areas in order to progress and not stagnate.

This week has been a HUGELY busy week, and it was no surprise that Miss Alli would have some struggles with the change in schedule and the "burning the candles at both ends" type of life...
This means, we had something going on every day and we didn't get into bed until WAY after bedtime, and still had to get up. 
Alli does best on a set schedule she can count on.  It seems to center her to have that stability. Sometimes, circumstances are such that it just can't happen.  This week was one of those weeks.

There are also so many memories associated with this time of year, including birthdays, moves, and more....So yesterday seemed to be the perfect day for a good ole' fashioned  melt down. :(   I felt so badly for her as she used every tactic in the book to try and act like she didn't care.  I know she cares.  This was not my Alli.
This was a child trying to make sense of a life that so far has made no sense.
How do you make sense of tragedy?  You don't.  You accept it, and you move in a direction that will bring hope and healing.  That is all you can do on your own.

But one thing I DO KNOW.... Jesus has been with our Alli, ALL of her life.  I am sure He wept when she wept, and He was with  her in the midst of  her saddest of circumstances. He wept over her rejection and misunderstanding, just as she did. And He understood, because HE too was rejected and despised.
It always amazes me that God chooses to work with the frail, imperfect human.... But He does and His works bring about spiritual growth that is real and permanent.  He has had His hand on Alli's life, through it all.

Alli was unable to communicate in a healthy way, so we waited, and we waited more.  And then I stayed home with her and Mike and the other girls went out to lunch without us.  She was just not prepared to go anywhere.   Once we got to a place where we could communicate from the heart, TOGETHER, we came up with some steps we will be taking to help her. 
She will NOT be able to run outside and climb the tree when she is angry or upset.  She climbs too high and mama needs her to stay inside. Trees are for climbing when we are having fun. 
If she needs to calm herself, and she doesn't want to be in a time in type situation, no trees.
After she has done wrong, she will say "I'm sorry".... and we accept her apology. 
But from now on, we will be asking "What are you sorry for?" This is not done in a mocking tone. This is done very tenderly, to help her understand fully what happened and what not to do again.  She will be specific about what she is sorry for.  If she was rude or disrespectful, she will need to say, "I am sorry for being rude, or disrespectful."
I really think this will help her to identify what she is doing that is not acceptable, and also,  humble her.  

This is not a way to HUMILIATE....There is a big difference between being humbled and humiliated.   Being Humble is a GOOD thing.
This will also help her in confessing her sin in prayer.  She will be able to define it.

She will also be given time to calm herself without talking.  This is different for me.  Normally, because when we were dealing with these issues when our other girls were much younger, we would have what is called a "time in", where you come and sit with mama and get calm, so you don't feel like you are being sent away.  But with Alli being 12, she really NEEDS to be able to go somewhere quiet and calm herself.  I really think this is something I have been doing wrong and have actually CAUSED escalation myself!  It wasn't intentional, her needs are just different now.  She is NOT having attachment issues.  She is attached to us.  She is having more than not, miscommunication
problems that spiral her into a PTSD type moment. 
If I speak very soothing words, AFTER she has calmed, she is fine.  If I speak those SAME words when she is melting down, it is more like gas on a fire. 
SO TIMING, YES TIMING is very, VERY important. :)

Last night, after we had our talk, and things were calmer, we were all able to go to the Super Bowl Party we had planned to attend.  This was our last event of the week.  After everybody left the car, I asked her to remain behind, and we went over what was expected, much like we used to do when she first came home.  She started to cry and said that she was embarrassed because now everybody will know she was not behaving.  (nobody was around they were all in the house)  I reassured her that all was ok, but I needed to let her know if there were any, ANY incidents of snottiness, we would leave immediately.  She said, "Let's just go home now", because she still wasn't fully regulated.
And this is where BCLC took over.
I looked at her and said, "I am FULLY CONFIDENT that you can do it!"  "You have been able to listen, and I KNOW you WANT to obey."  "So let's just do it!" "Hold your head up high and walk in there and have a wonderful time!"
Sometimes a change of scenery, a change of activity can be the very best thing in the world for a child who is stuck in a mode....And my brave girl did just that. :)  We stayed the whole time and she REALLY had a wonderful time.
The family that we visited also has children from Russia, and we know each other well.

We talked about our goals for our new year coming up.  And she was actually engaged and excited to talk about it.  She REALLY does not want to  be stuck with the cycle of behaviors.  She really WANTS to do better and She WANTS us to help her. 
Healing is a PROCESS.. She spent her first 11 years in chaos, as I have written about before.  Just 1/12 of her life has been in a normal family.   (whatever that is.. LOL)
Now is the time pinpoint and focus on overcoming!

Mike and I were talking last night about the difficulties our children face coming from foreign countries and having to learn new languages.  Communication issues coupled with trauma is VERY difficult to overcome, partly because a child who is traumatized has a harder time learning and retaining.... yet they have to learn in order to communicate and be understood.

I think one of the biggest mistakes the adoption community makes is assuming that because a child can speak English, they have mastered it.   I find more often than not, MOST of the issues we deal with are based in communication.   I have said this before and I cannot say it enough.  JUST because your child can speak TEXAN or ARKANSAN or MISSISSIPPIAN, or any other dialect ..... they do not have the depth of language to fully communicate, and MASTERY usually takes on average a "double their age" time.  This means, if Alli arrived in the U.S. at the age of 9 and a half.  She will not have English MASTERY until the age of 19.  Erika, 16.  Sarah came at 5 and we have found that at 12, she does have mastery in English.

This does not mean she will have behavior problems the entire time, it just means that she doesn't have mastery and we need to remember that in communicating with her.  We need to remember to be clear and concise, asking her if she understands what we are saying and to repeat it back in her own words.  This is what we do with Erika, who has no behavior problems.

It is Monday, and I actually had a chance to put into practice our new plan this morning and it worked beautifully!  There was a gentle prod to practice what we talked about yesterday, and everything was resolved within a few minutes.  WOW..... Wish I had done that yesterday. :)

Our new perspective will be: "We can remain angry about the trauma we experienced in the past, or we can focus on the new life we have been blessed to live.  Perspective matters! DON'T WASTE ONE MORE MINUTE!"
This is not to take away from the facts of the past or to not minimize them.  They are huge and real. But so is the life ahead of us.... and it is WAY MORE POWERFUL to choose to live a happy life, than to live your life with both eyes in the rear view mirror.

Friday Night

We had a wonderful evening with friends.  We watched Courageous tonight. It was a really good movie.  Alli was so funny.... She got up and passed kleenix out for everybody. :)
Then, after the movie was over, the girls went out on the porch to play.  The dress up trunk fell down on her arm and gave her a big scrape!
She came in quietly, and was looking for ice for her arm.
I asked her what happened and she said, "Oh, nothing!"
I asked her to let me see, and she did.  She had a scrape on 2 parts of her arm and explained what happened. 
I said, "Mama needs to take care of you."
She said,"Oh mama....Ok..."
And I put peroxide on the scrape and cleaned it off.
Then, Daddy and I kissed her boo boo. :)  She had never heard of a boo boo. LOL
She had also not had anybody kiss a wound. :(
She liked it. :)
Even though she is 12, she still needs us to kiss her boo boos, at least once, because before, nobody did.
I love adopting older kids!
There are SOOO MANY FIRSTS that they will remember. :)

February Funnies

I think I'm just going to add to this one all month and make a new one for each month.....

Alli to Anna- "Hey Anna, let's pretend you're my older sister and we have to study and do chores!!!! :)

Anna- ummm, there's no pretending about it! :)

For Mike's Bday, I gave him 2 dvd's... Courageous and Contagion.
Alli jumped up and down and said, "Can we watch Contagious????" LOL

 I took Sarah out today for a special time.  She is so fun to take out and visit with.  After buying an ice cream cone, she dropped it.....darn.... I think it cost her a dollar for 2 licks. :(  But she was a good sport. On our way home, she said, "Mama, I'm so thankful for this little finger!" I asked her why, and she said, "Because it is the perfect size to clean ears!"LOL

 

Anna- "I will bow down and call you blessed if I don't have to do Lanuage Arts today." Glad I don't need affirmation.

I just told the girls, no laughing about the  blog post.... Sarah said, what is it about?  Alli said, "picking your nose.  Sarah said, "who"?  Alli, "Mom"... Sarah, "Who's nose did she pick?" LOL

It's Alli's turn to go out with Daddy. He called looking for the discount card for a favorite restaurant. I have it. So he said, "Maybe we'll just go to Wendy's then." I heard Alli say, "Let me talk to mommy." She gets on the phone and says, "Mama Help Me! You gotta talk to daddy! I hate Wendys!" ROFL.....I could hear Mike cracking up in the background. I think they went to Taco Bell instead.
Let's just say, she won't be without opinion when she grows up. :) 

When Erika and I went to the hospital, it was the first day of Lent.  I have not had a coke for a long time, and didn't realize it was Ash Wednesday.  When I realized it, I told Erika, "Oh no! I drank coke on Lent!"  She said, "That's ok mama, you have given up your health for Lent!" :) 

Mike and Alli's Birthdays con't.

WHEW! What a fun day.  Alli used her new caligraphy set to write the family a note that she read to us before we watched a movie.  It was adorably sweet. She thanked each person for the gifts they gave her and said how much she loved her birthday. 
That was a huge thing for her to do. :)

Sarah and Alli were dancing, and Sarah hurt her knee... so she had to go without her leg the rest of the night.... :(     Anna started coming down with some sort of cold and wasn't feeling too well.... and Daddy was a GREAT sport getting Gold glitter put into his hair....
He said, "All right, I am a man!" 
Erika said, "No, you aren't a man right now, you are daddy!"  :)
I think that made the gold glitter acceptable somehow. LOL

YIKES!

And here is one very happy and tired little girl, ready to go to bed after a very long birthday! :)

Alli and Daddy's Birthday

Today is the day!  It is Groundhog's day and Puxatauwny Phil saw his shadow, which means 6 more weeks of winter.   In our case, we havn't had winter YET.

Two very special people have birthdays today.  Mike and Alli. :) 
We now have 2 13 year olds in the house along with 2 twelve year olds.  Wow! :)

Sarah woke up early, because THIS YEAR, she was in charge of the morning fun.  She planned a Sherlock Holmes Birthday hunt. 
Alli got to be Sherlock and Daddy Watson.....:)
They had, and STILL have clues to go through... they even had to translate a note written in an ancient hieroglyph.... and when they couldn't they came to me, "Mrs. Blister" the librarian, who was able to give them a clue to find the code. LOL
 

more to come..... We are having a great day!