Michael Ryan's Post on CNN

 Editor's note: Michael Ryan is an assignment producer who works on the CNN.com homepage.
Here is a LINK to the post that I printed out below.
"I am not an expert on Asperger's syndrome. But I am an expert on me, and I have Asperger's.

And attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. And a bit of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Having all three disorders together is not unusual, my doctor says.

Like you, I get angry sometimes. And, like you, I would never think of channeling that emotion into violence.

There is no direct connection between violence and autism. None. I don't break things. I don't hit my dogs. I keep a small Tupperware container in the house to catch insects so I can transport them safely outside before my cats or wife see them. I don't disparage hunters, but I could never kill another creature. I just don't have it in me.

For the most part, I am just like you, just a bit quirky. All right, a lot quirky.

I am pedantic. I usually have no expression on my face or in my speech. I cannot look you in the eye. (I've learned to look people in the mouth or nose.) I cannot have a conversation of more than a few words with you, but I can lecture you ad nauseam on U.S. atomic bomb tests, the Cleveland Browns, beagles, Japanese society.

When you speak to me and I look away intently, I am parsing your words and running through scenarios based on your request or statement in an effort to understand you. Please bear with me.

Because I still have a deathly fear of offending someone or talking about something way off-topic, I often hold my hand over my mouth in meetings to keep from speaking. Being called on to speak is sheer terror.

And those are just some of my oddities. Your child/partner/co-worker with Asperger's has some similar peculiarities. That's why kids with Asperger's get bullied.

I was lucky. I didn't get bullied in school because I wasn't diagnosed and therefore not labeled. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50. And when the doctors asked what course of action I wanted, I said none. I had made it that far, so I'd like to continue working it out on my own.

In fact, until today, most of my co-workers and friends didn't know I had Asperger's. So "Aspies" can grow up to have families and be productive and contributing members of society.

I cannot say this will get you through life, and some of my advice may be wrong for you. But here's what helped me:

Find a "mentor." Targeting someone to pattern my social behavior after changed my life. He was a co-worker and friend who was outgoing, popular and genuinely nice. I mimicked him for years to learn how to approach people and how to act appropriately. I'm not there yet, but I'm not an outcast. I don't think he ever knew. Thanks, Scott.

Become athletic. Yes, I know you're uncoordinated, but you can teach yourself coordination. I spent years throwing a ball against the garage, developing a throwing motion, building the ability to catch a ball and, eventually, hitting that ball. By the fifth grade, I was playing third base in schoolyard pickup games -- and I was no longer picked last. My self-esteem skyrocketed, and the tough kids accepted me.

Write. Take all those thoughts in your head and put them down on paper or a computer screen. Reread them a day, a week, a year later. Show them to someone you trust. I'll bet he or she thinks a lot of the same things. Accept your peculiarities and take advantage of those you can: the ability to focus, above-average intelligence.

Live. Be brave; get out there a bit. Take your obsessive gardening hobby and use it to socialize by checking out a gardening club or volunteer to help spruce up the neighborhood. Learn a bit of self-control, but go ahead and make mistakes. Apologize and have a laugh. "Neurotypical" people can be quite forgiving, given the chance. Bullies are more socially flawed than you are.

If you're a parent of a child with Asperger's, let your child experiment. That's how we all learn. He or she is likely quite intelligent. Let your child know you're pleased when he or she has spoken up to say "Yes, please" or "Thank you" when the situation called for it. We can be quite trying, so please be patient."
Michael Ryan

Snow Flake Drive For Sandy Hook Elementary School

Here is a LINK to the details.

Carthage Flower Shop
107 N Saint Mary St, Carthage, Texas 75633

The Carthage Flower Shop is asking families to make a special snow flake and decorate it however you like....glitter, etc.  Sign the back of your snow flake or send an encouraging message.

Have it to them no later than  January 7th, 2013.  All the snow flakes are going to be sent to Sandy Hook Elementary School for the opening back up of the school.

Christmas In Our Little Town

 Our little town has an annual tree lighting and parade each year.  The pictures are dark, but we had a great time.

 The town's big tree.

 The Mayor, reading a story to all the children.

 The Pavillion at the park

REJECTION, BULLYING and the VICTIM FACTOR

Once again, I would like to cite this artice, as I did in my previous post.

There is an elephant sitting in the living room and I think it needs to be discussed.
(for my foreign readers, an elephant in the living room means there is something obvious that is being avoided. Everybody knows it is there, but they don't talk about it.)

In the adoption community, there is rejection.  EVERY SINGLE CHILD who spent time in an orphanage or foster care or was abandoned at a hospital or was left on a street corner, HAS BEEN REJECTED.  EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!
Then, there are the children who are behind, WAY behind because of neglect and abuse. They are emotionally shattered when they arrive and fall further and further behind in trying to adjust to a new culture, new family, new rules, new foods and new friends. 
Do we think they don't feel that?

The stress on them is a HUGE factor.  Many are grieving and mourning loss and trying to make sense of what has happened to them, much of which makes no sense, outside of an eternal purpose.

All the while, the family they have come into, wonders why they are not thankful, why they are not happy and why they are so sullen...
And the "bullying" begins at home.

As parents of children born to us and children who have come to us at older ages through the gift of adoption, ALL of our children at one time or another have either experienced bullying or been the bully. 
I can say for sure we have had more of our fair share of bullying, and that should NOT be the "typical childhood" experience, which by the way, carries on into adulthood for those who have special needs.
Why?  Those childhood bullies grow up, and they continue to bully, and they pass their bullying on to the next generation.  Shockingly, I have witnessed it.

As parents, we need to MAKE SURE...EVERY SINGLE EFFORT if we see our child being aggressive to put a stop to it at it's very root.  If that means humbling a proud child who thinks they are the cat's meow, or can walk on water,  it must be done lovingly and gently, but it must not be ignored. 

For the child who is being bullied, I have strong opinions on this.  (go figure) :)
Bullying should not be tolerated, yet it is an epidemic in the schools.  One of the reasons we pulled out of the system was because we could NOT get the school to help in any fashion regarding bullying.
They REFUSED to tell the children to stop.  FLAT OUT REFUSED... and then a teacher joined in.
I thought it wasn't so, and was devastated for my son when I found out it was.  I listened to him and investigated and trusted his heart.  IT WAS TRUE.   AND WE LEFT.  He HAD to be protected.
There is NOTHING WRONG with protecting a tender heart that is very wounded.
I know we did the right thing, as today, my son who was so terribly sad, is a happy, married man, father, and teacher. 
He had the confidence to go right back into that system and work.  Bless His Heart :)

For children who have been the victims of rejection, neglect and abuse, it is a fine dance we dance to affirm that they were mistreated, but not allow them to accept a victim mentality.
Even with Miss Alli, who went through so much, and two failed adoptions, while we do not agree with disruption, she has had to face the truth; that her behaviors played a part in her loss.
That is a LOT for an 11 or 12 year old to deal with, but with loving support and guidance, TRUTH heals!
The other major factor in helping our children to lead healthy and productive lives despite a difficult past, is the TRUE CONCEPT OF FORGIVENESS.
If they do not forgive those who have hurt them.  They will not move from the past in a healthy manner.  
We have had many conversations with our daughters about this very issue.  If God, who is perfect, lovingly forgives us our sin, who are we to refuse to forgive?   If we refuse forgiveness, it is a form of pride and selfishness that MUST be rooted out.
We HAVE to call it what it is. 
Also, lacking forgiveness leads to one of the most difficult things to deal with of all.  Bitterness.
Bitterness eats at the soul and eventually, like a bad vine, chokes out the person you once were and were intended to be.  It causes so much pain and unnecessary evil.
DO NOT ALLOW BITTERNESS TO OVER TAKE YOU.

We can feel bad for the folks who have had a difficult life, but frankly it only continues if you feed the beast of self pity and discontent.    And that my friends is sin.
You were once an orphan, but you are an orphan no more.  You were once abused, but Praise God, you are abused no more. You were once neglected, but you are cherished!
And then..... BE THE PARENT who CHERISHES, LAVISHES LOVE, HOLDS YOUR CHILD IN HIGH REGARD, and BE THE PARENT TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

Slow and steady, bit by bit and stretch them to EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL HEALTH!

Children who have been abused and neglected CAN FLOURISH!  They do NOT need to become statistics, they need to DEFY statistics!
Parents play a HUGE ROLE IN THIS!  We ALSO are their example.  DON'T  TAKE ON THAT VICTIM  mentality yourself when things are hard!  You are teaching your children to do the same.
Our children need us to lead!  Sometimes they are blind and need us to gently and tenderly guide them to the waters of life. 

John 6:20-22...

20 And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said:

“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

21 c“Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied.

d“Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.

22 “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! 23 Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven;...

What a gift we can give to our children to teach them that they don't have to be a victim. They do not have to be defined by their past.  They do not have to remain less than.
CHALLENGE your children to TRY HARD! CHALLENGE THEM TO WORK HARDER!
CHALLENGE THEM TO BE HONEST AND FORGIVE THEMSELVES AND THOSE WHO HAVE HURT THEM and CHALLENGE THEM TO LOOK FORWARD TO A WONDERFUL FUTURE!

Thoughts About Connecticut

I am thankful for this article.
It has been bothering me all weekend that people are accusing mental illness, to blame for this young man's actions.
There was a woman who wrote that she was "Adam Lanza's Mother"..
It is going viral all over the internet.  While I feel sad for her, HER situation is NOT the situation of Adam Lanza, or his mother, from what anybody has said, including close relatives.

I kind of feel like every person with a mental disorder, or illness has been made suspect as the next possible mass murderer and that is just not fair.
Mental illness has run through both sides of our families, and VERY SERIOUS mental illness that is incapacitating.  Yet, our relatives were not mass murderers being held back from taking out a school room full of children! 
And then I read THIS article! And it was very balanced. :)

There were no indications that Adam Lanza acted out of a mental illness.  I did read that he was a "Goth"...I looked up "goth" and it was all about death and gore and violence.  I would more likely try to associate his behavior to that, than to having Asperger's Syndrome.
Yet, I haven't heard anything about that.... except for one small mention. Why?  Probably because we are a lot more comfortable with accusing "mental illness" as the culprit, than just plain evil.

We live in a society that doesn't like to believe that evil exists, so we rename it as "mental illness".
I know people, who are adults with "Asperger's Syndrome" and my heart feels for them right now.
They are sweet and gentle people.

While I do understand that early childhood trauma can wreak havoc on a child, that certainly does NOT mean a child will grow up to harm others.

EVIL DOES EXIST.  And outside of Christ and TRUE HEALING, anything is possible. 
Evil does not need TRAUMA to rear it's ugly head.  Evil only needs a willing participant who loves darkness, and we live in a very dark world. 
As far as mental illness, YES, there needs to be improvement. But frankly, there is no such thing as a magic pill that makes mental illness go away. It is a very complicated field, that is in it's infancy.

The solution is Christ.

A Sense of Happiness and Joy

There is this excited sense of Joy around here lately, and I am thoroughly enjoying it!  We have been listening to Christmas music, having fun decorating and watching Christmas movies.

The girls are winding down the school semester  and getting ready for Christmas and New Year's Break. 
We are all looking forward to holiday baking, shopping, playing, helping daddy in the shoppe, worshiping our Savior, celebrating His birth,  and many other things involving friends and family. :)

Of course Alli and Sarah have been working extra hard to find play time, and they have incorporated it into chores.
Cleaning the chicken coop was a time for dress up and bringing in eggs was a time for bartering. :)
Alli dressed up in a costume and found a scarf.  I told her she looked Authentically Russian!
And then she had some canned Herring to prove it. :)

Some of My Favorite People

 Charlie in all his Charlieness....

 Marcus and Will spinning the dreidel..... Can't wait to learn about this fun game. :) Hint Hint.....

Olivia just looking Olivia like.  Anna says Olivia is cute no matter what... smiling, crying..... :)
And of course the unseen Ivy, who is behind the camera! :)

Gluten Free-Nightshade Free Chex Mix

We love to have Chex mix during the holidays, but this year, after going night-shade free that was going to be rather difficult, as Worstershire sauce contains night shades. :(

So I have been experimenting for a few weeks. :)

I just used the side of the Worstershire bottle to see what they use.  Some of the ingredients I can't use because they contain night shades, but I added one to make up for the taste.

So here is what I came up with:

4 TLB black strap molasses
1/4 cup of rice vinegar
2 tsp salt (I used one because salt is a problem for me)
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp white pepper
3 TLB butter
1/2 box rice chex
1/2 box corn chex
(or just rice chex alone)
Melt butter in microwave safe dish.
Mix all ingredients except chex into large Microwave safe bowl.
Stirring well
Add chex and coat evenly!

You can cook them in the oven on a cookie sheet or in the microwave.
In the oven, the temp should be 325 and stir every 15 minutes until crispy
In the microwave,  1 min. 30 seconds, take out and stir and then repeat
about 4 times.
(it will be cruncy)

WHY!!!!

I WANT TO KNOW WHY!!!!

WHAT A TRAGEDY!  IT MAKES NO SENSE!  IT IS EVIL!  WHY WOULD A YOUNG MAN GO INTO A SCHOOL AND EXECUTE 20 CHILDREN? WHY?
WHY WOULD HE EXECUTE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER?
WHAT COULD HAPPEN IN 24 SHORT YEARS TO BRING SOMEBODY TO THIS?
WHERE WAS HIS CONSCIENCE?  WHERE WAS HIS HEART? COMPASSION?
IT TAKES TIME TO SHOOT THAT MANY PEOPLE! 
OH LORD, WHAT HAVE WE COME TO?
JOHN 3:19-20
19And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. 20For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.

My heart goes out those moms and dads who have lost their babies,  to the children who have lost parents, and to the husbands and wives who have lost spouses.  What a terrible TERRIBLE tragedy!

A friend posted this quote on facebook.
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world." (Fred Rogers)

I miss Mr. Rogers.

A Peek At The Past

This was the first picture we ever saw of Erika. Papa Dima sent it to us so we could show Sarah what her friend looked like. She missed her so much.  After they saw this picture, both girls wre jumping up and down, "Let's Adopt her! Let's adopt her!"  
So we did.  :)

The girls and I were reminiscing about when Erika and Sarah first met in the airport.  Erika was shocked that Sarah couldn't speak Russian and Sarah INSISTED "I never talked like that!" LOL
We had such a great adoption experience in Ukraine, even with all the stresses that come with  International Adoption.  We were going through some of Erika's life book and I thought I'd share some of the pictures. :)
This page has a picture we found on the internet. It is the earliest picture we have of her. She was around 6.
The people at the bottom are from our church. They went to visit her before we were able to get there!  On the right, Papa Dima is getting a hug.  The bottom left, I am getting her ready to break out of the orphanage....They strip them down right in front of everybody. :(
These pictures were taken during our 10 day wait.  Her first bath.... she enjoyed it once we convinced her she wasn't going to be in trouble for taking off her braces.   She also got hold of the camera and took loads of pictures of herself. :)
These were some pictures of our trip.  The van driver stopped and purchased these lovely pastries to celebrate Erika leaving the Orphanage..... We taught her to say, "Let's blow this joint!" And she yelled it! LOL
These were taken during our travels home. I think we were all up about 26 hours straight.  She did sleep on the last leg of our trip between Atlanta and Dallas.
Here is our happy airport welcome! The girls wasted no time playing. The picture (3rd down on the left) is where Sarah insisted that she had never talked like Erika.  The top middle picture was when they first saw each other.
The middle picture of us.... yeah, we were EXHAUSTED and waiting in Atlanta for a final flight home. Erika took that one. :) 
These are just pictures after we came home of Erika settling in to her new environment.  The picture on the bottom right was Erika's first popsicle. :)

More random pictures.  The one in the middle was published in our agency's magazine. But they are no longer in existence. :(
These were of Erika's first boating experience. We had a family reunion in Oklahoma.  The top left picture, she is in the left innertube.  4 days after this picture was taken, Erika had her feet amputated.
She likes to see this picture so she can remember her feet. :)
In this video, she had no idea what she was saying.... Every time we said "Cheese" she would break out into the song we were teaching her. LOL

Special Day

Happy TWELVE -TWELVE-TWELVE!
This will not happen again in our lifetime!  Let's make it a great day! :)

Using Fear To Control

My mama bear fur was ruffled tonight.  It has been ruffled before when I have heard similar stories from my girls. 
Many of you who have adopted children from Orphanages in Eastern Europe know the routine that our children have endured.
Instead of a bedtime story and a kiss goodnight, like many children get, they were treated, terrified with HORROR MOVIES, THREATS, AND MONSTERS.

Yes, even in the baby house.... they were forced to watch scary movies. In the baby house they were told monsters would come and get them if they talked, and then the workers would terrify them. Both Erika and Sarah remember weeping and crying in terror as they were tormented by workers who were supposed to care for them.

Tonight, it was time for Alli to shut the chicken coop door.  She forgot to do it, and as we were all getting ready for bed, she remembered. She insisted that Erika go with her, to which I said, no. Erika is already ready for bed... You go ahead and do it. 
I got a flat out "NO! I WILL NOT!" 
Now this has not happened in a LONG time, and I was a little taken back! 
So my response was not as eloquent as I would have liked. :)  I said, "Ummmm YES you WILL!"
That was probably not the best way to respond.  But as I explained to her later.... "You tie my hands to change my mind when you speak in a disrespectful way!"

She did go out and I promised to watch her from the porch.  But before she went, she said, "Mama, I'm scared!" 
I reassured her I would watch. (I was already ready for bed or I would have gone with her)
So she ran and did her job.  GOOD GIRL!
When she came back, I gave her a hug and told her I love her.  And then, I said, "I didn't know you were afraid of the dark."
She said,  "I'm not!"
"I'm afraid of the movies I've seen!"  "They happened in the dark!"
"What movies?"
"Please mama, I don't want to say!"

So we snuggled.... and I told her I was sorry. I didn't know she was afraid.  I had no idea.
Another layer of onion was peeled back for more healing!

We had a discussion about what transpired and then she came to our room to snuggle before bedtime. Both daddy and I prayed with her and then I said, "Sweetie, I'd really like to know about those movies."  She had mentioned watching bad movies before, but never any details.

She told us a few of the movies they were FORCED to watch before bedtime.  They were told murderers could come to their room and get them. 

WHY, WHY , WHY do these people, whoever they are, think this is a way to treat children?
Alli was between 7 and 9 when she was introduced to this, AFTER all the trauma she endured in her home. :(  I understand that they do this in order to keep the children in bed and full of fear. :(
It is LUDICROUS!

We prayed together once again after her descriptions of the movies she was forced to watch, and asked the Lord to take those memories from her. :(

I am so thankful that tonight happened.  Once again, FEAR was the driving force behind the behavior.  I was reminded of this!  It has been quite a while since I have gotten a NO! :)
She trusted us with her fears, and told us about them, and that is HUGE!

Our sweetie went to bed and is sleeping peacefully, while I am awake, bearing her burden.

Sometimes I have readers from Eastern Europe. I pray, if any of them work with children in an orphanage, that they would think about how damaging horror movies are to children, and consider reading them a comforting bedtime story instead.

The Message

This was the message on the refrigerator this a.m. :)

Love my girl.  :)

Grand Child Number 11

He is a boy! :)  Can't wait to meet him. :)

Nine Years Today!

Anna woke up this a.m. and said, "Today it has been 9 years since I came home!"
She LOVES being in her family. :)  We reminisced about some of her memories and snuggled off an on all day. :)  Anna LOVES to snuggle. :)
She is so precious.  Tonight we took one simple picture for our day.

From 5 to 14, Our Anna has been a joy for us.  She is the first daughter who came home, and her prayers for a sister were answered in Sarah..... and then Erika, and finally Alli. 
I am so proud of her. 
Before she went to bed she said, "I'm yours forever!"
OH YES SHE IS! :)

Christmas Pictures of Dad and Mom

Erika took pictures of us last night. 

Gluten Free Flour Tortillas YIPPIE!

I just found a wonderful recipe for Gluten Free Flour Tortillas.  Our first try has gone well! 
Here is Anna enjoying a gluten free Taco! :)

The tortillas taste just like REAL REGULAR Flour tortillas!  And they were EASY to make!



I found the recipe by googling.: Gluten Free Flour Tortillas.  Here is a link. :


Enjoy!  We are!

An Update on Sarah

Sarah had surgery on Tuesday and went home on Wednesday.  She is doing AMAZING!
I gave her pain meds as a precaution on Wednesday night.  She hasn't asked for any since!
I am amazed at how quickly she has bounced back.
I am the one who needed to recover from being at the hospital! LOL
She is determined to be in her leg by Christmas.  By Golly, I think she will do it!

OH MY! How Life Has Changed!

So HOW has it changed???   9 years ago, we were emptynesters!(our chuck e cheese pictures from last weekend) 

 Nine years ago we became the parents of  a little 5 year old girl.  Her first statement in the morning was, "I have no idea what I am going to wear today!  We had to laugh at that statement as we had never heard such a thing from any of our four boys!

Mike leaned over and whispered in his best "Chip" voice.... "There's a girl in the Castle!"
Thus began our journey into adoption through the foster care system.

Mike had already adopted the guys several years before, so we were familiar with adoption that was within a family.  It was infinitely more complicated to adopt from Foster Care!

After going through all the classes and meeting Anna a few times, including a 2 week visit that included her 5th birthday and Thanksgiving, she came home forever.

We had 4 weddings and an adoption in 2 years time, and then, we added three more girls.
Our lives have been tremendously blessed.  There are many twists and turns on this path. There is the unexpected, there is the heart break, the fun and the full richness that we have in Christ, who carries us. 
ALL of these years have been blessed with  insights into our own humanness and  our own brokenness. While we were helping our daughters heal, the Lord in turn was using those experiences to help US heal in many areas.

I remember looking ahead when the boys were little and imagining what life would be like when I was in my 30's and 40's. HA! I didn't even think into my 50's~!
In my wildest dreams I would never have thought I'd be a mom to 8 kids! I never dreamed we would travel on an airplane to Ukraine! I never imagined most of my life! LOL
I am so glad that God is in control, otherwise, I would have sold myself short and not experienced  this amazing adventure~!
I tended to not try unfamiliar things. I was  a "dip your toe in the water" sort of girl.
Somehow, I think the Lord has changed much of that these past 9 years. :)

 

Sarah's Surgery

We are HOME!  She did so great!  I can't believe we made it home so quickly!

 Just arrived

 Surgery Hair

 Time for bed.  Telling Daddy good night.

 The elevator

I

 In the holding area

 Waiting while Sarah is in surgery

 Resting

 resting

 Pastor Justin stopped by

 Awake again

 What a surprise on the rooftop of the hospital.

 Santa arrived in this helicopter.

This is the giant tree in the atrium.  Right after this, we had lunch and then headed back home.