The Last Day

Today is the last day of Spring Break and these two are enjoying it!

 Today is also the first day Alli arrived in Texas , where she met her sisters and daddy for the very first time. :)   I had already been with her for 2 weeks, but we had to stay in North Carolina for paper work.

Don't they look like two peas in a pod? :)

They have both grown so much this year! I am so proud of them. :)  We went shopping for shoes and Spring Skirts.  I mentioned to them that today was that day. They both smiled. Sarah said she couldn't believe it had been so long, and Alli was especially serene and happy.  :) 

It was a fun shopping trip and Miss Alli got her first pair of high heels.  :)  She is so excited!

Teaching Empathy Updated

In working on my outline,  I was going over some notes that I had written about our earlier years with the girls, before Alli came home.  I forgot that I had already blogged about teaching Empathy.  So, instead of re writing it, I wanted to add to it, and update it.  Here is the original post.

                                                   Teaching Empathy

I came across a Time Magazine Article today through CNN's Website.

The article was Titled "How Not To Raise a Bully". It was about modeling and teaching empathy to our children.

There was a significant part of the article directed at children who have been neglected or raised in orphanages or foster care.

I found this to be very interesting and in line with our own daughters. I did disagree with the article on one front. They said that empathy cannot be taught, but it must be caught"..... I believe it can be taught and caught. We can teach it through role play. Our children will catch on, through our own concrete example. They will mimic and follow what they see, especially if teaching and role play go along with what they see in us.

This is how we managed to teach our own daughters empathy.

It became very apparent to me over the course of a couple of weeks that our daughters did not understand empathy. They did not know what to do, or how to react when somebody else was hurt.

In the first situation, the girls were playing outside. Anna came running into the house out of breath. She seemed to be searching me out for a big hug. I thought, cool.... sat down with her in the rocking chair and she was hugging me, but breathing rather hard. Something was not right, but she never said what. After a couple of minutes, I asked her, "Where is Sarah?" She had this glazed look in her eyes and she said rather dryly, "Oh, she is in the driveway crying. She fell and skinned her knee."

I could tell by Anna's reaction that she was scared. So we both held hands and went out to check on Sarah, who was in the driveway crying, because she fell and skinned her knee, just as Anna said. :)
My thought was, why didn't she tell me?" But I didn't ask that. I didn't want to shame her for not saying anything. She was obviously upset, but not in a typical way.
Just heavy breathing.

About a week later, the same thing happened but in reverse. This time it was Anna who was crying, and Sarah who came in with a look on her face. Somehow, this time I knew to ask, "Where's Anna?" So, we repeated the driveway experience. :)

It dawned on me, that the girls, for whatever reason....most likely neglect and fear, that the girls needed help to learn what they missed; what seemed to come more naturally to the boys.

So we did some role play. They had great fun pretending to get hurt and getting REAL bandaids. They loved being asked, "Oh sweetie, are you ok?" They liked pretending to be mommy, but also learning to ask if somebody else was ok. Because of that role play, they learned to take care of each other.

Then came Erika. :)

After she had been home for about a week, I left for the first time to go to the grocery store. The girlies were all home with Daddy. He was working on the front porch and Erika had come in to go to the bathroom. Sarah, for some reason was inside blowing bubbles in the bathroom mirror.
When I was bringing in groceries. I heard a loud thump. I knew it was Erika, falling somewhere.... I went to open the bathroom door, but couldn't get it open. I could look through about 2 inches. It was just enough to see this scenairo: Erika laying on the bathroom floor quietly whimpering. Sarah blowing bubbles in the mirror, as if nothing had happened.

So I inquired,"Um, Sarah, do you see your sister on the floor?" She said, "Yes mommy, but she is just too big for me to move!" LOL I realized, she had not connected showing empathy to everybody, just to Anna, because she was shown how.

So, through the bathroom door, she and I asked Erika, who spoke no English at this point if she was in pain. "Bolitz"? "Nyet". So I asked Sarah to try to slide her back. She did, and we rescued Erika from her predicament. :)

We then ALL had brush up lessons on empathy.

I am happy to report that though it had to be taught manually, it now seems to come naturally.



Role play can be a huge help in teaching our children how to respond in social situations that can make them feel fear.  When you role play, it takes the mystery of "what to do" or "how to respond" out of the equation.  Information is very empowering.  And when our kids are empowered with information, fear disappears.

Instead of spending all our efforts in worrying about our children's SEEMING  lack of empathy, we need to get underneath the root cause, and discover that by understanding how trauma and fear can permeate every area, it shouldn't be surprising that our kids would lack empathy.  I would say it would be the rule, not the exception!
With that in mind, as parents, it is just a new phase in their lives that give us an opportunity to  to teach and pour ourselves into them, WITHOUT SHAMING THEM.
.
I think that is a real KEY.  For our kids to learn something new and scary, SHAME, which comes upon them so easily or ANY TYPE of SHAMING to curb behavior MUST NOT BE IN OUR HOMES.
Children cannot learn properly or positively, by being shamed.  
Looking at each new situation in a light of opportunity to make a difference in our children's lives brings about positive change.  When we are our children's ROLE MODELS, they will learn by watching us.  Be careful what you model!

 Before Alli came home, we discussed bullying, and we discussed the proper way to express one's feelings if we were to get upset at another person.

                            NO PERSONAL ATTACKS ALLOWED, EVER. 

One of the things that impressed me about Alli was that even though her background of chaos lasted much longer than the other girls,  (11 years and one month), she somehow had managed to learn to empathize WHEN she was regulated. (dysregulated was another story altogether)
 I wonder, if this is because she was in her biological home for  her first 7 years instead of rotting in a bed?  Or could it have been that she was just older?  I honestly don't know the answer.
Her home was certainly abusive, but even in abusive homes, there are times of nurturing.  Even a little can go a long way! 
She spoke often of the abuse of the past, and never mentioned the kind moments.  From her truthful accounts and visible scars, my guess would be that her home was not very nurturing.

I worked hard to try and draw out the positives of her former families.  Each one, including her biological family had shown her some kindness and affection, in their own way.  We worked hard to focus on those, because a heart that dwells in negativity and  continually looks at the past, cannot heal or be "others focused".
Once Alli began to freely be able to say something nice about her first mom and dad in Russia,  I saw some changes in her very quickly.  She was able to also mention some positives about her former families.
Her dysregulation,  during stressful moments, was our biggest obstacle in teaching Alli proper empathy.    All of the hard work  has brought about great fruit in her life this year.  She thinks of others even if she has dysregulation.  She is able to control herself and even show compassion, sorrow and empathy WHILE dysregulated or stressed.  I find that rather miraculous.


(Erika, home from the hospital)
I have seen my girls become compassionate and caring towards animals and people alike.  This to me, is a miracle witnessed. 
Since Erika has come home from the hospital, they have all chipped in to help her, play with her, talk to her when she is not able to go outside, and even taken her outside to go for a stroll.
Anna has even helped me get her into the bath for a great soak.  Sarah slept next to Erika last night, just to be with her.  Alli has offered to sleep by her too, so she is sure she is ok. 

There IS HOPE and HEALING!
Remember, "If it doesn't come naturally, teach it Manually!"

The Pit of Despair!

That is what Sarah's and Alli's room was declared to be today! :)
All week I have been trying to help in the office, write, clean, take care of Erika and get Anna to the dentist TWO days in a row..... because we accidently went one day EARLY! LOL

I haven't paid much attention to the little's room.  They are both very creative and still play A LOT with barbies.  They also put on a fashion show.  I should have checked.... but I didn't.... That is until today.

Alli couldn't find her glasses and she had a head ache.  So I went to go and help her.  AHHHHHH!!!!
No wonder! 
It was also her night out with daddy.  She helped until it was time to leave,  and still had not found her glasses.  She was weepy and sad because she is REALLY trying. She just isn't quite there yet.

Sarah and I told her we would help.  So they left. 

Then, Sarah and I dug in.  The more we cleaned, the more frustrated Sarah got.  She didn't realize how messy art work papers and barbie junk can be!  We moved desks and furniture and really did a good spring clean. 

She changed her heart attitude when I mentioned that I was trying to help her.
Then we actually enjoyed ourselves. :)

We DID find Alli's glasses.  Our motto has been "In the case or on your face".... She has done pretty well with that.  They were IN A CASE, but not the right case. :)    We cleaned them and put them on her bed with new sheets and a clean quilt and then we all made a card that said we loved her.  Everybody signed it. :)

When she came home she told us of the wonderful time she had with daddy.  She ran into her room and then came out, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM???  I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING! " LOL
She had a big smile on her face.  I told her that all of her art work was in the portfolio box where it belonged.  She was stunned it could all fit. :)

And now that everybody is in bed, I was going to sneak back out and finally work on filling in some of my outline.  I found this note from Sarah, at my computer, propped up against the monitor so I wouldn't miss it. :)

Isn't that sweet! :)  Maybe Sarah can help me with MY room while I get mad at IT tomorrow! :)

Ever Feel Stuck?

I think I'm stuck in permanent menopause. LOL  There is NO winter around here. No, it is always Summer and never Winter within this skin! :)
So, my thermostat is stuck.... but there is something else stuck.  I am trying to organize and I am not an organizer.  I am not messy, but I easily get distracted.... and my projects go unfinished.  I have GOT to beat this! 
I have an outline, I just need to fill it in.  UGH

My First Tulip

I don't think we have had a winter this year.  No ice, no snow.  But, the flowers sure are worth it. :)

Alli liked it so much, she decided to paint it onto a note card. :)

Post Placement Reports

It is time for us to do Miss Erika's Post Placement Report.   Post Placement reports are a joy to do.  They tell Ukraine that This little one is a PLEASURE AND A JOY!  If you have adopted from Ukraine, PLEASE REMEMBER to do your reports in a timely manner. It MATTERS for those who go after us. :)
Every time we do a report, I am filled with joy of the things we will tell the Ukrainian Gov't.   We will tell them that she is WONDERFUL, that she is AWESOME, that she is SMART and that We LOVE her  with a LOVE that is from ABOVE....
We will tell them that she has had surgery and that she ROCKS!  We will tell them that she has made so much progress in 6 years and that she is AMAZING!
I can't think of any thing else, but I 'm sure I'll try! :)
SHE IS OUR GIRL!

Understanding The Window of Tolerance

You can call it what you want, to get a good picture in your mind.  Heather Forbe's calls it "The Window of Tolerance"..... 
For the child who lives in a constant state of past trauma, Picture a window barely open, and slamming shut very easily.  For the child who has moved in the direction of healing, the window is open much wider, and as time goes on, remains open and there is a lovely breeze blowing.

I would say, that for us, we are in that second category now.  However, there are times, where we take 3 steps back and I have to remember that the window is not open very far at that time.

A child who is living at a Fear Level, has a very VERY small opening for things going wrong for them.  It could be a bad math day, a bad hair day or difficulty making their bed.  It could be ANYTHING..... If that window is barely open, their stress level will be WAY UP very quickly. 
This is why some children will be tantruming nearly as soon as they wake up. 
If we add stress upon stress, the window never gets open and there is an endless cycle of trauma for both child and parent.
Those stresses may be as simple as getting dressed or not having time for a favorite thing before the school bus arrives.  It doesn't matter. To the child, it is HUGE, because they are unable to be flexible at that point.
(Notice, I didn't say unwilling, I said UNABLE.)
 
However, as ILLOGICAL as it sounds, if we work to understand our children and listen to their many times UNREASONABLE frustration, fears or hurt, (unreasonable to us) showing them empathy, the window gets opened a little further and a little further... And before you know it, it is WIDE open!

Some have wondered if their children will ever respond , especially if they have extreme behaviors.  The answer is YES, a RESOUNDING YES.... but they HAVE to get to a place where they can handle more stresses. 
It is important in the early stages of  transition, to help our children all we can by not needlessly stressing them.  If  they are used to foreign foods like borscht or fish, we should be sure to have it in ample supply.
We need to make sure that our yesses are more than our nos.  Don't automatically say no to everything. And don't automatically become some sort of "Supreme Boss" or Queen of Control".  There is plenty of time to introduce rules. Relationship is of utmost importance. 
When Alli first came home, we found that computer time calmed her in the morning.  Our NORMAL routine would be to get up, get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth and THEN, IF there was time after breakfast, computer time.  This did not work for her. It was too much and her window of tolerance would SLAM shut.
We could have FORCED it, but it wouldn't have done anything to build a relationship with her. We were total strangers, and she was too traumatized and stressed at that time to have responded in a positive way..
Mike and I talked it over and decided it was best for her to go ahead and have the computer time, because it calmed her.
I believe this is what Heather calls "the dance".  You work things out based upon the stresses your child can handle.  AND, when your child is CALM, that is the time you correct or give instruction.
After Alli's computer time, I would sit with her in the rocker and say something like, "Tomorrow, before computer I would like for you to get dressed ok?  Don't forget. "  And she would be dressed.. We would give lots of praise like, "Wow, you got dressed! That is great!"  Sounds silly, but it was a BIG DEAL for her.

  Then, when that became routine, we'd add something else.  It was a balancing act to understand if she was more stressed one day than another.  And we had to be very sensitive to that, and to her unknown anniversaries.  Loads of rocking and talking helped with all of this.

Over time, we added another requirement as we saw that window open a bit.  And today, she is in full compliance, (MOST OF THE TIME) :) for what is required for computer time. 
If she sits down and has not brushed her hair, I can simply say, "you forgot to brush your hair, go and do that first", and she will typically say "Yes Ma'am.". Usually with an "I'm sorry mama, I forgot."

We have also implemented the10- 20- 10 plan with the girls especially when they are new.  That 10 in the a.m. can be a valuable assessment of how far their window is open.  And it give us a chance to adjust what we do according to emotional age and according to stress level. 
There have been times where we missed it, and then look back and say, "Ugh, If only....."  but overall, this works really well.
We are now at a place where we are not having to use the 10 20 10 plan every day.  Most of the time, things are very normal around here and we get enough snuggles throughout the day anyway. 
(The 10 20 10 plan, is taking 10 minutes in the a.m. to snuggle somebody awake, maybe rubbing their back and whispering sweetness to them as they wake, and for us praying with them. 20 minutes in the afternoon of just snuggle time, or playing a game together, and then 10 minutes before bedtime. )

Parenting is not easy, but it is so full of joy and reward.  Parenting traumatized children is even harder, but the reward is great.  There is great toil when we properly plant into somebody else, the seeds of life.  Waiting for the harvest can cause us to feel anxious and impatient, but joy comes in the morning, when the fresh breeze of an open window blows over us, and we see the fruit of our labor.

F.E.A.R.

"I've often said that fear -- F.E.A.R. -- is False Evidence Appearing Real. In fact, I tell people that fear is more disabling than having a disability!"    Nic Vujicic
I really like that statement! 

Enjoying Spring Break

Sarah and Alli were getting creative and tried their own recipe.  Here is how it turned out. :)

And then I heard them say, "They look like Lisa's hot cakes!"  LOL
(this is from the old sit com "Green Acres". :)

What BCLC Is NOT!

I have written about BCLC several times because of the misconceptions out there regarding how one parents using the BCLC paradigm.  Recently there have been some questions I have been asked, so I wanted to clarify.....

What BCLC is NOT:

1. A kid led fun fest
2.  A guide for Wimpy Parent excuses
3.  A style of parenting where the kid rules
4. An excuse for snotty unruly kids
5. A parentless gimic that will end up in monster teenagers.
6. A parenting style that lacks authority
7. A liberal, free to be you and me, parenting gimmick.

BCLC is ALSO NOT:
1. A fear based parenting style.
2. A consequence based parenting style
3. A punishment based parenting style.
(I could go on, but I'll spare you)
What BCLC IS:

1. A patient parenting style
2. A KIND parenting style
3. A listening parenting style
4. A RELATIONSHIP based parenting style.
5. A parenting style based on forgiveness, mercy and grace.
6. A love based parenting style...

BCLC  does NOT allow kids to get away with murder.  We have respectful and kind girls around here, and our boys are the same.
I think the main point about BCLC, is that PARENTING IS NOT ABOUT Consequences, Logic, and Control ....Parenting is about raising a child to be a successful, secure and happy adult.  And if you begin your "relationship" as strangers, ESPECIALLY in light of older child adoption,  trying to control and punish unwanted behaviors is only going to cause more division, mistrust and hurt, sending you down a path of great regret and sorrow upon sorrow.



When you have somebody come into your home, you don't just throw the book of laws at them and force them to comply..... you lovingly,  guide them and teach them, building a trusting relationship along the way.
You find the things they are doing right. You study them and concentrate on the things that you love about them.  Even if it is one thing!  And then you seek to find more. 

There WILL be those times of struggle, and when they are struggling, and you show them great mercy and compassion, that BUILDS a relationship.  EVENTUALLY, things fall in to place and you get in a rhythm or dance that is called RELATIONSHIP.  They learn to trust you.
They can TRUST YOU BECAUSE you are not hurting them, criticizing their every move and making them feel like something is WRONG with them that needs to be FIXED..... 
Instead, you see them as a WHOLE person who has a REAL  NEED to have a voice, who NEEDS to be heard and understood. 
As you develop that trusting relationship, there is a whole LOT of instruction going on and a WHOLE lot of listening going on, and it has a great effect upon  the healing of your child.

When a relationship is REAL, then you will be seen as a REAL Authority and NOT somebody who has forced yourself on them.

Grace upon Grace, just as God has given us Grace upon Grace.  Do they deserve punishment sometimes?  I can think of several times this year where Miss Alli would have deserved punishment or consequences.  And though it was deserved LOGICALLY, it would never have been received and would have caused GREAT DAMAGE to her, because of her past circumstances.  
Instead, we have worked on relationship building, and understanding that our words can hurt others.
She has learned SO VERY MUCH this year and come farther than I ever expected. And I praise the Lord and give HIM glory for that.

She has been led to the everlasting water  that refreshes the soul, and she is drinking.....on her own. :) 

Today, things are way more relaxed and I can be that authority in her life that she needs, without her feeling afraid.  It is a position that I have had to earn through a lot of hard work.
I know that today, if I were to give her a consequence, she would accept it. But I do not feel the need.
If something is wrong that we need to talk about, we work it out through quiet and kind instruction and conversation, based in biblical grace and mercy. 

Yesterday, during our Pastor's sermon, in the book of Amos.... (OLD TESTAMENT)  I found something very interesting. In fact our pastor drew it out and related it to raising children.  In Amos Chapter 7, God gives Amos a vision of what the people deserve, yet he instead chooses to show them grace upon grace.  They are unrepentant... His grace and mercy is not based upon what they DID.... it is based upon His infinite love for a stiff necked people.
(that is what GOD calls them)
There are several instances in scripture of GOD NOT giving what is deserved, starting in the Garden.
God is SLOW to Anger, abounding in Great Love and forgiveness.... He is the SAME in the OT as in the NEW.....
Are we slow to anger? Are we ABOUNDING in loving kindness?
That does not mean God has never punished, he has.  And eventually, I believe He will.  But GRACE and MERCY cover us.  And HIS desire is that we would all have relationship with Him.  He will take NO PLEASURE in punishment. NONE.....
Can we say the same thing? 

There have been conversations in our home before about not taking advantage of Grace. It is not there so we can go on doing whatever we want, and those conversations have been taken very seriously.

What I have found, is that TRUST is built, and the children have developed INTERNAL CONTROL instead of being constantly controlled EXTERNALLY by somebody else.  And there is a peaceful contentment in that.

Tea Party Video

I found this video today.  Yesterday I wrote about the tea party that was had while I was at the grocery store.

I thought those were cucumbers they were eating.  Well they were, but they were pickled.
Loved it that they had such a good time.  :)

Last Words

Alli's last words before bedtime:
"I love God first, my family second, and horses last."
"Can we get a new sister?"  LOL

A Wrongful Life???

This video says that  a couple sued a medical facility for "Wrongful Life" and WON 3 MILLION DOLLARS in a court of law!  A test determined the child they were carrying did not have down syndrome.  But when the baby was born and DID indeed have down syndrome.  The couple SUED because of wrongful life. They said they would have aborted!

90% of babies with down syndrome are aborted now.  Infanticide in the name of "health". 
What a tragic story and what a tragedy.

On one hand it makes me so angry at these parents. On the other hand, I feel sad for them.  They have been raised in a society that is so self centered. They have bought into the EVIL LIE propagated in our society, that different is unacceptable.  Remember, Doctors promote these tests, and DOCTORS OFFER to "eliminate" "terminate", MURDER a baby; a PRECIOUS baby. 

I once had a family member tell me that she would have kept a baby that was born with down syndrome, but ANYTHING else she would have aborted!  I was sitting there in SHOCK, as this was when Erika was sitting over on the couch with her feet freshly missing. :( 

I was so angry, yet bit my tongue. (nearly off)  It would have done no good to say anything other than, "Wow, that is sad."   I wanted to say, "You just eliminated 3 of my children!" UGH....
But the Lord has taught me that grace and mercy go a lot farther.  I'm  just careful that this person keeps a good distance from my girls.

Children who are born with special needs different abilities, or are differently-abled (for you Em's)
should NOT have to justify their existence in society.  Each and every person brings value to our lives. EACH AND EVERY ONE!  How we don't see this in our society is incomprehensible!  

The poor child that is having to be raised in a family that felt he or she was better off dead. :(
WOW!  Can they honestly look in the mirror and see themselves as more valuable?  REALLY?

I don't get it.

A Trip To The Grocery Store

I needed to go to the grocery store, and Mike needed to go teach his weekly bible study at the local Nursing Home....  So he left, and about 20 minutes later I left.  The girls were all engaged in having a fun time at various activities, and I told them, "If you need me, call my cell or daddy's cell"....
And I left.
While I was gone:

There was an amazing Tea Party! Glad they like Veges!

 Somehow, Umbrella's were needed!

 And then, there was MUD!

LOTSA MUD!

And somehow, the mud made it inside!

 This is some sort of clean pact!  Anna coordinated everybody who was muddy to take showers and clean up BEFORE I got home!!  Thank you Anna!

When I returned home, the house was clean, everybody was bathed and laundry was going in the washing machine and being folded by all! 
WOW! What little angels! Right?  :)
CAMERA'S TELL ALL! LOL

Something On My Heart

Most of you know that we have 8 children.  Our older sons are all grown and married. Three of them have blogs that I link to from my sidebar. :)  Three of our sons were born prematurely. VERY prematurely.  As a result of that prematurity, our second son Timothy had a brain hemorrhage which resulted in him having Cerebral Palsy. 

I was always careful to include Tim in everything possible, but also, I tried to keep him from being "center stage" all the time too.  This meant, some things he cheered his brothers on, and some things they cheered him on, but we ALL Cheered!

In the early 2000's, before we brought our girls home, I watched a documentary  or news type show about siblings growing up with siblings who had special needs.  It was one of the saddest things I had ever seen. 
The bitterness some of the siblings had was downright unreal.  And oh, how the "I'm so sorry for you's" poured out from the host of the show.
I was sickened to my core. 
It caused me to think about my boys.  I remember asking how they felt, and honestly, it was QUITE the opposite of that show.  I was glad that I was not living in some sort of fantasy land!

Then came the girls.  First Anna, then Sarah, then Erika and then Alli.
I remember when we had our last home study updated, Anna said that she was glad to be getting a sister who had all her arms and legs.   She didn't mean it in a rude way, but she has had the unusual position of being the person with a normal body, instead of the other way around.
We all laughed at the thought that she was the "unusual one". :)

Anna, is such a sweet girl.  She is an amazingly helpful sister.  There is no bitterness in her, like what that news show portrayed either.  She is always saying to me, "Mom, I'll do that!" or "Mom, I can help with that."  
These last 2 weeks have been filled with wheel chair events and lifting since Erika's surgery.  There is a LOT that has to be done, including bathroom, bathing, dressing etc. 
Erika is doing more and more now that her pain is better, but still needs us for a lot. 
Today, she took her first NON SPONGE bath.  I really wanted her to get a nice, long, luxurious soak in the bath and guess who was there to help me get her in and out?  Anna.
And she takes joy in her service.   I am so proud of her.
She and Erika have a wonderful relationship.  And just like our guys,  she is proud of her brothers and sisters who have special needs.  She is also proud of her brothers and sisters who don't. 

I took her out today. She said, "I am most like Joe. We have the same smile and sense of humor. ". :)

Victoria Needs A Home

Once again I woke last night to with this little one on my heart.  I began to pray for her.  Is there a family out there for her?  She is 9 years old, just 1 1/2 years older than Erika was when she came home.
Victoria also has Arthrogryposis.  (apparently from  the waist down) I have never seen her waist or feet, but my guess is, they are not very useful.  She is able to get around, and if she had a wheel chair, she could probably REALLY get around.

Is there room in anybody's heart for her?  She is available for adoption and has been listed on the Reece's Rainbow website for years. 

Arthrogryposis is not the end of the world. Handicaps are not the end of the world. They just make us function differently, use our other abilities better and shine for the Lord. 

She needs a loving home, to feel a mother's touch, to have a daddy hold her and to have a chance of a life outside of a bed. Wouldn't it be awesome if she had sisters?

In her country, she has no chance.  When we were in Ukraine with Erika, trying to get her around even the biggest city was nearly impossible.  It literally required we CARRY her wheelchair down flights of stairs and back up again, with NO WAY to get onto the metro.  We could not cross major streets because the crossing was underground.  Just to get her into a few stores was difficult and at some, we had no access.  We had to walk away.
Supposedly there is a "wheel chair" access to get under ground. Do you know what it was?
Cement on either side of a stair way, at a STEEP level (no ramp, this was above stairs, so how to get up there was ?????) and then at the bottom, a CEMENT WALL!  Our translator told us that a wheel chair bound man tried to use it, and died.  The mayor was sad, the town was sad.... not really anything has changed.
We saw no access for anything there.  I take that back, there was ONE sign for handicapped parking... but it was no different than any other parking, and at the airport, there was a handicap sign on a bathroom door.  I was going to help Erika use it, and the door was locked.
That was it folks!

Please pray for Victoria. Please pray for her future family that the Lord will bless them with the finances and ability to go and get their little girl. Pray for her heart to be ready, and pray that she can recover completely from such severe neglect.  Poor baby.

Artem Has A Happy Home!

Last year, I wrote about little Artem being sent back on an airplane to Russia.  I was so very upset, and was able to make contact with the Taxi driver in Russia who had to take Artem to the MOE.  He was so very upset by the entire thing.  I have often thought about Artem since that time. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO HIM???? Was he OK?  I had heard "rumors" that he was not doing well etc. and that it proved he was a terrible, unstable, violent and damaged child.  I have HOPED it was not true all this time. And so, with JOY I can present this article.
. I am so happy for little Artem.  
Here is the text:

These are the pictures proving that there is finally love and happiness for the boy who suffered the most appalling neglect when his American adoptive mother sent him on a plane back to his Russian motherland with a note saying she no longer wanted him.
Torry Hansen, a 34-year-old nurse, unilaterally revoked her adoption of Justin, then seven, that she had agreed after travelling to Russia and plucking him from an orphanage in 2009 offering him a new life in the West.
Less than a year later the child had virtually forgotten his Russian when he was unceremoniously dumped alone on the plane and sent back to Moscow, with a note  'to whom it may concern' saying: 'I no longer wish to parent this child'.

Artem Saveliev, aged nine, is now living with a foster family outside Moscow. Last spring his American adoptive mother put Artem, who was then going by the American name Justin, alone on a plane to Russia with a note pinned to his clothing

Her action sparked worldwide outrage and a diplomatic rift between Moscow and Washington, as the Russian authorities - left to pick up the pieces - desperately sought a suitable home for a child who Hansen also cruelly labelled 'mentally unstable'.
The Kremlin's tsar for children Pavel Astakhov took a personal interest in the case but despite his efforts, initially the right home for the boy eluded them. Yet now almost two years on from his horror flight, Justin finally feels loved and cared for - thanks to a remarkable Russian foster mother.
Once again, he now lives under the name he was born with - Artem Saveliev - and he is approaching his tenth birthday.
Vera Egorova, 53, is the woman he now calls Mama. She is an 'SOS mother' in Tomilino village, part of an unusual and highly effective project to rescue society's most neglected children.
A former office worker, she has no children of her own yet she now mothers six, all under 18, and has 11 more who have grown up and left her village.  To her, they are all her sons and daughters, and she raises them with her husband Vasiliy Tibenko, 46.

'Artem came to live with us on  25 October last year (2011),' she recalled. 'We had a party that day - my daughter Sonya turned 9 - we invited Artem to join us and eat something but he was not so keen. '

Artem now calls Vera Egorova, right, Mama. She and her husband hope to adopted him and five other children they have been fostering. The Kremlin's tsar for children, Pavel Astakhov, left, has a special interest in Artem's case and makes periodic visits

He was 'exhausted by plane flights and going back and forth between orphanages and foster parents', she said.
'He then walked around our house, met the other children.  I went  with him saying - 'Look, this is your home now, you will live with us here, in our family'.

'He does not like to recall anything about America and does not want to answer any questions about it.'

- Artem's foster mother Vera

'I told him there are two more kids of the his age and he would not feel lonely. In the evening our kids talked to him and told about our life - that we are one family here, kids call each other brothers and sister, and here are your mother and father.
'We don't say orphanage, and we want Artem to find a good family here, not just another orphanage.
'Next day Artem began to call me 'Mama'. He asked me for a notebook and a pen and said he wanted to write a diary.
'He also went to our local school. Now, almost six months later, I can say he's coping well. He is a good student in school, not the very best but all is fine. There are a few slight behavioural problems, but this is natural, he's a typical boy. He went to the winter camp with other kids for New Year and learned to skate. He says he likes it here, especially that we are a family rather than an orphanage.'
Her description of him is far from the label that Hansen and her mother tagged him with before packing him back to Russia.

Vera says Artem is a good student in school, not the very best but fine. And unlike the claims of his former adoptive mother, Vera says there are only slight behavioural problems that are typical of a boy

'Artem is a nice boy, very kind and responsive. He is also very reasonable, as if he is older than his years,' said Vera.
'He likes to help me around the house, to clean and cook. The other day he helped me to clean and fry potatoes.
'I simply do not see that Artem has problems communicating with other children. I think he is mentally normal, there's no problem to establish good contact with him. He is just a child with a very sad life experience and our task is to help him. One day if he wants to tell me his story, I'll listen carefully, but I won't push him, if he wants to forget it, it is his right to do so.'

'I simply do not see that Artem has problems communicating with other children. I think he is mentally normal. He is just a child with a very sad life experience and our task is to help him.'
-Vera

Before Hansen chose him at the orphanage in the far east of Russia, he had been neglected and rejected once already - by his natural mother, who was stripped of her parental rights by a Russian court. It is hard to know how the impact of his treatment will affect him as he gets older but Vera is confident she can help him to grow up normally.
'I was shocked when I heard Artem's story, who wouldn't be?
'Whatever happened in his American family, that woman did not have a moral right to throw him away like a useless thing.
'I am sure there is a clever legal way to cancel adoption if it is all going wrong so I cannot begin to understand why she chose such an inhuman way.'
She said that Artem now wants to forget his time in the US, so painful was the ending. 'He does not like to recall anything about America and does not want to answer any questions about it. He openly tells me this.'
She stressed: 'Frankly, I was also surprised to know that normal healthy kids like Artem can be adopted by foreigners. I was sure before that it was sick and disabled kids can go to live abroad where foreign people have money and facilities to help them and take proper care.

Tennessee nurse Torry Hansen took a trip to Russia in 2009 and met Artem, who she renamed Justin, in an orphanage. Their meeting is pictured here

'I do not think it is right to let healthy good Russian kids to leave our country. We must take better take care of them ourselves.'
'I am glad that God gave me the chance to work and live here.
'I became a mum here, I started a family, I just became happy here. I am so proud that I am a mum of 17 kids, can you believe it? Artem is the 17th and he is  loved as much as all the others which is as much as any child can be loved.
'My elder kids come to see me with their children and they all call me grandma. '
This way Artem and the other younger children see that they will have a proper family, too, after they grow up.
'My husband and I now plan to officially adopt  all the six kids including Artem who live with us now, so we will be a totally normal legal family,' she confided.
Astakhov's determination that right must be done by this child have paid off, and the Kremlin official regularly finds time to visit and check up on Artem's progress.
Vera spoke as a US judge this week ruled that Hansen, from Shelbyville  in Tennessee, must pay child support even though she has not been prosecuted for neglect.

Worth forgetting: A swing set seen here in Hansen's shared backyard in Tennessee is part of life Artem hopes to forget

This followed a lawsuit from her adoption agency, World Association for Children and Parents. The judgement was made even though Hansen has now vanished to California.
'I do not believe that I can obtain a fair and unbiased hearing from this court,' she said in a letter faxed to the court.
'Whether or not Ms. Hansen will ever realise the consequences of her actions remains to be seen, but at least we know now there has a been a ruling by the court that she has been determined to be liable for her actions,' said Larry Crain, attorney for WACAP, after the hearing.
The sum that must be paid in support is yet to be fixed, and it  is likely to accumulate and go to Artem when he is an adult.
'The irony is if you leave a child in a car with the windows rolled up in a parking lot today, you can be arrested,' said Crain.
'But sending a child 3,000 miles across the Atlantic and there are no consequences for it, that is truly disturbing.'
At least, though, Artem finally has the loving home he so craved

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2112735/Russian-boy-rejected-adopted-mother-thriving-foster-home-outside-Moscow.html#ixzz1ofgAuFSX

God bless this Russian family for opening their home and loving their children. 
Best wishes Artem!

Funnies For March

My back has been really hurting.  Anna offered to help me with laundry right before bedtime.... I said, "You are MY GIRL!"
She said,
"Well, DUH! I'm not the next door neighbor's girl! :)

 Alli: "Quick mom, get a picture before she throws me off!" LOL

Anna :" Mama, Do you know I love you?"
Yes.
Anna"  It is one of my passions, right next to cats". :)

Me- "Alli, it is time to do the dishes!"
Alli- "Can I wait a while?"
Me-  "Why?"
Alli- "Because the weather is bad and if there is a tornado, it would be a waste of time to do dishes!"
Me- "do the dishes".  :)

Anna to Alli- "Stop worrying about tornados, God is in control!"
Alli to Anna-  "That is true, and if the Lord wants us to die, He'll kill us".

Sarah twirls through the room and runs into me, (ow) then she twirls some more and runs into me again. OW!
"I'm not doing to bad for somebody twirling with their eyes closed!" ??? :)

Alli at 9:55 a.m. She just woke up... "I had a TERRIBLE time sleeping!" Really, you just woke up. "Yea, but I slept all night on a pencil and a flashlight!"

Head Coverings Revisited

I wrote a post a long time ago about Head Coverings called "Head Coverings and Me".....

I have been covering my head for years, but not 100% of the time.  Since the new year, it has been 99% of the time. :) 
I am one of the only people at my church who cover my head, and I am THANKFUL that it is no big deal there. :)   Before we joined our church we asked if it would bother them if I did, and they said no. Oh how I love this body of believers. :)

I found this article while looking for new head coverings tonight.  I thought it was really a good article, though I didn't care for the coverings shown. LOL
I have needed to find something that STAYS ON! I think the Amish and Mennonites have perfected that need. :) 
If I am BRAVE..... I am going to attempt to make my own as needed. But for now, I'll order ready made.
As I have prayed about this subject over the years, my heart has not changed and the Lord continues to convict my heart that this is right for me to do.

When Alli was baptized, Marcus and Ivy came to our service, and Ivy has also joined in covering during worship.  :) 

For me, it has become not just a time for public worship, but for all the time, as Paul speaks about  praying without ceasing. 

I think my struggle has come to an end, and I am at total peace. :) 
Hope Anne has also helped in this, as she too has come to the same conclusion. :)

As I have said before.... I do not judge those who do or those who don't .... but I have to walk in TRUTH as I believe the Lord has directed me to do.  This is not a "salvation" issue, but for me, it is an obedience issue.

Blossoming

 When I was a kid, I remember clay day at school. We had to make something beautiful, it was then painted and taken away to be fired.... when it returned, I was so proud of my beautiful bird.  I took it home and showed my mom.  She looked at it, and was rather unimpressed.  It was never mentioned again.
About 30 years later she gave it back.  It looked like a little kid had squished clay in their hand and painted it, then fired it and said it was a bird.   Oh boy! That is NOT how I remember that bird looking.  Maybe she mistook MY masterpiece for somebody else's?  hmmmm.  Probably not.

It is fun to watch the Noelles blossom. :)  When we made our lungs last month, I noticed how detailed Alli was.  They all did really good, but she seemed to have this detail to her work.

Well, the rest of the clay has been sitting there, and this is what she has done in the last HOUR....

 a cat for erika

 a girl for Sarah

 a dog licking his paw for Anna
Yes, I think she may have some artistic talent there. :)

I think my latest talent is baking gluten free cookies to add to my waist line. :)

 YUMMMM!

And then there are the talented people at LifeSeasons who have developed this Anti-Hotflash capsule!  Yes, THANK YOU!

Alli declared that everybody has talent in this family! She went on to name Anna's writing ability, Sarah's Dancing, Erika's knitting, mommy's singing and cooking and daddy's fixing things.....

The neat thing about her discovery is that she is seeing that her own talents are HERS and they are OK. She doesn't have to strive to be like everybody else. :)  This is BIG for her.  
Last year at this time she was trying to convert herself into a clone of Sarah.  Today, she is happy to be Alli. :)  And we are happy she is seeing that she has much to offer from within herself.