Peter Pan

This was our Friday Night Movie..... It was really fantasic!  It was closer to the book, and the girls ALL enjoyed it very much.... There was some violence that was a little intense, but it is PG.... so it may not be for all audiences.... however we REALLY enjoyed it!

Gardening Failure

Yep, that is my new title! I am a gardening failure!  I have wanted to plant a raised bed garden for awhile.... and it seems that time gets ahead of me, and then it is planting time, and then it is beyond planting time, and then it is just too late.... and with Sprouts, right down the street, with good prices..... UGH.... yep, I'm a gardening failure!

We had gardens 10 years ago that were envious. Loads of veges and fresh tomatoes, and fruit....
and now, weeds. 

My body has not cooperated with my mind for a few years now. If I bend over to weed, I'm stuck.... with a bad back.  If I try to pull weeds, I'm stuck with a stiff hand.....and the list goes on. UGH   Getting old is getting OLD!
I would much prefer to garden to oblivion!  But..... with weeds..... I can't keep up.

So, the raised bed garden would be a blessing, as I wouldn't have to bend over so far, AND, there were be much fewer weeds.... and then even Erika could help, as she wouldn't have to bend.   What a glorious idea! 
I think I will plan NOW, for NEXT year, and slowly get things started and built.  A little landscape timber at a time.....   And then, maybe I can  start to CAN once again!  I still have a can of pickled broccoli, but I don't want to open it.... as it is my last canned project in the cupboard. :)

I also have visions of a winter garden where we can grow some cold veges like cabbage and broccoli....  Who knows! Maybe by winter, my plan will be put into place and I can square foot garden in raised beds! :)
We'll see.  In the mean time.... Sprouts will be my favorite store.....

AND... I'm going to try shredding zucchini and using it to replace cheese on tacos.  I have been doing REALLY well on my near vegetarian diet.... once I get dairy out of my life.. it will be all vegetarian

The Love Of God

Blog Visitors

I received a very nice note from somebody in Iceland! Welcome my Icelandic Friend. :)

If anybody is reading this, know that I love to hear from those who read, and find it fun that somebody would. :)  You are MORE than welcome to read and comment. 

So here is a BIG TEXAS HOWDY!  To all my readers!

What Is Up With This?

I thought Corell was supposed to last forever!

I poured hot water in my cup to drink, and it did this! Somehow, I feel a blog post of observation coming on. :) But not today.... to much to do!

3 Months

We have been together for 3 months now. Our adoption should be finalized in the next 2 weeks and we are very excited!  We haven't mentioned the date to Alli, so she doesn't get nervous.
We are so thankful for our new daughter.  She is doing so well. 


This month has been especially eventful.  We have made HUGE strides in attachment for all of us.  Alli has really become comfortable.... she isn't worrying like she did before. She knows she is here to stay. Tomorrow Alli will attend her very first Birthday Party.... yesterday, she walked with her sisters to the store for ice cream....she is so proud of herself.

What I have honestly seen is the transformation of a little girl who was tossed around and had no stability, into a happy child, who knows she is loved and is actually BRAVE enough to love us back.
I am seeing the labels disappear..... Instead, I'm seeing her cute personality come out.... her temperament is part of her personality, and she is learning how to use her self control tool.....

I no longer have to coax her to me if she is upset. She comes willingly. I no longer have to tell her to take deep breaths.... she does it on her own. :)

She has learned to admit wrong, and apologize, and also, and really more importantly, she has learned to forgive others when they have offended her.
This, in my opinion, is HUGE. It prevents holding things in and harboring anger.  She is quickly learning to let it go.

Today, she and Sarah had a little squabble about hair bows.  Silly? Yes.  Alli decided that she didn't want anybody to use the hair bows she brought with her.  Of course, she decided it in the middle of Sarah doing Erika's hair.  Oh my, Sarah was mad.... "That isn't FAIR! You said they were for everybody to use!"
Alli put them in her drawer and closed it, ending the hair do session.

I brought both girls into the living room. Alli had her turn to say what happened without interruption, then Sarah had her turn without interruption.....
And then Mommy, had to be Solomon.
"Sarah, I know you got frustrated, but it is not ok to raise your voice at your sister." You need to tell her you are sorry.
She did right away, and Alli forgave her.
BEFORE I could tell Alli her timing was bad, and she should have waited if she REALLY wanted to save those things for herself..... she VOLUNTEERED "Sarah, I'm sorry, I was wrong to do that."
"You can use the hair things if you want."

That is when I asked her if she really wanted to save them. We have other hair things I have bought for the girls. She said she did want to save them. So I got out the other hair things, and Sarah used those.
Then Alli put her things in a zip lock back and put them away for good.

And there was no anger harbored or resentment harbored.  Only 2 little girls who decided to play dressup and do toenails and fingernails and dressup, and they have been happy to play together.

These things may seem like small things to some, especially if you do not understand the neglected and abused child.  But for the child who has that background, these things are huge!

For a child with a history of anger to put that anger away, laying down the tool that they have use to  keep a safe distance, speaks volumes!
What can I see in the future?
Security!
Happiness!
Joy!
A life fulfilled!
Healthy Family Relationships!

Alli is the oldest child we have adopted, at 11.  Mike and I both were talking about what is considered "older"..... Mike said, "Really, how much do you remember of being 9 or 11?  Not much! :)
As Alli grows up, we pray that her memories of torment and destruction, will be replaced with Joy and healthy growth, emotionally, spiritually and physically! 

These last 3 months have had their times of struggle and triumph, and we rejoice that the Lord chose to use Us, in spite of all our short comings and failures,  to reach a very scared little girl.

To GOD be the Glory! Great things HE has done!

Lilly Bean!

Oh My Goodness! Our Lilly Bean is almost 7!  I haven't had a new picture in a while and MY she has changed! What a sweetie!
Ya-Ya loves you Beanie Baby!

My Daily Egg

A friend gave me this antique nesting box a few years ago. Mike hung it for me a while back and I love it...... I put hay in it to make it look more authentic.  The last several weeks, a wandering chicken has decided this is a much better area to lay her eggs than the coop....so we are getting back door delivery once again! LOL

A Giant Step part 2

I posted here that the girls went on their first venture alone....

I cracked up.... Our neighbor called about 30 minutes after the girls left and said, "Did you know the girls were going to cross the street at the signal?"  LOL 
I told her we did. Her daughter saw them, called her mom and her mom called me.
I am thankful for neighbors who watch out for us! :)

We were all excited when they came walking back within sight. Erika ran down the driveway to greet them.  Alli made Daddy's day by running down the drive way screaming "Daddy!" and she jumped into his arms. :)
She here are our hot sweaty girlies, all home safe and sound! :)  I am really proud of them!

Oh ya, here are our blackberries! We've made 2 pies so far. YUM!

A GIANT Step!

These three little darlings just left for their first walk ALONE to Walmart......It is about a mile walk 1 way.  They are going to get an ice cream, or soda, and then after sitting and visiting, like ladies, they are going to come home.  Anna has my cell phone.  They are SOOOOOO excited! 

And they are growing up!  I believe each of them have proven themselves trustworthy and they will do just fine.....
Where is Erika?  She really cannot walk that far safely.... so she is going to enjoy a soda at home, and spend some alone time with Mama.

Erika wasn't thrilled that she could not go. but this is one of those difficult decisions. I do not think it is safe for her to walk a mile on country roads with no sidewalks.  The girls can easily walk in a ditch... Erika cannot. 
This is how life is sometimes. When Tim was little, I did not apologize or feel sorry for him when his brothers could do some things he couldn't.  It is life. And it is the reality of having a severe disability.
HOWEVER, things get worked out..... Erika goes to Camp soon.  And Anna and Alli will not be going. They are blessed with all their limbs.  :)
I don't apologize to them either.  :)
Sometimes...... being a mom is just hard, having to make decisions.
So today, we CELEBRATE the first adventure of I'm sure MANY..... of girls going shopping. :)

Root Canals and Such

UGH !!!

Alli finished all her dental stuff and looks great. ME? I just went for a simple checkup....how is it, EVERY time I go, I have some horrible thing happening!  SO, my buick of a tooth was fixed today.
I really do like the new dentist. She was VERY good.  She also listened to me when I told her No Hydrocodone, it makes me feel awful......
So I'm on antibiotics and Tylenol 3 for now.  Apparently there was a pretty bad infection brewing....besides needing the root canal.  Oh my, I've been so busy with life, I didn't even notice.
Glad it is fixed!

The Princess Bride and Google

We watched "The Princess Bride" on Friday night and the girls loved it. Ever since then, they have been coming up with the silliest of rhymes AND, I always have to say, "No more rhyming I mean it!" So they can all say, "Anybody want a peanut?" And then they all roll with laughter. :)

Today, I was looking for a book to find some information.... Anna was observing me and said, "Mom, you are wasting your time! Google it!" LOL

It is amazing....to me how much information we have at our fingertips..... and the truth is:
I  LOVE google! LOL

The Best Token Spent At Chuck E. Cheese

For All My Girlies and And Some Boys I know :)

Retaking What Was Lost

I posted in a previous blog post When Trigger's Get Triggered

 about how we were caught off guard by an unknown trigger.  Looking back, I should have caught it, but I didn't.
The short of it is.... Alli had been promised to go to Chuck E. Cheese a while back. (2 families ago
with respite care inbetween...).. On the day she was supposed to go, instead, her family picked her up from respite care and took her to a psych unit for evaluation.
She was devastated.
So, we had planned to go to Chuck E. Cheese, but I Found a better deal on what I thought was a better place..... she was profoundly disappointed about once again, not going to Chuck E. Cheese.
The reasoning doesn't matter. It was all about bad memories and broken promises.
Both Mike and I , and De, a faithful reader were all on the same page.... she needed to go to Chuck E. Cheese, to recreate a memory and write over the bad one.
Now, we typically do not indulge the kids.... at all!  But this was a little different. We considered it cheap therapy. LOL

So we came up with a plan.  We first asked Alli, "do you like surprises, or do you like to know what is happening ahead of time.  We got the "I like to know what is happening ahead of time."  So daddy and I took her aside and told her we felt it would be best for her to go to Chuck E. Cheese.  BUT... she couldn't tell anybody!

Now, we have this tradition, that at some point, we all go for a secret car ride, and one child tells us where to turn and how to drive, but they don't know where we are going.  (Alli knew we were going, but the other girls didn't)
So, it was Alli's turn to tell us how to drive. She was very nervous because she thought for sure she would make us go to Oklahoma! LOL
We set off on our adventure. The other girls were convinced we were headed to a theatre.... which is a rare event.
Instead we would say, "Should we turn left or go straight. If she      picked the wrong  way, we'd reword the question.... Should be go STRAIGHT or turn left?..... then, she'd get it right.
We took the back roads to Chuck E. Cheese so nobody would know until we got there.
Oh MY! You should have heard the excitement.... and Alli was shocked she was able to get us there! LOL
And this is what happened..... A VERY THANKFUL little girl had a WONDERFUL time. She soaked in the moment, every moment and even cheered on her sisters when they were doing well at a game.
I was so proud of her.

The entire evening went fabulous, and each of the girls had a super time. They were shocked, because we just don't go out that much. :)
When we got home, before bedtime, Daddy led the girls in a prayer of thankfulness and each person was allowed to pray outloud.
Alli prayed twice.  The first time, she said, "Thank you that my parents took me to Chuck E. Cheese and that they are honest and keep their word."  The second time, it was about how thankful she was for her family......
I think we made the right decision.  And hopefully, her older bad memory will be written over with her new memory.
What a wonderful evening.

Dedicated To My Alli

My friend sent this to me for Alli.
Thanks JJ

When Triggers Get Triggered

One of the things about raising children with a large part of their lives already behind them, and you not knowing anything but bits a pieces of information..... is, it makes for interesting times! :)

We had one of those times today.  How would we have known that going to a place similar to Chuck E. Cheese would set off such tremors.  I should have known when we had said we were going to go to Chuck E. Cheese, about a month ago, the reaction of our Alli was rather unusual.  It caused her stress, and she didn't want to wait, yet she didn't want to go.... and she became dysregulated.

Well, we have had some very good times, and then today, was the day to go to Chuck E. Cheese.... but mama got creative and found a BETTER place that was even on sale!  Who would have thought that would have caused a trigger?  Not me.... Why? I dunno. :)

So, we got to  Amazing Jakes,  and walked into a huge fun land with an ENORMOUS food bar.
Everybody filled up, and then it was time for games. Alli said, "Can everybody finish eating! I'm bored"......
And I knew, something was up......
She struggled to have a good time.  She really DID have a good time, in spite of herself.  I so felt for her struggling, but could not figure out why the struggle.
She finished her game card... (everybody had one)  and then announced, "I'm bored, I want to leave".... and then came the pouts.  The mournful look... the slouched shoulders, the woe is me.....

I tried to get her to engage in the joy of others still having fun, but she was too overwhelmed.
Some would look at her behavior and say, "How selfish!" "How Spoiled!"
I'm sure some did.

Anna was so sweet, she took Alli for a little walk and talked to her about her surprise and told her they could google how to use it when they got home. She seemed excited about that for a minute.... and then it was back to the pouts.

Everybody was done, and enjoying ice cream, but Alli was in full pout mode, so I told everybody, take your time.... have fun, and Mama and Alli are headed to the van.

We got in and cooled the van down for everybody else, and she was not yet regulated to talk.
So, when everybody came out, we started home.  We all talked about what a great time we had, except Alli. She was by now, curled in a ball. Pouting.

We sang some songs and daddy pointed out the most beautiful flowers to everybody. We didn't address our little ball of pouts.... we just continued our celebration.

When we got home she bolted from the van and tried to run into the house, but the door was locked. I asked her, "Would you like to unlock the door?" She said, "Yes", and I handed her the key.
When we got inside, she asked if there was a quiet place she could go.  I  told her, "My room, or your room, or the front porch or the back porch."  Would you like to go and spend some time with Guess?
She said no.

After about 30 minutes home, it all came to a head.  I was tired, and actually abit irritated that she had not calmed herself.... so I took her by the hand and we walked back to her room and sat on the day bed.
I told her I was doing my best not to be angry.... but honestly I was.  I told her that it was hard to see her not have a good time, and not care to make it special for Anna and Sarah. We had waited so long for this......
Her response was to break down crying... "THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET RID OF ME!"

I took her into my arms and said, "Why in the world would we do that? It never even crossed our minds!"
"Everybody ELSE has gotten RID OF ME!"  "They Couldn't handle my temper!" "If you can't handle me, you can just get rid of me!"
I told her as I held her.... "I never said I couldn't handle you!" In fact, "I love you! YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER, WE WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF GETTING RID OF YOU!"

I opened up the door and she walked in, swinging it WIDE open...my starting phrase....

"Things must have been SO hard for you before!"
She started to cry.. Really cry, and for the first time told me all she could remember about her life in Russia.... then, about her life in her first home..... and it TURNS OUT..... when she was in Respite care, she was supposed to go to Chuck E. Cheese, but instead, her first family came and got her and she was taken to a Psych Unit.
OK, trigger, BIG FAT TRIGGER.... she never got to go.
All those memories came pouring back to her when she realized we were going to Chuck E. Cheese.... She had never been. And then, when we picked a different place, even though we thought it would be MORE FUN, it didn't matter.  She lost again.... still didn't get to go to Chuck E. Cheese.
These things sound trivial, but to a child, they most certainly are not! Especially not to a child who has had so much deprivation.

We hugged for a long time as she poured her heart out, and we were able to talk about her attitude.
She REALLY REALLY wants to make changes, but she gets stuck sometimes and can't find her way out.  I told her I would help her.... I will shine the light to help her out.

She then told me she loved us and knows we care for her. She knows she is in the right place. She knows we will never leave her.
This is a huge struggle for her.
She remembers the conversations about sending her away.  They are hard...... All in all, I think she had a very honest approach in our talk.
She was able to admit that she needed help to learn how to speak appropriately when she is upset.
She is going to work on tone of voice, and I am going to try to help her understand what we are talking about when we SAY tone of voice. :)

The last thing we talked about was her future. As we snuggled together, I told her I could see her as a beautiful teenage girl, full of life, going somewhere with her friends and coming home and saying, "Mom, Dad, I'm home!" 
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the description......

3 months...is not that long of a time.... but we have covered MUCH ground in a short time.

The Celebration

Today, we went to Amazing Jakes to celebrate Sarah hitting the Big 70, and Anna, learning her times tables! Yea!
We were planning on Chuck E Cheese, but found that Amazing Jakes was Much more Amazing for about the same cost. PLUS....they had an all you can eat buffet for 6.99!
I was able to have the baked potato and salad bar!
So it was VERY much worth it. :)

The girls had a really great time..... there were a few bumps, with bad memories for Miss Alli, but she worked through it really well.
I watched Miss Anna get to the TOP of the climbing wall and she didn't press the button! LOL  When she got down, she said, "Nobody told me there was a button!" But I have it on video.... :)

We had such a good time together!

Alli and Sarah enjoyed the bumper cars:

Erika made a STRIKE in Bowling!

Alli And Daddy

Alli, our newest little sweetie is just doing so well!  There have been many MANY strides made over the last 3 months, but the biggest hurdle to get over has been how she views Daddy.... really, not just daddy, but men, or in her words, "Daddys".

She has had a lot of them..... Her first daddy, the one in Russia, was violent. VERY violent. She has shared stories that would make you cringe.  Her second daddy, was most likely written off because of her first daddy.... She just saw him as mean.  Is that true? I have no idea. But she definitely was scared of him.  Her 3rd daddy was better, but she didn't really speak of him with respect.... and now her Daddy , Daddy.... Her FINAL daddy..... she has struggled to open up to.  She will, and then she won't. Her words, "I prefer mommies".....

Mike is the most patient daddy.  He has learned to wait, to hold his tongue, to speak at just the right time, to be kind, to be caring, to listen, and to instruct. He never shows resentment or anger  when she rebuffs him. I truly believe that because of his patience and prayerful waiting....
                                                 TODAY became a milestone day.....
Alli has allowed interaction, but not as naturally as she does with me.  Today, she was stressed after going and spending the afternoon in a waiting room at the hospital. 
When we got home, she was sleepy and hungry and I added to it by asking her to feed Guess.
She said, "Will somebody go with me! I don't like to go in the yard with Bryan. (the billy goat)
The other girls were all busy, and daddy said, "I can show you how to distract him! I'll go and help you."  She rejected his help, for no reason.  She just dismissed him...... :/

So we went to the porch swing so we could all talk together.... at first she didn't want to talk, and then she opened up.  She was actually able to verbalize that she had a harder time with daddys.  We told her we knew, which seemed to surprise her.  Daddy patiently told her how much he loved her and looked forward to the day she opened up to him as much as she has to me.  She said, "I'm really trying daddy!"  He said, "I know you are!" And we both praised her for her efforts.  She apologized for dismissing his offer and then Daddy and Alli went to feed the dog together.
She was so happy.
Tonight... we watched Extreme Home Makeover, and look what I saw!  Those two pictures! She was totally relaxed in his arms absorbing his love. :)
Way to go Daddy and Alli!

The Results of Spanking Gone Awry

FMC Interview: KHSL Action News Chico Redding – For the Children's Sake | Fostering Media Connections

This 3 part interview is about the death of a little girl.  The sad part is, her death was caused by her adoptive parents who believed they needed to punish their daughter according to the book "To Train Up a Child.  I have written about punishment that is advocated in some extreme reading materials  in previous posts.... I am saddened that this family, bought this extreme form of punishment and it cost their daughter her life.... and it cost them their family. This was a homeschooling family with 9 children. (3 adopted from Liberia)
Child abuse makes me so sad.  But child abuse within the church doesn't just make me sad, it makes me angry.  This mother and father, are now in prison serving long sentences. Their children were removed.
Another family devastated by AWFUL teaching, in the name of God......