Great Wolf Lodge Part 2

Great Wolf Lodge

We left on Friday afternoon for Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine Texas.  We planned this trip in January, after Saving our Change for over a year. Everybody participated in the "Tea Pot Fund" and along with a discount for time of year, we were able to go and spend the night for one night and enjoy the water park for 2 days.  It was a surreal experience, as we typically don't do extravagant. :)

But oh, it was FUN!  Tim and Em and the boys joined us, and Marcus and Ivy and Will and Charlie were NOT able to come, sniff, because Ivy got sick the day before..... they have rescheduled for a later date.... so maybe next year we can all make it at the same time.

Erika's favorite part was the wave pool and lazy river.  Sarah, Anna and Alli hung out at the water slide area going to the top and sailing down on inner tubes.....  Daddy and I traded off between the girls that climbed stairs and relaxing in the lazy river.

Dad and I along with Alli and TIM went up to the top of the building and went down the Tornado together.  Now THAT was an experience that I would compare with the Texas Giant. Not as rough, but certainly as scary!!!! I thought we were going to tip over. :)  Thankfully we made it out ok and managed to crawl to the stairs and compose ourselves to walk proudly back to the lazy river. :)

I carried Erika up a few flights of stairs to get to a water slide and she gleefully went down....Then Daddy carried her to a BIGGER one outside... and it took about 20 minutes for him to talk her into going down.... LOL.... She did it finally, and was so glad she did. :)

more pictures to come.... off to church. :)

Defeating SHAME

Another BCLC Moment, brought to you....... :)

                                                Alli and Sarah Skating by the Shoppe :)
If you understand the concepts behind BCLC (Beyond Consequences Logic and Control) you will know that being in a place of  FEAR_brings about  shame.  A child  can get angry or sullen or shut down.  They may act angry or say something short and stomp off or not accept an apology from a sibling.  And then, they are overcome by SHAME, because it is very obvious they FAILED...... and for some children, who are not secure, not safe, and have not practiced using their life tools enough, FAILURE is inevitable and therefore SHAME overpowers them.

We have seen a few stomp offs to the room to pout. (aka shut down)  And as we are getting to understand each other better and read body language better, it was obvious that our sweetie was not angry, but she was ashamed of herself.  She had not controlled herself like she COULD have, and in turn became defensive and hurt refused to accept an apology.....

The look on her face was Scared, Worried and Ashamed..... I walked into the room and saw a sweet sweet child contemplating her future as she lay on the bed.....There were no tears, because she has had to remain strong throughout her ENTIRE life.
(there is much to say about this later, not now)

A child who is laying on a bed and not crying in sorrow, is typically seen as rebellious, or defiant.....
She was neither.

I asked her if I could lay next to her and acutally got a yes..... :) Horray!
I told her she didn't have to say anything, but could she just shake her head yes or no? She said Yes, with a head shake.... :)

Are you worried? yes
Are you angry? no
Are you sad? yes
Do you feel sad that you didn't accept an apology? yes
Do you want to make things better? yes
Are you worried about whether you get to stay? yes
Do you think we might send you away? yes

This is a little girl who was laying there determining her future all by herself, wondering if yet again she would get sent away..... My heart broke for her.

So I talked to her about normal families..... What is a NORMAL family?  People are human, just like you! They get bossy, just like you! They get sad, mad, happy, joyful, just like you!
And when they don't agree, they apologize and forgive! They don't worry about leaving their family!
They are SAFE!
Safe is an important word around here.  Safe means exactly that, SAFE! SAFE to FEEL, SAFE to be HONEST, SAFE to LOVE, SAFE to be angry....BUT..... ALSO: SAFE TO BE VULNERABLE, SAFE TO BE HUMBLE, SAFE TO BE LOVING, SAFE TO BE FORGIVING!  You will NOT be REJECTED!

Why am I typing in all Caps! Because I am so HAPPY! I am happy to  tell you that our little sweetie responded so very well to that. She responded with tears and hugs and as I told her that she was safe and secure and didn't need to be ashamed, she latched on and said, "I love you mommy", over and over again.  And then came the "I love my sisters, I love daddy, I love ......"  :) 

And then, she said, "You are bossy too!" I said, yes, "sometimes I am.."..  She said, "what is bossy?"  I told her it is when you try to tell others what to do in a way that isn't as polite as you could be!  She got this shocked look and said, "Oh, you are not bossy!"  LOL  I said, actually sometimes I am....but I do try not to be.
We both had a good laugh.

She is starting to understand the concept of permanence and real functional family, yet she has just been here a month.  I'm sure it will be more real to her in a a year, or two years or 5 years..... right now, it is a new concept. And just like learning a new math concept, for me anyway, it is learn, repeat, repeat, repeat until I get it. I never get it the first time. :)

While we were on the bed, I asked her if she would repeat these words before we got up:
"I am loved! I DESERVE to be loved!  The first part was easier than the second part.  When she got through the second part, there were little tears. But they were not tears of sorrow, but of relief, peace and joy.
I also made sure she understood that her standing in the family was that she was a vital part of family, just as if she had always been here. I let her know, she is just as important and loved as all 8 of our children.  Just because she is the newest, doesn't mean she isn't just as valuable as everybody else.
She is, and mommy and daddy will do our VERY best to be FAIR and LOVING!  Her ideas and opinion DO matter.... :)

When we were finished with our talk, I suggest that she apologize for hurting another little girlies feelings.... by not forgiving.  She got up and went right to task!  And we had a wonderful evening last night.... (We actually have had a great week)
I am so proud of my brave girl!  I cannot imagine having to relearn everything you thought was true about yourself.
The things she thought about herself were so sad.... and now, when I say, "You are smart, you are sweet, you are lovely, you are beautiful, you are nice, you are loving, you are kind, you are amazing!
Instead of a shrug, she smiles. :)

The Morning Clean or Should I Say

PURGE! .....

How does a room get like this in ONE DAY! Literally!
LOL

The Cleaning Process:

And then there is Anna:

And why all this happy cleaning?
We are going to Great Wolf Lodge for a fun SWIM and FELLOWSHIP TIME with Marcus and Ivy and Tim and Emily and 4 of the grand guys!
 

Good Morning Hugs

Good Morning Time with Mama and Alli

She woke up this a.m. with Erika.... Anna and Sarah had been up for at least an hour. It seems I am seeing a pattern here. Two early risers and two late risers.

 Anna: Mother, I'm trying to do my math! :)

 Poor Sarah still isn't feeling well. She still has hives from whatever she ate on Sunday. Doc said if it doesn't go away by tomorrow, then fill the prescription for the steroid, otherwise, she is a benadryl girl right now which is making her very very sleepy. :(

Here is a video of Sarah reading a "choose your own adventure with Alli".

New Life Taking Shape

Daddy just finished reading a bed time story out of Hinds Feet on High Places

It has been a month since Alli came into our lives and we are thankful for the wonderful girl the Lord has brought into our family.
I have to say, I am soooo PROUD of her and of each of the girlies.  It is not easy adjusting to a new life, new ways of doing things, new ideas, and changing everything around.
But these girls, each of them, have stepped up to the plate and hit home runs this week.

We have had doctor's appointments and eye appts. and Sarah has a horrible rash from head to toe due to some sort of food allergy...poor girl.....

Alli handled a 2 plus hour eye appt. and just did so well.  She then spent a good amount of time today with Daddy and Anna, because Erika and Sarah had an appt with the eye doctor and the rash doctor.
Daddy said Alli did so well.... and she was smiling all day.  He said, "You look like a happy girl!" and She said, "I am daddy!"

I can see that she has really relaxed today.  She has been funny and silly and doesn't seem nervous or guarded at all.  So proud of her.

Yesterday

We had a good day..... a REALLY good day, except....for some reason, Sarah has broken out in hives!
 Headed to the doctor on this one.... can't figure it out.

Good News!

We took Alli to see Dr. Collier today.  I just love this guy. He helped Anna and Sarah with their reading and ADHD...  He will be seeing Erika tomorrow.
We were told Miss Alli is blind in her left eye.  Dr. Collier looked at her eyes and said that she is NOT blind in her left eye. She just isn't seeing out of it.  He said here eyes are 7 degrees off from what they would need to be to work together.... so he is grinding lenses to correct the problem.  He will use a certain method of exercise to try and jump start her brain to help it remember to see, and then with the corrective lens, she should begin to use the eye again! 
I was amazed! 
She had her good eye covered. He asked her to look at the E. It was a LARGE E and she couldn't see it. He said it was too hard for her brain to work so it shut off.  He then took some ping pong paddles with black and white stripes on one and plain gray on the other.... He asked her, "Where is the zebra?" She pointed right to the correct paddle! The stripes got smaller and smaller and he said she could see about 20/30 in her bad eye.
The sad news was that in her GOOD EYE, she has optic nerve damage due to unknown injury, but he did not feel it was due to the large scar on her head.
So, in about 7 days, Alli will be sporting a new pair of purple glasses, and will begin to learn how to see out of her eye once more. :)
YEA!

A New Day

It is a new day for Blue Bear too.  Alli dressed him up.... Marcus, this is what happens when you leave your teddy bears at home for little sisters. Boy bears become Girl Bears.
Eugene became Genie and now Blue Bear has become Blue Bear Contessa. :)

Today, Alli goes to the Developmental Eye guy.... (how in the world do you spell opthamologist?)
I am very curious at what he has to say and what exercises he will ask us to try. :)
Erika goes tomorrow.  Dr. Collier is amazing. He really helped Anna and Sarah when they were 6.
After 1 visit, and doing what he told us, they both took of reading in an amazing way. :)

This is what I am hoping for both Alli and Erika. Neither LOVE reading. They do it, but it is more of a chore.  I am hoping he can help them LOVE it. :)

Alli's Heart

Alli drew this heart for us tonight. :)  She said it shows how full her heart is with love.... it is almost to the top! :)  We can't wait for it to be all the way full! 
I think to day was a big deal.... more went on since my last post.... and I'm just too pooped to write about it now. :)

1 Month Home

We are one month together, and we are in the thick of learning what it is to be in a family and dealing with much grief, trauma and loss.

First off, let me say that I am not a perfect parent.  I have to die daily to myself....and it is hard.

There are many things  I could write about, but right now, I feel like I NEED to write about Miss Alli.
She is adorable, and sweet, and hurt, and angry, and a bundle of energy and she is loving yet frustrated.... she is 3, and 5, and 8 and 11 and single minded and determined and lonely and afraid and happy and affectionate and stubborn and needy..... and more..... :)

To sum her up: She is A WONDERFUL little girl....but we have much work ahead of us. :)
I feel like we are climbing a mountain.... it takes a long time to get up a mountain and the process can be weary.
We are very much like "Much Afraid" embracing our friends "Sorrow and Suffering".....

But oh the joy and anticipation of getting to the High Peaks! Oh the Joy when we will be able to look back and see the mighty handiwork of God in our lives.

Today was a day to mourn and a day to celebrate.  It actually started with my previous post from last night.
We woke up this a.m. and Alli unloaded the dishwasher without being asked, and then did the dishes. We got got ready for Church....but Miss Alli was not ready to go to Sunday School quite yet..... We had Ministry Group last night again, and she had a great time....but once again this a.m. was over tired.
She happily stayed with us during our class and then during the main church service.
As I looked over during song time, she was beginning to look rather sad, so I motioned for her to come and sit with me. She climbed into my lap and put her legs across daddy's lap and we quietly rocked during the entire service.
When it was over, we went out to lunch and she seemed to have a good time.

Then, I blew it a little..... I didn't prepare her for going into the feed store. We had to get  just a few things for goats and dogs. She wanted more. It started with cow boy boots and then went into dog leashes and toys etc, and don't forget the candy on the way out..... she managed to be ok in the store, but when I handed her to bag to carry to the car, I had to repeat myself, as her arms were folded tightly across her chest and there was a major pout going on. :)

This was my 3 year old Alli coming out.  When we got into the car to drive home, the pout was in full swing and it turned into sullen madness.....
She wouldn't answer my sweetest of inquiries. I was met with dead silence. A brick wall.... if you will.
So, I did what any mom would do....

I pulled the van over into the nearest parking lot, turned off the vehicle, got out and into the back seat with her and said, "We are not driving another foot until we get through this."  Silence. Refusing to look at me. Blankly staring off into space, going into herself where she could feel safe.  Safe behind her wall.
I was sitting there throwing up prayers trying to figure out how to climb that wall and reach her.

So, I treaded into deep waters and made my best attempt.
"I see you are angry!" 
"Can you tell mama why?"  Silence......

So, I took a chance after a few attempts..... I asked her to close her eyes. She didn't respond, so I put my hand over her eyes and asked her to breathe and think with me.
No response.

Then I said, "You know what REALLY makes me mad?"  I got a shrug....progress! :)
"I'll take that as you want to know."  I got another shrug.
I then said, "What really makes me mad is that you had to go into an orphanage!" "It makes me mad that you had to be cold!"  "It makes me mad you didn't have enough food!  It makes me mad that you had to change families and they gave you away!" "It makes me mad that you had to change again, and the same thing happened!"   That is what makes me mad.  Do you know why it makes me mad?

Another shrug, with a few tears involved.....

"It makes me mad because YOU ARE NOT JUNK. YOU ARE NOT TRASH TO BE TOSSED OUT!
You are PRECIOUS,  SWEET, AND KIND, and all those things have HURT YOU!" It makes me mad because I don't want to see my little girl hurt!"

By now she was clinging to me and holding on for dear life.  She was weeping, and I told her to go ahead and let those healing tears flow.....
And then, I said, "Do you know what makes me happy?"  She said, no.  "What makes me happy is that the Lord saw fit to bring you to us... It makes me happy that His hand is on our lives. It makes me happy because you are SECURE and SAFE and that you have sisters and a mommy and a daddy and we are on YOUR team!"  "It makes me happy that you are going to learn so much!"  "It makes me happy to see that you feel safe."

I told her I was going to get back into the van and drive home, and then she could take care of the dogs.  We got home and when we got into the house, she was saying, "Mommy, I am SOoooo Sorry!"
I told her, that is ok... You are learning. :)

About 2 hours later, we were back to the maddies, becaus she didn't know what to do. All of my suggestions fell on deaf ears as she had a one track mind.... "computer", but she had already used her allotted 30 minutes.  She stormed to her room with me following and she slammed the door....tried to anyway..... I caught it, and opened it and then said very firmly, "NO! You may NOT!"
I think she was stunned.  She began to sob.  We snuggled and I let her know it was never ok to be disrespectful.  She responded really well to that.

In the midst of these episodes, she has been delightful and happy.... we are learning to live together and work through very difficult circumstances.
What makes me the saddest is that in such a short life, Alli has never had any real stability. The only thing she has ever known is uncertainty.
But now, from now on, she will experience Stability, Relationship, Discipleship  and Forever for real...... it is a thing called LOVE, and in her own words, "I didn't really know what that was."

I'm sure it is scary. I'm sure she wants it to last, and we will need to consciously work on her understanding that she REALLY IS HERE FOREVER..... I don't think she believes that yet, because she doesn't know what forever means either. :)


But oh the mountain top..... It is in my sights. The Lord, through HIS grace and mercy will help us to get there. :)

Forgiveness and Blankets

Tonight, we had a HUGE breakthrough.....

Let me back up almost 6 years..... Sarah.... had BLANKET ISSUES!  She gave Anna a bloody nose over blankets. :/
Fast forward to Sarah and Alli sharing the same double bed...... They have been getting along grandly. In fact, today I observed them coming back from the dumpster near our road, arm in arm..... and the day went on quite well.....
Then, tonight happened....
Alli took the entire blankets!  ALL OF THEM... Sarah had none.
Sarah complained and Alli felt threatened..... escalation.............ugh!

So, I got Sarah in a good place, and she went over to Erika's bed to visit for awhile, while I spoke with Alli.
Alli INSTANTLY went into defense mode. She was in fetal position and recoiled when I tried to touch her.
I immediately implored for her to open her "tool box'.
She was not willing and recoiled to a different part of the bed....
And then, I just took her in my arms. She fought it for about 10 seconds and then it seemed ok.
I told her, she was safe and I know she needs blankets because for a LONG time, she was cold, all the time.
She relaxed abit and hugged me.  She thought Sarah was mad at her and that she lied about her taking the blankets.
I let her know Sarah would be ok, and she was not mad, but she DID take all the blankets, as Sarah had none when I came in the room.....
As we talked, I let her know that we MUST forgive others when we feel they have wronged us.
Sarah let Alli know she was sorry a bout their argument, and she didn't think she "stole" the blankets.
Alli at first refused to forgive.
As I talked with her more about what forgiveness REALLY is, she began to soften and calm down....
and then.... after some more discussion, she said, "Sarah, I 'm sorry!"  She went over and hugged her and asked her to forgive her! This is a BIG HUGE HONKIN" DEAL!
Sarah  sleepily forgave.... and Alli needed a banana and a drink of water.... LOL
BUT .... she moved on, and realized she could forgive and be believed at the same time.
I told her that she needed her OWN blankets. She seemed happy about that. So from now on, there will be separate blankets of those two sweeties. :)
So GLAD ALLI chose to forgive. :)
So GLAD Sarah chose to be humble..... :)
Those are my girls!

Hinds Feet on High Places

For our bedtime devotional, we have started "Hinds Feet on High Places."  I read this to the girls and grand girls a few summers ago, and they loved it.  I decided since it has been a while and Alli is new; all the girlies could benefit from hearing this beloved Allegory once again.

I really like this version, as it is greatly illustrated and has some other devotional aspects to it.

 The girls were happy to listen to the first chapter tonight.  I am so thankful for such sweet, tender hearted girls. :)

I think this book is a WONDERFUL read, especially for a child who is struggling with fear, or a child who has an outward handicap.  What a beautiful illustration of our relationship with the Good Shepherd.

Anna and Guess

I really love this picture of Anna. :)  She is so thrilled to have a dog.  She has been working with Guess especially and he is like putty in her hands. :)  She was so proud to just look at him and see him sit for a treat. :) 
She has also been walking Guess and Stetson in the goat yard getting them ready for animals. Guess has been really great with the animals .....Stetson wants to chase them still, so he will be a little more work.

We also need them to get used to the dogs next door. We have a chain link fence between our properties, and the dog next door is feeling that his territory is being invaded..... :)  So he was barking and growling....  I hope they can make good friends and that they get used to each other.
I'm sure that will happen. He seems to be a pretty nice dog, but is used to having that fence all to himself.
Ahhh more life changes. :)

Mighty To Save!

And The Doctor Says.....

Miss Alli is Healthy! :) Horray!

I somehow already knew that. :)  She has been eating healthy, drinking lots of fluids, and sleeping well. :)
Somehow, when the Dr. says, "You're healthy, it just makes a mom feel better. :)