Look Mommy!

"I Blew a Heart!"

She sure did! I asked her if she could do it again so I could get a picture of it
and she did it again! How special is that!


This is my special "Heart Breathing" Valentine.

Mommy Unleashed

I thought Anna was blogging. But no.... she was busy recording.
It was fun, and uninhibited, so here is Mommy Unleashed;dancing with Sarah
and Erika. :)

The Challenge of Being Different

Today, Erika was out of pants to wear. She LOVES wearing pants. I suggested a dress, she has that is very cute. It is like overalls, but is a jumper type dress. It turns out, she doesn't like showing her legs. Not because they are hairy, or skinny, or fat, but because they are fake. Prosthetic. DIFFERENT.

So I ask in my most cheerful motherly voice, "So what's the problem with different?"

Everybody stares. I don't like them staring...... Hmmmm.... She is definitely becoming a young lady. And those stares from strangers and friends alike can make us feel like a piece of pepper in a salt shaker. So we had a discussion about how EVERYBODY stares at everybody. If you are tall, fat, skinny, ugly, pretty, have moles like mommy, smoothe skin, blue eyes, etc. etc. etc. EVERYBODY gets stared at!

But she has something happy on her legs to share. Butterflys, soccer balls, basketballs. Things that make those who stare SMILE. :) People decorate themselves in tattoos these days. I'm sure they know others will look. SO, her legs are different. SO WHAT! She WALKS. She is a walking billboard for the grace of God in our lives. She is a walking billboard for those who cannot come out of their homes; to help us remember those who are shut in and in need. If she is out here in Wylie, all by herself, I wonder how many more children there are in the world like her? Who are shut in, or cannot get out and play?
She is a walking testimony of the Lord's grace, and a testimony of those who have compassion on those less fortunate that give to the hospital that graciously cares for her and Sarah.

But she is oh so much more than that. She is not defined by her legs. She is not defined by arthrogryposis, she is not defined by being an amputee, any more than I am defined by those moles that I am so glad I have kept, even though I hate them.

Erika is a blossoming, lovely person, who is full of life, full of energy and humor, and love, and kindness, and boy is she ever smart. She loves all the things little girls love and best of all she loves Jesus. (and mommy too) :)

So, we are going to go out in that dress today to the store. We are going to hold our heads high and walk down the aisle and have a wonderful time, and hopefully, anybody who stares today, will see a precious little girl who is living a full and happy life, and they will WANT what she has. Joy,Peace,and a nice mommy and daddy. :)

Our Family Blog: RANDOM THOUGHTS

Our Family Blog: RANDOM THOUGHTS


I still haven't figured out the link thing. I was trying to link this post to my post below on Erika, and someday, I'll get it. But just not today.

Anyway, if you click on this link, it will take you to something I wrote a couple of years ago.

CM

A Mother's Joy and Tears

This is a very special video for me. It brings me both tears and joy. OR should I say, tears OF joy. :)
It may not seem much to many to see a child of 10 swinging on an old swingset. But LOOK! Look closely! She is doing it all by herself! 6 years ago, she was in a bed, laying in a bed, laying all day and all night, just "left to lay", that is what they call it. By a miracle, she was transferred to an orphanage where they started to work with her. I met the woman during our last missions trip who taught her how to walk in cumbersome braces. She taught her to feed herself and talk. And I was able to tell her thank you.

Swinging herself though! This is a new thing. She is so proud, and I am proud of her.
She got all muddy swinging so I had to take her socks and shoes off. This is what I found!

They didn't have purple toenail polish in the orphanage either. :)

Erika has come so far. It will 3 years in April. It seems so long ago, like she has always been with us, yet it seems like yesterday when we brought her home forever.
So today I have tears of joy, just because a little girl is happy and can paint her toenails any color she wants.

3 Little Girls, 3 Different Interests: For Today

It is interesting watching the girls grow and develop different interests. Today, Erika has spent loads of time with dad. She said, "Mom, I really like doing "man things!" LOL
She went with him yesterday to get a car with the trailer and in "true woman form" she reported to him that "mommy would never drive like that!" :)



Anna is learning to braid. She took this picture of her masterpiece from the back of my head. :) (am I really that gray?) YIKES!

Sarah has been interested in measuring things lately. Here she is measuring my little table in the kitchen.


I just wonder what they will do when they are grown.... I am thrilled to just think of the possibilities. The guys are all so different in profession, and much of what I see the girls do, I saw the guys do too. (minus the braiding of my hair) LOL

Dad is thrilled that Erika like to do "man things". He may have finally found a potential mechanic! LOL

The Cows Are In The Corn

This is one of my favorite stories a friend sent me several years ago:


Hymns and Choruses: The Cows are in the Corn

An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” said the farmer, “It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns.”
“Praise choruses,” said his wife, “What are those?”
“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like hymns, only different,” said the farmer.
“Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.

The farmer said, “It’s like this--If I were to say to you: ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ well, that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you: Martha, Martha, Martha, Oh, Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows, the white cows, the black and white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, the CORN, CORN, CORN, then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well that would be a praise chorus.”

As luck would have it, the exact same Sunday a young, new Christian from the city church attended the small town church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” said the young man, “It was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs.”

“Hymns,” said his wife, “What are those?”
“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like regular songs, only different,” said the young man.
“Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.

The young man said, “Well, it’s like this-If I were to say to you, ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ that would be a regular song. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.

For the way of the animals who can explain
There in their heads is no shadow of sense,
Hearkenest they in God’s sun or His rain
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.

Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.

So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.

Then, if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn.”

(from the web—numerous sources)

Eye Hand Coordination

Many children struggle with Eye Hand Coordination for various reasons. Some of those reasons are because of immaturity, but sometimes it can be because of neurological or inflicted problems.

Anna has had many issues with eye hand coordination. But today, I was so very proud of her. What she would have NEVER attempted to do last year, she did on her own during her morning break this year! YEA ANNA!

She designed and cut out a dress for her paper doll. That may not seem like much to some, as she is 10. But to me, and for Anna, it is nothing short of a miracle. She was so proud of herself. I am proud of her too. GREAT JOB ANNA!

Studying the Bill of Rights

We are getting ready to memorize the Bill of Rights. Today we were going over them and the right to bear arms came up.

I asked the girlies: What does it mean, "You have the right to own, keep and bear arms?"

The answers:

You have the right to have babies with arms! (bear)
You have the right to keep your arms. Nobody can take them away.
If somebody cuts your arms off, you can own them by keeping them.
If your arms don't have hair; it is ok, you can keep them.

Here are a few more rights:

The right to petition for grievances in Fair and Honest Judgement:
"To tell the judge what you think of him."
I means you can go to the judge and they will be unjust.

The right to privacy in homes:
The condition of being out of the sight and hearing of all other people.
IT means that you want to be left alone.

The right to free speech and press:
You can say what you want to say
It means the right to speak free without getting pressed.

The right to freedom from arbitrary government regulation and control:
You can do whatever you want.


The right to bargain for goods and services in a free market:
To be able to get what you want at the store.

The right to trial by jury and innocent until proven guilty means:
You get together with them and tell them if you are guilty or not.



hmmmmm. we have much work to do. :)
LOL

The Fallout of Sin

My mind has been full of thoughts about the issue of sin and the fallout of sin in our lives, and how it affects those around us either directly or indirectly.

Let me start with, WE ALL SIN, we are all sinners, with a fallen nature, it shouldn't surprise us that we sin or other's sin. It is what comes "natural" to us. When Christ reaches in and changes us, that does not mean we will never sin again. It does mean we will care deeply about our plight and turn to Him for help, both in turning from our sin and growing in our spiritual walk so we are not bound by sin. For the first time, we are actually FREE, to NOT sin!

I talked with an old friend that I had not heard from in many years. This person was disgraced by what happened in their life, and their actions affected many, many people around them. The actions of this person were not so horrific that they had to go to jail, but they did leave our area and eventually lost contact. So I was pretty surprised to get a call yesterday.

What broke my heart was the depth of personal prison this person was in because of sin.
They confess they know Christ, yet the bondage of guilt is upon them, as they know the delicate position they were in caused much pain for those in their charge.
This is one of the huge problems, in my humble opinion, of putting people in places of leadership when they are in no way ready to be a leader either by maturity or relationship. A few places scripture gives guidelines for leaders is in Titus and 1 Timothy.
I personally think it is irresponsible of leaders to place people in places of authority or teaching when they are not ready. THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO DO WITH AGE.
This has everything to do with spiritual maturity.

The "Win-em, wet-em, work-em" menality is damaging.

It was especially damaging for this person, and it personally affected our own family and many others. While we worked our way through much discouragement and pain, one of our sons did not, and continues to have trust problems with the established church.
This very incident was one reason that we shyd away from the influence of organized "youth groups", minus parents involvement.

I thought we would never have to deal with this issue again, in relation to the church, because all our boys grew up. But guess what? Not so. We have 3 little girls getting ever so closer to that delicate "youth group" age, and guess who is now having memories that cause me to sweat drops of nervousness and pain? Yep, your's truly....

I am typing this and my own son works with youth in another state! LOL

I will have to think long and hard about the delicate issue of youth group for our girls. I saw how the actions of a few wayward leaders nearly totally destroyed our son, and he came from a stable home. I can't imagine how those same actions would have effected our girls, coming from a much less stable background.

We have many things to think about with regards to our girls and youth group situations. It is NOT a command of scripture that says, "Thou Shalt Go To Youth Group", but there are those who get their tail feathers all tangled when you politely decline. They take it personally. It is NOT personal, it is prayerful direction.

So, while we have long forgiven and moved on in our lives; our son struggles with pain from what happened long ago. The person involved struggles with the pain they caused indirectly by their own personal actions and is still struggling spiritually. I can picture Christ with His arms opened wide, wanting them to come to Him, because HE ULTIMATELY is the only one who can heal the situation AND HE is the only one we can TRULY put our trust in. That is after all why He came; to heal, to renew, to restore.

We need not look at man. We MUST keep our eyes on Christ, the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of our faith. So, if you have read all of this and think about those who struggle with past sin, or even present sin, remember to hold them up in prayer.

There is much Fallout from Sin.

Daddy's Birthday!

Guess who is 1 year away from 50!!!!!!!!!!!

Adopting Older Children

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=children+of+leningradsky&www_google_domain=www.google.com&hl=en&emb=0&aq=f&aq=0&oq=children+of+lenin#

If you are thinking about adopting an older child from Eastern Europe, PLEASE watch this. It might bring some understanding and compassion to how you view your new child and help you to understand the depths from whence they came.

If you click on the title to this post, it will take you directly to the 34 minute documentary.

This is NOT to scare ANYBODY away from older child adoption, but it IS to make you aware and secure your compassion for these very special children.

STRONG WARNING: This is not for children to view. There is language (subtitles) drugs, violence and sadness. IT IS A MUST SEE though. Many of our children who were neglected before going into the orphanage had similar experiences to these children. Many children escape orphanages to live on the streets. Some go back and forth. Many long for a family to love them, but if the chance comes for them to be adopted, which is nearly like winning the lottery for them, they do not do well BECAUSE the adoptive parents are not prepared for how to parent these special kids. They cannot just become
the son or daughter you want them to be. They are rough around the edges and do not even come close to understanding the concept of family, of love, of loyalty etc.

THEY CAN SUCCEED and YOU CAN SUCCEED as parents to bring together a successful outcome, but you must know what you are dealing with. Even if your child has not experienced life to this extreme, believe me, they have been neglected at best.
All those babies don't rock back and forth in cribs because they are being so well taken care of. If they came from an orphange, just because it looked like a great place, don't be fooled. Orphanages are not great places. There are those that truly care for the kids, but they CANNOT give what the children need. They need a mom and dad and family to love and support them unconditionally.

Heather Forbes/Beyond Consequences part 2

I think there is something very important to point out in relation to Beyond Consequences Logic and Control/ Heather Forbe's book regarding parenting traumatized children.

When you read the book, or hear the conference, you find yourself saying, "Wait a minute, my kid is acting horribly and I'm just supposed to give in to this type of behavior, remain calm, not punish etc?"

To this person I would say:

Most kids do not exhibit these behaviors. But for those that DO, there is something behind that behavior that is driving it. If your methods have not worked, or you are feeling the strain of anger pulling you apart, or your family is stretched to the brink stress, think about it this way.

ONCE you have been able to establish trust and love in your family, the behaviors disappear. It seems quite counter intuitive, especially for those who have been taught (which is most of us) that children should obey the very first time without question or the boom is lowered and they are brought under control by force.

THIS is why I am so very thankful to have parented Joseph. Our 3rd son, who was born angry. LOL It is true. He was. If he had been able to get his hands on a cigar and a beer, it would have fit the tirade he had in the delivery room. Everybody was laughing at how a preemie could scream that loud and be so mad.
By the time Joseph was 2 he was tantraming and I was using all the traditional methods I had learned, read about and been taught. NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING helped and he continued to spiral out of control. It was only when I realized that I had to help to keep him regulated by staying regulated myself. I had to help him LEARN to regulate himself because he really couldn't, that we had success. When I started seeing him as a child full of fear. HE WAS.... he was afraid of the toilet, he was afraid of his father, he was afraid of loud noises, he was afraid of being alone, I could go on and on....When I pictured him as a very frightened baby, my entire relationship with him changed and he responded VERY Quickly. It was amazing. I discovered my methods quite by accident and through much prayer; and it is amazing how similar they were to what Heather Forbes is teaching. Joseph is 28 years old now, married to a beautiful girl whom I love dearly and father, to a wonderful little boy.

So back to what I was talking about.....

The behaviors change and the "window of tolerance" changes too. The window of tolerance is how far a child can handle stress before his breaking point. With traumatized children, their window of stress is abnormally low. So to the normal child you can say no and it isn't a problem. To the stressed child, you can say no and they are on the floor kicking and screaming. The answer isn't to stress them out more, but to lower their stress level so that window can be budged open wider and wider and they can learn to handle stresses of life. It works and it works QUICKLY.

Many people are too afraid themselves to try it. They get hung up on Proverbs and feel that they are not disciplining.

I would challenge that person to take the whole counsel of the word of God. I would challenge them to consider what true "Discipline" is. Discipline is not punishment.
Discipline is to disciple; to come along side and teach. Punishment is sometimes a form of discipline, but it is a negative form of discipline. For the child who is at that closed window of tolerance, they cannot handle punishment, it will send them further and further into a downward spiral. They have to be able to experience love and trust first.

THEN... this is the funny part. Once you start to parent from a different paradigm, behaviors are no longer the driving force behind your parenting. Meaning, if you are having great success with your child responding to positive parenting and relationship s based upon love and trust, why would you want to parent any differently?

If Suzie does something wrong, and you sit down with her and talk to her about it, let her know how it effects the family, how it can effect her life and the natural consequences of life, her relationship with God etc. and Suzie is repentant, sorrowful and apologizes, what else is there to do? The Only thing I can think of is make the slate clean, keeping short accounts, and starting fresh, openly forgiving and letting her know that you love her so very much and truly care about her behavior. Isn't that how it is with us and Our Heavenly Father? If we come to him and confess our sin he is faithful to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness? It doesn't say, he then punishes us afterwards to make sure we never do THAT again, does it?

As we brought our little girls into our home, they came with some pretty extreme behaviors. At least the first 2 did. LOL The third one tried a couple of extreme things, but we recognized it right away and it only happened once.

Those behaviors became less and less pretty quickly. We still deal with fears from one of our children in particular, but when it is recognized for what it is, it disappears pretty quickly too. If I see her start to shut down, a quick trip to the rocking chair or an extra time for cuddling works pretty quickly to bring her back into regulation. TO make it CLEAR: This is not a FORCED HOLDING or FORCED BABYING.
I am against this, and was very pleased to hear Heather say at her conference that FORCING a child to be held, or FORCING some of the recognized traditional attachment therapies out there are damaging and should not be done.
If a child WANTS to be babied, then so be it. If they don't, it can cause them harm to force it.

Many people ask, "What happens when they get into the real world?" If you get stopped and get a ticket, you have to pay it and be respectful to the police officer who gives it. That is so true. The whole point is, you are getting your child to a place where they CAN receive that ticket, or they CAN receive the boss at work treating them unfairly, without falling a part. When they learn to handle stress, and you give them the tools to do it, it is life long and they will become whole and healthy citizens.

I have found this to be true with my sons, and I am seeing this with my girls too.

I just wish I had parented like this all along.

There is nothing more precious that talking with your child and leading them to the Lord to help them and listening to them pray and reach out to the one who can truly help them.
It is wonderful seeing them stop themselves and realize they are not using the "tool" they have been given, and then use that tool. LOL (in this case it was the "self control tool put in a mental tool box)

Over the last 5 years, we have mixed in some old methods with the new. "You must stop right now!" etc. Or we have used "natural" consequences... if you do not put your seat belt on, we cannot go. This was done AFTER that window of regulation was open wider.
And those little lessons are important for them to experience. Small doese first..then more....
I say this because this does prepare them for life. Mom cannot get out and put your seat belt on every time forever. But in the beginning, that may be what mom NEEDS do do, until things get settled. The point was, in Heather's seminar, It Isn't Going To Be Forever... the BEHAVIORS WILL CHANGE!

We have found that to be very true.

Heather Forbes/ Beyond Consequences

Today I attended the Beyond Consequences Logic and Control Conference that was hosted by Buckner Children's Services and Garland Independent School District.

I read the original work by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post a few years ago. Much of what was in that book was something that we were mostly already doing, but with a spiritual twist. :)
After reading the book, I began to discuss it with others and found there were some who thought it was the work of a very imbalanced person, and they would have nothing to do with it because of rumor about Mr. Post's education, and weird therapy techniques.
I won't get into that here, as I don't know Mr. Post, where he attended school or if any of the rumor was true. None of what was suggested he does was in this book.

Mr.Post and Heather Forbes are no longer doing seminars together. She said he is working more on "group homes", and she is teaching parent/counselor seminars.
Honestly, I'm a little relieved that the controversy has blown over abit and the focus of what she is doing has overcome, as I think what she teaches and says has great validity.

Many people think that she advocates no discipline in the home, no rules, and chaos reigns. That could not be further from the truth.

What she DOES do, is give people a paradigm shift, so they can focus on SUCCESSFULLY parenting the most difficult of traumatized children. Her focus is on children who have experienced unspeakable trauma and are at risk for antisocial behavior.

Part of how I got involved in even reading her book was because of the obvious. 3 traumatized little girls.
It would be FOOLISH to think that we could lazidazically shoot from the hip of parenting with such a delicate and precarious group of little souls.
From the information we had, the parenting styles being used on them were not working, were non existent, or the history was so shattered going from home to home there was no stability.
That does not mean that the parents or caregivers didn't have the best of intentions, I'm sure they did. But children with trauma backgrounds are not going to be your typical child.

Truth be told, much of what I learned in scripture on parenting our children stems from the New Testament. All one need to do is read how Christ treated the disciples and you will have a good picture. All one need to do is read the one command in the New Testament, "Fathers. Do NOT provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
In Colossians 3:21, it says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

The basis of the Beyond Consequences book is that a child who does not have a nurturing loving background, but a traumatized, neglected, abusive one, will not have logic, they will not respond to "traditional" parenting styles. I agree. At the same time, I don't think I have ever been that "traditional" of a parent.

The biggest thing I got out of the seminar was that "It isn't about you, it is about them." Discipline them according to their best interest, not how you feel.

There is no book that one can read, other than scripture that is 100%, but I must say, there are a lot of good principles that Heather Forbes teaches for parents that really truly do work.

If you can keep your child in a state of calm, you can reach their heart. You will not reach their heart by locking the horns of force and defiance. But to disarm them with unconditional love, will open their hearts to hear the truth of the scripture and receive the ONE who TRULY shows us unconditional love.

All I can say is, when it comes to Adults, many times we want Mercy and Grace for ourselves, and law for our children. You mess up, you get punished. What about when we mess up. Do we want to be punished? Does God punish us every time? No, we always pray for mercy.
I just wonder, if it isn't confusing to raise our children under such "law", and at the same time try to teach them the mercy and grace of Christ, if we lack the patience to model our heavenly father to them.

I just don't think you can err on the side of love. Perfect Love Casts out Fear. And Fear is what drives many of our children;fear of rejection, losing their parents, losing their lives permeates many of their little lives. FEAR is what also drives many parents to respond in the way they do. They are afraid their child will not love Christ, that they will be delinquent, that they will become criminals. We should not parent from fear but from Love, and from knowledge of the truth with all humility and wisdom.
What a wonderful opportunity we have to show them Christ. REALLY show them Christ.

An Update On Erika

We serve a merciful and loving God. He must have known that we needed a rest. :)
Erika's legs have started to fit better and better over the week, and she has fit down into them with a size 2 sock now! (YEA)

For those who don't know what that means. Prosthetic socks come in many sizes of thickenss. 5's, 3's, 2's, 1's. Her last legs, she wore a 5, 3 and 2 1's, and then as she grew we removed thickensses until she could not fit.

But she was growing so fast with this set, while they were making them, that when fitting day came, they were almost too small. We wrapped her legs, and put her in them, with a 1. She barely fit. Then..... a couple of days later bruises showed up.
She wasn't in pain, but we were concerned.
We thought we were going to have to scrap the legs and start over, and this time with surgery so she could get a better fit.

BUT.... over the week, the bruises actually disappeared and she was able to get into her legs with a size 2! I can't tell you how excited we are.

So the plan is, to let her wear these as long as possible, and when the time comees that she is out grown them, hopefully later than sooner, we will then discuss surgery to reshape her symes area.

Our goal is still for her to be able to get legs she can take on and off by herself.
These she can't. So the rest of us gladly chip in and help her.

We are also going to ask that her next legs be a little shorter. I am worried about how tall she is. When she falls it is scary. Her prosthetist said she can be made a little shorter with a different foot. (she isn't thrilled but Anna is) LOL
And I am too. It will hold off a few more gray hairs. (for a while)

What a joy and RELIEF!!!!!!!

Aunt Dabba

I cannot seem to convince the girls that Dabba is their gramma and not their Aunt.
She is always affectionately referred to as Aunt Dabba. :)

The girls have never met Dabba, but feel that they know her. She often sends them sweet little notes. During the Election she told them all the presidents she had lived under over the years.

Today, the girls received Valentines from Dabba so they can send them.
Sarah got busy filling one out to "Aunt Dabba". She said, "I'm going to write her a letter too!" "What color is her hair?"

I answered, "Her hair is gray now."

She said, "Is she old?"

I said Yes she is.

Sarah then said, "Well, if I write her a letter will she die before she gets it out of the mail box?" LOL

(I was thinking, she might die from shock as I was supposed to send her some artwork a few months ago) LOL

So my answer was, "No, I'm sure she'll be alive when the mail comes."

I just love the way little kids think. :)

They LOVE AUNT DABBA! I LOVE HER TOO. :)

(If you want to see a beautiful picture of Dabba, just click on the Dabba label in the side bar)

I still haven't figured out how to do links.
(something I plan to do before I die.)

The Ice Storm

We had a small ice storm last night. It was really cool this a.m. seeing the ice on the plants.



Anna even found an "Ice Bouquet". :)

Disruption Revisited

Once again, and on more than one front, we have been made aware of adoptions of children that are not doing well, and the result is disruption or removal.

I have tears of sadness as I write this because I feel that there has GOT to be a better way, a better answer, a success!

Many families come upon difficult times in communicating with each other, and it is much more complicated when a child who has experienced trauma, is changing culture, language, etc. The building blocks for trust and nurture are not there. EVERYTHING related to family life is foreign to them. It is like landing on a foreign planet that you have heard about, but the experience is something so different from the book.

Parents can educate themselves for the upcoming event of adoption, but the experience can be vastly different than what they think they have been prepared for.

I remember our parent training classes were wonderful, and there was a small section about orphanage behaviors etc. But they were not expanded upon nearly as much as I would have liked. I really think that experienced parents of older adopted children and infant adopted children should actually teach these classes.

I just wonder, if one solution to try and keep families who REALLY want to try to stay together would be to have a group of parent counselors who would be willing to be on an available list to volunteer to observe, and offer help to a struggling family?

There are just dynamics when dealing with IA(internationally adopted)kids that many do not understand or get.
People who are not familiar with PI (post institutional) behaviors may try to offer help and advice that can be detrimental to the family and the children in turmoil, and then cause the family to feel even more distraught.

We all offer our judgments but few of us offer our hearts and helping hands or helpful knowledge.

If you live in an area and know other IA parents in your area, maybe ya'll can band together and form a support group specifically designed to help those coming after.

I am very fortunate to have had a wonderful relationship with our social worker, to have a counselor who lives 5 doors down and is also an IA parent and to have other friends close by who are IA parents. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be all alone and not know anybody. When there is a group of parents, information flows and ideas flow and it can be very helpful. We all offer ideas, books, and other various forms of help to each other and it is a supportive atmosphere.
I'm wondering if we should form an official group to support those in our area....

hmmmmmm......

I just want to see people succeed, and especially see kids lives changed for the better.

Sarah's New Leg Just In Time!

Something Happened to Sarah's foot! She said she felt a "POP"!


And her toe fell off!


I think this leg has had a great work out! Anna tried to fix her toe. Thanks Anna!


Luckily, we picked up her new leg a few days ago, but she isn't used to wearing it yet.Aren't the princesses darling?


I think she'll love it when she gets used to it. It is like getting used to a new pair of shoes.
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What In The WORLD!???!!!

I am still grossed out!

We were getting ready for science, and I needed to take advil for my elbow. So I looked on the table and saw a nice bottle of PURIFIED water on the table. No claims had been made so I figured it was one of the girls and they forgot to put their name on it.

I took my advil and swallowed down the water. Then Anna says, "Oh mommy! You didn't drink from the bottle on the table did you?"

"Yes I did, was it yours?"

"No mommy, it belongs to SWEETIE PIE!"

BLEK!!!!!!
Sweetie Pie is our GOAT!

"You are givng the GOAT BOTTLED WATER>>??????"

Anna is taking extra good care of Sweetie Pie because she is pregnant, but I bet she is the only goat on the planet being served bottled water!

That is the LAST time I drink from a stray bottle of water.

BLEK! or should I say, "MAAAAAA!"