THE MOUSE SAGA!

Helping In the Kitchen

Erika decided to help Sarah learn how to make noodles on the stove top instead of the microwave. :)
All 3 girlies like to help in the kitchen. What I have noticed lately is that things are placed where I have found them to be easy to get to and not where the girls have found it easy to get to.




Soooo,
I have been observing dishes winding up in the most interesting places after the dishwasher has been emptied.
Today, I decided to change some things around to make access easier for those in the family who are "shorter". :)
I rearranged all the cupboards to make them kid friendly. I have needed to do this for a long time and it was very therapeutic for me to get things organized and clean!


So I moved all the stuff from the top cupboards to the bottom cupboards, thinned out some things I didn't need and viola'! Cupboards that the kids can reach and put things away properly now!
And the cupboard that is up high?

It is looking rather empty. :)
But that is a good thing! We don't need too much stuff! :)

Loss, Loss More Loss and Memories

We have had a lot of loss lately, and some very important members of our family are no longer with us. We also lost a good friend who worked at our shoppe for the last 2 and a half years, due to sudden death, and then, another important relationship that had been fostered over a period of several years soured.

Each of these events have been very difficult.

First, 3 years ago, Anna's foster father and Mike's brother died of treatment from Leukemia. We watched Anna closely and her responses were survival mode and then delayed reaction after the fact. Meaning that the initial shock brought a little reaction, the funeral and the family meetings afterwards were nervous, and then, there was a delayed reaction to grief at home. It was a couple of months before she really was able to grieve. Up until that point she was hypervigilant and protective of her feelings. She didn't want to talk about it!

Our gramma died a few months later. We had spent some time with her the year before.

Last year Grampa died, due to complications of cancer treatment, and once again, we all lost somebody who was very important in our family. Grampa was a wonderful grampa.
He spent loads of time with the girls and had been in Anna's life since she was 4.

A few months later, Gramma died. It was totally unexpected and again, she was somebody who was very big in our lives.

Anna's reactions to these deaths were much the same. Hypervigilance, protection of her feelings, then letting loose later.

Well, next, our friend, who has been at our home 6 days a week to work with Mike, for the last almost 3 years, died unexpectedly in his home over a weekend. We attended the funeral last week, and I was seeing a pattern emerge. Same reaction.....

And then finally, an older man that we have known for several years, and have been visiting on a regular basis, whom we thought we knew, showed that we didn't know him very well after all. He had been lying to us for years about some very important things and we had to tell our girls the truth. Very sad. :(

We have been trying to live our lives as normal as possible, but truly, it has been so very stressful.

So then, to brighten things up abit, and have some summer fun, we got this boat. Boats were HUGE in Anna's life because her foster family was big on water sports. She went swimming and boating several times a week!
When she first came home, she asked, "When are we going to take the boat out?"
When we told her we didn't have a boat, she looked at us with shock! "WE DON"T HAVE A BOAT???" LOL
No dear, we don't.

Mike has wanted to get a boat going for a long time, as he shares his brother's love for water sports. Well, the right time came and the boat was finally placed in the water over the weekend.

Anna remembered how to knee board after a few tries and seemed to have a good time.

Then, came today.

She woke up out of sorts. Dysregulated. Nothing in particular, I could just tell she wasn't herself. The grand girls are over visiting because they are moving away to Albuquerque on Thursday. More change.....

When we were in the van, she said, "I wish we didn't have a boat. I never want to go on the boat!"
I was shocked! Shouldn't have been, but I was. I said, "Well, I know you like the boat, and we'll have lots of fun on it."

She was silent.

In the afternoon, as the grand girls were putting some things away, there was no room on the closet floor because of some clothing that didn't belong there. I asked Anna, "Why are there clothes on the closet floor?" I already knew why.... just wanted to hear it from her. Her answer: "I can't answer that!"
What do you MEAN you can't answer that?
She repeated "I can't answer that!" But she didn't say it very nicely.

Things were not headed so well, so I took her into my room, and let her know I was not thrilled with her disrespect. She cried, and we eventually layed down on the bed together. I asked her about how she was feeling. It was just too much. She didn't know how she felt. She just knew she was wound up inside and frustrated.

So, we started a conversation about how things effect us. And how, when we hold in our feelings about memories or hurts or fears, they can all come out at the worst of times.
I know the boat brought back MANY, MANY memories of foster care, and she was right back there with the behaviors.

When I brought this up, she just cried.
So, I went out and talked to Mike, and just like we had to work through the Christmas Tree trauma, we will have to work though the boat trauma, re creating memories from THIS BOAT with THIS FAMILY....

I don't know why I never thought about all this stuff coming to a head. I do understand that there has been so much going on, none of us are at our best.
I wasn't as patient as I should have been and had to go and get myself regulated.

All these words are thoughts off the top of my head. So please forgive my ramble.

I was thinking about how 2 of our girls seem to just glide through all their past experiences, making up for lost time with pure joy.... A boat? COOL! Good Food? COOL! Loving Parents? Cool!

But Anna has a different makeup and set of experiences. Trauma seems to harm children in such a variety of ways. It can serve to make them stronger or it can serve to cause them continued distress IF they let it take hold of them. For some, it is a more difficult battle than for others.

The goal is to teach them ways to recognize they are in a negative feedback loop and how to get out of it, through self talk, deep breathing, praying, talking to mom, and many other ways.
We have been successful in learning how to talk yourself out of things, but she still requires me to let her know she needs to. :) She has not yet mastered the understanding of her own feelings to know that she needs to talk herself down. I strongly believe this will come with time. If I think about what I understood at 11, in my own life, which wasn't much at all, I am comforted that she will continue to grow in understanding, security, and inner strength.

When she tells me, "I don't know why I'm upset", I believe her. I don't think she does much of the time.
She didn't connect her thoughts of the past, with how she was feeling right now today.
She didn't know why she said she didn't like the boat, because she does, and she is thankful for it. (when she is regulated)

I have read that many times children from tumultuous backgrounds try to regulate themselves by recreating the tumult and then it is like a brain high, and after they have achieved a certain level, the brain begins to relax and they are regulated again.
It can be a cycle, but one that must be broken!
Over the last 6 years, we have worked on this, and if I look back, a day like today would have been the norm, not the exception. I am happy that MOST days, she stays regulated and happy.
SO when we have a day like today, it just reminds me, I need to be patient and understanding, even when I don't feel like it. And today, I really didn't feel like it. That makes me mad at myself.
I too need to remember to pray.... even throwing up an emergency prayer can make things better.
The Lord always comes through to give wisdom and love when I feel like I'm running on empty.
Lately, with all the loss, I have felt weary and tired and on the verge of tears all the time. Throw in some menopause, and all I can say is, "I'm so thankful for air conditioning!" :)

I don't really know if this post has a point, other than some kids deal with loss so differently. And kids with extreme trauma backgrounds will keep you on your toes and down on your knees, trying to figure them out.

I am so thankful for my husband who is always there being that rock that I need to discuss strategy with. :) What a true blessing he is .

It is also a fine line of understanding and expectation of towing the line with behaviors that are appropriate.

Anna fell asleep on my bed wrapped in a special blanket and holding her stuffed kitty.
When she woke up an hour later, she was calm, and came and sat down by me and said, "Mama, I'm really sorry." I told her, "I'm sorry too, and I forgive you."

We'll talk some more together later, but she is in a much better frame of mind right now, and I think we are all working through our grief in different ways.

And tomorrow, we are going back out on the boat!

The Maiden Voyage

We finally went out on the boat. Mike has been working on getting it ready, and today was the day. I must say that I am not much of a boat person myself. I grew up near the ocean, and enjoyed swimming in the waves, close to shore! The lake is very close to us, so it makes sense to use the boat there.
I have always had this fear of boat ramps. What if the truck goes in the water? What if I can't get it out?
So today I conquered my fear and drove the truck away from the boat ramp after they embarked and then back up the boat ramp after they put the boat back on the trailer.

We didn't get out until around 7:00, so Anna was the only one with success! Mike tried water skiing, but didn't manage a good ride this time. It has been a long time. :)

Anna did great. Then, we let the girls swim off the side of the boat until the sun was going down. I only got a couple of pictures, as I was hanging on for dear life.
More fears to conquer.

I must add to this post:

The foster family that had Anna before us were huge on water sports. They had boats and jet skis and went to the lake OFTEN....
So when Anna had her first summer with us, she said, "Where is the boat?"
I replied, "We don't have a boat?"
The look on her face was priceless.... "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE A BOAT????"
LOL I still smile when I think about that. :)

Charlie Is Turning The Big ONE!

Our youngest grandson Charlie is going to be one year old next week! I can't believe it!
He is so adorable and so is his big brother Mr. Will!



Now Mr. Charlie likes to smile for his mommy and daddy especially if they do this!

"Through The Eyes of a Baby"
That one even makes me smile! :) Thanks Marc and Ivy. :)

An Important Message

I usually don't read psychology today. In fact, I have never read it. :) But today, a fellow adoptive mother sent an article that is VERY MUCH WORTH READING!

The title of the article is "Kidnapped or Saved" How some children feel about being adopted.

It was written after Justin was sent back to Russia by his adoptive mother. The person who wrote the article adopted her own daughter 4 years ago. She decided to ask her daughter, who struggled for a while when she came home, about her thoughts on the subject. It is the first article I have read from the adoptive child's perspective.

I was very pleased to see that she also covered what our children are often told before they come home. Our own daughter was told that we were going to kill her. We were going to sell her body parts. It terrified her. I was so glad that the information came out during our 10 day wait and that with our translator we put her fears to rest. But what about the child who is told this and internalizes it? Our children, being used to bearing their own burdens, many times do NOT share their deepest fears but try to handle them on their own. :(

I was especially interested too in the feelings this little girl had regarding the language barrier. She was terrified that she could not think in Russian OR English! Her parents didn't know she was feeling this way because she was unable to tell them. So things came out in rage.

So many children go through very tough times and they need US, as Parents to step up to the plate and be prepared!
Please read this article. It is a very good reminder for all of us to remember to think outside the box a little bit.

Dress Up Anybody!

A friend gave the girls some really fun dress up clothes. Here are some of the first pictures with some very fun clothes and hats!
Thanks Kay! They love them!

Tim is Back!

Our Nephew Tim is coming home from Prague after a year!

WELCOME HOME TIM!!!!!

Mistake vs. Intentional Act

We had a discussion with our kids about the differences between making a mistake, and intentionally breaking the law.
It seems that in our country, when people get caught in an intentional crime, they say, "I made a mistake." Somehow our language has evolved to using the word "mistake" for "crime".

If you REGRET that you robbed a bank, that is good, but don't say, "I made a mistake!" You didn't accidently walk into the bank, hold a gun up and get money. You did it on purpose! You can say, "I did something really stupid, or evil, or lacked terrible judgement, but PLEASE DON'T say, "I made a mistake".

"I made a mistake" should be used when you don't carry your numbers over correctly in your checkbook and the balance is off.
A mistake is when you buy an outfit you think is nice in the store and when you get it home it looks terrible. A mistake is when you THINK something is a certain way, and later find out it isn't, and you have acted upon erroneous information.

I'm sorry, but Date Raping a woman is NOT a mistake! Killing another person is NOT A MISTAKE!
Call it what it is! EVIL. Say, "I committed a sin". "I committed an evil act!" Or even "I lost control!". But please stop saying, "I made a mistake."

Ok, I'm off my soap box......

But.... before I go, here is what I see is the result of this "I made a mistake" mentality.
There is a blurrr in the lines where people truly DO make mistakes, vs. those who intentionally harm.

For instance, many years ago, if there were a tragedy where there was an accident and somebody lost their life because of it, it was common sense that the punishment of losing the loved one was considered enough. Mercy was shown to individuals who
found themselves in awful predicaments. An example might be: A child accidently left in a car because mother thought father had him and father thought mother had him. (I know a fine family this happened to. Luckily the child was ok, but not far from needing emergency treatment!)
Many years ago, if tragedy had occurred, the parents would have suffered their grief, and that would have been it.
But today, that same parent would be treated harshly and no different than the person who INTENTIONALLY AND CALLOUSLY leaves their child in a car. There is no room anymore in our society for human error. WHY? Because we can no longer seem to distinguish between an honest, tragic accident, and a crime. We can't seem to understand that adding a penalty of prison to a law abiding citizen who would NEVER intentionally hurt a child, is not a deterrent to keep other law abiding citizens who would never hurt a child from making a tragic mistake. We are imperfect beings, and tragedies do happen. They truly ARE mistakes, VERY different from intentional acts and callous behavior.

Recently, a little boy was allowed to drive a boat. There was an accident and his mother was killed. There is an investigation to see who is to blame and possibly file criminal charges. The little boy lost his mother, and most likely, it was his mother who allowed him to drive. She is dead. This little boy will live the rest of his life with the guilt of his mother's death. How tragic, if they investigate more and cause him to lose his father too, or grandmother! (all who were on the boat)

It seems their decision to allow a 7 year old was rather ignorant, but not CRIMINAL. Somehow, we are not distinguishing between criminal intent and just ignorant.

If we aren't careful, we are going to go down the slippery slope of Les' Miserables, where a man can get 20 years hard labor for stealing a loaf of bread because he was starving. And a man can ax murder his gramma and get out in 10 years.

Law must make sense, and lately, it is looking more and more like it doesn't. The new mindset of 0 tolerance, where a child in a school can get kicked out for bringing a plastic knife to cut his chicken and treated with equal harshness along with the child who brings a gun to school to harm others, is becoming the norm.

I'm a little concerned about the future if we stop thinking and check our brains at the door of the legal system.
No, I'm a LOT concerned.

My Sweet Grand Girlies

In about a week, my sweet grand girlies will be moving away to New Mexico! UGH! My heart aches for them. They have lived so close and we could see them all the time! Now, they will be 10 hours away! I know it is a good move for them, as the salary increase will make things so much easier for our son and his family, but oh, how it hurts to see them go so far. :(

I am so glad that Kate has a knack for photography! She took this picture of herself and Lillian. I am also thankful for modern day things like Facebook and Blogs and email, where we can stay in contact all the time, even if we don't live close by.

Pray for my kids as they move so far away, that they will be surrounded by good friends and a good church for them to attend.

We LOVE them so very much.

Holiday Highlights

We had the honor of Chuck, Jodie, Katie and Lillian coming over on the 4th to help celebrate. Here are a few pictures of our evening. I couldn't take pictures of the giant Mortar Shells Mike and Chuck sent off into the atmosphere! They were amazingly LOUD and Beautiful too. :)
I love living out where we can have a little pyro-fun. :)

America The Beautiful

This is one of my favorite songs sung by Ray Charles. Happy Birthday America!

Independence Day

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Birthday America! We are a country of immigrants, but we are united by our desire to live Freely, Worship Freely, and Work Hard. I pray that we have many more birthdays to come.

I Miss Dad

I was looking at a "Look at this " post titled "Erika America".... I went back to see what it was, and in the comments, was our dad's comment. It was a proud comment about Erika being his grand daughter AND being beautiful. :)

It made me cry. I miss dad so much. But it is so cool to have these comments preserved here on the blog that I can share with the girls later on.

Dad died last November, but lives on in our memories and on this blog.

A New Resource

I just found a great resource for Adoptive parents. I read "The Connected Child" a few years ago, and was just made aware of a website called "Empowered to Connect".
There are unlimited resources on this site such as webinars, studies, bible studies, and more! WONDERFUL!

Anna's Week

While we were at Camp, Anna had her own week planned out. She didn't get pictures of everything, but she did get some good ones!

Anna visited her good friend Mary Grace, and her good friend Hannah. They were able to go swimming, and walk the dogs on the golf course. She also played a vocabulary game she told me all about at lunch today. :)

She went Ice Skating with Daddy, and reported that he did not fall ONE TIME! :) I was able to talk with her and daddy nearly every day, and she had a good day each day we were gone. :) I was so proud of her. She cleaned the house right before we got home, and welcomed us proudly with loads of stories of her week.

Way to go Anna!!!!!!

Here are some highlights of Anna's Week at "Camp Minich"!

More About Camp

These are some pictures from Erika's Camera. These are people that are important to her. Scott Simmonds is the director of Peaceable Kingdom. He is one of the nicest, most charismatic people I have ever met. And he deeply cares for each and every child that visits Peaceable Kingdom. He also reminded me to keep both feet on the ground at all times! No running! He didn't want a repeat of family camp when I broke my foot. :)

This is Brittany, Erika's best friend. They met at camp 3 years ago, and talk to each other almost every day on the phone. They also send endless emails to each other. :)

Derrick is one of many sweet counselors who loves to interact with the kids.


Wanda is a prosthetist at Scottish Rite Hospital, and the organizer for Camp Out on a Limb. She works tirelessly to make camp FUN! She is with her husband Bruce, who also came to camp and was a favorite of Erika.

Abagail is the activities director and oversees camp operation, making sure we stay on schedule. She is a really special lady.

And last but NOT LEAST, is Shannon. Shannon is very special. She has spent her last 3 summers at Peaceable Kingdom sharing her talents with the kids. She is one of the funniest people I have every met. She is sincere in her care for the kids, and the last I saw her, she was so sad, as this is her last year to be a camp counselor. :( I know she will never forget her experiences at Camp and it will shape her life forever.

Mr. Robert

This is Robert. We met Robert 5 years ago when Sarah came into our lives. He is the guy who actually MAKES the girl's legs.
He is a "behind the scenes" sort of guy at the hospital, hidden back in a little workshop. But he knows each kid whose legs he makes and makes a point to come out and see them when they visit.

Now at CAMP.... it is a TOTALLY different story. Robert is the endless Taxi driver for all the kids, and Cabin Counselor for the boys. He is an amputee himself, but that doesn't stop him from being the guy everybody jumps on. He is a mammoth of a man, with a very tender heart. He LOVES the kids, and he LOVES camp.

This year, he made sure to arrange for a host of pranks against all those sweet, innocent, little girls. :P The best one was the Silly string attack in the middle of nowhere. The boys were hidden when he drove by and then stopped! Of course he had a load of little girls on his taxi, and by the time the screams ended, they were all covered in a volley Silly String. :)

Erika and Sarah both said, "I LOVE Robert!" So I think after a week of being tickled, poked, jumped on, prodded, kidded,
and the famous line of "I'm not ready yet, just one more minute!", while he patiently waited outside the girl's cabin....., I couldn't think of a better person to post about.

Thanks for all the hard work Robert!

Camp Out on a Limb

Here are the girls making Marshmallow guns. After all the guns were made, there was a war between the boys and the girls.
Erika was the last girl standing. :)


The kids are diving around the campus on golf carts. Robert, the driver, is the same fellow who makes the girl's legs at the hospital.

This is Erika going up the zip line. She came down the same way. Maybe next year! :)

Sarah climbed up the rock wall!


Contemplating the Zip Line!


I can't believe I didn't get Sarah going down! It was hilarious. She jumped and then screamed her way down that line! LOL
Here she is on her way up. :)

Dancing At Camp

A big part of camp is group dancing. I didn't get the best of video, but it was really fun watching the kids dance and to see the camp counselors getting them to loosen up! :)

The Swing

We attended Peaceable Kingdom Retreat for Children last week. It was an amazing experience. There are numerous camps that take place throughout the summer. The one we attend is called, "Out on a Limb Camp". It is specifically for children with multiple limb loss or limb difference. Erika has attended four years in a row. This year was Sarah's first year to attend camp.
They both had a wonderful time, and so did I. :)

I love seeing all the moms and dads and workers that make camp so very special. The next few posts will be pictures from camp and some video of various activities.
The first big activity was the Swing.
This swing is higher than it looks! The kids love it. It takes a whole lot of dedicated workers to get each child up a ladder and into the swing.


Sarah went on the swing first. She has never done it before.


Erika went all the way! Way to go Erika!

WE'RE BACK!

Too tired to say anything else, except we're glad to be home and we had a WONDERFUL time!