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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Thoughts About Disruption


(one of my favorite funny pictures of our little Petunia Sarah. She didn't like her dress)

When I first heard about "Adoption Disruption", I didn't know what it really was, and was shocked that it could happen.

Since that time, 3 years ago, I have come to understand it a little bit more. There are many reasons why different people adopt and many reasons why they disrupt. The big thing is, that no matter what, there is great loss and great gain.

If a disruption occurs, it is not a failure for the family who disrupted. It is to their credit, that they saw things were not working and WOULD NOT work. It takes a very strong person to disrupt an adoption. The disrupted family can feel scorned, rejected and even hated by those who do not understand.

The family who is the recipient of the child will have great work cut out for them in dealing with a very hurt child and respecting the family from where she came. In some cases, as in our case, the transition was pretty easy considering all our daughter had been through in her short life.
(abandoned at birth, contracted TB so placed in a TB hospital, loss of a leg, and fingers, TB sanitarium, finally an orphanage, 11 mos later adopted, moved to a new country, then 10 mos later, adoption disrupts and she comes to us)

As this has been on my heart the last 3 years, I have had many feelings about the whole subject. The conclusion I have come to is that God is in control. What Satan meant for harm, God turned into something good. It may not feel that way to the family who is dealing with the pain and loss of disruption. It may not seem that way when the child first comes. Natural thought would be, "It's a bloody awful mess and that is all there is to it!" But it ISN'T all there is to it.

There was much pain and hurt to work through for our Sarah, and we needed the Wisdom of Solomon to help her through it. It is a very difficult position to be in. We wanted to comfort her, but we also didn't want to make the other family look bad, or for them to be "all negative" in her mind. They did a wonderful thing to bring her here and we are forever grateful to them for that. Sarah has a healthy understanding, as much as a little girl can have, on what happened to her, and she too is thankful that she is here. She has been able to retain some positive memories of her life, both in the Orphanage and with the other family.

You know, We serve a multifaceted ALL KNOWING, heart healing, miracle working, life saving, God!

Mike and I would have NEVER thought about going to Ukraine to get Erika, because we wouldn't have even known about Erika.

Because of the disrupting family, we have Sarah AND Erika. We have been able to be part of a bigger ministry (in prayer mostly) for Dima and Hal. Our church, Community Bible Chapel has become involved, and Dima will be speaking at our church next month.

Children's lives are being changed and many more reached. Why? Because Sarah's FIRST family answered the call to go to Ukraine and get her. I know things did not turn out as they expected, and I know they will always have a hole in their hearts for her.
But I also know, that Sarah is where she is supposed to be, and I hope they can be comforted in that they had a HUGE part in the ministry that continues to unfold before us.
We can all rest in the comforting arms of our Heavenly Father, that HIS purposes are being fulfilled. We are but instruments in His hands.


(here she is 3 years later. Our blossoming little blue bonnet!)

4 comments:

okie Ed said...

Beautiful picture of a beautiful girl. I won a photo contest one time with a picture of blue bonnets, but didn't have a pretty girl like her in it.

Christine said...

What a change in Sarah! We have so much in common.

christie said...

Christine, I know you too have adopted through disruption. Email me if you like, I'd love to know how things are going and which ones were disrupted. :)
Thanks

Annie said...

What a beautiful post! I have found that there is something mysterious about adoption. So many extraordinary things happen in extraordinary ways. I have both my dear Sergei and sweet Anastasia because they were hosted by families expecting to adopt them who didn't. We have our great challenge and great joy, Maxim, due to two disrupted adoptions. The wonderful thing about Maxim is that he has great regard for his previous adoptive parents. I find this amazing but wonderful. I just found your blog and hope to get to know you better. It seems we may have some things in common (I have grown children, too.)

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