So Can Change REALLY Happen?? REALLY?

Oh You Bet It Can!  

I was casually talking with a sweet lady who said she read a poster in an office that stated something along the lines of "You are your history!"
It was suggesting that there is no real change.  If you come from a difficult background and make mistakes, they will follow you the rest of your life.  If you were abusive a long time ago, you will be abusive for good.   If your behavior was terrible before, it will continue to be so.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
Not only do I disagree with this statement vehemently, I am compelled to blog about it! :)

Such hopeless statements have no place anywhere!  ANYWHERE!

I am compelled to shout it from the houstops!  Whoever will listen!  PLEASE LISTEN!

There is hope in Christ! There is Triumph in Christ!    Even for me! :)

Whoever wrote that statement  has never lived in my shoes.  They have not met the countless parents, children  and friends who have made real changes in their lives that are not just real, they are permanent!

They must have never met my girls.  They must have never met me.

You see, God is in the business of changing lives!

That statement reminded me of a conversation from many  years ago when we announced we were going to adopt our Anna.

A woman at our church came up to me and said, "You don't know what you are getting yourself into!"
"You have a great family, you have done a good job with your boys!"  "But to adopt a child... it will ruin your family!"
I was fuming inside, I must admit.
We had asked for prayer for our situation in beginning the adoption process for our sweetie, and that was the first direct comment we got.  Negative! NEGATIVE!  WOW......

I held my breath and shot up a quick prayer as this lady was speaking.... and then the words came to me.
"I see.  God can't change the life of the prostitute. He cannot change the life of the alcoholic man, or the divorced woman. He cannot help the addict or the person who has committed a crime, so how in the world can He help a FIVE YEAR OLD?"

And I walked away, sad.

I felt like I had faced Rachel Lind in Anne of Green Gables. She is the one who said, "That's the kind that puts strychnine in the well!"

We DID walk forward in the will of the Lord,  and we did adopt. And the truth is, our girls' history is there, but their history does NOT define them! NO IT DOESN'T!  IT DOES NOT!

Does our history  have an effect on our lives?  Of course it does.  Some of the problems our children have faced in this life would make the average person shudder in fear.  I am a mom to some of the bravest children I know.


And YES! We have had to work through some very difficult things. But they have worked hard and yes, they have changed.  Oh how they have changed.
They are no longer living in fear and insecurity... they are walking in LIGHT. They are walking in triumph OVER their histories!

Don't buy into the lie that your child who comes from a hard place cannot succeed or change.
They can!

And you can too!

Where do you place your hope?

I need to make a slide show for Erika. :)  Oops!
We are a family my friends! And we'll keep on fighting till the end! We are  a family, WE ARE A FAMILY no room for losing cuz we are a family!!! YES!

The Maiden Voyage!

The time has come for boating!!!


Mike took 3 of the girls out tonight.  Anna and I went to our social worker, Kathi Turner's house to pick up Alli's post placement report.  Anna sure did enjoy playing with the Giant Akita Dog of Miss Kathi's!  

 The Christmas Gift is finally being put to use. :)

 A Beautiful Sunset.... 

 This is the other Christmas Gift.... a radio!

We have some very excited girls , happy to be back on the lake once again!
And the forcast for the rest of the week is warm and clear! :)

A Wonderful Surprise!

When I woke up this a.m.  I checked my emali, and to my wonderful surprise, there was a picture of Charlton and Lillian!!!!
Thank you so much Jodie!

Our sweet Lillian is such a joy.  Since they moved away to NM, there has been a big hole in my heart for all of them.
Lillian is going to be 9 years old soon.  She is just as precious as the day she was born.  She loves her daddy, our oldest son, Charlton and adores her mommy and big sister too.  What blessings!

Our grand daughter Kate is working this summer and will be a Senior in High School next year! I can hardly believe it!

Jodie and Charlton really like NM.  I don't blame them at all. I loved it when I lived there, and many times, especially during long, hot summers, think about NM and the mountains and camp sights where I would pile all the boys in the car on a whim, drive to the other side of the mountain , have lunch and take a hike .
There was this wonderful campground for the handicapped we would go to so Timothy could use his wheel chair.
I'll never forget the time he got a little too far ahead of me, hit a curb and tumbled down an embankment.  I was terrified, but all his tears were because he thought he broke his wheel chair. LOL

Yes, My gray hairs started early in life! :)

I do enjoy talking to Lilly on the phone and hope to see her sooner than later!  Oh how I wish NM wasn't so far away.

Fishing

Today was Alli's day to take mom out on a special time.  We went  fishing!
It was really fun. I haven't been fishing in years!    I think  this is going to be really fun each month, and possibly inbetween with everybody!  When we go out on the boat, we are bringing fishing poles!  Water Skiing, wake boarding, knee boarding, innertubing and fishing!  That is a mama thing to do! :)

For dinner tonight, we had left over pizza and chinese rice, so that should tell you how successful our fishing trip was! :)  But! That will not be the case for long!

I need to do some studying on what fish like.  

I already know what Miss Alli likes.... Fishing with Mama. :)

Winding Down Our School Year and Random Thoughts

Beginning Summer Thoughts

Today was the last day of school for the public schools in our area.
We will be off tomorrow, and then beginning on Monday, we will be doing Math and Language Arts until the end of June.
The girls are already looking at next year's curriculum and 2 of  them have asked if they could start their foreign language early. :)  I think I can handle letting them get their feet wet with a new language!
I purchased Spanish, French and Russian.

It is also boating season.  We should be back out on the lake soon!  This is such a fun time of year. We are adding to our summer agenda, Fishing!   I actually really enjoy fishing.  Alli and Mike went fishing last Thursday and she fully enjoyed herself. :)

 We have had some spectacular Thunder Storms, and we are thankful that we have been preserved from the Tornadoes that sometimes come with them.  This a.m. a storm was right on top of us.  As soon as the lighting struck, the thunder was right there, rumbling the house!  It was 6:00 a.m. and still a little dark outside.  Alli came in and said, I need to go let the chickens out!  So glad she announced that!  We explained that she needed to wait because storms that are so close can be very dangerous. The chickens are better off in the coop and she is better off in the house!

The girls are all flourishing and maturing.  I don't have girlies anymore really.... They are definitely young ladies. We visited with some friends whom we haven't seen in person for almost a year and they are very surprised at how much everybody has changed!

I am thrilled to see them delve into the things they are interested in.  Sarah has been memorizing lines for an upcoming play.  Anna is writing, Erika using her photography skills to capture life in a very special way, and Alli has been drawing and painting.
There are still hints of little girls all around..... cars.... dolls.... a few mud pies..... but the tides are turning. I am seeing more books, CD's, requests to use the computer, visit friends, go shopping, and more.  Conversations are more grown up.  I love it!
Somebody is even talking about driving! YIKES!

So, here's to another lovely year, with lots of learning and growing.  I like looking back and reflecting because it helps me to see clearly that line of success; you know,  the one that doesn't just go straight up, but is all mixed up in between, but you somehow come out ahead. LOL

So what are your summer plans?

A Flash....

We attended our friend's daughter's wedding over the weekend.  She is our friend too. We have known her since she was a little girl.  And now, she is grown up and MARRIED!

I am so impressed with this young lady and her husband.  Both are just lovely.
And I thought that not that long ago, she was just a young girl.  In fact I remember her getting upset about  a discussion in a World Views Class and her daddy talking about it in our Ministry Group, and him saying, "Yes! That's my girl!" :)

And now.... she is grown up... Married and starting life with an amazing man.

It is funny how we remember conversations and certain instances are frozen into our psyches!

Today, I was thinking about this and looking at my own daughters.  Erika is about to embark on 15! Sarah 14! Anna is 14 and Alli 13.   It isn't so far away from the wonderful, sweet girl I witnessed marry the love of her life.  And I thought.... wow, in not too many years, this could be any of our sweet girls.

Oh how I pray for that young man that will be their husband.  May the Lord bless them with such a young man as this young man is. :)

And they too, will be a blessing.

I know this to be true.  They bless me each and every day! :)

Home Education Has It's Benefits!

 Doing math in a hammock on a beautiful day!

And if you break your pencil lead, you just come to the window and ask for another pencil. :)

The Picture

This is the only picture Alli has of her sister and brother with her.  She is cherishing it today.  She printed it out and it is on her wall above her bed. :)   Alli is the one with the huge bow! :)
They all have the same smile. :)

She is understanding that she can love her brother and sister fully, while loving her other brothers and sisters fully.  She doesn't have to choose between families.  Each person in her life, including those who are fellow believers, are brothers and sisters.

We are all family.  And she is a part of a very large family. :)

I think she realized this last night when we attended the wedding of a sweet friend.  All those people who had only seen her in pictures, were squeezing those sweet cheeks and giving her hugs and loving on her.  She is certainly a part of a very large family.
Last night, she embraced it.  I was so proud of her!

And this a.m. she was laughing and talking in a positive way  about how many hugs she received.

Insights I Have Gained- Higher Ground

We have a fairly large family.  I have been a parent for 34 1/2 years; yet I never stop learning.  It is actually fulfilling to learn new insights and understandings about parenting.

When you are parenting children who have special needs, it is an entirely new learning experience.
We have children with physical special needs, and emotional special needs.

I remember very clearly one day when I was trying to get my son ready for school, and we were in a rush, I could not get his shoes on his feet for the life of me!  He was so stiff, and his feet would just not go in!
The next day, we were up quite early, no stress, no rush, and his shoes went on quite easily.
I learned something!  When I was rushing, it made him tense.... and it affected his ability to relax his feet!
I had to change! "I" had to change so that he was not stressed, and we had success!

I also learned from my son that sometimes, he would forget every single thing he had ever learned in his life for school!  He couldn't do math. He couldn't read.  He would forget it all!  It had to do with brain damage, but it also had to do with my reaction to his brain damage.
His brain was trying to locate files, and my reaction would make his brain even worse.
"You can't possibly forget everything!" "Can you?"
It would take 2 or 3 days for him to start to remember.
But I found out, if we did art work, or go for a nature drive, he would start to remember again by the same afternoon!
Stress, or lack of it, made all the difference in the world!!!!

Fast forward to the present day. :)

May,  was a very stressful month for Alli. She has had so many memories this month... SO MANY!
But we learned so very much this month, together!

We learned that God does not remove your problems.  He walks you through them. He is with you;
but problems don't go away,magically.
We learned that our past and our present are a part of us.  Our past history is a part of us, and it will be with us forever! But it doesn't define us. It does not dictate who we will become!
We can be overcomers in Christ,  no matter what our past has been!

Something that I have contemplated this past month was in the scripture.  In Ephesians chapter 5, scripture tells Husbands to love their wives, and wives to respect husbands, as unto the Lord, or "in the Lord."
In Ephesians  6:1- it says, "Children obey your parents, in the Lord" ......
I have been meditating on these verses and going over in my head sermons in the past.

Much is directed at husbands and wives.  A husband is not to try to "force" his wife to submit, just like a wife cannot "force" her husband to love her.  But I have never heard a sermon about how we cannot really "force" a child to obey!
Just like husbands and wives cooperate with each other out of dedicated relationship, children obey out of relationship.  Building a strong relationship based in love,  is key to responsible obedience.

Of course we must disciple our children towards obedience, and we must work hard to guide them and teach them. But we do this in context of relationship, and give room for them to grow.
What I have found, is that obedience, true obedience, is a direct responsibility on their part before Lord!

Ultimately, it is their responsibility!  And too much interference will keep them from stepping up to the plate to take that responsibility.

Handing that responsibility over to them, I have found makes for a lot less stress!  In the same way that our young son, relaxed when we were not in a hurry, our sweetie was less stressed when she took on the responsibility of obedience.

When I am talking about obedience, I am not talking about  a "slave-master" type of relationship. (just to clarify)
Every family is different.  I see "Obedience" as a way of life, not a list of rules to follow.  And it is not "blind" etiher.  There is purpose behind what we do as a family, and what we do not do as a family.

I used several analogies with her, including "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force them to drink!"  :)  "You are responsible before God for your behavior." "You can choose healthy responsibilty, or you can choose foolisheness.

Something clicked... and the incredible turnaround from the beginning of the month to the end was transforming... It was one of those 5 steps back, 20 steps forward kind of things. :)

This has been such a busy month I cannot describe it all.  And honestly, I don't think I'm wording it very well here. I have tried to start this blog post several times!

All I know is that our sweetie learned this month that,  even though problems from our past come up now and then, and we feel badly about them, we are still responsible to be civil and kind.  It isn't up to mom and dad to make us be kind. We must do that on our own!
Because eventually, in life, nobody is going to really care that many years ago, xy or z happened to you.  They will expect you to do a job, and be on time!  They will expect you to be respectful!

It has been a long time coming, but  I think she finally gets it! :)
And I have learned a few new things in the process. :)  Always learning and loving truth!
We have moved to higher ground. :)


I just love being her mom.

The Weekend

Wow! We had  a very busy weekend!  Our grandsons, Joseph and Christopher turned 7 and 6.  They are growing boys!  We all met at a park in Frisco Texas for their party.  It was a very nice park dedicated to children with Special Needs!  What a fabulous idea!

Erika was able to go in a large swing that supported her back.  I think she really enjoyed it.

We bought the boys a few things to share.  One of them was a "Golf Set".   Chris came up to me after he opened it and said, "We have to dig a hole in the yard!"  LOL   He wants to make a "hole in one!" :)

After the party, and taking Anna to fencing lessons, we were blessed with a visit by our Social Worker, Kathi Turner.  This was for our second to the last post placement report for Miss Alli!  WHOOT!
We only have one left!

Alli was nervous.  She doesn't like reports being done, but she got through the event just fine.  She actually curled up on my lap for a while and fell asleep. :)  I think I have the magic touch, back rub down. 

I am so thankful to have Kathi in our lives.  We have worked together regarding adoption for the last 9 years.  She has been a wealth of information and support.   We have just one more required meeting and then.... maybe we'll meet for coffee now and then. :)

With Alli's post placement report coming up due, we will be taking a trip to Austin for apostille and then over to Houston to pick up her passport!  This will mean all of our requirements for re-adoption in Russia have been fulfilled too!  I think this is cause to celebrate!  I hope we can hit the beach and play for a day!

Today, was also a very busy day.  We attended the wedding for a very, sweet, young couple.  I have known Karen since she was about 8 years old.  We have been involved with her family,  for many, years, sharing friendship, and play dates with our girls.  They have cared for our girls many times when Erika has surgery or Sarah had surgery.  What a blessing to see Karen, their oldest daughter married today.
It was such a sweet wedding.  And the Lord was Glorified throughout.  
And then, we DANCED up a storm! My feet hurt. :)

Before we left, we took a family picture! The girls are getting really good with the camera's and we figured out that timer thing. :)

Oh my these girls are growing up before our eyes! :)
Here are a few more pics of the night:

 What is it with guys who get better looking the older they get? :)

 LOL.... The unprepared accidental picture. :)

 Ok, that's better. :)

The Letter..

Slow and steady, once safe step at a time.  Alli wrote her first letter to her biological sister.  It was very sweet and included an apology that she has been wanting to give for 2 years and 3 months. She has needed this.  I am so glad she was able to express how she felt, clearly.

 I'm so proud of her.

Baby steps.

My Man

I didn't have to make a honey- doo list.... He just woke up to do it.. :)

There are several things needing fixing around here.  I was telling Mike of my stove frustration, as one of the burners stopped working, and it seems that the balance of the stove top in uneven....

He diagnosed it, and finally had some time to do the fixing. :)  I had to go and get a part.  So instead of spending big bucks on a new stove, we spent $54.95 and it will be installed tonight! :)
He had a daddy- daughter fishing  date with Miss Alli.  If all goes well, I may be cooking fish tomorrow night!

Thanks Mike!

Sisters

I've been wathcing these two girls today just having a good time. :)
They are sisters in every way.
Erika is such a great big sister.  And Alli is a perfect little sister. :)

Alli and Erika

I took these pictures before bedtime tonight, after doing my webinar.  

This Saturday, we are prepared for our 3rd Post Placement Report to be done. Our favorite social worker, "Miss Kathi" will be coming over to check on our progress and write that report.

That means, in a few weeks, we will be headed to Austin, for apostilles, and then on to Houston to pick up Miss Alli's passport from the Russian Embassy.

After this post placement report, we only have one more to do! That will be next year, and then we will be DONE!  YEA!

We have had an eventful month.  There is a lot going on behind the scenes, and I am seeing healing taking place!  We are looking forward to the future with great anticipation!  I will be able to share more later.  But right now, just know, some very good things are happening. :)

Tonight in our webinar, we covered Chapter 4 of "The Connected Child".  It was such a good chapter.
I am so thankful for some of the books I have read.  They do not take the place of real experience, but they are so encouraging!

Alli has had some really great days the last 5 days, and worked through some really tough realities having to do with her past.  She is an amazingly strong, resiliant kid.

And her sisters are AWESOMELY helpful!

A Family Funny for May

Erika has a birthday coming up in less than 3 weeks.  I was going to surprise her with a face book account.  But I wanted to get it all set up, so that when she went to the computer she would have lots of birthday wishes and all her her settings would already be completed for privacy etc.

She just happened to be on the other computer checking her email, while I was "stealthfully" creating her account.  And then, I heard this giggling.  Then more giggling.
And then I figured it out.
Every time I adjusted something or added something, she was getting an email notification!  I forgot about that setting! LOL

I was thinking about making her wait until her birthday.... but since she already knows.....
Happy EARLY birthday Miss Erika!  You are my girl! :)

Something Very Special Happened

I blogged a few weeks ago about dropping my camera and breaking it after all those "Be Careful With The Camera!" warnings I gave to the girls.

We didn't just rush out and get a new one.  Instead we waited.  And then last week the mail came.  I recieved a package I was not expecting and everybody was full of anticipation waiting for me to get it opened!  Inside was the note above!
Our friends J and P are in South Dakota right now.  I think of them often.  They are a very sweet family.

So the Lord provided, through them, a very nice  camera so I can take pictures again!

A huge THANK YOU! J and P!

What A Week!

What a week! Or should I say Month!  This has been one of the hardest months.  It has been hard to even blog because of all the disasters.  I have attempted several times, yet it seemed kind of "trivial" to be blogging when there is so much sadness all around us.
The suffering of those who have lost loved ones is palpable.

In the last month we have had the Boston Bombings, The West Texas Explosion and Fire, an F 4 Tornado in Granbury Texas, an F 5 tornado just up North about 3 hours from us.
And more.

We had expected tornados last week also. We were told we were in the Bulls Eye for severe weather, and we prepared.  It didn't happen and we were so thankful.

In the midst of all the external chaos, we have had some chaos at home too.  Our sweetie was struggling and our hearts were breaking for her.  She was struggling with memories and shame of her past.    But God....

Today's sermon was so fitting.  God does not call us to be perfect.  He calls us to believe.  Each wonderful word pierced our sweetie's heart.  She was listening and I could see, just as 2 years ago, when the words spoke to her heart and she wept at her sin. Today, a light went on in her heart once again.  I believe that her reconciling past and present is so very, very close.  Working through grief and confusion regarding one's past is very hard.  Sometimes Chaos comes before peace.  She knows she has us, and the Lord on her side, and she also has a whole host of lovely people; dear friends,  prayer warriors, elders and our sweet social worker Kathi,  lovingly supporting our family regularly in prayer and encouragement!

We decided to tell her that we have successfully made contact with her sweet sister.  She knew her sister had followed us on facebook.  She was a little shocked.  A LOT shocked!  I am not sure how her sister found us, but she did.  I have been praying for this for 2 years and 3 months.

The girls have not spoken directly to each other yet, and we will continue to go about this slowly, for both of their sakes.  I do not want to overwhelm them, or cause them further trauma.  But we will welcome Alli's siblings, whenever they want to reconnect and establish a healthy  relationship,  with open arms and hearts.  She asked tonight.... "Mama, is it ok, if when somebody asks me how many brothers and sisters I have, if I say, I have 7 brothers and 4 sisters?"  I told her yes, that is ok.
She asked, "What if they ask where my other siblings are? "
I told her to tell them she has 2 in Russia and 2 in Oklahoma. :)
That answer seemed to help.

It has got to be so surreal, all the things that have happened to pull them apart.   But God has a plan,
and His plan is always for our good. :)  Alli is resting in this truth.

We went on to have a conversation about life and our histories.
We cannot make our past go away! It is a part of us.  We have to embrace it for what it is; but also embrace the present and the future.

I LOVED what our dear pastor said today about the woman who touched the hem of Jesus's garment.
Jesus said, "Daughter, your faith has made you whole! Go in peace!"
Our pastor said the word is "Shalom!"  "All is right with the world!"
Strongs definition was: Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
Shalom comes from the root verb shalom meaning to be complete, perfect and full.
I pray that Alli  can feel that Shalom tonight!   And I pray this for all of my sweet friends and readers.

In the midst of chaos, confusion, disaster, sadness, tragedy and more.....

Shalom!

1966 Tornadoes

I posted yesterday about the 1966 Tornadoes that hit Hawthorne California when I was in 3rd grade.
Guess what happened??
My 3rd grade teacher saw my blog post and found somehow a link to my churches blog and contacted one of my elders!!!!
She left a face book link and I have sent a friend request!!!!
Is that cool or what? :)

Child Hood Memories

The Tornado in Oklahoma reminded me of an experience I had in the third grade.  We lived in Southern California, and on one day in November of 1966, a tornado actually hit our school!
I wound up on the front page of the "Daily Breeze".  When the paper arrived in the morning I remember my mother saying "That is you and Joey!"  Joey was my uncle, one year younger than me.

All of the kids had been picked up, and we were still waiting.  My mom had no idea a tornado had occurred.  We lived just less than a mile from the school, so our power was out and she didn't realize what time it was. 
I remember walking home through debris and danger.... and walking in to my mom shocked....when I said, "There was a tornado that hit our school!"

She left to go and pick up my sisters at their schools.

My classroom is the one on the far right at about 25-30 seconds into the video.   The awning that was an overhang was wound up like a top. I'll never forget that sound.

When the tornado hit, I was sharpening my pencil, and I saw black swirling and then the trees flattened in a split second. Our windows started breaking and our teacher shouted, "Get under your desks NOW!"
It was loud and scary.
I can't imagine going through an F5.  Those poor kids. :(