The Princess and the Prosthesis

We had a very early appointment at Texas Scottish Rite Hospital so Erika could pick up her new legs.  They are a lot different than the ones before and will take some getting used to.  There were a few bugs to work out, but I think she will like them.

We started out with Robert coming to say hello....

 GO TO COLLEGE! Was the message this a.m.  :)

Then we started the final fitting..... "The Princes and the Prosthesis" is what we deemed her today. :)

There were a few "kinks" to work out. :)
 Anna came along for the Appointment:

She took them for a test run:

And then we headed back home:

We had a good time and then headed back to the hacienda for SCHOOL! :)

Olivia Grace Minich

Our youngest grand daughter was baptized today.  Marcus picked out her gown as soon as he found out that he and Ivy were having a girl! LOL  And today, she got to wear it.  What a special time...... 
 Olivia and Papau: Pink bib worn before in case of unplanned vomiting. :)

 Ya Ya and Olivia

 Marcus

 The Adorables:  Marcus, Ivy William, Charlie and Olivia

 A little tired of pictures. :)

Now, our video camera TURNED OFF right at the time he was going to baptize her! But I love how they do this.  It was very special. :)

The Book Fair

 Ready to go! :)

This weekend we attended the Arlington Home School Book Fair.  It was WONDERFUL. 
I have attended this book fair for almost 2 decades and every year it just blesses me.  It just makes me want to get all those books out and study!  (ME....only however....  the girls are ready for summer to start.) :)
We found some really great mystery books that Sarah has been dying to read.  We found a collection of Charles Dicken's stories with color pictures and written in a younger grade level for Miss Alli to enjoy. (Thank you Usborne books!) 
We found our geography to dig into, and we listened to speakers.  
It is so worth going. 
And as always, we see friends every year that many times we only see at the Book Fair.  :)  We catch up on the year's news and enjoy a couple of days meeting once again, until the next year.

This year was especially special, because  my daughter in law Emily, from "God's Mercy Displayed" ( on my side bar)  was there to find curriculum for the boys. :)
It was so fun looking with her.  

We enjoyed hearing Sally Clarkson from "Whole Heart Ministries" speak.  Sally has authored several books on motherhood and home education, and she has a wonderful blog ( also on my sidebar) called "I Take Joy".  Her husband Clay has a book coming out very soon that I am looking forward to buying. :)   It is called "Heartfelt Discipline"...... He took it off the market a few years ago to rework it.  I can't wait for the new and improved version. :)

There was also a Dinosaur Bone Exhibit.  I enjoyed looking at just how large some of these animals were. WOW!

 

 This kind of cracked me up......  (maybe she couldn't read yet) LOL

And FINALLY, there was the chess tournament.  Erika and Sarah entered the tournament this year with 38 other children.  They had a blast playing for fun and then the tournament.   Erika received "Honorable Mention" and Sarah received "Special Recognition".   
Erika was given a Knight, key chain and Sarah a Queen key chain. :)

While Sarah and Erika played chess, Alli drooled over the art supplies at the Miller Pad company booth.  I think she spent SEVERAL hours over there just looking over all the possibilities.  She finally purchased a "Stained Glass" coloring book.  It is really neat. 

And Miss Anna?  Well, she stayed home this year.  She had some other plans, like writing, practicing guitar and playing with the cats. :) 

Daddy was home with Anna, as he had cars to work on. 

Right before we left, we took a picture with Ranger Stadium in the background.  (Boy were they ever busy this weekend!)

All in all, it was a really great weekend. :)

Guess Who Got Up on Skis!

Miss Anna! That is Who!
She tried it at the end of the last ski season, and didn't get up.   But this year, she was READY!

So proud of her!

Putting Off and Putting On

In our morning devotions we are studying Colossians.  Today we covered chapter 3.  It was an obvious "overview" because it is so full of rich, wonderful, theology.  As we were reading, we had to stop every couple of verses and just discuss the richness of the text.

As we were reading  the wording " PUT OFF" and "PUT ON" ,  a picture came into my mind of clothing.  We put on clothing and take it off.  I thought that maybe the girls would remember our devotion better with a little art project.  :)

Today, we are making clothing closets.  The clothing in the closets  will be the things we should "Put On".  They will be labeled with love, patience, kindness, humility, meekness, forgiveness, etc.
Then, we will have "bad will" bags.... (can't be good will, because we shouldn't give bad things to good will :)  )    In those bags we will put the things we are to "put off"; the things we no longer wear ....  sexual immorality, impurity, passion (out of control emotions) evil desire, covetousness, idolatry, hatred, anger, wrath, malice, obscene speech, etc.

I talked to the girls about how we have a "Spiritual Closet" full of things to choose from each day when we wake up.  We can choose to put on anger, or we can choose to put on kindness.  But putting on anger is like putting on a Parka on a summer day.  It just doesn't fit into life very well. It is uncomfortable.
To put on lying is like wearing a swim suit on a winter day!  It exposes us!

But to put on kindness and compassion is like wearing a warm sweater and sitting by a comfy fire on a cold winters day.  It warms our hearts and brings us joy.  To put on LOVE is to freely glide through the water in our swim wear, feeling the cool water splash over us on a warm summer's day.

Some of us change our "spiritual clothes" several times a day.  Me included.  It is time to clean out our "spiritual closets" and get rid of the things we should not put on.  They are out of season!  Some things are NEVER in season. :)

Each day,  we need to choose to put on the things that bring us closer to Christ, and purposefully turn away from the things that don't.   We need to work heartily, as unto the Lord in ALL that we do, because it is from the LORD that we receive our inheritance and reward.   

What a blessing it was to be encouraged this morning by sweet girls intently listening and taking to heart our devotion. 

So the Art project has ensued. :)   And we have a couple of VERY EXCITED girls who just adore art.  And they are working on those projects as unto the Lord.  :)

What will you choose to put on today?

Added:  Here  are some photos of the girl's closets.
 

 Anna's closet

 The unwanted clothing

 Alli's are labeled but you can't see the labels. She has a pull out drawer for getting rid of the unwanted wardrobe. :)

 This is Sarah's   She designed all her clothers and labeled them.  (the big dress says compassion at the bottom.  Each dress was labeled. 

Conversation Hats

This morning started out a little bit late.  Mike and I were up late last night.  I went to meet Em's at the hospital with Miss Ilse.  (All is well!)   So when I came home, the girls were still up and waiting for good night kisses, and Mike and I wanted to talk just for fun! :) 

Sarah got up as usual and made the morning coffee; a routine  she has established, that I just love! :)  She was reading a favorite book, Daddy was looking at the news and I was checking Email. 
I decided to do something different....
"Sarah, can you wear a 'conversation hat'?"  And I put a hat on her head.  She played along grandly! :)
I wore my hat, and she wore hers and we had a lovely chat over our morning coffee. :) (sure beats EMAIL) :) I think conversation hats are just plain fun! :)

We chatted about the upcoming book fair and about upcoming birthdays and just about simple things.
It was a lovely morning. :)

The Big Home School Book Fair

The Big Book Fair is coming up this weekend!  It is a wonderful place to go and hear speakers, see all the newest curriculum, meet old friends and have a grand ole' time!   This year we are volunteering on Friday afternoon.  
This year there will be several speakers including Clay and Sally Clarkson.  Sally's blog is on my side bar. (I Take Joy) 
This is one of the best deals in town.   There are two days of seminars and discounts on curriculum.
Adults are 15 dollars and kids are 5 dollars.  You can't beat that!  Well you can. If you volunteer 2 hours of your time, you get in for FREE!

This book fair is HUGE.  Thousands of people come each year from all over the South West. And it is FUN!

I hope to see you there! :)

HOW LONG DO YOU DO BCLC?

Somebody asked, "How long do you have to do BCLC, before you can parent "Normally"?
That is a VERY good question!

I think what this person is asking is, "When can I show displeasure or anger at my child's behavior as I have done with my biological children and not have a back lash effect?"

I think the answer to this question is two fold.....
In  question form:

1.  Can you talk to your child about WRONG behavior WITHOUT the anger?
2.  Have you established a trusting RELATIONSHIP and CONNECTION with your child?

I had to talk to one of our darlings this morning about a behavior that was bothering me.  Instead of showing her anger or disappointment, I simply was able to spell out the facts.  "The behavior you are showing is not what I see as productive.  It needs to stop and things need to change! I KNOW you can do it, because you are great kid!"  At first, she didn't want to hear it. But she listened as I encouraged her to hear my heart.  And when our talk was over, she was empowered to do better and consider dropping the behavior in question.

I didn't HAVE to show anger to get my point across.  I was serious and to the point, minus the "guilt trip anger".

Now, I could talk FRANKLY, BECAUSE we have established a trusting connection.
One of the points about BCLC parenting is that a RELATIONSHIP has to be WORKING in order to be able to parent.  This is VERY TRUE! 
It does not matter how LONG our children have been home! If we have not established RELATIONSHIP, then everything else is FUTILE! RELATIONSHIP IS THE ALL IMPORTANT FIRST STEP!
IF relationships are established and trust is there, we have much more freedom in how we handle any given situation.  
I think BCLC is not much different than "Grace Based Parenting"..... It is respectful, kind and gentle. It tells the TRUTH in LOVE! 
But in order for our kids to HEAR the TRUTH, they need to trust us first.  
BCLC looks past the behaviors to the FEAR that drives the behaviors.  Those behaviors diminish GREATLY as trust is established.  The fears disappear and many unwanted behaviors go away.

Once TRUST is established, you can work on the specific lingering behaviors; fear driven or formed from bad habit.  When our children trust our love and know we accept them, they are very willing to work on hard issues. :)
And it is a JOY to see them progress!
There is no anger needed to point out that some behaviors are wrong or immoral.  It is matter of fact.
It helps to remember that our children are STILL CHILDREN and even as young teens have  a LONG ways to go before adulthood.  Our own fears should not be what cause us to over react or implement destructive consequences that get in the way of true progress.

I am ALL FOR NATURAL consequences, but not IMPOSED consequences that are more like punishment.
There have been many times where my own girls have felt like I was "punishing" them because I didn't allow a certain freedom or privilege.  I am very quick to let them know that I would LOVE for them to be able to do X..... but until they are ready, it would not be right for me to give that privilege.
It is amazing how they respond to that.  Usually it is a very positive response, because they are made to feel safe and secure. 

So how LONG do we do BCLC?  Always! :)  Of course we have to be VERY CAREFUL with our own attitudes and tones of voice when a child is learning to trust.  But things do relax and when we do not do things perfectly, as we are NOT perfect.... the kids are relaxed and forgiving of us, just as we are of them. :)

I think that there is a great misunderstanding that when using BCLC, you have to walk on egg shells for eternity and your kids never get past being treated with kit gloves. I believe the word is "coddled".  This is a true MYTH and is actually quite SILLY.  The point is, that LOVE WORKS! We all want to be LOVED and CONNECTED because we are social beings.    Tenderness and gentle parenting is a GOOD THING for ALL children! 
Learning to be an effective parent without blowing our tempers is also a good thing!   The scripture says, "Be angry and sin not!"  and "A soft answer turns away wrath!"   That means, we can be angry and tender at the same time.  We can disapprove of wrong doing and correct behaviors in our children without overwhelming  them with  shame and guilt.

Effective parenting doesn't just "happen".  It is well thought out, planned, orchestrated, plotted, outside the box type parenting. :)   And it is ALWAYS LOVING.  "Savior, like a gentle shepherd lead us....."  We need to be GENTLE shepherds for our children.
 No sledgehammers needed. :)

My Serious Mandolin Player!

Miss Alli is taking her practice very seriously!  She numbered her fingers "just like in the book!"  LOL

DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDREL!

Warning: Graphic photos and video. Well, this was not a person, but a SNAKE!  So he is really a ROTTEN DIRTY SNAKE!  He ate one of our chickens! 
I went out to open the coop doors and check on the babies and there he was right in front of me, with a BIG FAT BELLY FULL OF OUR BABY CHICK!  It is one thing to be caught innocently in our yard, it is another thing to take my livelyhood.  So THIS snake did not get let off into a welcoming field.  For this one, we administered the death penalty!  And to be perfectly honest, our neighbor did the dirty deed.  He gave me the tools  and then kindly offered to do it. :)  It is after all a guy thing to do.... rescuing 2 damsels in distress when everybody else is at church and one of us is sick. :)

 Miss Alli is one brave girl giving that snake a dirty look for killing her baby chick!

So, we were VERY curious about WHICH chicken he ate.  I figured what went in, must be able to come out.  It was very interesting squeezing the little fellow out.  I could feel the snakes muscles and bones retract and compress.   Glad I wasn't that poor chicken!  Glad I wasn't the snake either. :)

Here is some interesting video of our morning event! :)  The first video we get the baby chick out.

The second video gives a good lesson on not touching a snake after it is dead because it can still bite and move.

Cleaning the Room.... A Big Surprise

Miss Alli has longed for a mandolin for over a year.  She left her mandolin behind when she came.  After looking for quite some time, daddy found one online that was a great deal.  So we bought it.
Just YESTERDAY she said, "It is going to take a long time to save for a mandolin....maybe 2 years!" LOL
I told her, "You know, miracles can happen." 
She said, "I'm not so sure".... rather drolly.
Then today happened.  While we were on our play date, the mandolin arrived 3 days early!  Dad called and said, "What should we do?"  He decided to open the box and put it on her bed.

When we arrived home, she was hot and sweaty and a little tired, and was not real excited about cleaning her room.  She didn't know I was following her with the camera until she turned around in her room..... then we asked her if she had made her bed yet...... :)  All the rest is in picture. :)

 

There is a very happy little Mandolin Player around here. :)

Like Tissue Paper

Relationships change our lives.

 When we choose to enter a relationship through friendship, marriage, adoption or even in "cyber space", those interchanges effect us.  We cannot just exit a relationship and have it not effect us in some way.
 
Have you ever tried to glue tissue paper together and then pull it apart? ) I challenge you to try this with your children.  It is a very good object lesson to learn.)
When you try to pull the paper apart, it doesn't just come apart and become what it once was. Instead part of each piece is forever stuck to the other piece.  The paper is crumpled and torn looking.  It isn't that beautiful piece of paper it started out to be.

When a couple chooses to divorce, they will never be able to go back to how things were before the marriage.  When a family chooses to disrupt, they will never have that "happy family" back.  When a friendship breaks up, the friendship will always have an imprint upon our lives and hearts. 

Why?  Why can we not just make a "clean break"?  Because relationships are much like Tissue Paper.
When we come together making a connection with another human being, and then that relationship is severed for whatever reason, a part of that person forever is imprinted in our hearts;  good or bad.

Relationships are messy things and need to be regarded with great care and consideration. 


When we enter marriage or adoption, there is  an even GREATER level of care and consideration that we must take into account.  Marriage and adoption are inside of our home!  That relationship exists day in and day out, and it is of utmost importance to count the cost before entering into such a covenant.

It was said by somebody "I just want my happy family back," because of the great stress they were under, due to a difficulty with a child that had wreaked havoc on their home.  
While it is certainly understandable to want peace..... the wanting of the "original situation" minus the added child is NOT real.  There will NEVER be the "happy family back". 

WHY?  Because of the tissue paper example.  The child has and will FOREVER  be imprinted on their hearts. 
(There is that RARE case where it is necessary for a child to be removed from a home due to extreme danger, but that is not the norm, even for children with extreme diagnosis.  A dear friend of mine has just gone through this experience)

If we begin to fantasize about how family was BEFORE the marriage or BEFORE this child came into  our lives, there is a danger of us pulling away and not working on the relationship.  It can stagnate, and then deteriorate.  We will no longer want to try.

And the danger of that fantasy is;  it is A FANTASY.  It is not real.  WHY?  Because of the tissue paper example. :) 

I have not met a family yet, who was not GREATLY effected by choices made to end a relationship.
It seems even more devastating if the relationship being terminated,  is with a child.   

The costs of devotion in our families that come through adoption can be very HIGH; and I am not talking monetary here.  I am talking about integrating a very hurt, traumatized child, who has their own multiply shredded pieces of tissue paper imprinted on their broken little hearts.

If ANYBODY knows vulnerability and pain, it is the child of trauma and rejection.  They DO NOT want more shredded tissue paper.  They understand how fragile relationships can be, after all, they have seen enough of them broken.

So really, it is up to us to MAKE SURE that the relationship we bind together is NEVER separated, just as in marriage.
Just as we count the cost of relationships, our children do too.  For some of them, they are willing to take that plunge quickly and they never look back. For  others, they need to carefully consider what they have been brought into, and then they slowly and surely connect.  

For us.... we patiently wait, and seal those pieces of tissue paper together, firmly in the bonds of Love, so that they will never come apart.  

The questions I ask myself are:  "Would I want to be mothered by me?"  "Would I connect with and love me if I were a scared kid?"  "How can I LOVE my children how THEY need to be loved?"  "What do I need to lay aside in myself, so my children can succeed?"  "Why do I REACT to certain things that are really not that big of a deal?"  "Why do I hold onto those buttons?"  "When I look at myself in the mirror, do I see a loving smile, or face or expression?" "Or, do I see a crabby, grouchy, touchy version of myself?"  "How can I change, so I can help my child?"

Life is rich and complicated, full of the unexpected and the glorious. It is full of hurt and pain and revelation.  In this life we are brought to our knees or the ends of our ropes, and when we let go, that is where HE catches us!  And we realize that In Christ, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, including keeping the most delicate of papers hearts,  from tearing apart.  :)

My Window

Today, do I DARE to write a post on patience, love  and a personal window of tolerance?  Do I?
Yes.... because it is real. :) 

Patience is a gift.  Not only is it a gift from our Heavenly Father to us, it is a gift from us to our children.
It has been said many times, "Don't pray for patience, because God will give you trials."  Or "Don't pray for God's Will because it may not be YOUR will!"

But if I truly WANT HIS WILL to be MY WILL, and I know that HIS WILL is PERFECT, and patience is a GIFT from GOD that He wants me to have, then I PRAY for it ALL!  HIS WILL and PATIENCE! :)

I think for a parent, the "Window of Tolerance" is similar to patience.   But "tolerance" doesn't sound very friendly.  It sounds like we are just "tolerating".... I don't like that.   So, I'll just call it "my window"....

Last night I was pondering the idea of my own window.  How does it remain wide open, and why does it sometimes slam shut!   Why am I sometimes able to bear much and other times feel like a complete failure? 

I am not young.  I will soon be 54.  Pondering my earlier parenting days I remember the worries and cares that I did not give over to the Lord.  I hung onto them for all my very own, for a very long time. Things that were out of my control threatened to consume me.   And it was there in that very low point where I found perfect peace.  I remember being on an airplane with 4 little boys surrounding me... and of all things my sewing machine that I had barely ever used!  They each had a sack of belongings and we had each other.  That was about it. 
I remember the stewardesses did NOT want me to bring a bag for each child on board, but I told them, it was all we had.  It was all THEY had.  So they relented.  The plane was not crowded, and we all sat in the back of the plane.  Marcus was the littlest, but when the plane started to take off, I removed him from my lap and seat belted him into Joseph's seat and then held a crying Joseph who was terrified of the jet noise and the movement.  (this is the child who HATED any kind of simple ride) :)
After the plane was up and the boys were settled, I raised my hand into the air in a rather symbolic way and told the Lord, "You are my husband now, and you are the children's father. I am trusting that you will take care of us according to Your word. "

When we arrived at the airport, it was blowing snow, and the pilot and stewardesses helped carry the children into the airport terminal.  (there was no gate )  And my life started OVER. 
It was SCARY and EXCITING too.  I was 27 years old, a mother of 4, now single, and unemployed.
I was moving in with my mother in law and my sister in law.  And they were the most encouraging, kind, generous and lovely people I had ever met.  They were God's provision in my life at that point.

I found  a job 2 days later. I walked into a children's clothing store and told the man my story. The Owner wasn't hiring at that point, but he hired me anyway.  I worked for him for a couple of years. My sister in law moved and my Mom (Dabba, my mom in law) stayed together working opposite hours to keep the children out of day care.  
During that time, Timothy had 2 major surgeries, one requiring a spika body cast and then a series of casts for almost a year. 
When Marcus was ready to start Kindergarten, we moved to Texas for my first full time job since being single. 
The Lord provided a house to rent, after school care, a school and a job all within 2 miles.  It was AMAZING.
My boys were amazing little guys. They had endured so much and things were happy.  All the sadness and torment we had endured for so long was gone.  I was seeing each of them blossom.

I learned that God takes care of us.  He LOVES us and allows us to go through terribly difficult things to  prune us, and refine us.  He allows hardship and heartache to polish us. 
HIS WAYS are different than mine.  But as I look back over the years from THIS SIDE of the past, I can see no other way. I can see His wisdom and MERCY in my life.
Yes, I was the prideful girl that said, "I would NEVER divorce!"  Hahahaha......
I was the girl who had been "Nancy Nice" on the outside, but my heart was full of judgment and spiritual snobbery. 
YES, I belonged to the Lord, and He had to do something with me. :)  He had begun a work in my heart and HE is FAITHFUL to complete that work.

When I fast forward to today, with all of the interesting things we go through around here, I can see that God was preparing me for NOW, by having me go through yesterday.  I would NEVER have understood the gravity of trauma, had I not been there at the bottom, myself. 
Yes, I went SO FAR DOWN, before I got on that plane, I imagined in my mind the  awful act of ending my own life.  And then it quickly turned to REALITY.  We were so poor and destitute that there was not enough gas in our old van to do the dirty deed.  I would have just maimed myself for life. LOL  I know that sounds a little morbid, but I  actually did find humor at the bottom. :)

I am saying all this because NOT ONLY WAS I LIVING IN A DESPERATE SITUATION, I was ALSO a believer and follower of Christ.   Christians struggle. And Christians SUFFER, many times in silence because of the fear of judgement.  I still fear judgment..... but that kind of fear is not of the Lord.

As time went on and we began to heal from our own experiences, the Lord brought Mike into our lives, and at 31, I remarried.   
I did not date Mike.  There was no time for that really.  We were a package deal, so he courted all of us. :)
23 years later, here I am married to a wonderful man,  sitting in a home instead of a hotel room.  I'm sitting here surrounded by 4 girls instead of 4 boys even though I'd love to be surrounded by the boys all over again.  I have enough gas in my van, but I only want to use it to drive. :)
I have food and clothing.   All of our needs have been miraculously taken care of.  God restored what the enemy had stolen. 

So now, when I deal with the issues of my girls' trauma, or with financial woes, or even my arch nemesis, "paper work"...... and my window begins to close, I remember.  I remember that God is with me.  HE holds my hand. He comforts my heart. HE is my sustainer, provider, and giver of wonderfully glorious gifts like  patience and love.  I remember my own struggles and early days of pride and misunderstanding,  of who I really was and had potential to be!
When I open my refrigerator or go to the grocery store, I remember the days of no food.
When I close my doors at night I remember the days of no home.
When I sit on my couch I remember the days of no furniture.
When I look at my husband, I remember the days of my youth that were much different.
AND I rejoice, even in the hardships which we endure in the present.  We have been given SO MUCH.

KNOWING that all GOOD gifts come from the Lord, I am encouraged each and every time I wake in the morning and hear the voice of my husband and  organized chaos of my girls getting up for a new day. 

But on the days when I am feeling impatient, or my window begins to close, it is because I have forgotten. That is when the LORD brings to my attention....... um...."Remember.....  your past, MY provision, and MY PROMISES."  It is then  I find solace and comfort and renewed strength in Christ.  I cannot do things on my own, but I can do ALL things in Christ who gives me strength.

He has chosen me to walk this path and I gladly and joyfully walk it, even if at times I must make sorrow and suffering my dearest of friends,  just as "Much Afraid" did in the allegory, "Hind's Feet on High Places".

I am truly and undeservedly blessed.
And this is the window I picture in my mind..... :)