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Thursday, September 19, 2013

This A.M.

We had a really great morning that I wanted to share.  Miss Alli struggles with being in groups. She prefers to be home, and it stretches her to go to co-op or to our young people's bible study.
She goes, but it is uncomfortable for her.

The young people's bible study that the girls attend is taught by the dads who rotate on a monthly basis.  This month is Mike's turn.

He said she sat on the FRONT row, at the end, by herself.  (keep that in mind as I tell this story)

We all woke this a.m. for our busy morning routine of getting breakfast ready, lunch for Anna, getting organized for the a.m., taking turns for computer time, checking email etc.

At 7:00, we have our family devotions each a.m.
We read, discuss and then pray for the day.  It takes about 15 to 20 minutes.  We try to keep it at 15.

Today, Mike took us to Collossians 3: 12-16.
Put on then, as eGod's chosen ones, holy and beloved, fcompassionate hearts, gkindness, hhumility, meekness, and patience, 13 hbearing with one another and, iif one has a complaint against another, gforgiving each other; gas the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on jlove, which kbinds everything together in lperfect harmony. 15 And let mthe peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called nin one body. And obe thankful. 16 Let pthe word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, qsinging psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, rwith thankfulness in your hearts to God.

We talked a little bit about how we can show love to others, around us.

After we were done, Alli said, "I don't like to talk to people. I really don't like people because they are mean."  She began to say that she really didn't like going to youth because everybody is mean, and at co op everybody is mean....
She also makes sure we know that she doesn't have friends," only aquaintences." :)

(even though she seems to  have made a few friends, and does interact )
Mike really took his training last weekend to heart and has been watching the DVD's we purchased.
He instantly went to work... "Sweetie, let me see those pretty eyes!"  And then he tenderly talked with her about the difference between how we "feel" and "what is real."

"If people were being mean to you, I'd want to know about it, and so would their parents. Can you tell me who is being mean?" 
She was looking down and curling up by then.  "Nobody really." "I just don't like people."

"It is kind of scary to open up our hearts to have new friends, isn't it!"  "You have had people be mean to you in the past, right?"

BINGO!

"Yes." 
"Are you scared?"
"Yes."

And he went right to the heart of the matter.  (If she doesn't allow people to get close, she won't be rejected.)

"You can't be rejected if you reject everybody else first!" "But you are robbing yourself of relationships because you are afraid."

We as a family have made huge strides with her, and she is attached.  Her next step is those outside of her immediate family.  She is still a very frightened little girl.

What happened next?
She climbed into dad's lap and snuggled!  She talked and looked deep into his eyes and there was connection.
REAL CONNECTION.
No customers pulled up, and that gave him uninterrupted time with her.
We all prayed together that Alli would be willing to open her heart just a smidge so she can have a friend.  The truth is, she DOES want friends and there are many girls who like her. She is just afraid of the rejection and that somebody might be mean.

After we all started our day and daddy was in the bedroom, he was telling me where she sat at youth group.  Front row ...... and we both realized, she was trying to be close to him while he was teaching.
She wanted to stay connected to a safe person. 

He has been waiting for moments like these for 2 years.  They have come little by little, but today was huge.
Before he walked out to go to work, Miss Alli said, "Wait Daddy! I haven't had my hug!"

4 comments:

Nellie said...

That is the dearest story - and such wise things he said to her. I know adults who still "see" things through the glasses of their childhood, which don't fit at all anymore.

JJ said...

We have sooooo BTDT with our older son...you know...the one with the HUGE bravado...the one who uses this loud facade to mask the scared little boy inside his hulking 15 y.o. body.

I love this post and thought you had rewritten it...but then realized the public blog's version was a reflection on this one. Both are good, but I really like the "play-by-play" format of this one. :)

Hevel Cohen said...

I think Alli is still thinking in terms of what a "friend" means in Russia as opposed to in the USA. One has very few friends, every one else is an acquaintance or casual friend or "buddy". Most of my American "friends" fell in these three categories, with only a few people I refer to as friend in other languages. Interacting and being friendly and enjoying time together is not necessarily friendship in my mind, so that's why I think maybe Alli has a different idea about whata friend is.

Christie Minich said...

Hevel, I think you are correct!

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