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Monday, February 8, 2010

Are We Missing The Point?


I have been thinking about the subject of "Sex Education", and how it is taught. Every family is different. Some families are very open, some never mention it and leave it up to the schools.
In Mike's case, his dad left a book in his top drawer, where he knew Mike would snoop, and would then become "educated". LOL

I remember my mom asking me if I had any questions. I didn't. I didn't want to talk about it with her. I didn't know what "IT" was anyway..... she insisted on telling me, and then I was grossed out.
And there was no more discussion. I was only left humiliated again and again and she retold the story of my response to her explanation of where we came from. . "Do you mean you did that 3 times???"
eeewwwww!

Ok, it was a funny statement. But I didn't know it then.

By the time I was in high school, "Sex Education" was really more about contraception and venereal disease. There was no discussion on marriage or being set apart for 1 partner. It was only about body fluids and function.
And the BIGGIE! How to prevent a disaster! What was the disaster? Not sexual intercourse before marriage, not the emotional damage caused by multiple relationships and partners.... NO! It was the most awful thing that could happen of all! It was the ending of youth. It was the ending of LIFE ITSELF! It.... it was.... It was a BABY! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

How sad when you think about it. A baby, was presented as the ruiner of life. A baby was presented as strapped on, excess baggage to be mourned and gotten rid of.

This got me to thinking long ago about how to present the long handed down information of reproduction and how God intends our families to be created.

If we only teach our children that the reason to refrain from sexual intercourse is to keep from having a disease or having a baby, we are doing a HUGE disservice to them. All that is going to teach them is to have sex carefully, and with contraceptive protection.
It will not teach them about the values in Scripture that say that Fornication is wrong.
It is sin.

We told our boys that God has reasons for forbidding fornication. They are to prepare us to be separate, and in self control. They are to prepare us for the spouse that God has chosen for us. They are there to prepare us for a family in HIS timing, not our own.
There is much reward spiritually, for following God's plan.

1. Becoming one with a spouse and NO guilt. No hiding. No shame.
2. No regrets.

It is an amazing thing to look back and have no regrets. I have never talked with anybody who had sexual experiences before marriage, without some regret, or emotional baggage.

I want to teach my children that God knows what is best for His Children and that a baby is never, EVER a burden, an albatross, or a punishment.

Teaching sex education to our girls is very different from teaching it to our boys.
We emphasized with our boys, how they must be responsible, turn their eyes from
temptation, and save the pleasures of marriage, for MARRIAGE.
We are teaching our girls about saving themselves for marriage, but also about not being a distraction or a tease. We are teaching them that their value is not wrapped up in acceptance from boys.
We are continuing to teach how the baby that is born in an untimely way, or out of a sinful relationship, will have undue hardship because there was no thought about the responsibility that comes with having sex. This does not mean that the baby is to blame, or should be blamed. The baby is an innocent party and is STILL a gift.

In raising our little kitten, we have had many conversations about what it is like to parent a baby. One of our girlies was feeling rather impatient, because Isabella, our kitten, was being so fidgity and fussy while feeding. I was quick to ask her, if she would be impatient if Isabella were a baby?
She thought for a moment and said, "I don't think I should be a mother!"

I told her, many mothers feel that impatience, but have to learn to not act on it. Mother's find all sorts of areas in their lives that they must turn over to the Lord and ask him to help them with.
And this is a good way for her to see areas in her life that will be challenged when she DOES want to become a mother.
So we looked at our precious Isabella in a new light. Not as an annoyance, but the gift that she is. And our daughter continued to feed her and took more time to give her the attention she needed. And in that moment, I could also tell her about how it is best for babies to have 2 parents, so they can help each other to care for the baby.
If she were having to parent the kitten all by herself, without the help of the rest of the family, just think about how stressful that could become.
Our bigger focus however, is on holiness. and why we would want to follow what God teaches us in Scripture in the first place.

As we teach our children about more mature things, we have learned to not just sit them down to throw some information at them, like giving them, "the talk", but instead, it is more like a continual ongoing natural conversation where there is much room for humor, seriousness, warning and encouragement, always directing them to the ONE who is their real guide through life. HIS plan, and HIS map book for figuring out life, is written in HIS word, the Holy Scripture.
It is so wonderful to have a book of guidance and comfort that we can turn to and glean from at the tip of our fingers.

I do pray that our children and grand children will come to understand how important their marriage relationships will be, and how there is a great plan for bringing our little blessings into our families. I also pray that they will not see sexual intimacy as the focus of their early adult years, but they will put it in its proper place in their lives.

One season at a time, is what I tell them. Right now you are in the season of childhood. Don't be so quick to want to get to the next season, but enjoy this time that God has given to you.
The same goes for the next season and the next. If we don't enjoy the seasons we are in, that is when we get into trouble trying to enter the next season before the proper time.

5 comments:

Diana said...

Wahoo!!!! AMEN, my sister-friend! I couldn't have said it better and I couldn't agree more...because I already 110% agree with EVERYTHING you said. Teach responsiblity, teach abstinance until MARRIAGE, and teach holiness and God's perfect plan. I love your heart!

Hevel said...

I know I'm gonna be unpopular with what I say.

I always though that sex ed was the parents' responsibility. The schools will never be able to replace the advice and love of the parents.

I also believe abstinence only sex education is recipe for disaster for many kids - and we may never know if our kids are among them. It's very important that we pass our values onto them, but I think it's just as important that they do have knowledge about safe sex, should they choose to go that route. Plus if they don't, the knowledge still might come handy in various situations. It's much better to talk to your child about contraception than them getting all kinds of unreliable information from chat rooms.

Mike and Christie said...

Hevel,
I don't think you are unpopular with what you say. :)
I too believe in teaching about what contraception is available. But, as you say, I do think it is best to come from parents.

But I would teach it in a way that leaves the door open to not use it. It is popular belief that people should put off child bearing until they are older. Or that 1 or 2 children at most is what any family should have.

I really find these to be very personal decisions. There are the extremes in all societies.
I learned about birth control after I was married and didn't really think much about it.
I knew what a condom was, a diaphram and a pill.
I didn't know what much more than that.
With any contraception, it must be known that they are not 100% foolproof, nor are they necessarily safe. (pill or IUD, and a new thing out there I just read about)

I would leave those matters, AFTER giving the information, up to conscience.
I cannot think of a scripture that speaks to contraception.

I was so naive when I was young. I thought that "Family Planning" was the place you went to "Plan your family." I actually went into one of those places in Pasadena CA, and asked them to help me plan my family. I think they thought I was from Mars. LOL
I thought it was a place for discussing finances and how to care for your baby. (I was pregnant)

It is quite scary what is happening with our young people, and you are right, that teaching about contraception, even as a possible safety issue is correct. We do not know who our children will marry, and are not guaranteed they will heed words of warning.


Not everybody who marries is a virgin. And some who may have been risky in the past, and are now ready to marry, could come with some surprises.
I have read about conditions like Herpes that are there for a lifetime.
Those are things we would certainly discuss, but not at 11. :)

mommajeane said...

Great post Christie... I love your perspective about the baby--- is even a blessing ( sometimes in disguise) even when they are not planned.The emphasis being that all life is precious and worthy. To borrow from another cyber friend from her blog today "What is the value of one soul?" too many people today just do not value life... and our children need to be taught that and the perspective of how we share the information with them about how life is created is so important and worthy to do with them... so that they can one day make their own choices with this information in their hearts and minds too...

Christine said...

Thanks for the post Christie. It means a lot to me. Thanks for Keeping it real.

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