Oh My Goodness!

I have missed my Kids and grand girls so much!!!! They arrived early this a.m. after driving all night from NM!
I couldn't wait to hug them. :)
Here are a few highlights of our day:

 They were hugging so fast I couldn't get a good picture. :)  Together again.

 Erika knitted a scarf for Katie

 Tea Party Time

 Everybody made Chocolate covered Rasberries. YUM

 I think Lilly wears chocolate quite nicely. :)

 Uncle Bob is here! YEA!

My sweeties!
We've only just begun.... Tomorrow, the others are coming! :)

I'm Thankful For Ilse

Our youngest grand daughter visited today! :) We just love our little Ilse. She loves to hold her hands together! It is a precious habit she has formed. Tim says she is getting ready to pray. :)

I'm Thankful For Girls

Who Still Love To Play Dress up!

 Erika

 Anna and Mazey

 Sarah

Alli

I'm Thankful For

Grand Children. :)

 Katie and Lilly

 Joey and Chris and Ilse

I

 Sam and Truman

 And Will and Charlie

and: Baby Olivia.... and her mommy Ivy too. :)

Some Thoughts About Preparation

The Joseph I am going to write about here is not our own Joseph, but the Joseph in the scripture.
In the book of Genesis is the historical story of Joseph, the son of Jacob. (Israel)  He was the beloved son from Jacob's favored wife, Rachel.
The girls and I have been going through the book of Genesis.
With all the thoughts on preparation and discipline, I had some pondering thoughts about this.

Joseph was treated differently than his brothers which caused Great Jealousy! As a matter of fact, it was so great, that he was sold into slavery due to their jealousy and hatred.

God had given Joseph some dreams, and when he told them, those dreams made him seem pompous.
But they were TRULY FROM God! He didn't understand them himself. 

And then, he was sold. He was given to Pottifer as a slave, and he earned a good reputation.  This was a reputation he had due to the teaching of his father.  Even though Joseph's brothers were jealous, does not mean Joseph was at fault.
So Joseph prospered in Pottifer's home until Pottifer's wife tried to seduce him. He refused her and she screamed rape.  She is an example of what NO WOMAN SHOULD BE!

Joseph was thrown into prison.  In Prison, he prospered. He was again able to tell dreams. The baker and the food taster both had dreams that Joseph interpreted.  The interpretations came true.

Later, the food taster let Pharoh know about Joseph when none of the wise men could interpret the dream.
Joseph was called from Prison to interpret.  The Pharoh was so impressed with Joseph that he made him the second most powerful man in Egypt under himself.

So I tell the condensed story to say:  A WHOLE lifetime was lived during all these years of suffering.
Joseph must have wondered why?  He prayed, and he remained a slave. 
It wasn't until years later, that during the extreme drought, God made it possible for him to be reunited to his family. 
BECAUSE of the suffering he went through, he had the WISDOM to lead a nation. Because of His INTEGRITY, people trusted him.  And BECAUSE of what His brother's did, the family survived a horrible drought.
Joseph told his brothers, "What you meant for Evil, God intended for Good."

Many of us don't like it that we are God's creation.  We are clay pots in the hands of the potter.  What HE wills for us is for our good; even our suffering.

I cannot speak openly about my own past, but I can say, all those years that I didn't understand, that I called out to the Lord and that I wondered what was going on.... God was preparing me. He was with me the entire time. I knew that.   
I can look back now and CLEARLY see, there was no other way to prepare me for Today, had I not gone through what I did long ago. 

If you are struggling.... there is a reason.  And what others mean for Evil, God intends it for our good.
It will become clear at some point in life.

An Answer to a Question

I wrote this post last February, regarding discipline and  punishment.  I was looking for something this a.m. and came across a question that did not get answered. I intended to answer, and then simply forgot! So sorry!

Since that time, I have found a few others who can answer way better than I can.
I came across the book from Clay Clarkson called "Heartfelt Discipline". Clay is a dedicated man of the Word and husband to Sally Clarkson who has written several books on motherhood.
 I have also read Samuel Martin's book "They Rod and They Staff They Comfort Me"
and a few other bloggers along the way. :)

So here goes:

Randy and Audrey said...

I enjoy reading your blog and admire your parenting style. I will admit to being somewhat confused on the spanking issue... I was spanked as a child and don't feel damaged in any way as a result of it :) but neither can I say that spanking makes a lot of sense to me (especially when dealing with traumatized children). But how do you interpret Scripture that speaks of "beating with the rod" Proverbs 23:13-14, "the rod of correction" Proverbs 22:15, etc.? I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on these verses.

 The first verse is:
Do not withhold ndiscipline from a child;

oif you strike him with a rod, he will not die.

14  If you strike him with the rod,

you will psave his soul from Sheol. 

Well, it is not true that if you strike him with a rod he will not die if your name is Lydia Schatz, Hana Williams, Sean Paddock or any number of other children who have been struck with rods.  It is also not true that you can beat a child and save his soul!  The only saving of the soul comes from the MERCY AND GRACE of the Lord Jesus Christ through HIS sacrificial death on the cross for the remission of sin! So this verse must have a different meaning than what is read at face value.

Samuel Martin covers this VERY WELL in his book.  The Word Sheol means grave. (correct me Samuel if I am wrong here)  It does NOT mean HELL as we would think.

What the verses are saying is DISCIPLINE (TEACH) your son right from wrong and you will save him from his own foolishness and early death! 

The other word "CHILD" in the original language is NOT a little CHILD! It is a YOUNG MAN between 16 and 26.  

Proverbs was written to young men.

The other verse:  Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but nthe rod of discipline drives it far from him. 

Again, NAAR is the original word. It is a YOUNG MAN.... though our children can also be full of folly.  Here, the ROD of Discipline is being used  figuratively.  Discipline IS the Rod.  Correction IS the rod.  

Discipline, to come along side, teach, instruct IS a rod! 

I will not argue that scripture has no place for corporal punishment. It does.  But I would truly ask that all these scriptures (the rod verses in Proverbs) be applied with the WHOLE counsel of the word of God... not just a few verses separated out.

If these verses are to be used literally.... then my next question would be, why are we not stoning still?  Scripture certainly, CLEARLY states it!

Eli, refused to discipline His sons and they were punished directly by God. He ended their lives, and Eli's line.  God waited over 40 YEARS for Eli to discipline his sons. He did nothing. He didn't tell them they were wrong for offering profane fire before the Lord or any number of other things they were doing.  God spoke to him and told him he would judge them and Eli did nothing still. 

THIS is an example of what scripture says "He who doesn't discipline his son hates his son."Eli did not instruct his own sons.  Note also how OLD they were!

I would like to end with a link to Dulce De Leche's blog.  She wrote an EXCELLENT POST called "A good old fashioned stoning!"  

Giving Thanks

I thank the Lord for my family. I thank Him that we have food and clothing and warmth. I thank Him for bringing each of us together as one.

Today, we had a slightly  greatly, altered schedule.  The entire school district is out for the week, but we are not until Wednesday. So I had the girls do an art and thankfulness project instead of regular studies.
We also had a great discussion about why we have Thanksgiving.

And I sent them out to pick up more pecans.  We have 3 Pecan Trees.
Somehow, I don't think picking pecans was all they did! LOL

Our cat finally showed himself from under the house. He is a little freaked out by the dog.  Poor guy.

Posole Casserole

I am not a big casserole person, but I love this!
Posole Casserole  (Hominy)

1 cup of diced chicken (optional)
2 cans of white hominy
2 cans of yellow hominy
(15 oz cans)
1 small can of chopped green chilis
1 1/2 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups fiesta cheese (mexican cheese)
1 can of rotel tomatoes with lime and cilantro
1 small onion diced
1 small jar of pimentos diced
1/2 cup sliced black olives
garlic, salt and pepper to taste
(I use 1/4 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp garlic and 1/4 tsp of pepper)
1/3 cup sliced MILD jalapeno's with a little juice. (we use Mezzetta brand)
Tortilla chips or fritos crushed

Heat oven to 350 degrees
Drain fluid from Hominy and place in large bowl
Drain fluid from Rotel
Mix all ingredients together except chips
Pour into casserole dish and bake for 30 minutes.
Remove from oven and top with chips
Place back in oven and bake for 15 more minutes.

Hal Tait and Sarah

  We had a celebration today!

Our dear friend Hal Tait came to visit us! And he brought BEAUTIFUL SHAWLS from Afghanistan.... The girls wrapped themselves up in them and were ever so thankful.
Thank you so much, Mr. Hal! :)  GOOD CHOICE!

Hal shared some more Sarah stories with us today.  I love it when he shares about finding our Sarah while on a Mission's Trip.    He captivated the table telling us about when she was just 2 and didn't have a leg yet.  He said that she was in the TB Sanitarium where we had visited before. He said she was all alone in a room and was totally isolated.  

She yelled from her room, "Helloa! "Helloa!" When he was walking by. He held her and she would not let him go.  He said she seemed frightened to be all alone. I can attest that to this day she strongly dislikes being alone. :( My poor baby. :(  He said she loved being held by him and when he had to leave her, she wailed... all alone in that room, in the near darkness with nobody. :(  

When Hal got home, he determined that he would make sure Sarah found an adoptive home. He could not bear the thought of her wailing and alone.  He DID THAT for her! Though she didn't remain in that home, she IS home and that is all that matters!  There were many tears at our table today as he shared his love for the Children of Ukraine.

 

And then the girls made a silly face! :)

Restaurants and Clown Suits

One of my little girls shared a memory with me today that made me just want to cry for all the children who do not have loving homes or parents.
She wishes to remain anonymous, but wants me to share, so that others know what children like her have gone through in the past and how it effects them.

She has never cared much for going out to eat, and a long time ago, it seemed to really trigger her. We never really understood why....Until today.

We went out with our dear friend Hal Tait, who is home from Afghanistan after working there as a contractor for 15 months.  He took us to Olive Garden today with several other friends.
Hal has known Sarah since she was 2 years old, because of a missions trip he went on, and was INSTRUMENTAL in making sure she was adopted.  I love hearing from him, because he always sheds new light on our Sarah. :)

So, on the way home, my sweetie was riding in the front seat and we had plenty of time to talk.  I was telling the girls a humorous story about the boys and how we accidently left one of them at a restaurant and had to go back and get him.
Alli said, "Oh Mama! If I had ever been left I would have thought you didn't want me any more! "The other girls all chimed in and said the very same thing! :(  This just breaks my heart.  It is also one of the reasons we can never be late picking our girls up, or making sure they know exactly where I will be and when I will be home.

After I mentioned it and we all had a good laugh, my sweetie said, "Mama, do you know why I have never like restaurants?" I said, "Honestly, no! Can you tell me why?"
And then she shared her heart.

She said that when she was moved, she was never told what was going to happen. It was arranged for her to have a visit with a different family and the social worker came to the restaurant to pick her up. But she wasn't told what was going on.  She said she was 3 or 4 and the family she was with just LEFT her with this man. He had a car seat and took her out of the restaurant and put her in the car seat. She was TERRIFIED and thought she was being kidnapped!  She said she started crying and the social worker sarcastically told her to "SHUT UP!"
I asked her, "Did he really say that?"  SHUT UP?  She said, "yes mom!"  I had never met him before and had no idea what was happening. :(
She said she went to visit the person she knew and was greatly relieved she hadn't been kidnapped.

Then, she said on another move, she had no idea she was being moved.  Some people came and put her in a car and she was given to somebody else.  She cried because she had a favorite outfit (The Clown Suit) that she LOVED.  They told her they'd get it for her tomorrow. Tomorrow never happened.
And that began a long saga for her of clothing issues.  I remember when we first bought her clothing. We were the first home she had been to where she outgrew her clothes.  When it was time to pass clothes down , she sobbed! "NO! You can't get rid of my clothes!"  We compromised, and to this day, she saves her favorite thing each year that she does not pass down. It is hers forever! :)

There was also a time where our sweetie was given to a family for a week. She had no idea if she was going to have to stay there or not, and said that the people were creepy. LOL  She said the lady cut her hair and put it in a cup and said they would keep it forever.   And then, she went back to her other home.
She lost count of the times she was picked up by total strangers and taken to places she didn't understand or to visit those she knew....

I just wanted to give a glimpse of how things can be for our children. There is so much they do not understand, and if adults don't treat them like used FURNITURE instead of CHILDREN who have feelings, they will not heal.
So now I totally UNDERSTAND why she feared restaurants so much!  She thought we were going to get rid of her. :(  Oh that just makes me hurt.

She of course knows NOW that would never be the case. I am so glad she shared with me today.
She is my precious girl.  :)

Issues With The Older Adopted Child part 2

I wrote a post on issues that older adopted children face here.
In this post, I would like to discuss issues of insecurities a child faces when they come into an already existing, functioning family.
Many of the older children who come home, come home to a family that already has , or has had, other children.
Older children have many insecurities. They are insecure about being loved and cherished. Many times they will challenge parents love. They are so convinced that THEY are unlovable or undeserving of love, they will set out to prove it!
They see the love being given to the other children as a threat to their existence. They also perceive that they cannot be loved in the same way.

Adoptive parents need to be prepared way beyond the typical "what would you do if your child.... (fill in the blank).... and be ready for some REAL soul searching.

Our children come with GREAT LOSS and may feel that they have NOTHING more they can lose, so why bother! Why bother attaching to somebody who is going to reject me?  Why bother trying, when it won't be good enough?  They feel they will never measure up to siblings that have already secured their parents affections.  They do not understand the concept of love that is big enough to cover all, especially Love  that is big enough to cover them!

As adoptive parents we MUST, MUST, MUST, understand that our children are HURT. ALL CHILDREN who come through the door of adoption have faced GREAT LOSS at some point. It is the opposite side of the adoption coin.  Adoption/Loss.
Whether they remember it or not does not really matter. It is REAL, and it is RAW.  All the material things in the world, will not fill in the void and pain of rejection.

We need to be VERY CAREFUL that we parent our children with the same tenderness and gentleness, yet parent them according to each individual need. It can be exhausting, but it is NECESSARY.

There are those who believe that a child with RAD has no feelings or conscience. I disagree.
They have deep feelings and conscience. They are buried deep within the weight of rejection and pain, neatly protected by a wall of indifference so that nobody can shatter the already shattered heart again.

It is our DUTY and JOB as a parent who brings a child home, to do everything possible to get to the shattered pieces of the heart and put them back together and help our children heal. I am not talking about shipping them off to counseling, in order for them to be "fixed".  I am talking about US LOVING THEM.  If WE need to get counseling to get ourselves together, go for it. If we need the help of a counselor in a combined effort that WE are INVOLVED IN, find one.  BUT WE SHOULD NOT USE THE COUNSELOR TO DO THE JOB WE SHOULD DO!

Children who have no understanding of family or any concept of authority or structure will not understand consequences or punishment. It will only make them angry and cause them to dig their heels in and pit one will against the other, better known as a "power struggle". And power struggles lead to nowhere.  Engaging in them causes growth to CEASE!

  No, they must be reached in a very different way.  They must be reached through unconditional love that shows curiosity into their lives. It shows empathy and understanding, AT the SAME TIME, offering a guiding,  gentle light out of the dark tunnel. Not TOO BRIGHT all at one time, or they can't adjust and will reel back and head for cover.  It has to be slow and steady and gentle and non threatening.

When they begin to see that their behaviors are not going to earn them a ticket back to where they came from.... when they begin to see that mom and dad love them without condition, when they begin to see that they too are cherished, because we SPEAK IT INTO THEM..... they will slowly and steadily begin to respond.

Our words are so important.  If we speak words of encouragement and affirmation, they will rise to the words spoken over them.
BLUNTLY:
If you tell a child they are a liar, they will be a liar.
If you tell a child, I know you are honest inside! They will become honest.
If you tell a child they are rebellious. They will be rebellious.
If you tell a child you know they can be sweet, kind and obedient. They will become sweet, kind and obedient.

I remember telling Alli several months ago: I know that you are capable of great love. I can see it in you.... I know that you can tell the truth, you WANT to be honest! You are just too scared to try it!
I could go on and on..... and then....
She BECAME those things. She would say, "I know you don't believe me!" And we would reply.... We WANT TO! You have to tell the truth! So the truth is.... and then she would speak it. :)
She has been such a sweetie and has learned so much and come so far, it just makes me teary. I just love this little girl so much.
(all of my girls, actually)

She was called a Liar! She was called violent! She was called hateful!
But She IS: Honest, gentle and loving!   She really TRULY is.....She is NOT what others said she was.  She was HURT.  Now, she is HEALING!

When our social worker visited today, we were able to share where Alli started and where she is today. It is nothing short of a true, modern day miracle.

I praise the Lord for her. I praise the Lord that she has been TRANSFORMED before our eyes.
And I praise the Lord that our girls have a deep love for each other and for us.
Our little Alli has changed.... from the INSIDE OUT she has been transformed.  I am thrilled to be a part of her healing and to see her grow into the beautiful young lady God has been preparing her to become.

My Silly Dancing Girls

Today is our post placement meeting for Alli. This report has to be apostilled, translated and sent to Russia.  The girls wanted to prepare something for our social worker. LOL 

The Hair Bow Saga

I wrote about Alli and her dislike for hair bows here. 
This a.m. I had this capital idea!  Let's play a practical joke on Miss Alli!  Everybody was in on it, EVEN ANNA who begged us NOT to take her picture as she has little friends who read the blog..... :)

So I put THESE in their Hair...

And then we woke Alli up and said, "Hurry! Before Soccer we have to get our Christmas Pictures taken!"  She was abit groggy...

And then she fully realized everybody had these GIANT bows! And this was her reaction!

But she was a really good sport! And actually put a bow on ! LOL

and we got a picture of Anna, looking normal too. :) 
And then Sarah broke into Song and Dance..... Daddy caught the END of this performance on
video....

And that was our morning. :)

The Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project

I just added a website to my blog roll and adoption web site  links.  It is called "The Russian Orphan Lighthouse Project".  The reason Alli came to  the United States was because of this group.
I looked over at their blog and found a heart wrenching story of a little girl who is 11 named Angelina.
Please go over and see this post.
Maybe the Lord will move on your heart to bring Angelina home.
After reading this, I start thinking what I could do  with a million dollars and an extra bedroom or two or three or four...... :(

Alli and the Hair Bow

Just the other day, Alli told us this hilarious story about getting her picture taken at the orphanage. She said they wanted to put a bow in her hair and she didn't want one. She said they had to chase her down and corner her. LOL
Through a series of communications, I asked a person I met through an email communication who works with "The Light House Project", if she had any early pictures of Alli.  SHE DID!
I am posting just a part of it,  as her brother and sister are not with her anymore. :(

I think I would have ran too!
And here is her response when I showed her the picture I found. :)

She said, "OH NO! THAT BOW!    LOL! 

And then she adored it and said, "I remember having that picture taken!"  She was so thankful to have a picture of herself with her brother and sister. :)

Anna and Mazey

This is one happy little girl.  Our dog saga began back in march. We brought home 2 dogs from the pound. They were not puppies, and had MANY problems, including eating our chickens, biting us and running away. 
We have been dogless for a few months.  Anna has always wanted a dog, but we didn't get the right dog.
She made the decision to send the last dog back in hopes he could find a more suitable home.... aka- a man with no other animals or children who could spend endless hours with him.

After this, we pondered if we were really a dog family.  I have raised dogs before and trained them well. Those last two really did me in and I was scared to even try again.
But a few weeks ago, Anna started praying for the "right" dog.  She was sincere in her prayer.  She came to me and said, "Mama, I'm not going to look for a dog, I'm going to wait for it to come to me."
I was thinking about a puppy that we could train from day one.

About a week later, Anna went for a bike ride and there was a dog off in the back area at the edge of town, all alone. She actually followed Anna home.  Of course Anna said, 'This is the one!" 

Daddy told her to take the dog back, it was most likely lost, because it looked well fed, but had no collar.
Every day, she goes for a walk or bike ride to the same area.  Every day that dog was still there.  She was having to leave really fast and distract the dog so it wouldn't follow her home.
And then, one day a neighbor who lived nearby asked her, "Is that your dog? It has been hanging around here for a while."  A few days later she saw the dog at another persons house and the lady there asked her if the dog was hers, because the dog came running to her.  She told the lady no, but she has seen her before.  The lady said that she had never seen her before.

So, Anna asked daddy, "If she doesn't belong to anybody can I keep her. She CHOSE me!" 
After a few conversations and Anna's PATIENT waiting... Daddy told her today, if she is still around when you go for your walk, you may bring her home.  She was so excited.  I figure 3 weeks has gone by and she must have been dumped. We live in a dog dumping area.  People always think if they dump a dog, somebody will take it in. :( 

In this case, we decided to take her in. She is a very nice dog. She is an adult dog, not a puppy, and is very gentle. She showed herself to be good with the chickens and the goats. 
Since we lost a goat the other day to coyotes, it might be good to have a dog in the yard to bark if they try to get them.
Anna's faith was boosted today.  God answered her prayers once again and Mazey will be an excellent farm hand. :)

Anna and The Mysterious Kitty Lips

I found these pictures on my camera.  Apparently they were taken while I was at the grocery store.

Now, the question of the century..... "How did the cat get red lips???" LOL

Sarah and Alli At It Again

Well the dynamic duo decided to make cookies once again!  This time, I think they've got it!
I came up with a great Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookie Recipe that is also gluten free.
I'll share it soon.

Great job girls! The cookies taste wonderful!

Will It Ever Change???

While countries may not change, or institutions may not change, WE can be that change One child at a Time!

Ivy's Blog Giveaway

My sweet daughter in law is having a giveaway. Stop by her precious blog, see my grandsons and leave her a message! :)