When It Comes To Adoption....

How old is too old? I'm speaking of parents here not children. A child is never too old to be adopted, though some misinformed believe that to be true. I think some of this stems from a well respected man called James Dobson. I remember him saying children learn most of their values by the age of 5. (don't quote me on that exactly)
Meaning, by 5, a child is pretty set.

I say a big Respectful BOLOGNA!

Parents are much more set in their ways and need to relearn many things as each child is born or comes into the family to help mold and shape us into what the Father wants us to be. :)

So how old is too old? I believe in the United States, you can adopt until the age of 63. In Ukraine, there is no age right now.(they were looking at no more than a 40 year age difference. Meaning if you are 45 you could not adopt a child under 5.) Different countries have different views.

So do you have bedrooms just sitting there? Kids gone or in college? You are in your 40's or 50's? Don't you have fond memories of those earlier parenting years?
Why not open your heart and home to a child who will most likely wind up on the street?

For those who think it is too late for an older child, think about how our Heavenly Father looks at us? Are we too old for him to reach? Are we too old for him to change? If he can reach down and change the heart of a 50 year old alcoholic, is His arm to short to reach down and change the heart of a 5 year old, or a 15 year old?

We are to work until HE comes. Consider how you might fulfill that job, and fill up those spare bedrooms!

(the above photo is of a few teenage orphans in Kharkov Ukraine, in about 2 to 3 years, these girls will be sent out onto the streets and probably face a life of prostitution, drug abuse, or worse)
They look like the girls down the street, and they could be at home sleeping in one of those "spare" bedrooms. :)

All About Losing

I have been keeping up with a couple of blogs, and the issue of loss and losing has been coming up. We are almost 2 years down the Road with Erika, and 3 with Sarah, 4 with Anna. Yet, the issue of loss is always there. YES there are gains, but there are also losses. Every birthday, they are reminded that they lost a birth mother. Every Christmas, they are reminded that there are people out there probably celebrating Christmas without them.
The issues aren't necessarily on the "front burner" of their minds or even mine, we love birthdays and Christmas, but they are there.

I was thinking about what our children "lose" when they become our children. They lose EVERYTHING. Even their underwear. They take NOTHING with them. Then, those little fragile lives are placed into the hands of complete strangers and they get on a train, then a plane, then in a car, and these are traumatic experiences for them. They go off into the unfamiliar, unkown armed many times with misinformation like, "your new parents will beat you, sell you, they are going to take body parts from you" etc.

So not only are they stripped of their dignity, they are armed with fear.

These experiences are so related to our spiritual walk.

Aren't we ALL sick, and naked and fearful and imprisoned and many times don't know it? And here comes our Lord in to rescue us from the pits of despair, and many times because of misinformation, we respond in fear, and we follow kicking and screaming into LIFE because we don't know what it is like to really be alive, we are so used to the familiar.
And just like the orphaned child, grieves his loss and is then able to embrace his gain; we realize, WOW! We have a REAL LIFE I can really trust my Lord. I WANT to hold His hand. I WANT to sit at His feet. I Want Him to love me. I am FULL of Joy unspeakable. This is real LIFE. It is incomprehensible that we would have wanted to stay in our sin.

Our losses become GAIN. It's the process that hurts. But on the other side, we become thankful for the breaking process we go through, as it helps us to understand the joy.

As adoptive parents, it is our ministry to our children to guide them, to lead them to life and to love them through the process, eventually introducing them to yet another hand to Hold. That of our Heavenly Father. What they will come to realize is that He was holding their hand the whole time.

I Changed My Template

It was just a little too pink. :)

More Pictures of the Day

The girls had a great day! Tonight, Daddy and his friend are installing shelves along the border of the girlies room. Pictures to come. :)

Ever Hear Of Twisted Sister?

Our neighbor gave the girlies a game called Twister. I was concerned that Erika wouldn't be able to enjoy it. NOT! I forgot, she LOVES to tell her sisters what to do! It is the perfect game! :)

How Do You Know?

Today the question came up, "How do you know when the baby is born if it is a boy or a girl?" I honestly thought we had this covered last year, but apparently my scientific gardening lesson of planting seeds went way over the heads of my students!

Anna piped up and said, "Girls have hair and boys are bald!" Daddy said, "girls have bows and boys don't, bye, I'm going back out to work!" thanks Daddy.:P

I said, "Remember what the billy goat and ram looked like?" Erika said, "that thing?"
Yes. That thing. Girls don't have one, and boys do. Hmmmm. Sarah was mysteriously cleaning the floor and didn't dare get involved in this conversation. :)

Next time, I'll leave Daddy with them and say, "I have to go shopping".

The Mrs. Potato Heads

You Smell Like Ukraine!

This is what Erika said to me this afternoon after I had put on some much needed Oil of Olay. The last time I used Oil of Olay, was in Ukraine! It is so funny how our brains remember smells, seasons, how something felt...
Sarah did something very similar when I pulled out my flannel nightgown that I had not used since we were in Ukraine. She smelled it and it still had a faint scent from the laundry softener used there. She said, "oh mama, this smells like Ukraine." You know, she was right! I smelled it, and it put me right back into our little Apartment in Kharkiv.
But... these are pleasant memories. What if the memory of something we smell or feel, or a certain season evokes a bad memory and causes us pain.
Many times with our children who have had unspeakable torment in thier young lives, this is exactly the case.

I remember hearing such a sweet song, actually so sweet that I have it on my blog to listen to. At one time, it wasn't so sweet. I called 5 year old Anna into our room to hear it and let her press the button. When the song started she got a huge look of fear on her face and said, "I know that song". Then she started to cry and squirm and wanted it turned off NOW! wow.... how could such an innocent song bring such torment to a child? I don't know. But it did.
For the other girls there have been things that have caused them distressing memories.
Seasons for Sarah, and darkness for Erika; a sense of being alone.

How do we get through the tangled mess of distorted memories, tormented pasts, and seasons, songs, smells, familiar looking people?

I don't think we can without the help of the Lord. He is our shelter and our peace, a comfort to us in a time of trouble. If we teach them to run to the Cross when they are frightened, to turn to the Lord for help, to run to mom and dad who will comfort and pray with them when they need stability then these "giants" of our past don't seem to be so big.

Thankfully today, our Anna can listen to that cute little song and likes it.
Sarah isn't as tormented by the season which upset her so much. Erika isn't as
afraid of the dark as she used to be. (still working on it)

Thanks be to the Lord who comforts us and takes away all our fears.

The Weekend

We had a huge weekend. It is Monday a.m. and I think it is still going on. One of the fallouts from loads of activity, is the house work gets left in the dust. So, instead of doing language arts right now, we are cleaning a bedroom. Instead of spelling, we are sorting laundry and instead of writing, we are cleaning ashes out of the fire place.
Will we catch up? Yes. We will. But there is nothing worse than trying to do school in a mess.

Now that that confession is off of my mind....
Friday morning Mike started volunteering at Scottish Rite Hospital. Right now he is in the Radiology department. He really enjoyed it and I'm so glad he is doing it. Friday night we had Timothy, Emily and Kenny over for Friday night pizza. The girls made gifts for Mike's birthday and I got him a gift or two too! His Birthday was actually Saturday, ground hogs day. After a full day, we headed off to ministry group and had a great time of fellowship. We met up with our new out of town friends David, Julie and Daniel, who have just moved here from Atlanta. After a late night, we crashed and got up early for Church. After church, we moved on to having lunch at the favorite Wylie BBQ joint,where kids eat for free, and then headed home for a couple of hours. Then it was off to the Verkler's for a football party. I still couldn't tell who was playing, but from the screaming and cheering from the other room, there was "the most incredible play ever in the history of the game." Something about a guy catching the football in the inzone with his hand and the ball held against his helmet.

Some of us girls were in the Verkler dining area having a pretty intense discussion.
I have much to think about and ponder.

But on a lighter note: here are a few pictures of the girlies getting around the house without legs and feet.

Sarah and Her Daddy

Yesterday I caught this sweet picture of Mike and Sarah. Sarah woke up and couldn't find her leg. "I can't find my leg!" was the first thing we heard in the morning.

Anna went and found it for her while Sarah and Daddy were cuddling on the couch. Here is her reunion with her leg. :)

Three Aunts and a Niece

The girls had a lot of fun with a recent visit from Katie :)

Some Things Just Can't Be Fixed

I was thinking today about a conversation I had with a dear couple at our church.
They asked about Erika, and how she was doing. They noticed that she is not sitting that much better than she was before the huge surgery. I had such high hopes that the surgery would cause her to sit better and cause her to walk better. While she is bending a little more, and sitting a little better, it didn't accomplish what I had hoped for in my heart. I had this grandious idea that she would be sitting like me, and bending like me and that her leg would be turned more. The surgery did some important things, like reconstructing the hip socket helps to keep her hip in place instead of going out, but it didn't do much for the onlooker who would be looking for a bigger change.

I have known all along that much of what is going on with Erika's body cannot be fixed this side of eternity, short of a miracle that is. There are those times when I think about it, and mourn for her losses; especially her loss of freedom to completely be independent. And yet there is this part of me that trusts. Trusts the Lord that HE is in complete control of Erika's body and in her future. Who am I to question the creator? Maybe it is meant for another person in her future to be blessed by becoming her caretaker/aide. And I guarantee, it WOULD be a blessing for them. She is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest child. I am so proud of her, and happy for the progress we have made together. I love caring for her. I pray for the person who will come after me and Mike, when we are gone, and she is living her own life, be that person her husband, or her friend.
So when my heart hurts, like right now, I know where to go for comfort. To my Lord.
He already knows.

The East Coast Minichs

I just had to put these pictures up of Joe Becca and Sam.
I asked the older kids if I could get some new pictures of them, and this is what Becca sent.
I am so proud of these two. They are plodding along and doing so great. They are loving and sweet parents, and a mom couldn't be prouder.

More Reflections

When I was a young girl, I remember listening to our Sunday School teacher ask us, "Don't you just wish the Lord would return today?"

Now here I was a 14 year old professed believer, and in my heart I was thinking NO. I haven't gotten married yet? I've never kissed a boy! And.... we are going to Disney
Land in just 2 more weeks!

I was obviously thinking as a child. I shared with my Sunday School teacher my concerns and he so sweetly did not laugh at me.

Looking back on my youthful foolishness is sometimes humorous and sometimes sad. My focus on me. A selfish teenager.

C.S. Lewis once said, "Pain is the megaphone to rouse a deaf world". If that is true, which I believe that many times it is, God must have thought I was stone cold deaf!

But looking back, I am thankful for that chisel of pain the master has used in my life to shape me into his image. I am certainly not "there" yet, but I no longer long for the things of this world, as I did when I was a teen. Do I have my eyes completely fixed upon my savior? Sadly,no. I get distracted by the ways of this world, daily life, business, fear, taxes, and then......
there is that gentle intervention; HE calls me......
"I AM HERE!" "I AM".

He brings me to my knees. He causes me to remember, who I really am, why I am really here. I am not my own. I am not here for me.

I came across another Kelly Willard Song and thought the words were so appropriate:
This is my prayer today:

BEAUTIFUL JESUS

Wounds that bled for my forgiveness
Infinite Love, Beautiful Jesus

Precious fragrance Smile of Mercy
Intimate friend, Beautiful Jesus

Now I see Through a darkened window
But one day soon
All will be revealed, And I'll finally behold my groom

Dancing eyes are piercing through me
Melting my soul, beautiful Jesus
Opening my heart so gently Merciful touch
Beautiful Jesus

Now I know Only glimpses of a perfect face
And a greater loveliness than my searching heart has
ever known

Beautiful wonderful lovely are you
Rose of Sharon Rose of Sharon
you are the Rose of Sharon

(and I would add)
And a greater loveliness than my searching heart has ever known.

The Folks Who Pass Through Our Lives

I was just thinking about how neat it is that we have had so many folks just pass through our lives. They touch us in many ways and we are richer to know them.
Relationships are like pieces of tissue paper that has once been glued together. When torn apart, they leave fibers of each color on the other piece. That is so much how it is with friends and fellow journeyers.

It might be one little thing they said, a comment that is memorable, or a smile that is etched in memory. Those fibers of life are forever woven into the fabric of our spirit.

We have many friends who are moving on, some to other countries as their stay here in America has come to an end, some have moved to different geographical areas and some have moved on eternally.

It reminds me that every moment that I spend with another on this path we call life is a fabric that will be placed into the life of another. I want that fabric to be of heavenly quality, fit for a Child of the King.

The Body of Christ is such a treasure, and I am so thankful to have been touched by so many wonderful lives.

Humility vs. Humiliation

When we talk about being humbled, there is a big difference between being "humbled" and being "humiliated". One denotes positive spiritual awareness, where a person is humbled before the Lord, made aware of sin, and then there is a repentance.

Humiliation on the other hand, is demeaning, exposing, damaging. When a person is humiliated, sin may be exposed, but not in a loving manner. More in an accusatory manner.
Satan Humiliates
The Lord Humbles

Satan Accuses

The Lord Guides.
He is not on the opposite side pointing the finger. On the other hand he is reaching out , to guide us on the path.
It is so important with our children to be that guiding light that places their hand into the reaching hand of the Lord. Especially in times when they need that humbling presence.

This a.m. our Anna had one of those moments. She was being rather snotty. I had her come and sit by me for a while and she did, but with that "I don't care attitude" that can push those "oh so active buttons" on a mom.

I took her over to the computer and played Kelly Willard's newest song "Humbe Me".
I didn't say anything, but she joined in with singing the song.
The words are:

Humble Me, Humble Me
Take my life, let it be
Pleasing only Lord to thee
Humble Me

I am proud, I am hard,
Lord my heart is torn and scarred
Lay your hand upon my life
And Humble me.

Humble me
When you see me swiftly straying
Draw me near that I may hear
Your Spirit saying
Come to me, Come to me
For I long to see you free
I know your heart
I love you still
So come to Me
(words and music by Kelly Willard)

After we finished singing, there were little tears coming from my precious
Anna. She whispered, "I prayed mom."

Isn't the Lord just so tender~ and sweet!

Parenting

I have been thinking over and over how the last 30 years have changed our lives. Raising 4 boys, to Empty nesters, to raising 3 little girls. They didn't come the usual way, or maybe they did?
(kicking and screaming) Just larger. :)

I always say, we got our girls "potty trained and talking back". :)

There is much to be said about being parents on how to "change" or "tame" the wild beast of a child. But little is said about what really needs to happen and how God in his infinite wisdom, KNEW, that while we THINK we are teaching them, they are really teaching us.

They are teaching us how to use self control, they teach us how to ask nicely, they teach us how to love unconditionally, they teach us that we really don't have it all together, even if there is 1 child or 10 children.

The most important thing they teach us is to be on our knees in prayer for them and for ourselves, asking for wisdom from above, as the responsibility is huge and time is not slowing down.

Many years ago, I would read all about "this is what you do to make your child mind".
I didn't like the books I read, and tossed them for the scripture itself. I found the answers to my deepest concerns, and wisdom for my older children. Much change took place in my life in regards to parenting.

Now,I am more comfortable as I look inwardly and ask myself, "if my child is not obeying like I would like to see, with the right ATTITUDE, what have I been doing to come along side, guide her to the next step and help her to see what she should be doing? Am I being the example I should be? Or.. am I modeling what I am seeing in her?

This type of parenting has opened up a whole world of exploration and experience that is freeing and wonderful. Seeing the responses of those little girls, those eyes that look at you so lovingly and trusting, the pleasure of obedience. And.... it isn't law oriented, it is love oriented, it isn't law driven, it is love driven.
And it is a journey in life that we walk together. Mike and I as the teachers, and authorities in their lives, but always seeing that we too are being taught and under the authority of Christ. Oh my, how that perspective changes you, humbles you, brings you closer in your walk with the Lord.....

Are things perfect? No. Because WE are not perfect. But there is such joy in the journey.

Our Journey Update

We have been having such a great time with our girls, and it is hard to beleive that in just a little over 4 months, it will have been 2 years since Erika joined our family.

I was thinking about that as she was playing a fast game of backgammon with dad before breakfast this a.m. She proudly said that she had made my bed, and also wanted to go out to the shoppe for dad's thermos to fill it with hot coffee for him. She needed to get on a coat and the only one out was the one she handed down to Sarah. YES! Handed down! We had brought this coat with us to Ukraine for her to wear and it fit her nicely. Now, she tried it on and the sleeves were half way up her forearms and the bottom was up to her upper hips! She started to laugh! Look at this, I'm a woman!
I've grown into a woman! :)

Oh my she has grown in so many different ways, spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually....

For those of you just glimpsing at this blog, our entire journey to Ukraine is in the archives. Our very first post. It is a collection of emails sent to family while we were gone and until we came home.

I can't believe this beautiful, sweet girl, who was doomed to spend the rest of her life in a mental institution has become our precious joyful sweet daughter. Such a gift from the Lord to two very undeserving parents. This experience has been the embodiment of grace.

Set On Fire

So many great things have happened in the last week in my heart. I was a little discouraged during the Christmas Holiday time. Though I was having fun and enjoying the season, there was this continual tug on my heart to remember, remember, remember.

Remember where your heart truly is. While we haven't forgotten, it seems too out of reach and far away, and yet at our age, We should know better. After all, adopting children, going to Ukraine to get one, seemed "too out of reach and far away". But we serve a mighty God, full of ways and means to get things to happen. And it usually starts with just a dim spark. Sometimes that spark turns into an ember buried in ash, nobody knows it is there....

Our spark has been buried in the ash of general life, work, business, laundry, the pursuit of orderliness, cleanliness, books, Dr. appt's., grand kids, and that doesn't even touch the surface of distraction. It is embarrassing how long the list can be.

But that burning ember, is there. It still calls and we know that we can rest that in God's time, things will happen. But that doesn't take the responsibility away of getting ready and being prepared.

It seems that this year we have gone the other direction. Sort of like trying to go on a diet and gaining weight instead, and then realizing once again, that the diet has to start now, and we're just that much further away from the goal.

So, we can cry and complain about how awful we are and how things will never happen, or we can get on our knees and repent and begin the process of working towards the Mark that God has placed in our hearts, partnering with the creator on HIS WILL.

I think we'll choose the latter.

Organization is NOT the Enemy

Sometimes it seems that "getting organized" is on my list of "things to do". Will it ever happen? How do some people just seem to be able to have everything in its right place and everything actually HAS a place?

This is my own personal cross to bear. My FLAW that wakes me in the night. Is it possible I am missing the organization gene? That is it! I am not responsible for my flighty filing, for my endless search for lost items! I'm missing a very important gene!

Somehow, I'm not convinced of this.

Structure and Self Discipline can seem so "uncreative" at times, but when not practiced to excess, leaving room for creativity, I think it helps one be MORE creative and actually can give a person MORE free time for less "stressful" activites than looking for lost keys 10 seconds before leaving the house.

I am forever greatful for Mike encouraging me to strive to do better in this area. Mabye by the time this year ends, I will have had a successfully organized paperwork year.

And that will make BOTH of us happy. :)