Erika's Ski Trip

 Erika had a wonderful time! We were all very excited to pick her up at the airport after it was over.... We finished off her weekend by taking the family out to Chipotle, so we could just chill, sit and talk. :)

Oh MY! This girl has NO FEAR!  She went to the second highest drop off called Mary Jane and sledded down.

Here are some highlights of her trip!

 At the airport

 Take Off

 Mountains

 There were several staff members from Texas Scottish Rite hospital.

 Getting ready to go down.

 The cooks

 Y also goes to camp in the summer with Erika and Sarah

 Dr. Herring and his lovely wife Kathy.

 Erika and H.

 Colorado refrigerator Magnet! :)  Thank you!

ON BEING FAKE

I have heard many different twists to the word FAKE in relation to bonding with our children. The most common one I have read is,  "Fake it until you make it."
I don't like using the word FAKE or the connection it has to "shallow" and "deception".
I also don't like it because children can very well pick up on insincerity.
Faking something requires a bit of a "lie".
To Fake something means that you are not sincere. It is to gloss over a very big problem!
Our kids need us to TRULY LOVE THEM from day ONE!

I think "Fake it until you make it" comes from a misunderstanding of love.

LOVE is a verb.... it is doing what is best for your child at all times.  LOVE believes all things, hopes all things, ENDURES all things and it does NOT fail!
Unconditional LOVE does not expect. Unconditional LOVE is not based upon what somebody else can give back... it is FREELY GIVEN. PERIOD.  It does not only act when a "feeling" is there.
It acts unconditionally, and then the feeling follows, if it weren't there already.
Strangers have to have time to get to know each other!
Unconditional love forgives WITHOUT condition!
Unconditional LOVE does not worry about "Me Time", but gains strength from the LORD, to press on and be refreshed.  HE refreshes us.  If we try to please ourselves..... it just doesn't work.
There is a difference between escaping because we feel we deserve the things we no longer indulge in and miss them, than taking time alone for reflection and seeking the Lord for strength and peace in the midst of a storm.
One is escape... the other is a filling up. 
I know that when I feel my tank beginning to run on empty, I need to spend some time in devotion, prayer, reflection, reading and just quiet to gain strength and energy.

There are times when we don't HAVE the means or ability to fill up by having any quality alone time. That is when I think of Susanna Wesley, the mother to the famous Theologian John Wesley.
She had 19 children, but only 10 of them lived.  So with 10 children running around, and a husband that was many times absent, her life was very difficult.  She resorted to putting her apron over her head to signal to the children that she was praying. 

When babies are born to us, it takes time to know them. We learn all about their little personalities over the months and years as they are growing and developing.  It is not much different for our children who come to us through adoption. We get to know them over the months and years.

Just as we do with babies, we check them out.... look that their sweet expressions, movements, laughs, giggles, and sweet babbles.... we do this with our older children who come home to us through adoption.  We fall in love with their laugh, smile, mannerism, giggle, sense of humor, and each part of their personality.

We know that our children didn't get to the place they are emotionally, overnight;  and they will also not heal, overnight, because they are with us.
For Miss Alli, when she came home, 11/11ths of her life was CHAOS and TRAUMA after TRAUMA.  It would have been quite unreasonable for us to expect that she be all healed up just because we took her to Chuck E. Cheese, bought her new clothes or gave her a nice bed to sleep in.  It would be RIDICULOUS to expect that she would NOT see us suspectfully, waiting for the next rejection.
AND THAT is why as PARENTS we cannot take a child who is afraid to attach, personally. IT IS NOT PERSONAL, IT IS TRAUMA.

 REMEMBER, it was not necessarily THEIR choice to come into a new family.  The other side of being adopted, is being rejected. BONDING to our children is a CHOICE by US!  Our children attach to us... because they feel our love and acceptance for them. I am not talking about perfection here, or an oozing over with gushing feelings of adoration.   If your child has come to you through adoption, they are a stranger!

What does loving a stranger look like?  It is doing what is best for your child at all times.
It is choosing to see the good things and have those in the forefront of your mind and not the bad.
It is studying that child, getting to know them, what makes them happy, sad, fearful, joyful, delightful.   It is allowing your heart to have NO GUARD on it, and giving yourself over to and making yourself vulnerable to that child. NO HOLDING BACK.   It is cherishing the relationship to come, as you dance through getting to know them. 
When Alli first came home almost 2 years ago, she was a stranger! She lived her first 11 years and 1 month with other people!While we accepted her with open arms into our home, we still did not know her.  Yet we LOVED her greatly! She is the little one the Lord chose to bring to us.  We studied her, talked with her, communed with her, sang to her, rocked her, and even fed her.  As we poured all of ourselves into her, she responded..... at first just a tiny bit, and then a little more, and then she dove into the pool of love to be washed anew with a new perspective on life, parents, and God.We picked something each day to find cute about her, or funny about her. She was spunky and funny, and we loved her laugh.

If you are struggling in this area, it is ok!  It gets better.  We can go to the Lord and He will strengthen us and give us wisdom.
Also, making  a list of all the positive qualities about your child and choosing to love those makes  it much easier to foster positive affection, as opposed to being angry or disappointed and making a list of all the negatives!
When you find yourself admiring something about your child, ad something else to that list! :)
Don't fake love.... GIVE YOUR GENUINE LOVE!
It is VERY important that we put  all preconceived ideas of what our future child will be like and instead, prepare for the child that God has chosen for us, warts and all, because we all have MANY flaws!
I remember talking to Sarah's family, and the idea of preconceived dreams of what she would be like was a HUGE factor.  She was NOT who they had built up in their minds for her to be like.  The "Romance" of adoption quickly ends and reality sets in.  Don't prepare for for adoption with the emphasis on clothing, bedding and new paint.  Prepare your heart for the LIFE you will share together with somebody very special that the Lord has brought into your life!  Prepare to be humbled, broken,  strengthened and given such JOY, as you find your way through the Journey in Christ.
Sorrow and Suffering are sometimes your friends, as with Much Afraid in the alagorical book "Hinds Feet on High Places", but remember...... Sorrow and Suffering, turn into Gladness and Joy!

If you are having a difficult time, seek the Lord to give you wisdom and show you how to minister to your child.  Ask the Lord to reveal your own sin, so you can confess it and heal from it, and then see clearly how to minister to your child.

We are all on this journey together! 
NO FAKE NEEDED! :)

A Tale Of Two Lies

Memories from 23 years ago!

Back when our boys were younger, there are two distinct LIES that I remember, and two distinct ways in which we handled them.

In my earlier years, all I knew was "Traditional Fear Based Parenting".  Even though we had moved away, and greatly distanced ourselves from many of these ideas, we still were struggling with how to deal with difficult situations.

While I was very uncomfortable with it, I knew NOBODY who didn't actually spank. Those years were at the   "James Dobson" "Dare to Discipline"  peak.

We were quite poor so we used to take the boys on Friday Nights to get a 4 dollar pizza and let the boys play some games. They LOVED to go.  They also decided together to save their ticket prizes for a "grand prize"....
The time came for that "Grand Prize".  We were planning to go to "Pistol Petes", and that night, they would turn in all of their tickets for a video.
There was excitement in the air.... and the day came....
The tickets were MISSING from our room!  I found them in one of our boy's pillow case!
We confronted him... "Why did you take the tickets and hide them?".. (sleep with them)
He accused his brother. :/
We knew this particular son was overly anxious and the excitement was too much for him.... but he STOLE!
So, after talking to him, and FINALLY getting a confession.... he received a swat. :(
We rewarded his TRUTH telling with a punishment!  ACK!  I hate to even think about it!
I don't think there was a precious moment in that. We were upset, and he was punished.


A few years later... as we were learning more about grace....

Our youngest son did something very wrong.  He and his brother walked to the local Dairy Queen.
There was this game. The rules were, if your quarter lands on this certain spot, you win a Sundae.
Our son told the manager that His quarter landed there. It was not his quarter, but somebody else's.
He ate the Sundae he was falsely rewarded.

The next week, I asked the guys... "Do you want to go to Dairy Queen for an ice cream?"
Our youngest would ALWAYS say "NO! I don't really want to!"
I couldn't figure it out for the longest time!

A year went by, and the guilt had eaten him up.  He came to me and confessed the dirty deed  he had done. 
My response was, "I am so proud of you for telling the truth!"  "But we need to  make it right."
We called the manager at the Dairy Queen and asked to meet with her.
Both Mike and I took our sweet son to pay for that Sundae.
The manager told our son, "I am so proud of you for being honest!" 
She told him, "You are welcome to eat here at ANY TIME!"

The lesson learned for me, was that the Lord in HIS good timing will convict the heart! And the life lesson learned will be forever imprinted on the heart.
It required No spanking, or scolding!

After that... I was comfortable to toss Dobson and His ideas out!
I just KNOW we could have handled the first situation so much better had we had the tools or understood what was behind his behavior.
It could have led to a stronger relationship and not fear of punishment!

God's ways are SO much better than ours!

She's Back!

Erika is back home with us.  She had a WONDERFUL time in Winter Park, Colorado, Skiing.
Everybody said she tried everything and did not hold back! :)  That's our girl! :)

After we picked her up from the airport, we took her out to dinner and just enjoyed being together once again. :)
In the car, Erika and Sarah couldn't stop talking and giggling. :)

I asked Erika, "What was the absolute HIGHLIGHT of your trip?" 
She said, there were many highs and she loved it all.... but the VERY BEST part was, on the second night. 
She said the first day and night, everybody was shy and there wasn't a lot of talking.  But the SECOND night, everybody couldn't STOP talking and laughing.  She said she observed Dr. Herring, with such joy on his face, watching everybody interact, and that just made her so happy to see Him so happy. :)
That is OUR ERIKA!  :)  She is very perceptive and such a sweetheart of a girl. :)

For Talent Night, Erika played guitar and they re wrote Taylor Swift's Song "Mean".....
"Some day I'll be chilling at the Denver Airport, waiting on a rental car"......
etc. etc. etc.  :)
Erika will post the song in it's entirety on her blog when she wakes up tomorrow. :) (actually, after church)
And TOMORROW, I get to see pictures! :)
Too late to down load tonight.
These are from the airport. :)

 Alli telling Erika, "I've been waiting forever!" :)

 Together again!

 Somebody checked their legs! LOL  The Duct Tape was because they got broken on the slopes. Duct tape is just AWESOME!

 Back in Daddy's arms. :)

Some Exciting News KINDLE EDITION!

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HERE IS a LINK if you are interested. :)

Thanks for reading!  And please give a review! :)

But What About Consequences??

An Alternate Title Would Be....
"What About Punishment?"

"If you were pulled over by a policeman, because you were speeding, shouldn't you get a ticket?"

What I DESERVE vs. What I HOPE for, can be very different.  Would you WANT a ticket?  Or would you WANT mercy? 
I know for me, I would want mercy!  I have gotten both. :)

In the movie,   Les Miserables, the problem with Jarvet' was that he was a "law follower"; carrying out the letter of the law with no mercy.  He demanded consequences, when he himself  transgressed, because he didn't understand grace or mercy and eventually, it destroyed him.  He was a fear based, consequence based follower!

One of the biggest hurdles to get over, when talking about "Grace Based Parenting", or "BCLC" type parenting, is what about CONSEQUENCES?
Don't they NEED consequences???

I am going to attempt to answer this, but it is both THEOLOGICAL and POSITIONAL.

If I were to ask a Christian, what they deserved because of sin.... They would go to Romans 6:23
"For the Wages of Sin is Death... (what we are deserving of)

But the SECOND half of that same verse says, "But the FREE gift of God is ETERNAL LIFE in Jesus Christ our Lord!"

What we DESERVE vs. GOD'S MERCY AND GRACE, freely given is an amazing TRUTH in Scripture.  John 3:16 says, "This is the way God chose to show His Love for the World. HE gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have Eternal Life" 
17- For God did not send His son into the World to condemn the world, but that the world through HIM, might be saved.

(the world was already condemned back in Genesis.)

King David, whom God said was a "Man after God's own heart".... a "Righteous man"; was also a sinner.  David committed Adultry with Bathsheba while he was king. Her HONORABLE husband didn't want to dishonor the king by going into his wife while there was a battle, so he slept by David's doorstep.  The King tried to get him drunk.... he still refused, so David, trying to cover up His own sin, sent Uriah to his death in battle by putting him on the front lines.  He then took Bathsheba to be his wife.
The Prophet came to David and told him a story....
"There was a man who had a little sheep.  He loved his lamb and treated it more like a pet.
The rich man, wanted a feast so he came and TOOK the little lamb from the man and had a feast !"

As David listened to the story, he became angry.... "This man is DESERVING of DEATH!"
And the prophet said, "That man is YOU!"  "You took Uriah's wife, and had him killed"!
David was DEVASTATED by the words, and repented before the Lord in sackloth and ashes, asking that the Lord not remove His spirit from upon him and that He would wash him and cleanse him.

(This is one of my favorite worship songs, taken directly from Scripture in Psalms)

David also had many "Natural Consequences" that took place in his life.  Because of his leadership in some areas, he battled his entire life, and His family was a mess.  
But He was STILL a man who passionately wanted to serve the Lord!

As I pour through the scripture, I find case after case where those who are struggling are helped....
by the Lord.  I see the Prostitute, the Blind Man, the Lame Man, and many, MANY more...
All people with personal sin that needed forgiven. 

I see in my OWN life, so many failures and mistakes, sins, wrongs..... But GOD.....
He is FAITHFUL AND JUST to forgive!  My standing before Him is FORGIVEN. 
Why?  Because He sent His SON to take on the SIN of the World.  HE BECAME SIN FOR US... and a Righteous God, poured out His wrath upon His son, Raised Him from the Dead and IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED..... He took MY punishment.

With this in mind..... I will try to answer why we do not use "consequences", and yet our girls are thriving.  We are not raising little monsters who are demanding everything, but respectful and kind girls who love the Lord, and love us. They are not perfect, but neither am I....

I remember when Alli and I were in North Carolina in the hotel.... her confession that she needed to tell me," I have a secret to tell you, I have a really bad side"....I thought to myself.... glad she knows this.   "I have a secret to tell you.... "I have a really bad side too!"  I know I have mentioned this a few times over the last 2 years.... 
(All of our first posts on Miss Alli start in March of 2011)
I told her our bad side is called a "Sin Nature", we all have one. :)

She seemed almost relieved that she was not the only one.  I cannot find the post where I mentioned this first, but it is down there somewhere! (I need a better search engine)
The VERY FIRST thing we want to do with our children is to teach them all about forgiveness.
It is a concept that is misunderstood even in the church.
Forgiveness does NOT give license for the person forgiven to go on doing whatever they want. Forgiveness brings about LIFE CHANGE....
It doesn't happen all at once, but it has happened for EACH of our girls.

The concept of being FORGIVEN....is FREEING. Our burdens are lifted.  The heavy burdens of shame are removed and we are surrounded in unconditional love.

When our children, even our children who have had the hardest hearts, that were doing everything in the world to keep from being vulnerable again, because they didn't want to hurt again, have succumbed to unconditional love.  And they LIKE it!  THEY LOVE IT!  But it was very scary for them at first.

Their lives have CHANGED and so have ours. 
If we can talk to our girls about wrongs when they come up, and they repent, and we forgive, it doesn't make much sense to punish.  Our grace is not cheap, nor is God's.  LOVE COMES WITH SACRIFICE.  We lay down our lives each day.
We also INSTRUCT and TEACH.... as Christ said, "Go and sin no more"......
We can tell our girls after a talk, "Let's do our best not to do that.... instead, let's work on doing this!"
And we give an example.  They are willing to try, even when it is hard.

I HONESTLY do not think we would have the same results if we laid down the law and punished.
Instead, we allow natural consequences to take over.
Society does not tolerate a screaming child in the market.  (Or I should say I don't)  So when they were younger, they knew, unacceptable behavior would lead to an immediate trip home, no matter what stage we were in the market.  It has happened once to EACH of our children except for Miss Erika. :)  There was no punishment or scolding; just a following through on proper behavior.

Instead of punishing a child for talking back, address the talking back and teach them a better way to express themselves.  Sometimes, they just don't GET HOW to communicate.  Remember where your child came from.  Ours came to us, as I have always said, "Potty Trained and Talking Back!"
In Karyn Purvis's book "The Connected Child", chapter 8 addresses the issue of correct communication.  She has a short list of "good words" "bad words" to teach appropriate communication.
Instead of "I hate you!"  "I feel sad or angry".   Instead of "That's not fair!"  "I feel jealous".
etc. Redirecting from inappropriate to appropriate can happen by saying, "That is not ok!"  "Let's try again."  IF you have been practicing and teaching (disciplining/discipling) on appropriate responses, your child will be prepared to respond correctly.

DISCIPLINE IS WHAT YOU LIVE OUT! IT DOESN'T HAPPEN WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG, BUT IT IS CONTINUAL TEACHING WHILE THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT!

Stay away from the bossy "Because I said so's".   Instead, if a child asks why, offer them an answer.
Why not? 
If we are building relationship, they need to be able to trust us, and asking why, is not a bad thing.
I used to tell my boys that I don't mind answering why, but I want you to obey first....
With the girls this has worked  LATER, but not in the beginning. I needed to answer the why and then I had to go the second step and teach them why it is important to obey first, especially because it could be a safety issue.
"Mama will ALWAYS do what is best for you and keep you safe!"  "Trust me!"

So back to the police scenario.... "When your kids grow up, they won't be pampered by the police or job etc."  This is VERY TRUE, and it is something we TELL them and teach to them, giving examples of what COULD happen in the job market, or in general society, preparing them that you might GET that ticket.  And when you do, it will be according to the LAW, and it will be deserved, and you must be respectful and take responsibility.

As they have learned to be responsible at home, this will carry over into society as they get older.
We are to teach the statues and laws of the Lord to our children when they wake up, as we eat, as  we walk together and talk together...and as they go to bed. 
What are those laws?  They are laws on how to honor God and treat mankind.
They can be summed up in 2 commands.  "Love the Lord your God with All your Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself.

In order to love your neighbor as yourself, you have to LOVE yourself!  It isn't the self satisfying love of pride.... it is a healthy love, a right perspective that we have value, because GOD values us.
And then, we teach our children that the golden rule ISN'T do to others what they do to you!  It is NOT and eye for an eye! 
It is, "How do YOU want to be treated?"  Treat others in that way.

I have actually had a girlie tell me one time.... I want you to hit me. :(  This was a long time ago.
I told her, no. I don't want to hit you, I want to hug you.  She sobbed.  Her shame was deeply ingrained.
We have come a LONG ways from those days.  In fact, it was almost 2 years before her heart truly softened.  She sat on my lap one day and said, "Mommy, I want God to take my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh". 
She knew what this meant because I shared it with her all the time.
The day came, where she was able to put her guard down, leave her RAD behind and move into GRACE and MERCY.  

Looking back on the last 9 years of our lives has taught me more about LOVE and GRACE than I have ever learned in my entire life, and I'm old. :)

What some do not understand about Grace based parenting, is that you are NOT SPOILING your child by choosing to disciple them.  Disciplining them is TEACHING them all about the ways of life, teaching them about the narrow way that leads to life and the broad road that leads to destruction.
When we love them through their confessions and do not grieve them, or shame them, they GROW.
They grow in relationship to us, and they grow in themselves, learning forgiveness and HOW to forgive! We grow as people and it spills out into other relationships, including our marriages,
work relationships and how we deal with others.  It is a new set of lenses to view the world through.

Forgiveness is PARAMOUNT to healing in the life of the traumatized child.  It is PARAMOUNT to healing in the life of any person.
If you are harboring resentment towards your child, even secretly, it could quite possibly be coming out in your parenting, and your child will pick up on it! 

FORGIVE them and Heal Together. :)

More Birthdays

Mike and Alli already celebrated their birthdays in early February.  But two of our sons and our daughter in law also have birthdays in February.

Happy Birthday Timothy, Joseph and Rebecca! :)

Tim and Joe are not quite a whole year apart.  I remember when Timothy was 4, his brother turned 4, so he decided he would be 6 like his big brother.  When we explained he was turning 5, not six he was very upset... "How come HE gets to be MY age and I can't be Chuckie's age?"  LOL
I loved those little years with my boys. 
And now I enjoy seeing them with their own children, explaining things to them. 
But for our grandson Sam..... whoa! 
His question today, at the ripe age of 5..... "If God is a loving God, why do bad things happen?"
Ummmm....wow, at 5! :)
I know that Joseph and Rebecca will handle this question just fine!  After all, they already covered if God was a Spirit or had a body. LOL

Y'all are getting OLD!

Valentine's Night.....

WE had a WONDERFUL time at our friend's house.   There were 7 couples that all met together for a very special evening.  
Normally, we invite one couple to our home and have a special dinner. But another of our friends, decided, let's do a bigger get together. :)

We played the "Odywed Game"..... the guys and gals separated and had to answer questions about our spouses and ourselves.
We also guessed how many years of marriage were between all 7 couples! 
And lastly, besides the wonderful dinner....

We danced the Virginia Reel!  Here is what the dance looks like.....

But we were older than all these kids. :)

The children were all at another couple's house having a Pizza Party and playing together.

When we were headed to pick up the girls, we saw what we THOUGHT was a burning plane in the sky! It was sooo odd, we pulled the car over expecting a plane to crash!  3 other couples stopped with us, and we couldn't quite figure out what we were seeing.

When we got home, we looked on the internet and read that a large asteroid had passed by and lit up the Texas/Oklahoma sky, but it was at 8:00, NOT 10:50!
THEN.... about an hour ago, we read that a meteor struck Russia, injuring several people!

What a night!
I am thinking we were seeing that meteor entering our air space.... It appeared to be hovering, but maybe it was just coming down.... and then across the sky it went!
Here is a link to what happened in Russia. 

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I Don't Think She's Excited Enough!

Erika is in Winter Park Colorado..... They have figured out how to get her down that hill! :)
Her latest email:
I hoping I can send you some tonight. I long to hug you and dad. I am really missing your cooking. Dr. Haring so helpful and so has his wife.  My ski trainers are fabulous. I love you very much.

Erika M.
She is such a special sweetie! :)
I miss her..... So happy she is having a great time but can't wait until Saturday! We get to be back together! :)
Here she is going down. Thank you Dr. Ellis for sending this. :)

Turning a Failure Into A Success! OR The Bathroom Floor SAGA....

It was just today that I read part of a devotional by Sally Clarkson where she talked about praying in her room, spending time with the Lord and then came out to see her boys having a pillow fight by some precious keepsakes.  She asked, "How can I be praying one minute, communing with the Lord and be angry the next!"  
That so rang true today in my life.  (Alli gave permission for me to post this. She said, "If it helps other people...."  Love my girl.)
(yes, it was really that dirty!) 
 Miss  Alli has been home almost 2 years!  March 2nd is coming up very soon, and the stresses of the years before her coming to us, were apparent today.  We have been seeing some hyper vigilant behavior, some old behaviors that have not been around for a long time and a general sense of anxiousness. 
She had been holding it together quite well, with little bits of fizz from that shaken bottle of soda coming out just a smidge at a  time, until today.  It sorta poured out.

Today was one of those moments where I felt we needed to push through on a matter, even though I knew she was stressed. We always address behaviors that are disrespectful or dishonest. 
Today it was BOTH.... I think, know I could have chosen a better time, as in.... not when she was upset.... that is standard! But no.... I had to go and shake that bottle and open the cap!  duh...

We have not seen her so upset in a very long time.  She had been called out on a 1/2 truth; and as you know, a 1/2 truth is a whole lie.  It was a very simple thing. 
She was supposed to sweep and clean the bathroom floor.  It has looked the same since Sunday.
So, I called to her and said, "Sweetie, you need to sweep and clean the bathroom floor." 
She was very annoyed and said, "I DID IT ALREADY!"
Ummm. Really?
"YES!"
So, I pointed out to her the obviousness before both of our eyes, but she refused to look.  Instead she got mad. 
So I tried a different approach.... "Maybe you THOUGHT you swept the floor?"
"NO, I ACTUALLY DID IT!"
Instead of saying something like, "I see you are out of sorts, let's take a few minutes so you can calm down, it's ok and reassure her that she is safe.....I chose to address the obvious that was before me, right then.... 
"Alli, I'm sorry, but you are not being honest!"  "To say you swept the floor when it is OBVIOUS that you didn't is not telling the truth, it is a lie."
Now, had I waited, all would have gone well, I am convinced of that.  But I didn't feel like waiting.

The lie and disrespect needed to be addressed, just not in the heat of the moment.

I want to say that I ALWAYS want to err on the side of grace when it comes to issues like lying. I want to make SURE they fully understand and get what I am saying and what they are saying.
So if I wasn't SURE.... I would not call somebody out on it.
OH BOY! She was hoppin' mad!  Then came more disrespect. "You're are just TRYING to MAKE ME MAD!" "YOU PUT THAT DIRT ON THE FLOOR!"   (I'm not kidding)

And then I became angry. "NO! I didn't... and YOU are being disrespectful now!" 
I told her I was angry and that it was wrong for her to be so out of control.... (as I felt like I was losing control).  And then I told her, mama needs to take a break here. I'm not happy about raising my voice.  She remained in the bathroom and I went in the other room.

She was sitting on the bathroom floor angry and defensive.
I threw up a prayer and went back in with the broom.  I asked her to please show me how she had swept the bathroom floor. I really wanted to see. Maybe I had not taught her well enough.  After numerous refusals, she finally did.  It was almost humorous that she showed me truthfully how she did it.  It was  basically two limp swipes with a broom and that was it.

So, I replied, "I see."   "You didn't sweep or clean the floor." 
She said, "I never said I did the corners or under the rug or cleaned up the spot!"  "I just said I swept the floor!"
By then she was much calmer.
I tried to use an object lesson.....
"Let's pretend you were in a court of law and you were on trial for not sweeping the bathroom floor.  Pictures of the floor were passed around to the jury to see, and it was time for them to make a decision.  What decision do you think they would come up with? 
She said, "They would say I didn't do it. But they would be wrong!" LOL

So I gave her more analogies:

If I were to ask, "Did you do your math and you said yes, but there were only 2 math problems done out of 50, would you be telling the truth?
If somebody brought their car to daddy to change the oil and he took out the filter and oil and then went on to something else, would that person's oil be changed?
If you did 10 dishes and put them in the dishwasher but there were 20 dishes in the sink, would the dishes be done?
She FINALLY said, "I understand mama; I'm sorry I didn't tell the truth." 

While I was talking to her, I began to clean that floor and sweep it and show her once again the proper way to do it. We went on to the sinks, and toilet, trash, and putting out fresh towels.
I sat down with her for a little while longer and told her how much I want her to do well; how much I love her and SOOOO want her to succeed!  And that we will NEVER, EVER, EVER, GIVE UP, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! EVER.
We snuggled a little bit and then addressed the disrespect.  She said she felt like I was just trying to "get her in trouble" so that is why she talked back. 
WHY would you think that?
"I dunno?"  And she probably doesn't know.  Reassuring her that it is not in my heart to do that was all I could do. " I don't like chaos! I like peace!"

She said, "ME TOO!"  HORRAY for those little words! :)

It was a good talk..... She apologized once again and there was a sense of peace as we prayed, confessed our fault to our Lord together, and prayed to heal her heart once again and create new and positive memories for this time of year.

And then, I said, "Did you clean the bath tub?"  :)

Movie Making

The girls were at it again making a new movie. This time, they invited their  friend J along with M.  He enjoyed getting all dirty, and creating. :)

 Alli and Erika, the Makeup artists.

 J was a good sport!

 The Whole Crew!

And here is the finished product. :)

UP UP and AWAY.....

 Erika departed Texas for Colorado today!  It was a HUGE send off for 13 very fortunate teenagers!
Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children staff, surgeons, prosthetists and the children are on a Ski Trip until Saturday.

 She said her goodbyes

 She started writing in her journal on the way

American Airlines donates the plane ride, but they also threw them a huge party! There was food, games, media, the American Airlines mascot, and even a dog who lost his leg in Afghanistan!
She was pretty excited to go.  She knows two of the kids going, and that made her feel comfortable.

 Erika and Dr. Herring

 The group!

We watched as the plane taxied to the run way and then the fire department blew water cannons over the plane!  She'll never forget this.  I know I won't!  Wow!