Oh What A Tangled Web

   I feel like  Mrs. Smith.  All we did was enter a simple adoption, that happened to be a previous International Adoption from Russia, x' s TWO....
That means she was disrupted twice.

All we did was say yes to a not so simple, yet it was a simple, private adoption. We signed papers, waited the proper time for ICPC and all the requirements for United States Adoptions.  We followed the rules carefully.  We were granted the adoption and received the adoption decree and finally the birth certificate.  We agreed to do post placement reports to the Russian authorities and to register her with the Consular's office in Houston, once the birth certificate was received. 

We did ALL that.... but wait, while we have been parenting and bonding and in the trenches of helping our little girl heal from all her past trauma, there has been a back and forth thing going on with the consular's office saying we have to readopt in Russia.  Then the agency says, we don't.   Then the consular's office says we do.  Then the agency asks Moscow, and Moscow says we don't. Then the consular's office asks Moscow and Moscow says we do......

I'm feeling a bit like an international special agent on a mission.  I am not even going to give a HINT of this to Miss Alli, as she was TERRIFIED at the thought of having to go to Houston. 

I THINK I know what is happening.  That "treaty" that was signed between the U.S. and Russia is what is happening.  Even though our adoption was BEFORE the treaty was signed, they are wanting to make it retroactive.  This is a first for everybody here. The agency has never dealt with this, the consular's office has not and well, we have not.   I am thankful for a very kind consular officer to be working with.  He is really trying to do things right.

I can look at this two ways. 
1. As an adventure
2. As a real pain.....

In a way, it is both.  I have done all the extra paperwork we were never told about, which does NOT include post placement reports we WERE told about and have complied with,  and  now, we are  waiting on further instruction.  One thing I DO KNOW, we are NOT going to Russia.  I have never been there and we cannot afford to go. Period.  Frankly, I am fearful to go there.   What if they tried to make an example out of us?  And we're the ones who have made the adoption work!  (Think of the family in Ghana right now)
What if they try to say Alli is Russian and try to keep her?  This is one reason we don't want to take her to the Consular's office. 
Yes, those are REAL fears.  So, we will see how this plays out.  I know that in all things, God has a plan, and it will work out for our good.

One thing for sure: I'm getting really good at paperwork.

The latest is we will not have to GO to Russia. The paper work will be sent there and they will issue a new adoption decree and birth certificate with our names on it and her new name.
I don't mind this, but I don't understand why ALL the extra paperwork.

(As a follow up on this) 
I have YET to find a copy of the written treaty anywhere on the internet.  I have been to USCIS, the State Department, and google looking at countless articles, and only find disucssion ABOUT it, but not what is  really IN it.
Some MAJOR concerns..... Since when would the U.S. agree to let Russian Authorities into a private home??
Since when  are the agencies supposed to follow children until they are 18?
Since when is it retroactive?
One article says it is, another says it isn't.
Since when, can a person be tried for a crime here, and then tried again in another country? This is actually supposedly in the document.  Isn't that double jeopardy? Aren't there laws that protect a person from double jeopardy?

Now, I realize none of that really effects us.... except the retroactive part.  But frankly, who is to say, that somebody from Russia wouldn't just come and knock on our door and ask to come in and interview us and check us out? 
Some may give the ole', "Well if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't mind." 
I DISAGREE wholeheartedly.  We have nothing to hide, but we should not have to prove that we have nothing to hide.  In this country you are INNOCENT until PROVEN GUILTY, not the opposite, and I cherish that right.  That RIGHT is something our forefathers fought and DIED for!

I refuse to be "suspect' until I prove that I am not.

As with the health care bill, I question if those who passed this even bothered to READ it!

Sorry, but there are over 50-75,000 former Russian Orphans in the U.S. depending upon the article you read.  The percentage of those who have been abused is VERY small.  There are hundreds of thousands of orphans in Russia today.
The chances of those children having a successful life is LESS than 10%... Given those odds, maybe the Russians need to take an introspective look at themselves and stop staring over the pond.
Maybe it is too painful to take the PLANK out of your own eye before trying to remove the speck from your brother's eye. :/

(I did find a copy of the treaty! Jim, a friend from FRUA sent it to me!  You can down load it here if you like. (It will say something weird, but will go to a download and then you can read it. )
http://asozd.duma.gov.ru/main.nsf/(ViewDoc)?OpenAgent&work/dz.nsf/ByID&75759B1D632868A0432579D400495820
After reading this, I am pretty ticked off at Hillary Clinton and everybody else who insisted it be passed without READING IT!
 Our national sovereignty is gone.

Happy Independence Day!

What an amazing day Independence Day is.  It always brings emotion in my heart, and a great sense of responsibility.    I am an American, our girls are now Americans.  I am thankful for those who fought and died for a dream of an independent nation.  We are still a baby nation, and   I pray that we do not lose sight of the gift we have been given.  America the Beautiful.

Summer Is In Full Swing

 The girls are enjoying summer vacation.  It is hot and humid and a time to cool off with a nice cold rag,

 or just laze around on the front porch.

I truly like our porch swing. :)

It is time to enjoy friends, boating, reading, and just plain ole' resting the brain.....
Alli slept in for a while....and then she got busy with her last craft project.

I caught Anna enjoying a book on her bed.
For mama, it is time to work with daddy, and get prepared for next year's school curriculum.  I have a LOT to do!  So in light of that...... We needed to make a surprise trip to the Lobby. What Lobby?  HOBBY LOBBY!

Gotta keep them busy so I can help daddy. :)

Indelible

Keri asked, what was written on my heart; indelible.  I had to look up the meaning of indelible. :)
"Etched, permanently".....

There is something written on my heart; indelible. :) I would like to share it.  Hopefully, I live it, every day.
The Love of Christ is written on my heart. The GOSPEL, good news, is written on my heart.
The call from Scripture to LOVE, and to care for the orphan and widow is written on my heart.
I pray that LOVE, indelible, is etched there forever..

Today was a hard day.  I missed services for the last two, yes TWO weeks, and this turned into week number THREE....
One week Anna had a terrible sunburn. Our sunscreen didn't work.  The next week, I was in the emergency room with an infection, and then, today happened.

We came back from camp. I fully expected some fall out with Miss Alli because we left and she didn't get to go.  I just expected it yesterday and not today.  Yesterday went great!  Today not so.

I had fully planned to attend fellowship, and was really looking forward to it.  Alli was out of sorts all morning, and I so wanted her to stop what she was doing.  I figured if we just got in the car, she would settle herself down on the way.
That was not to be.
Anna always goes with Daddy to get Miss Joy from the Nursing Home, so they were already at church by the time we got there.  I asked Sarah and Erika to go ahead and we'd be in soon.
I had hoped to encourage her, but it didn't work out that way. 

She dug in and then the words started pouring out of her mouth.  I was a liar.   What was my crime? What did I lie about?  There was never an answer to that.   Trauma doesn't make sense; but it does hurt. 
I was caught off guard.  I finally got her out of the car and she was to go into her class, where daddy teaches, but the entire time was insisting I was only trying to embarrass or humiliate her.  I simply told her this was not the case.  She was embarrassed because of her own behavior not mine. I have nothing to be embarrassed about.  I would never try to humiliate her ever, and she knows this; but I had a class to help teach, and I wasn't there. 
I felt so bad about letting my co teacher down. :(

But I told Miss Alli that she was important, and I needed her to understand that she was my priority.
She was reduced to a 2 year old refusing to go into class, so we went home. 

I have to say, I was not a happy mommy.  Tears flowed.  I really NEEDED to be there, and I wasn't.
I know many may not understand or may think I should have done something different, but when Trauma invades, it is overwhelming and powerful.  All I could see was the best thing to do was to go home and start over.

Once we were home, she started to ask me if I wanted her to clean or help with dishes. Did I want her to check on the chickens? Feed the fish?  Take out the trash? 
I told her no. I don't.  What I want is for her to trust me and trust daddy.  I want her to NOT call me a liar and to control her tongue.  I want her to be a part of a HAPPY FAMILY and to understand that ALL of us are human beings, who live and breathe and feel.
With that last statement she muttered, "And what am I , an alien?"
THERE WAS MY KEY..... She didn't include herself in my statement "all of us are human beings"... 
She was back to us vs. her. 
It is such a difficult bridge to get past!  She has crossed it many times, and then retreated.
I cannot wait for the day she crosses it and BURNS the way back!
I cannot wait for the day that she FULLY embraces her family and never looks back.

We had a very good talk about what happened this morning and also discussed once again what true repentance is.  The "I'm sorry with attitude, vs. the "Mom, I am truly sorry", and there is positive action afterwards.  There is CHANGE with a repentant heart.  She wants this, I know. I have no doubt. Sometimes, she just gets stuck.  Today was one of those days.

But the Lord has called me to patiently wait, patiently guide, and patiently bear the burdens of pain that those of us who work with children of trauma, bear.
Sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes it is triumphant.
Today, it is lonely.
I miss my friend J.J. who used to live so close. 

So how am I living out the gospel?  How am I loving?  The scripture says to "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the Law of Christ."  
I am bearing Alli's burdens... I am taking her before the Lord, I am choosing to love her, when she is choosing to hurt. 
She asked about punishment and if she could pick one.  I told her no.   She needs to trust us.
If we feel she would benefit from a reminder, we will be the ones to decide such a thing.
I think she is wondering about this right now. :)   That last little bit of possible "control", cloaked in "how about if you give me THIS consequence" was taken away. :)

I told her I do not like punishment and consequences. I WANT her to learn from true discipline, not punishment. I explained to her the difference between the two.  She was deeply listening.  We are past the events of the day and she has been really doing well since noon time.

Me?  After being sick, going to camp, coming back and this.... I am rather exhausted.
I choose NOT to have TRAUMA written on my heart, indelible...... It is there, but I pray that the only thing INDELIBLE will be the LOVE of Jesus Christ.
And as for Miss Alli, I pray that our love for her, and the Love of Christ will be written on her heart, INDELIBLE~! :)

Camp 2012

We had  a GREAT time!  I climbed the telephone pole again after 6 years. :)

The girls loved hanging out with friends, going on the big swing, swimming and doing all sorts of things, like attacking a caravan of boys with water balloons after the camp fire. :)

Oh my, it was an amazing week.
Here are some highlights:

A roomie.

 

Erika playing guitar for the talent show.

 Fishing

 In the lodge

 Shannon is an amazing counselor.  I have seen her grow up over the years, and she is going to get married in November! :)

 What a sweetie.

 A horse with a prosthetic leg. :)

 It was rock star day. :)

 Ummm. this was the result of a water balloon fight..... all bathing suits and towels up the flag pole. :)

Anna and Alli

When Erika, Sarah and I were at Camp.  Anna and Alli were busy little Biebers. :)
(the word that sounds like the S word is shout.)  I wasn't too sure at first. :)

Camp

Tomorrow, Erika, Sarah and I leave for "Out on a Limb camp". You have to be out of a couple of limbs or have multiple limb difference, or more to go to this camp. 
Over the years we have met some wonderful people. Some have become some very sweet friends, and our reunions each year get sweeter.  The rest of the family gets to go to the Winter Camp Retreat, in February.
 I explained to Alli last year, that this is the only place where Erika and Sarah ever see anybody else just like them.  And they are very fortunate to have each other. Some children don't have a sibling with missing limbs to identify with, and it can be very lonely.

There is much to do to get ready!  I will miss Daddy, Anna and Alli, but we always talk on the phone at night.  Daddy, I'm sure will have some fun things planned for the three of them. :)

I am so thankful that we are going. I became very ill last night trying to battle an infection and had to go to one of those Emergency Room places.  I have to say, they were VERY good and got me in quickly.  After getting a shot of antibiotic, advil,  and staying in bed and not cleaning  carpets, I am already 50% better than I was last night.  I still have that one left to do that I wanted to finish before we left, but it is not to be. My body says, REST.  Unfortunately, I had to stay behind from services today. :(    But I'm glad I got some obviously much needed sleep, as I just woke up at 12:30!

So, camp here we come! :)  Stay tuned! :)

While I am gone, please enjoy some of the "Posts of Note" on my side bar.  :)

Carpet Cleaning Fever

We purchased a carpet cleaner so we could get the rent house ready. It did a really great job on the carpets at the rent house.  Now, I decided to do the carpets at THIS house. 

It may sound whiney, but I really do not like our carpets.  They needed to be replaced when we moved here over 10 years ago.... We never made a decision what to do with the bedrooms, so they have remained.  I have had them cleaned , but have never been  pleased with the results, the times we have had it done. AND it is COSTLY.
So here is the carpet cleaner. It looks like a vacuum cleaner from Mars. :)

 And here is our bathroom.  After I finished.   This carpet will never get perfectly clean, I will never understand light colored carpeting.   But that is just me.

When we can, we are going to get rid of this carpet and replace it with something wood.  For now..... we have carpet that is cleaner than it was yesterday; and for that I am truly thankful. :)

A Fellowship

We attended a going away party for our friend's dear daughter and her husband and children, who will be leaving to go to a far away country .  They will be planting a church. 
My heart wrenches, as I know the dangers they will face.  But I am so happy for them, that they KNOW they are doing what God would have them do.
They are leaving on Tuesday for Language school, which will last 2 years.  And then.... to the country that the Lord has led them to.
It is an honor to know this beautiful couple.  I knew our friend's daughter when she as just 3, and a little "Cubby" in Awana.  
For those who teach Awana, or Sunday School.... know, that someday, one of the children YOU teach, may be off to a faraway land, to share the Gospel....The GOOD NEWS of Jesus Christ!
And you, will have had a part in the training of that person.  Take your job seriously! Serving the Lord is SERIOUS business.

Thoughts About .....Correction That Connects

Our children's beginnings...


Tonight, we covered "The Connected Child" chapter 2 at our support group.
I could barely get through this chapter without weeping.  Reading it once again reminded me of how NEGLECTED our children were, before they came home. :(

But I was also reminded of the FOUR MIRACLES that LIVE in our home. :)
YES! They are absolute MIRACLES......

When one considers that each and every day, in the normal life of a newborn babe, their mother connects with them time and time again; touching, hugging, changing, loving and caring for them, I see just how truly NEGLECTED our sweethearts truly were.:(
To have to lay in a crib all day for YEARS.... is a nightmare that 2 of our sweeties lived  in reality.
To be neglected by parents who were addicted was a nightmare that 2 of our other sweeties lived in reality.
Yet, today, EACH of them THRIVE.
I am so thankful for them beyond words.

LOVE your children. Have COMPASSION for them.  Bring them to a place of HEALING.
It is SO HONORABLE to be a parent. :)  And it is so REWARDING..... :)

Karen asks the question in chapter 2 workpages.  What is behind the behavior? And what is your child trying to communicate?  Sound familiar? 
In other words, dig deeper.  Try to find the solution. 

Also mentioned was "the belief system"..... if your child  is a child of trauma, or comes from a difficult background", their belief system may very well be, "I am not worthy to be loved". 
"I am not worthy to be fed."  "If I were loveable I wouldn't have been abandoned."

These deep seeded beliefs are things that we have encountered with each of our children.   That is why I believe it is important to have tenderness and unconditional love during a time of needed correction.   
Taking a child who is sullen and angry and singing to them, a song like Masterpiece, with words that soften the hardest of hearts, because it speaks TO that very belief system, counters it and says, you are worthy of all of my love. You are loveable. God loves you. I am PROUD of you....

Combine THAT with, "What would be an appropriate way to respond to mom when I ask you to do the dishes?"  or.........
Mama isn't asking you to do anything to cause you harm. I only want what is good for you.
Because I love you, I cannot let you be snotty, (fill in the blank)  as you are my precious, sweet daughter.  :)
And you have a recipe for healing and building trust.


DON'T avoid correction because you don't want to deal with the fall out.  Instead, find a way to CORRECT that CONNECTS you to your child! 

Hey I sorta like that statement..... "Find a way to CORRECT that CONNECTS! " (and that does NOT mean corporal punishment)  I'm talking about the deep communication of love between a parent and a child.  This is called "Teaching" and it is the TRUE ART OF DISCIPLINE.   If what you are doing does not connect with your child, then it is time to do things differently.  The change starts with YOU! :)