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Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Retraction and An Explanation

Somewhere on my blog, I wrote that Alli had told me that she was kept in her room with an alarm on the door because her family was afraid of her.
It is true they were afraid, but it is not true that there was an alarm on her door.
I am not sure how we came to that conclusion with all of our talks, and it could have been that she said she was locked in her room... which I know she did say that..  But there wasn't an alarm.

I want my blog to reflect HONESTY, and I feel badly that this was not accurate.

She told us one time that we had locked her in her room and we had to correct that.  There is not even a lock on her door.  These are expressions when she is saying how she FEELS....
And it is her perspective. 
We had to show her there was no lock, and she went to her room voluntarily.  When we showed her there were no locks, she said it "felt" like it.  Probably because she wanted to be with us......

Anything I have written has stemmed from HER perspective trying to make sense of her life.  She has said she felt that she was treated differently and that is a sore spot for her big time.  When she gets dysregulated, here, she will perceive that she is being treated differently and get upset. It is her perspective. 
We work hard on these things to straighten them out and many times she will come back and say she is sorry.

We just had a wonderful visit with her sister who shared a room with her.  And she confirmed there was not an alarm.

Anyhow, I wanted to correct this. It may not seem a big deal, but it is to me, and it would be to me if I were on the other side of the adoption coin.

3 comments:

JJ said...

We all make mistakes which is what makes us human. It is too bad that words cannot be taken back, but that is what an apology is for. Nice come back, CM. Thanks for keeping your blog real.

christieminich said...

Thanks JJ. :)

Annie said...

There's how people feel, and there is how they express themselves....especially when they are speaking in a second language. But, I do tend to think that perhaps she expressed herself very well in that she accidentally revealed how the world "is" to her.

Years ago my husband had a friend who was married to an extremely odd woman. They came to our home for dinner, and within the first twenty minutes we knew she'd been sexually abused as a child. She really didn't need to tell us that. All night, when speaking of her professors, he students, her neighbors, her past boyfriends, etc.....ALL of them were abusers, or wanted to be (stopped only by her being so savvy). It was unreal....but it did help me understand how our world view can be skewed (radically!) by our experiences.

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