OUR FAMILY BLOG

In Shock

2012-01-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

Today, I read an article, that bible translators, INCLUDING Wycliff, are taking the name "Father, Son and Spirit" out of the Holy Scriptures and replacing the name of God with Allah..... I am dismayed, sad and in SHOCK.
I know those who agree with this saying that this is the way to reach Muslims with the Gospel....
WHAT GOSPEL? If you remove Jesus Christ, the Son of God and relegate him to a Prophet on Equal standing with Mohammad..... Ummmm, that is NOT the gospel. If you say that our HOLY GOD is Allah.... THAT is NOT the gospel. If there is no Holy Spirit....THAT is not the gospel.

We are living in SCARY times.

Even Christians in Muslim countries understand this.
I found my info at several sites, including Yahoo news...there are several other sites.
If you want to look, I googled these words:
(God, Father, Son, Spirit being removed from translations)
there are too many to list.

Okra Chips

2012-01-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

I just found these at Sprouts. I never noticed them before, but let me tell you, they are DELICIOUS~!
They taste like Southern Fried Okra, without the breading or deep frying. They are roasted and salted with canola oil.
I am not an Okra fan, but I am a fan of these!

Erika.... almost 6 years later.

2012-01-29T16:15:00.000-08:00

I love how thoughtful Erika is. She is just turning into such a wonderful teenage girl. 14 is just around the corner! YIKES~!

Erika is a wonderful daughter and sister. She has a real sense of logic and a sereneness which comes from her relationship with the Lord. I have seen her reach out to each of her sisters and comfort them, offer them true and unbiased friendship offer them kindness and wisdom. She is kind and considerate to all.

And I love how each of the girls has little collages by their bed. It is fun to see the pictures they put up.
I am so fortunate to be Erika's mom.

This video cracks me up. She was trying SOOO HARD to learn any English. It was amazing how well she did. She would hear the word "Cheese" and instantly start to sing. This was taken during our 10 day wait. :)
And Here we are killing Loads of time! :)

Sending a message back to Anna and Sarah on the other side of the world. :)

And she never looked back!

And she never thought it would be her. But it was! :)
Love you sweetie. :)

Thoughts About Suffering

2012-01-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

I have a quote on my blog that says,
"If I were to ask God why He lets poverty and injustice exist, why there are so many orphans and why He does nothing about it, I am SURE He would ask me the same ..."
author unknown

I have a few friends going through some very hard times. I personally have been through some very difficult times in my life, and they were times that were so hard, I thought that the Lord didn't care. You want to know why? Because nobody else did.
God was not immune to hard times himself. In sending His Son, Jesus Christ, He LIVED hard times.
He was born to very poor parents, attested by the fact that they brought two doves to sacrifice after his birth. Only the poorest would sacrifice a dove. Scripture says that Jesus was despised and rejected, and he certainly understood injustice. In fact, if ANYBODY can understand injustice, it would be Him. He who knew NO SIN, died a criminals death, based upon a factless trial, where he was set up and betrayed.

GOD understands the sting of hardship. He went through it. And even more incredible, was that He died for you and for me, and took upon our sin to himself. And He did it willingly.

One of the concepts that you will find in scripture is that GOD DOES NOT LIKE injustice, and he does NOT like it when people persecute other people. Many of the judgments in scripture related to Israel had to do with the squandering of the blessings God had given them, where they had everything materially, yet did not care for the poor, the orphan or the widow.
We have been studying the book of Amos for the last few months at our church. Our Pastor, Justin Wheeler is an amazing teacher. The theme that comes across in Amos., over and over and over again is:
YOU CARE for the poor, YOU be just, YOU be kind, YOU love.... and you remember Me! These are commands that were not heeded. There was utter ruin to follow due to not heeding the WORD of warning that God spoke through the Prophet Amos.
There are so many correlations in that little book that seem to directly relate to us. We live in a land of prosperity and indulgence. There are those around us who have great need and we ignore them.
There are those who need our kindness and we do not show them kindness. There are those who need us to care, and we do not.
God wants us to acknowledge Him in all things, and we don't. As a nation, we are not much different from Israel during the time of Amos.

In fact, we may be worse.. I cannot bear to see a commercial for Pepsi or for cosmetic companies, knowing they are using aborted baby parts to test tastes, and to use for cosmetics so old people can keep from having wrinkles. Dead babies are sold as commodities because their collagen is so valuable.
We make a big deal about saving dogs, whales and any number of other animals, yet we don't honor Human life. We have cosmetics labels that proudly tout, "No animal testing"! Really, well what about human testing? And what about using HUMAN cells and collagen???
On Christian Radio, CHRISTIAN RADIO, the New Year's resolution commercials were about getting new faces, or a smaller butt,and don't forget the lazer hair removal, because it will change your life.... as if ANY of those could qualify as a resolution!
I looked at a few videos last night of Orphanages in Ukraine. DYING ROOMS.... Children systematically STARVED TO DEATH and workers standing over them smiling for a picture as if that was something normal! None of them looked like they were lacking any food.... Most of them were down right LARGE.... couldn't they give some of their food up for a starving baby under their care? There were 12, 15, 17 years olds the size of INFANTS.....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?

The problem is overwhelming and so very big. There is a world of suffering all around us and we hide from it. We don't want to see it or know about it, because it may cause us to have to take action.
There IS a reason we still have orphans. THERE IS a reason we still have poverty, and that we still have suffering. There IS a reason that our elderly are treated poorly. The REASON IS NOT GOD.... It is US.
We need to blame ourselves and STOP pointing the finger at God.

Why does God allow suffering? Time to ask a different question.... Why Do YOU ignore it?
And as Amos says, "God WILL hold us accountable"

Micah 6:8- He has shown thee, Oh man! What is good and what the Lord requires of thee.
But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

Zoo Trip Cancelled

2012-01-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

Today, we were supposed to go to the zoo for Mike and Alli's birthdays. They are both born on the same day, and since it would be the middle of the week, we decided to celebrate today.
But then...... yesterday, my body started to hurt. I have always had back trouble, but this is bad. I made it to church, but could not stand to teach Sunday School, or to sing in the service. By the time we left church, even with advil, my hip and lower back were out of control with pain. I don't know why or what happened.....:(

Then something wonderful happened. Alli said, "Mama, we shouldn't go. We can go when you are better." She was so sweet. I know it had to be disappointing, we have all been looking forward to this trip with daddy. For her to so sweetly think about me, was really a big deal.
Had I not hurt my back, I wouldn't have had the joy of seeing Alli think about somebody else before herself.

So the sandwiches we packed, we ate at home and watched an episode of "The Waltons". The girls are all having fun outside and enjoying the beautiful sunshine. And it is a happy day, other than being stuck on the recliner.

Girl Fun

2012-01-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

Erika took these while I was gone with Alli at the eye doctor. The extra little girl is our neighbor friend J. :) So now that we are home, the fun is continuing. :)

Alli's Eye Appt.

2012-01-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

Alli had her eye appointment today. She did so well. I have to say, I was so very proud of her. Because just like the other day, she expressed herself and communicated with her words.
Last year when we went, if he said something like, "Tell me when the lines line up." She wouldn't say anything, she would just shrug, because she didn't understand what he meant, and I'd have to tell him to reword it.
THIS TIME.... 2 or 3 times when she didn't understand something, she'd simply say, "Can you explain what you want me to do?" And he would.
I am simply amazed at the difference in her ability to communicate AND her confidence.

When we go back in two weeks for followup, he wants to talk to me more about what we are doing at home, as he works with many children who are diagnosed RAD and PTSD, ADD and ADHD.
He noticed a huge difference. :)

We got to talking about brain science and rebooting the brain and then about the neurons in the brain being retrained. He understands this from an eye standpoint and says that the idea that an eye can't be turned on after the age of 5 or 6 has been disproved. He said, those neurons are still forming well into the teen years.
I came back with, well, the brain is still developing WELL beyond the teen years too, and therefore children with trauma CAN and DO heal. We will NOT be forever stuck in trauma-land.

I love being able to talk to a doctor about this stuff and have them excited! :)

Erika and her Hip

2012-01-27T16:55:00.000-08:00

Erika's hip starting hurting on Monday. I wonder if she is turning into a great weather predictor like her brother Tim and me??
We went to the doctor today, and they want to remove the plate and pins in her hip that remained from her past surgery. They also will be cutting away some bone on the bottom of one of her amputations that continues to cause her pain.

Not sure when this will happen, but it will most likely be after winter camp and before summer camp. :)
That is HER schedule. :) She lives from camp to camp. LOL

We showed Alli around the hospital today so she could see where Erika would stay. We went to the surgery floor, the inpatient room, the child life room and the therapy room. In the therapy room she became a "demonstrator" for some students on how kids with arthrogryposis feed themselves, and how she is learning to get up off of the floor.
She is so funny. She said, "I came to visit, not for therapy!" :)
She was a good sport!
SO, deep breaths and time for a new adventure! :)

How BCLC Worked Yesterday

2012-01-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

As I have written about anniversaries before, we are coming up on a few and our little sweetie has been feeling that "something" that she isn't always able to recognize just yet.....

Yesterday was a day of triumph, struggle and triumph once again. I have debated sharing this, but feel it is important. I do want to emphasize that Miss Alli is a sweet heart, most of the time. :) She is funny and rough and tumble, and sweet and spunky and smart, all rolled into one. And she has given me permission to blog about this.

She is VERY excited about her birthday, and about March 2nd, her 1 year anniversary. She is also insecure about both.

We started off yesterday just fine... all was very normal. And then, I watched something happen and it just made my heart burst with joy. It may not seem joyful to some, but sure was to me, because it was a HUGE step forward for our little girl. She was able to recognize and NAME the emotion she was feeling, and she used her tool to come over to me and tell me! YEA!!!

Sarah received an MP3 player for Christmas, and she and Erika were loading music onto it at lunch time. Alli was watching them together, and admiring the music they could put on such a small device. She came over to me and said, "Mama, I think I'm feeling jealous!"   WOW!
I was so proud of her. I asked her what her jealousy was about, and it was about not being included in the upload process, and she just really likes that MP3 player.
I reminded her how the Lord provided her a personal CD player a few months ago and she said, "but you can't load music into it like that."

"I know, it is low tech, but you should have seen what mommy had to deal with! A TRANSISTOR RADIO?" "Have you ever heard of one of those?" :)
And then I suggested she go over and participate with Erika and Sarah. They would include her... they didn't know she felt left out.
After a big hug, she did just that! And all was well, for about 2 hours......

I went outside to the shoppe to talk to Mike for about 15 minutes, discussing the various events of the day and telling him about that break through. We had a few other ideas to encourage her, and then I came back inside.
When I came in, Anna told me that Alli had been being snotty to her sisters, and Anna tried to distract her and she said something snotty to Anna too. (this is RARE, as Anna is just NOT the kind of kid who gets involved in snottiness with her sisters, and she rarely complains about sisterly things.)

So, I felt it was worth a fact finding mission.
I called Alli, and asked her if she was ok? She was not happy.   "I didn't do anything!"
"Alli, I'm sorry, but Anna said things were not going well inside when I was talking to daddy."
"Come on over here and sit by me and we'll talk about it."

I was met with, "I'm not going to!" "I don't have to!"
"You need to listen to mama. You must obey, it is the right thing to do!"
"NO!"
"Alli, I don't want to have to get up and come over there... I want you to listen."
She came over to the chair. I thought for sure we were going to have a talk.... INSTEAD....

I reached out to her. I was going to run my hand through her hair and give her a kiss, but she interpreted my action through a PTSD moment and began flailing her arms and saying STOP!
We both sat down on the floor and I faced her away from me.   I tried to just calmly rock her but she was really fighting me. At that point I hung on. I didn't think she was rational enough to let go.
So....
She bit me. YEP, my ALLI Bit my arm!

I was praying for wisdom the whole time, and when that happened something came over me that was a peace I cannot explain. It was not my own peace, but a peace from the Lord that He was right there with me AND with her. His LOVE took over my heart and it was overflowing with compassion . :)
She was latched on, and I gently whispered, "Alli, you are biting my arm... it hurts. I Know you don't want to hurt mama. Can you let go?"   and she did.

I turned her to me, and I said, are you worried? And then it all poured out.... she was terrified we were going to get rid of her. She was moving and she had no idea where.
"Sweetie, you aren't going anywhere!" NOWHERE!
Then, I rolled up my sleeve. She had left a slight mark, but nothing to write home about....I knew she didn't bite me like she could have, and my toddler bites actually hurt a lot more. :)
I was trying to remember that this is where she was in her panic, and she wasn't thinking.

I showed her the mark and I said, "You are here forever, and I want you to remember this moment forever." I LOVE YOU PERIOD.
With that, she burst into tears and cried a cry that she has never really cried before. It was a relieved, cry, a deep cry, a grieving cry and a HEALING cry. She kissed my arm and hugged me and said how very sorry she was.
"I know sweetie." "I know".....
My insightful Anna, brought over a bottle of warm milk and Alli drank it in my arms. We rocked and I sang to her the Masterpiece song.... Her favorite.

She relaxed a deep relax. And then she was ok. But not just ok, not hypervigilant ok but peaceful.
We prayed together, and then life went on as it usually does. :)

And then, today, we had a great day, all day.
About an hour ago, she came up to me out of the blue, and gave me a big hug.... and whispered in my ear.... "I love you mama, you are my mama forever."
sniff. :)

BCLC works to get to the bottom of behaviors, not try to punish the behavior itself. I think if I had reacted instead of responded, and punished Alli , she would not have been open to the truth like she was, once she allowed herself to be vulnerable.   She asked for forgiveness with a most contrite heart and she prayed for forgiveness also. Isn't that the POINT we want our children to come to? Don't we want them to repent? There was no reason for a consequence.... We had a discussion later about kindness and unkindness. She also apologized from her heart to each of her sisters.
We are continuing to see much progress with our sweetie. I cannot wait for the day when her past no longer stomps on the present. That day WILL come! Yes it will! :)

(on a side note) Anna is watching many behaviors that SHE had when she first came home, relived in her sister, and it cracks me up that she knows just what to do. She is going to be an awesome mother some day. :) She is already an awesome sister. I am also just amazed that my girls are such a great team. They do not judge each other, and they are so compassionate towards each other. I wish I had been 1/2 that compassionate with my own sisters when I was growing up.

Helping Our Children Grow

2012-01-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

Mike and I were talking this morning about working on ways to help our girlies grow in some areas that they seem to be sort of "stuck" in.

With Miss Alli especially, she has come so very far in so many areas of her little life, but has maintained some entrenched bad habits that we would like to help her separate herself from. Sometimes old habits are just hard to break, and we need help to get out of the rut we are in. So today, I had a talk with all of the girls before we started our morning and let them know that we are excited about them becoming teenagers or getting close to teenage-hood, and how very much we are excited that they are growing up.
Then I mentioned that we are excited about helping them grow.

The premise of BCLC parenting is RELATIONSHIP - RELATIONSHIP - RELATIONSHIP! When you have a good relationship established, then things fall into place in regards to obedience, guidance and instruction. Meaning.... the art of discipline is easier.... (discipline meaning teaching, instructing, guiding)
We have found this to be true in our family, except we need some tweaking. :) Don't we all? I know I need tweaking too. That is why I have New Year's resolutions! That is also why I get really excited about challenging sermons.... I want to grow spiritually! Life IS Change!

In explaining this to the girls, I want them to feel GOOD about changing some things that hold them back. I layed before them this a.m. some thoughts that I had on my heart and they listened. I also apologized to them for the last few weeks of just being personally disorganized. I have been sick for almost 3 weeks and just let things go too much. HOWEVER, this was a good thing, because it helped us see clearly, that there were areas that we have been carrying in family life that the girls need to be more responsible for.   In other words, I shouldn't have to remind somebody to do the dishes, or to take a bath, or to comb their hair or change their socks or clean their room.......   These are personal responsibilities that they are old enough to handle and SHOULD.

So, while some of our girls are farther along in maturity than others, we just threw all the topics together into one discussion and let them know we were going to help them work on improving personal skills.

One of our girls sometimes will try to get attention in a negative way instead of a positive way. This morning it was eating like a cannibal. Sorry, but that is the best way to put it. LOL
She doesn't do it all the time, but when it happens, it is usually to get attention. I stopped her and asked her to hold her fork properly. She said she would rather not eat!   I said to her.... "that really makes me sad, because I want you to eat, but I would Love for you to eat nicely, like a lady."
I went on to tell her about her WISE words to me a few weeks ago when I complained about my weight. She said, "Mom, don't self loathe!" "You are fine!"
You know what? She was RIGHT.... I was self loathing and I was wrong.
So I told her, "Sweetie, don't self loathe, love yourself enough to hold your fork like a young lady and not a toddler. After all, we would not want to see you go on a date with a young man and eat like a cannibal! :)   Of course the next thing out of her mouth was, "Mom, I'm not allowed to date!" Well you get the picture. :)
A few minutes later, she said mom.... I'm sorry... and she ate her breakfast very nicely. :)

Soooo, fast forward to tonight! Miss Alli wanted to light the fire for the wood burning stove and also get some of our wonderful incense burning with a coal. :) I told her, well, that would be fine, but daddy will need to help guide you with that.   I was told "I KNOW HOW to do it myself!"   "Yes, I know you THINK you know how, but you must ask daddy for help. "
And then, I said, "Alli, you have been home almost a year now. I KNOW you do not like to talk back, and it makes you sad. This is one of the areas we need to work on. You were on your own for so very long and had to do everything on your own, and you didn't trust others.... but NOW, it is time, to trust. I KNOW you trust us! It is time to show it." :)
She got very quiet, and sat down by me. I said, "I would love it if you could build that fire with daddy!"   "Call Him.... He will come in and help you."
She INSISTED that if she called, he wouldn't.
I INSISTED that if she called, he would .   (note.... fingers crossed) LOL

She called.... and a very sweet Alli said, "Daddy, can I help build the fire tonight? I want to build a fire and light some incense."
Daddy replied, "SURE! I'll be right in."   And he was.
Alli was so excited. She let him direct her on how to build a real good fire and she was able to do all the labor by following instructions. :)   And then, he let her put the incense on the coal so everything would smell wonderful. :)

And here they are after finishing the job.   Yep, daddy IS a mechanic! LOL
I think she learned something really valuable tonight. She learned that we WANT to help her succeed. And we WANT to do things that she wants to do, and she doesn't have to know everything and do it alone.
She also came to me later and said "Mom, I want to change. I am going to work hard on it."

I have been waiting for this moment with her for a long time; the moment when SHE wanted to change and could clearly see that she NEEDED to make some personal changes. I don't think it could have happened without first establishing and rooting her in a relationship that she could trust and feel trusted.
She went on to do all of the kitchen duties on her own, and did a really great job. :)
Wow, what an eventful day!

"Healthy with Correctable Special Needs"

2012-01-24T13:24:00.000-08:00

IF you are approaching adoption looking for the "perfect" child, please know...the perfect child does NOT exist! They are a facade in the mind!

ANY CHILD, whether perfectly healthy physically in every way, or having "minor correctable issues", IS a SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD! Just sayin! If you want a healthy child, that does NOT mean your child will not have immense special needs!
No amount of head circumference measuring, no amount of chart testing or Dr. visits will change that your child has faced their ENTIRE LIFE in a trauma state that has rewired their little brain to think and react differently than normal.
Does this mean they STAY THAT WAY? No. Not if you understand what is going on and how to lead them out of the darkness and despair of orphanage life and past abuse.

But, if you go into adoption with more worries about how to decorate a bedroom than raise a child with a trauma background.... well.... look out!
Don't be the parent who resembles the bride set up for a failed marriage, having put all of her money into the cost of a $ 50,000 dollar wedding only to forget that there is a marriage to live when the Honey moon is over.

What have you done to prepare for your sweet children when they come home? Are you listening to friends tell you, "You'll do fine?" or "You have parented already, how hard could it be?" Do you balk at the idea of an adoption education class? Are you listening to counselors who have loads of advice but no success, and especially do not understand children with trauma/abandonment backgrounds?

If you don't educate yourself on the realities and complexities of your future children, or you plan to depend upon a counselor to educate you, you are setting yourself up for failure, and worse yet, your children are being set up for failure too. They have already had enough failure in their lives...they don't need MORE!
At the same time, there is a LOT of BAD, BAD information out there on adopted children and how one should parent them.
I have seen the destruction some methods bring and it breaks my heart, because it DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!
If your child has been in FOSTER CARE, a WONDERFUL ORPHANAGE, a POOR ORPHANAGE, an INTERNAT, a Special Needs Baby House, TB Sanitarium, Laying Room (dying room), or anything inbetween, THEY ARE SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN......

Does this mean they cannot succeed? No, not at all. Our girls are on a track to HUGE success.... I can feel it in my bones. :) But the path to get there has got to be carefully plodded. There is no room for years of bad parenting mistakes and misunderstanding. You have a limited time with them.
So if you are a waiting parent..... EDUCATE YOURSELF! READ.... STUDY.... PRAY.... and start working on your OWN stuff. Your own personal baggage is what will get in the way of relationships later.
You point at your brother and say, "Look at that speck in his eye! While you have a LOG in your own.
Matthew 7:5 says

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Parenting is an honor and privilege, it is not a right.

Getting Away vs. Rejuvenating

2012-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

When I was a young mom, I never felt like I had to "get away" from my children. I remember one time, a family member asked if she could take the boys for the weekend. I said yes, out of obligation which I should NOT have done, to only hear her tell her friend, "She just HAD to get away from them!"
I was so hurt. That could not have been further from the truth!

I have NEVER wanted to just "get away"....

There have been many opportunities for retreats or get aways that I have been invited to through church or other functions, and if the unwritten motto is, "get away from your kids and husband"..... I respectfully decline.
Personally, I think that is one of the most awful messages we can give our children and husbands; the idea that if we LEAVE, we will feel better and life will be better. Giving them the message that mama is getting away because life at home is just too awful to want to be there is a very sad, message indeed. Going away for 3 days or 2 days only DELAYS the issues we are dealing with at home, which become BIGGER, since the kids KNOW we left because of THEM.... Getting away for "ME TIME" is an overused destrutctive LIE. How many nail jobs does a person need?
One can also attend a retreat or a seminar for the same length of time, and leave our children with the satisfaction that mama isn't leaving them, she is going to gain information that will benefit them.
We can leave them feeling secure and loved, or we can leave making them feel like we are escaping.

There is reason and purpose to rejuvenate our hearts, souls and minds. Frankly, regaining strength when we are weak; I mean the kind of strength that is life changing and life strengthening, is only to be found in the Lord. HE is our source of strength and our life line of water that causes us to thirst no more.

One of my readers De, asked this question in comments on my previous post. And it made me think about what I do to gain strength when I feel so weak or worn. For the last couple of weeks I have been physically worn out due to bronchitis. I think I am finally on the other side of the worst, but certainly not out of the woods, and I have felt physically and spiritually weak.
I find honestly, when I begin to get weak or worn out, it is not because of the children are doing anything different than before, but it is because I am not going to my source for strength as I should. :)
If my prayer life is suffering, we all suffer. If my personal time with the Lord suffers, then I find myself depending upon ME instead of the Lord, and that is never a good idea. :)

Don't get me wrong. I think there is a time where spending time with a spouse or even spending time alone can be a good thing. But if it is up front and yearned for, if it is used as a way of ESCAPE and not necessarily rejuvenation, it sends a bad message to our children.

Our children KNOW the difference. If we ESCAPE out the door, the message sent is:"I am so bad that you have to run away. You don't want to be around me. There is something wrong with me. I must be causing you so much shame that you don't want to be near me." "I am unloveable".

However, if our attitude is one of rejuvenation, we can hold off until the children are asleep, or carefully get up before they wake and take our time then to gain strength and energy from the Lord. When we are full of grace and mercy as He is, our children benefit from our relaxed nature and the need to disappear, disappears. :)
If we do choose to go to a retreat seminar, we can prepare them properly ahead of time, and leave them with a sense of being missed and a sweet coming home.

There is also the time when conflict arises, that it may be VERY appropriate to withdraw to pray. I have told my sweeties at times.... "Mama needs to go pray". And it is always ok to do this. They have learned that when Mama prays, she is serious about solutions. This also gives them time to think and even pray on their own, which we highly encourage. Ten minutes later, when we come together, most of the time, things are totally resolved and we move on with our day.

I have heard it said that God does not give you more than you can handle. I think I disagree. I think God wants us to be dependent upon Him. In our weakness, HE is strong. He LOVES to work through us and we become His hands, His feet..... HIS LOVE, and we exist in HIS STRENGTH.
In Christ Alone our Hope is found.

It Must Be In The Air

2012-01-23T19:49:00.000-08:00

This is a detailed event that was very real today. I don't like to air dirty laundry, but if it can help somebody else going through a moment in time of Trauma, then that is why I post. My Alli is a very special girl. She is loving and kind, sweet as can be and would never want to hurt anybody..... but sometimes she does. She just does. Today was one of those days. :(

I wonder what is in the air??? I have checked a few favorite blogs and it seems that today has been a Trigger Day.... Is it a full moon????

I was hoping, since I am still SICK, we would have a rather low key day. But no.... That could not be.
Of course not! God chooses to work through our weaknesses. And today, I was very weak.

We have had some fantastic weeks and I have known that trigger time is very close by. Today, our sweetie insisted that she be given the same word list that her sisters get for school. She declared, "If you don't give me harder work, how will I catch up?"
Fair enough.

So, I gave her the word list. The requirement for all is to look the word up in the dictionary, write down the meaning, then write a complete sentence using that word.

She needs to do 4 a day to keep up. After word one, she was stressed; after word two, angry... and after word three, dysregulated. Translated: She was ashamed because she couldn't do what her sisters could.
I reassured her that there was no comparison, and how her sisters have spoken English much longer and she has had so many disruptions in her life, so moving forward, is ALWAYS the right place to be, even if it isn't at grade level.

This did seem to satisfy her for awhile, and then, the bomb was dropped. She was doing her reading and phonics and was seriously annoyed that I had asked her to complete her assignment before moving on to History.
All of the sudden, I went from being the best mommy in the world, to mommy dearest. I was the mean mommy, I was lying, I was uncaring, and then the bomb.... "YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM!"

WOW! Where in the WORLD did that come from? It was a true low blow. I paused, and said, "THAT WAS NOT COOL!" (way to go mom :/)
Thus, what ensued, shaped the rest of our day. I was dealing with a sullen pre teen acting like a toddler in full blown fit...She would not look at me, talk to me, let me touch her or cooperate in any way.
If I were a stranger looking in from the outside, I could have offered myself plenty of my own advice, LOL.... but I was in the trenches.

So, here I am trying to reason with unreasonableness.   I SHOULD HAVE walked out of the room, got some tea, prayed and relaxed. When the temp simmered down, then I could have dealt with things. OR I could have just sat there quietly and waited. Instead, I engaged. Escalated is a better word. I strongly dislike that word right now. :)

When I realized I had been sucked in.... I simply bowed out. I changed tactics. She refused to sit up on her bed so I could help her with reading. (Like reading was going to get done in this type of environment) But, being teacher, I had a schedule to keep. So I tried. Can you read this please?
NO. I can't read.    Ummm, of course you can read, you have been reading beautifully.
"I forgot the sounds"..
Miss Alli, don't lie to mama, I know you know those sounds.... Now of course, I should have NEVER said that, because how do you prove somebody knows something they say they don't know at any given time, even if you know they do??? She was so angry that I said she had lied.... She was so so so sooooo Angry.....
The thought of Lydia Schatz's mother came into my head and I wondered, is this what was going on over there.? Did she just snap?.. .and then I quickly pushed it from my brain... NO. NO. NO......
However, the thought caused me to shudder. I quickly became focused and back in theraupeutic mode.... I HAD to concentrate and let the hurtful words she spoke to me GO. I am the adult! I am the Adult!
Honestly, when kids say things that are unkind, I really don't think they see the ramifications of those words or understand how deeply they can wound. That is, if you let them. If you can look at those moments as moments of a poor defenseless bird trying for one last battle before they succomb...it really is pathetic.

She was laying back down instead of sitting up, so I layed down too. She put her feet up under the bunk, so I did it too. After a few minutes she said, "Why are you doing what I am doing? She was truly annoyed and it wasn't my intention to annoy her.

I said, because you won't come into my world, so I guess I need to go into yours. As I was in Her world, I focused on spiritual things, and quoted her a few passages of scripture. "Children Obey your parents, for this is right".... and "Honor your father and mother"..... I told her.."these are not things we can MAKE or force you to do. They are matters of heart and they are between you and God. If I were to force you, it would make you angry. I cannot FORCE respect or honor. She was quiet.
She paused. And then, she sat up. We had a few minutes to pray together.
After that, she was reading. She apologized for her behavior and told me how sorry she was for being so mean. Of course she doesn't know why. It doesn't matter.
She also apologized for lying, which was HUGE, because she had dug in so hard about not remembering.
Our son couldn't remember his school work many times because of brain injury. She too has had head injuries and I wasn't sure if this was part of the problem. I honestly don't think it was. But I DO KNOW that a dysregulated child, would have trouble reading.

Sooo, after we got that part of school done, she still had two more subjects to do. She asked, "Can I go outside and play first?" My answer was, "No sweetie. I know how concerned you are about catching up. And unfortunately, you chose to use your school time having a fit...so now you'll have to use your free time finishing school. " I held my breath and she said, "Yes maam."

I gave her a big hug! She got right to work.

Then, she regressed in a healing way. She was happy and secure once again and acting abit like a baby. She opened herself up enough to be vulnerable to us. She had found a baby bottle and for the very first time asked if she could use it. We never do baby things unless it is child initiated. I filled it with milk and she let daddy feed her. I was really surprised by this, because she has never asked about it really.
After she and daddy finished rocking, she seemed so satisfied. She relaxed in his arms and he babied her a bit. He is so good at going with the flow!
So that was our day with Trauma over to visit. She is now ~~knitting~~ gambling, with Erika in the other room.
WHEW! What a day! These times can be baffling. But God knows what is going on in her heart and mind. He know way better than I do, and I MUST remember to pray FIRST and speak Last.

Better days are ahead! I think we made it over a few humps today, even though I feel drained and exhausted. :)

Erika and I picked out this sign yesterday and we hung it up. Alli LOVES it! Tonight she pointed it out again and said how much she likes it. :)

This is What is Known As.....

2012-01-23T17:05:00.001-08:00

A Pile of Girls :)

Alli's Russia

2012-01-23T10:04:00.000-08:00

Thank you Becky, for working to put this disk together for Miss Alli, of her homeland. She was so excited to see the pictures. And of course this one caught her eye. Alli was in the Aloshka orphanage in Shumerly.... She said, they used to climb over behind this building and go into the woods, even though they weren't supposed to. That's my Alli! LOL

The orphanage for young children and the one for older children were right next to each other.

Beautiful region of Chuvashia

The Volga.

I am so thankful for those who have cared so much to help us piece Alli's life together so she has a complete picture. (or as complete as we can get)

There are so many sad things in her life story. But we look forward and know that even though there is nothing we can do about the past, and there is great sadness over the loss of her biological brother and sister, due to disruption, and unwillingness to allow her to even send a letter, we can forge through and make the future what we want it to be, with the help of the Lord.

Google Look Ups, Amputee

2012-01-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I check my blog feed to see what folks are googling and how they wind up on my blog.
There was one this a.m. that was disturbing..... "stumpy, girl, h*t, amputee".

So, to whoever in Denmark, who looked up those words twice, and came to my blog: My girls are NOT for your "oggling"... they are respectful, kind girls. This is not a p*rn sight.

This is the kind of stuff that makes one go private, and it makes me ANGRY. I have seen this a few times in the past, but never said anything. Most of the time these things come from Asia.
I am not going to go private....because I don't want evil people to win.

The purpose for this blog is to talk about adoption, faith, love, family, and to educate about special needs.
Maybe, whoever you are, can look at some of what I write, and find that there is a better life for you than oggling little girls with no feet.

A Book

2012-01-21T16:58:00.000-08:00

I found this book in the donation section at the library and quickly donated. :) I really do need to learn how to read Russian. I wonder how this book made it all the way to Texas? And it is in Brand New Condition!

I think it is a children's bible story book. The pictures are gorgeous and may be hand tinted. It was purchased in Russia as the traditional price was inside the cover.... 237- (would that be Ruples?)

I hope someday I can go to Russia as we did Ukraine.

Another Trip To The Russian Store

2012-01-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

That is what we call it. It is actually the Euro Deli. It is a little store that caters to Eastern European foods. Oh the girls were in Heaven! I shouldn't have gone out, but Miss Alli really needed to go.
So, I ~~hacked~~, coughed, oh so lady like, there and back...... I'll be glad when this bronchial whatever it is, is OVER.
Miss Alli loves smells from Russia and reminders of her heritage. I LOVE being able to do this for her. She likes the foods we have, and never complains, but I know, if I were to have to move to Russia or Ukraine, there would be foods from America that I would miss, and it would be so fun to be able to have them once more.
I am very thankful that the Euro Deli is not too far away. (40 minutes) The man is always so nice and tests the girls on their Russian. :) Dobre Utra, .... spaciba... pashalsta...Das Vadanya ...paca..

Here is a picture of our stash:

Alli is holding this sunflower something. I couldn't understand the name, so if anybody know, please help me... Habla? Or Havla? It is ground sunflower seeds, sugar and probably egg? It is a very interesting texture and is REALLY tasty! She saw it and said, "Is that what I think it is??" Then she smelled it and said, "IT IS! IT IS!" Complete with jumping up and down with excitement. :)

Anna like the pickles.

Sarah remembers these. She picked them last time too. :)

Erika always goes for the fish. :)

And me? I go for Library Books that are in the "donation" area. I picked up this little bible picture book for a fraction of the value. :)

Here is a better picture of the sunflower thing. ( I don't know what to call it)

I think Alli was very pleased. Mama was too. It is a pleasure to make my girls happy.

Holding up some more favorites. Last time we found Sausage from Chuvashia region. They were out of it this time, so we settled for Moscow Sausage. :)

Do People Still Do This?

2012-01-21T12:59:00.000-08:00

DO people still fry bacon on a cast iron skillet and then...

fry the eggs in the bacon grease? Erika decided to take pictures of my culinary skills, or lack thereof. :)

Well, I know somebody who still does.... :) I don't do it ALL the time, but it sure brings back memories of my gramma. :)

New Section

2012-01-18T07:20:00.000-08:00

I couldn't figure out the page thing, so I moved it to the side bar and called it "Posts of Note"..... I am trying to pick out a few posts that are somewhere in this blog that might be important to read. :)
So, if you look to the side bar--------------> and see "posts of note" just above the pictures of the kids, that is what I'm talking about. :)
I put the comic relief ones up, just for pure entertainment. :)

Any Unpacked Bags Updated

2012-01-17T10:42:00.000-08:00

I wrote this post in 2008 , but wanted to repost it, as this topic was on my mind after a conversation I had yesterday.
There are those in the adoption community that believe only a "professional" knows what to do with a child who has a trauma background. I disagree. While I DO agree that there is a time and a place for counseling..... healing begins at HOME. And before we can help our kids heal, We MUST deal with our own stuff. Many times, we don't even know it is there, or we have learned to keep certain things neatly packed away in the recesses of our mind, and then, we get zinged and we have a PTSD moment of our own.
It is an honor and privilege to parent our children in a way that brings them into a place of safety and healing.
I wrote this post about 3 years ago and a LOT has happened since then. SO, instead of rewriting what I already wrote. Here is my old post. And then I'll add some more thoughts. I apologize this is so long.

Any Unpacked Bags?

As parents, our children come most of the time when we are young and foolish and in no way ready to be parents. That is how God chose to do it! :)
It seems that God has made a great effort to want us to be dependent upon HIM for every breath of life that we breathe and every step we take. Our inadequacy glaring at us each day caused us to run for our prayer closet and hang onto our Heavenly Father for the inspiration of the day, for the strength to get to the coffee pot, for the words we spoke and the energy our days required of us.

As our children got older and we were more comfortable with what direction they were taking, we relaxed a bit, as we knew that GOD had ordained their steps and our job was almost done. It was a time of thrilling enjoyment, seeing those flowers unfold into beautiful bloom. (yes,even with boys the analogy works)

Now, there are those crazy types that have decided to do it all over again! LOL You know who you are....

But the difference is: They come potty trained and talking back! They haven't learned your language, either unspoken OR spoken. They come with loads of baggage that needs to be sorted through and a tangled mess of ideas and hurts that give the feeling of continual untangling of Christmas lights. AHHHHH!!!!! You can throw the Christmas lights away and buy a new set! (don't tell, but I have actually done this before)
But our Children are not throw away. There is something new we must learn, like.....
timing, patience, kindness, careful untangling of a little life and unpacking of a bag so tattered that if you don't unzip it carefully it will fall apart.

So, we say to ourselves... this a different sort of kid. This kid didn't come with instructions.(even though we know very well our others didn't either)
If we are not careful, we can find ourselves looking through instruction manuals of a different nature that will offer loads of "man's wisdom", devoid of Godly wisdom.

Some books are great and we can identify things in our dear children in them, and they can offer help to us BUT without prayer and discernment, they can also be VERY, VERY dangerous. The same goes with counselors, and those who have made businesses dealing with emotional pain and baggage.
While some of the information and techniques used can be utilized in a positive way, some of it is just down right dangerous, and we MUST discern what is best for our children.
This very issue SHOULD bring us to our knees in prayer and to the Word of God for instruction, but slowly, instead, the phone call is made to the counselor, the books are re read and we forget Who our TRUE source of guidance is.
Don't get me wrong. I am not against reading of books, and I read them A LOT too. But it is a battle to remember to hold them up to the whole counsel of the word of God.
I am not against counseling either, as I think sometimes there are things they can offer for a parent to try, or offer advice to the parent themselves that they may need to work through some of their own issues.

What I AM against is the forcing of a child to face things he or she may not be ready to face. I am 50 years old, and there are STILL things in my life from long ago that I am JUST NOW, starting to comprehend. I don't think any amount of counseling would have helped me to see it any sooner.

I remember several years ago, after a very traumatic event in my life, a counselor at a church kept calling me. She kept trying to get me to come and and talk to her and she persisted to the point that I totally shut down. I didn't want to talk to her. I wasn't ready. I didn't want her prodding me for how I felt or act like she cared about me. I felt like one of her "projects" she had chosen to fix.
What welled up in me was anger, frustration and self thoughts of inadequacy and pain.
Why does SHE think I need fixing? Why MUST she bother me so?

I finally wrote a letter to her and the church pastor and asked him to please tell her to lay off. I didn't need her help. I needed to work things out between ME and my LORD. She is not my intermediary! I have no need of one.
She didn't back off, and I found sanctuary at a new church.

You know what happened? The pastor there was amazing. He was a little younger and the church was HUGE. ( I thought I could hide out for a while) He saw me and 4 little boys watching the worship team practice. I was so used to going to church early for music; but I was no longer fit.

That guy came over and sat down and showed me respect and kindness. He introduced himself and talked to each of the boys who were between 4 and 8. He never asked me where my husband was. He never asked if I was in need of anything. He just respected me as person, and then he went on his merry way. Oh I was never so thankful for a simple kind person to just treat me as normal.

In time, the Lord brought things to my heart and I poured my heart our to HIM. Later he provided me with a friend to share with, but it had to be with HIM first!

Why do I say all that?

Because I think so many times we are on a mission to "fix" our children. We are on the fast track to make them whole, and in the process, we may be missing God's timing, and our children's timing.
They may not be ready for things to be discussed. They may just need to chill and be loved just for who they are, with all their quirks and unpacked bags. They may need us to soak that scab in love so it gets soft and doesn't hurt when it comes off.
(sorry for the gross analogy)

I remember when our Anna came to us and decided she wanted to be a baby. She went through the birth process all on her own, curling up under a blanket and being "born" and then snuggling up and I gave her a bottle of warm milk and swaddled and rocked her. THIS WAS NOT INITIATED BY ME OR ANOTHER PERSON, though I have heard of it being done; this was initiated by HER!
She was 6, and after she finished, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "YOU ARE MY MAMA!" It was like she birthed herself into a new role in the family. She was REALLY part of a family and chose to identify herself in that way.

Well, along came Sarah and guess what? After about 6 months.... she did the exact same thing. I thought... how interesting. They have both done this and they are the ones who have initiated this. I felt honored.

When Erika came, she was a little older (almost 8) She of course loved being rocked and sang to, and because of her physical problems, she could not curl into a ball under a blanket on my lap, but she wanted to. We tried some different things and so we just announced that we had a new baby. I held her in my arms and talked to her just like I talked to the boys when they were newborns. "Oh, look at her Mike, she is just BEAUTIFUL"! Look at her hair. Look at her eyes! She is ours! We prayed for her and we gooed and gahhed at her and she snuggled up, just as the other girls did.
She actually went a little further and she would catch me in the hall and grab me and then pretend to nurse! YIKES...... She was fascinated for a few weeks about if her brothers were nursed etc. I explained to her that not all babies are nursed, so though her brothers were nursed with mother's milk, Tim wasn't able to latch on because of being preemie. She was preemie too.

These things happened over time. We had incidents with each girl of disturbing behaviors, but saw those as bags being unpacked. And the longer we loved them, the longer we respected them, the longer we were able to reach them, the more those behaviors disappeared.
As we have been able to instruct them and lead them to Christ.... they have continued to grow and are now learning to ask HIM for help and comfort along with mom and dad.
The words placed in their hearts, the love that has been planted is growing and each of them, are shining in their own ways.
All bags are NOT unpacked. But in God's timing, it will happen. God's timing evokes change from the heart. It is welcomed and does not bring resentfulness and anger.
His timing brings about repentance and healing.

If it were up to me.... I'd want everything fixed today. No YESTERDAY! But God is multi-layered. He knows that I need to continue to learn patience and kindness and a big helping of MORE forgiveness.
AND.... as He helps them unpack their bags, He shows me that I still have some bags to unpack too, and so we do it together. :)

So, here we are 3 years later, with another little girl under our roof. We have 2 teenagers and in 2 weeks, we will have 2 12 year olds also. :) I remember so well, when we first started this adventure in life, Anna was 5. I counted the years until she was 13. "Just 8! " I thought to myself. We lost her first 5 years, and almost 6 of Sarah's life and almost 8 of Erika's life, and a full 11 years and one month of Alli's life!
According to some books, MANY books, the losses our girls had, the lack of instruction, the lack of nurturing, the abuse, the anger, the rejection again and again, should have led us to believe that they were lost causes.... chaff, forever to be labeled RAD, or some other sort of label. But according to THE BOOK, it says, "I will make all things NEW!" "I came to heal the broken hearted."

Instead of disaster, I am the delighted mother of 4 young ladies who are caring, loving, compassionate, nurturing, sweet TEENAGE and TWEENAGE girls. I am so GLAD that we did not listen to the books.... or in some cases FOLLOW the books....
Praise the Lord. He is the Lord of new beginnings, of starting over, and of healing our deepest and most personal burdens. I have come to understand over the years, God's mercy in my own life, and His wisdom in allowing me to go through so much personal pain. It was meant for what I do today. It was meant to prepare me for the life I have now. I fully believe this to be true. There are MANY times that I can relate to my girls, because of my own personal past.
Thank you Lord for answering my "Why" prayers. :)

So, as we continue down this journey called Life, I am so honored. I am so in love with my husband and with what the Lord has called Mike and I to do....I love all of my dear children.
And the more we unpack, the richer our lives become. I am one LUCKY mama. :)

Martin Luther King Day

2012-01-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

We had school today, and we talked about Martin Luther King Jr. I shared with the girls all that I remember of that period of time and what my own experiences were during the Civil Rights Movement. And then I had the girls spend time writing a short Essay on "I Have A Dream"....

Here were the results. I found it very interesting how they each personalized today. It is human nature that we ALL want to be treated equally. :)

Erika:
"I have a dream that All people wouldn't get mocked or teased just because they are a little different. There are kids out there that get teased because they mumble when they talk, or other kids that have missing parts of their bodies. I myself am one of them. When I walk, I swing sideways. I have arms that look deformed and I have two prosthetic feet. So when I go on short walks or go to the store, people look at me as if I am an alien from another planet. My dream is that someday adults and children will look at all people, black or white, disabled or not, retarded or silent, the way God looks at us.
The Bible says that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. God knitted us together in our mother's womb the way He wanted us to be. Psalm 139:13-14.
"For you formed my inward part; you knitted me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well. Amen!"

Anna:
(I am just going to post part of hers... as hers was very similar to the other girls but had a different twist at the end. )
"I want to be a Nation that has a reputation for being kind and not critical. I want people to visit America and go home wishing that their nation could be like ours."

Sarah:

I have a dream that all lpeole would be treated the same; that they would be KIND! I have a dream that people wouldn't be bullied just because they had a fake leg or missing body parts, autism or a different skin color.
I know one thing: I would not want to be treated meanly. People that treat other people that way are called bullies.
If you are just trying to have fun at a park or something and someone is teasing you, on the outside you may act and say it didn't hurt your feelings, but inside your whole body is shaking because you are mad and your feelings ARE hurt. You almost feel sorry for that person.
I have had the experience, and I hope that you don't. But even if you don't look like you have problems, people will try to find a way to hurt you. Everybody has a problem of some kind.
So no matter what, don't let anyone ruin your life and always be kind to everyone. Love your family, friends neighbors, enemies and even bullies. SO my dream is that people wouldn't be bullied or treated wrongly just because of the way God made them.
DON'T BE A BULLY

And then Alli's (part of which really made me laugh)
I have a dream taht all people who have problems will not be made fun of, because they might get their feelings hurt. Like y sisters; they have people stare at how they walk of how thier legs are shaped. It hurts my feelings that people do that.
I also dream taht I could be a doctor or a teacher so I can help people that have problems. I sometimes think about how lucky people are if they have a fake legs or legs, becasue they won't get cuts or bruises.
I am happy that some people are even alive. I am glad that God gave everybody life to dream and see His miracles .

Love my girl's thoughts. :)

My Sweet Alli

2012-01-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I had to smile inside today at Miss Alli. She has had a bit of a cold and I am one to doctor the kids up abit when they are sick. I have always been this way. One thing I use is Vicks Vapo-Rub. I put it on their chests and back when they have a cough.
Today, I had forgotten to do it in the a.m. I remembered around 10:30 a.m. I told Alli, "I need to put this on you!" She said, ""Oh, I was hoping your would forget!" "But really, I was hoping you would remember."
Do you like Mama taking care of you?
"YES"... and she had a big grin! :)

I felt so special when she said that. She LOVES being taken care of, even if it is rather sticky and stinky. :)

The Late Night Crazies

2012-01-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

One last dance.... :)

Our 10 month Alli Update

2012-01-15T10:09:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of my little girl. We ALL are! She is doing amazing. We hit our 10 month mark on January 2nd. :) I am thrilled to say that Miss Alli is sooooo Hooome!

Other than the incident a few weeks ago due to some insensitive comments made, we have had no meltdowns. She has been a delight to everybody.    She and I are home sick today from Church, so she is snuggled up on the couch drinking hot tea and watching Super Book cartoons.   :)

We had a chance a little while ago to talk and reminisce. I showed her the Russian Orphan Light House Project blog and explained to her that the hosting program is how she was able to come in the first place.   We tried to go back and find pictures and boy did we find a few! Yea! She saw a picture of her sister and her first family holding up a sign waiting for her sister to get off of the plane. (November 08)
Then, she saw a picture of herself in that famous bow!   She smiled and said, "Don't they ask to put pictures up?"    She would LOVE to not have that huge bow in her hair. LOL
She could not remember the name of her orphanage, so we emailed the director of the Light House project. She emailed us back a few minutes ago.... :) We now KNOW where her orphanage was!

"The name of the orphanage is Yolotchka, and the town was Shumerly, in the Chuvashia region of Russia."

I don't know why I didn't think to ask before! LOL
As we sat together, she was so calm and relaxed and pointed out a few people she knew, and then she said, "You know what mama?" "I hardly ever even think about them anymore." "It doesn't bother me anymore." "I love my family."

She is so pleased that she is a Minich. She is so pleased that she has been here for 10 months and that her birthday is next month!

So we started discussing what kind of cake she wants. She gets to help bake it, which is tradition and she is totally thrilled by that. I think we have decided on a chocolate torte with a mixture of creme cheese and nutella for filling, with a chocolate ganache for the icing.... and sparkler candles.
Daddy will be getting a cheese cake. His favorite. (their birthdays are on the same day)

Alli has grown so much I cannot keep track..... she has gained OVER 10 LBS and a few inches.
She woke up yesterday and both Mike and I thought she had grown in her sleep again. LOL

She has improved so much in her personal skills. It is no longer a battle to get hair brushed. Erika has had a huge impact on her in this area. She takes good care of herself now. I get a sense that she really cares about herself, much more than she did before.

She is probably one of the most creative kids I have met, who can take paper, tape, crayons, scissors and make nearly ANYTHING. She even made her own envelope to send a letter, and it was a really great job!

Today, she wanted to make a TV for her Barbie Dolls, so she took some old styrofoam and made a TV with "The Little Mermaid" on the screen. LOL
I cannot wait to post her 1 year update. It will be one month after her birthday. :) She is so excited about it. :)

Language Comprehension Funny

2012-01-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

This morning Mike was getting ready to leave for church. (Alli and I are home sick today)
He couldn't locate his wallet. He said, "The last time I remember having it, was when I made Steve change." Steve is our friend.
So I asked, "where were you when you did that?"
Mike said, "In the yard by the wood pile. "

Alli with a surprised look says, "You made Steve change his clothes outside??" LOL

Daddy said, "No, I made change for his money." :)

Thoughts About Emotional Age

2012-01-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

I have been doing some reading today and it got me to thinking about when our girls first came home verses where they are now.

Each of them were VERY young emotionally when they were first home, including our oldest adoptee and youngest PRECIOUS daughter, Miss Alli.... (She was 11 when she came home.)

The things that were common ground among all of them, had to do with finding things around the house and hoarding them. That means, pencils, scissors, crayons, hair brushes, food items, junk mail, and countless other types of items.
They ALL did this!
They would also wear my shoes, or wear them outside and leave them OUTSIDE! Oh the shoes that I could not find!

The one thing I never thought about, was that it was STEALING. You know why? Because it WASN'T!
Even though they were old enough to know better gestationally, they were NOT old enough to know better emotionally.
So, instead of accusing them of "stealing".... we simply said, "Oh I see you have my scissors in your room. Those belong in mommy's drawer, can you please put them there? And the answer would always be yes. They may wind up in the room again, and the process was repeated.
We never said, "YOU STOLE MY SCISSORS!" Because, 1. this would have done nothing to help them, and 2. Emotionally, they couldn't understand the concept.

When our boys were little, there were all sorts of things I would find in their rooms. Spoons, scissors, paper, FOOD..... I never thought once that it was "stealing". They were little. They found something interesting or tasty and they wanted it; plain and simple. Over time, they learned that it was not ok to have certain things and some things were off limits!

In the same way, our children who come to us through adoption learn. Many times they may be 3 emotionally but 12 physically. We MUST deal with the 3 year old when it comes to this type of behavior. Gently letting them know to put things back, not put food in their room, not put their clean socks under the bed, not collect every hair brush in the house or wear mama's shoes ......These are all developmental things that must be learned at the AGE your child is EMOTIONALLY!
To ACCUSE a child who is that young emotionally is damaging to them. It brings them shame and will NOT help them to heal.

I am VERY HAPPY to say after 10 Months of Miss Alli being home, I am no longer looking for pens or scissors. :) Now, I did have to ask where my shoes were today, but she found them for me right away. Her wearing my shoes is a compliment actually. :)

I think sometimes we are so quick to accuse... and think badly of our children, when in reality, they are just very young and need instruction.... Once they learn, without SHAME, they catch on very fast, and we can find our scissors! LOL

Really Fun Day

2012-01-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

I have to say, today was so enjoyable. The girls were all so fun. We started with waking up from an all girl slumber party in our room. From there, Erika and Alli went with me to a few stores to do some needed grocery shopping. We stopped for lunch and and went to World Market. We had such a fun time. Alli was in AWE of World Market. Erika said, "I told you she'd love it!"

Thinking about the girls and how they came to us brought such joy. Sitting there admiring them, watching them laugh and talk and have such a fun time. pulling myself away and just observing them was so enjoyable. :)
Alli was showing me pictures she had taken with Erika's old camera. (Erika gave Alli her old camera since she got a new one for Christmas)
I cannot describe the feeling of watching those two and thinking about where they were before. Erika has been home almost 6 years! (hard to believe) And Alli has been home 10 1/2 months.

Interestingly, they both started talking about the first time they met me and what they remember and what they said. We laughed SO Hard! :)

I love days like this. :)

Great Day To Wash the Van

2012-01-14T14:37:00.000-08:00

The girlies decided to wash the van because of the great weather. Now I would have been freezing. It is only in the 60's, but after a few 40 degree days, it felt like summer. Almost. :)

You Gotta See This

2012-01-14T13:47:00.000-08:00

It appears the little girlies are picking up where their brothers left off, in their love for photography and making video.
They showed me the beginnings of something they are working on for Alli's birthday. I had tears in my eyes. What a loving thing for them to do.
Thanks so much for your Creativity Anna. :) Thank you Erika and Sarah for all your advice and input.

These girls just bless me so much. :)

The Versatile Blogger Award

2012-01-13T17:47:00.000-08:00

I was very surprised to be the recipient of a blog award. Thank you so very much Annie, from One Mother's Day.   You are an encouragement to me and I thank you for being such a great mom to your children.

So here's how this works.  There are two parts to it when you are nominated. First you have to list seven things about yourself that your readers might not know. Then you pass the love along by nominating (up to) five of your favorite blogs for the award.

So here goes: SEVEN things that my readers might not know....

1. I never graduated from College. That is, unless you consider an MRS degree. I married after my freshman year.

2. By the time I was 24 years old, I was mother to 4 young sons. 41/2 , 2 1/2, 1 1/2 and a newborn.
     I got to choose my youngest son's name all by myself. :) Marcus David.

3. I moved so much as a child, I cannot count how many schools I went to; but I had 5 moves in high school and I went to 4 different high schools, one of them twice.

4. I had a WONDERFUL time and experience with Mike in Ukraine. I LOVED walking the streets of the city and trying to speak Russian at the stores.

5. I have been working on a book for a LONG time.

6. I LOVED raising my boys and I LOVE raising my girls.

7. One time when I was cutting my 3 year old son's hair, I cut his ear accidently.... He moved.
After that, to this day, every person's hair that I cut says, "Don't cut my ear!" The guys passed that info down to the girls and I will never outlive it!

8. Technology Scares me.

9. I made a New Year's Resolution last year to go paper free with my calendar and I did it!

10. I LOVE watching cartoons. My favorite one: Ben and Me.

11. I would love to live in Ukraine.

(ok, that was more than 7.... so I'll stop) :)

I guess I'll keep going: :)

12. Dabba, is my former mother in law, who is very close to me, just as if she were my own mom.
       I have written about her several times. She is AMAZING and I LOVE HER.... She taught me so   much about life and love.

13. Mike and I have been married for almost 23 years and we are thrilled to be married to each other.

14. I have the coolest grand children in the world.... Katie and Lilly are the oldest. They are so special to me. I miss them terribly since they moved to the far away place of New Mexico.

1. Dulce de Leche. I love how frank and honest and refreshing she is.

2. The Life of Little Eunice    Ivy is so entertaining. I love her humor, recipes, ideas and stories about her life.

3. The Adventures of Erika    Erika is really doing well at blogging. She is creative and thoughtful.
      I love reading things from her perspective. :)

4. Wrong in All the Right Ways   If you need a good laugh, Catherine's blog is the place to go. She is so funny, and her family is very precious. It was great to meet her here in Dallas when the girls had surgery. Love her blog.

5. Baseballs Butterflies and Blessings   Katie is one amazing mama. I wish I had my act together as much as she does when I was her age. :) Katie is full of Spiritual insight and thoughtfulness. I love how she parents her two precious babies.

Check out these blogs when you have an opportunity... you will be encouraged and entertained, get great recipes, and insights.

Thank you ladies for being awesome bloggers!

Games

2012-01-12T14:51:00.000-08:00

"Girls, we need to bring in some firewood!"
Alli- "Hey I know, we can play a game that we bring in firewood!" :)
OK!

Alli Got Ahold of My Camera

2012-01-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

I think she likes taking pictures.

She even took some self portraits. :)

She caught me cooking dinner. :)

Love it!

A Creative Way To Memorize States and Capitals

2012-01-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

I decided to take the map down and let the girls play with it. I asked them, "Do you want to take a road trip?" I got interesting looks.
"Divide up your cars. The first person who places all their cars on the map wins!"

So I called out the capitals and they had to drive their cars to the destination. If they got their first, they could leave their car on that state.

They had a blast! And it was much funner than just rote memorizing. :)

Family Finances

2012-01-09T12:30:00.000-08:00

Mike and I set up our budget in a program we use for our business called Account Edge. I was looking for simple, but he is looking for me to learn AccountEdge better so I can be more useful in the business. So it was a win-win situation. :)

I have officially entered the purchases made this month into the program and created categories for tracking. It appears I will be able to track food expenses, gas expenses, clothing expenses, home education expenses, and the possibilities are endless. :)

On Wednesday, I'll add a category for Dental expenses.

I also want to track savings earmarked for vacation and holidays. I wonder, if we VISUALLY SEE where we are lacking, if it will help us to prepare better, and make different choices? We are already pretty frugal, but we can always be more frugal. After all, I really don't need a burrito by Gluten Freeda to make my day. Especially if it is a splurge of $ 2.50, and frankly, didn't taste that good.

My biggie is also going to be keeping track VERY CLOSELY of receipts. 2 times last year I needed to return something and could NOT find the receipt. Not a good example for the girls.

Gluten Free Fried Chicken

2012-01-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

I made this tonight and boy was it good! I have not fried chicken in YEARS, but for some reason, I just wanted some. :)
There is a rather loose recipe, as all recipes are around here. :)

GLUTEN FREE FRIED CHICKEN

Soak the chicken in buttermilk for a few hours

Pat the chicken dry, salt and pepper it.
Dip the chicken in beaten eggs. (3 will suffice)
dredge it in the coating:
(rice flour mixed with potato starch and spices of your choice....
(I used garlic, paprika, pepper, salt)
Let it rest while oil is heating and dredge it through the flour mixture again.

Fry until done....

Wow! I have to say, it was wonderful. :)

I Just Love The Adorables

2012-01-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

I call Marcus and Ivy, Will and Charlie, the Adorables. Soon, little Olivia will be here to join them, and she will be just as adorable as they are. Ivy wrote a very important post tonight and I wanted to share it.
You can read it HERE.... and I'll put in in repost here:

Sweet dreams

One thing that is very important to me as a mommy is to make sure my babies go to bed feeling very loved and very secure. I find that night can feel lonely and I don't want my babies ever feeling alone.

So other than praying with them, cuddling and giving tons of kisses. I have special little things that I do with them. Every night I say to Will
"I loved you today more than I loved you yesterday.
And tomorrow I am going to love you even more than I loved you today!
Every day I love you more and more--
More than ever before!"
And now that he has it memorized he repeats it with me. Then I always act surprised and ask, "how did you know?!" "because I am so smart!" he says.

Charlie's language is just not there yet for something like that. So I just tell him every night that he is a gift from God to me. He laughs and says, "noooooo..... Will gift!" He is just so precious; I could eat him up.

My children really are a blessings and I love each one so so so so much.
Oh how I love my daughter in law Ivy. :) She captures motherhood so very well, and shows that mommys are so very important to their little ones. She leads them in rituals that to some, don't seem important, but in reality..... She is having a very powerful effect on her babies. (our babies) :)

I read an article today on brain function and how children who are not snuggled, cuddled, nurtured are forever changed in the brain. It was a NYtimes article.
The article states that the lack of nurturing and care in the early years, can have catastrophic effects on a person.
I am SOOOO GLAD that Will, Charlie and Olivia, will not have the experience of a lack of love or attention, because Marcus and Ivy fully recognize their role and responsibility as parents.
Raising emotionally healthy children is one of the most important things a person can do.... Those children, will rule the world someday.... :)

Who knows, between all those grandsons I may know who to vote for eventually! :)

Ilse and Ems

2012-01-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

So Sweet! :)

Russian/Ukrainian Christmas

2012-01-07T17:28:00.000-08:00

Today is Orthodox Christmas. We had our very first Christmas Meal on January 7th. It included traditional Salad, Pelmeni and then Borscht. Our desert was those Russian Cookies that are chocolate covered wafers.
It was really fun!

What Do You Do When Damaging Words Are Spoken?

2012-01-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

I wrote a blog post a couple of days ago called "THINGS NOT TO SAY!"
I wanted to give an update on what happened and why our WORDS are SO VERY important. I also want to share how I personally feel about situations like this, and what good can come from them.

If you read my linked post, a relative visited and said, "If you don't like this home you can come home with me!"
This statement was made to a child who has been removed from her first home into an orphanage, then adopted by Americans, rejected by them, then sent to respite care, rejected once again by the first family, then sent to a Psych Unite for Evaluation, rejected once again by the first family, back to respite care then on to another adoptive family and rejected by them once again. BOTH families spoke things I cannot write here. Things that SHOULD NEVER BE SAID.

Now, this relative KNOWS this. She also KNOWS that Alli is fragile. She is doing well, has been doing very well, but she is still fragile.
To say I am upset about it is an understatement. I am mama-bear angry.

Alli has struggled the last few days to gain her stability back. She went from being a family member, to feeling like an outsider. She has been dysregulated off and on and still says the statement really scared her. It put her RIGHT BACK WHERE SHE WAS BEFORE SHE CAME HOME.
It has been hard work over the past couple of days to reassure her of our love for her, that she is not an outsider and does not pick her family when this one doesn't work out, because THIS ONE WILL WORK OUT!
She was already worrying about what she was going to do and where she was going to go.
Logically she knows she is staying.... but emotionally, she was walling up and protecting her heart, which means she began to lash out.
To the average person, that lashing out made no sense. But to us, it made total sense.
I have to say, I have the most awesome husband and daughters.

They are all outside playing together right now, and being very forgiving. Working through all the hurts of the past really HURTS.... A scab was pulled off and is beginning to heal once again.

A scab was pulled off for me too, and my wounds hurt too.... this relative is just difficult.

As for Mike and I, we made the decision FOR the forseeable future.... that this relative will not be able to come to our home. We will not be bringing the girls to their home. We will make calls and be kind, but I cannot take this chance again. It has happened before with our other girls, and we have been very guarded as to not cause our girls undue injury to their hearts.

I am saddened that Mike's mom and dad are no longer alive to be grand parents to our girls. :(
But, we have the local nursing home and Miss Joy brings all of us Joy every week when we see her for Church. :)

Today, started out hard, with our sweetie once again feeling sad and totally vulnerable, convinced this family was not going to work, even though she is quite happy. Poor kid. :(

This afternoon, after praying and talking and just letting her talk it out, and her listening to me talk too, we are doing much better.

I was also able to use this a little for our good. I say a "little" because I'm still upset. But we did talk to our girls about how to respond when people say stupid things. We can take them and own them, or we can reject them as dumb comments that have no value or meaning. It is like letting rude comments fall on deaf ears.
It is time for Miss Alli to take her stance on this and say "I AM A MINICH!" And this may catapult her into having more ability to do just that!

WE ARE TEAM MINICH~!

An Update on Perspectives

2012-01-05T14:59:00.000-08:00

I posted yesterday about family friends who's 7 year old daughter has a brain tumor. They just found out yesterday evening, she had an emergency procedure done last night, and then tomorrow, they will have surgery to try and remove the tumor.
Please pray for this precious family. Here is the latest update. They will know tomorrow if the tumor is benign or cancerous. I cannot imagine.

It is a large brain tumor, approx 5cm x 5.6cm x 7cm . . . it has flattened Andrea's cerebellum into the shape of a pancake, and there is a build-up of intracranial pressure. The doctors believe it is likely a Juvenile Pilocytic Astrocytoma (JPA) tumor.

THINGS NOT TO SAY!!!!

2012-01-05T14:10:00.000-08:00

We had a visit today from a relative. It is always difficult for me with this particular relative, even though I enjoyed our visit. Except for one thing!

She had not met Alli yet, and what is the first thing she says? "Well, if you decide you don't like it here, you can just come home with me!" UGH! BIG FAT UGH!!!!!!

I very quickly intervened and said, "But you are here to stay sweetie!" I then told, very NICELY I might add, my relative, please don't do that again. She said, "I was only kidding..." I think I should have been firmer.

Well, we have had a couple of stellar days, and her "only kidding" had an effect on Alli. It SCARED her. She didn't say anything at all. She even said, "I thought she was nice."
And then, I could sense nervousness on her part.
She was starting to get dysregulated. I could clearly see things were not the same as they had been all day.

"Alli, how did you feel about what X said?" She instantly said, "Mama, that was scary!" I got out my mama necklace from under my shirt and said, "You are here to stay. I'm your mama, you are NOT going anywhere! Ok?"

She was relieved. And I am so glad to clarify that with her.

If you are reading this blog and don't think it was a big deal.... please let me assure you it WAS. To say something like that to a child who has been moved around like Alli is downright STUPID.
It would be like asking an Iraqi war veteran who suffers from PTSD, if they would like to go back, remind them of the combat and then tell them "let's go! hahahaha. Not too funny.

To brush it off like it was nothing, without trying to understand, well, that is par for the course. :( Other than that, we had a good visit.

Perspectives

2012-01-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

With all the election hoopalla going on and the discussions on candidates, with all the news on the Middle East to ponder, with all the silly little things we obsess about, like paper or plastic, saving a few pennies with coupons, what laundry soap to use or if we should save more..... NONE of it matters when reality hits home.

Today, our friends' are pondering what really matters....
This a.m. they were talking about the year, politics etc.
Tonight, their little 7 year old girl is in the hospital, diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Today, some things probably seemed important.
Tonight, IMPORTANCE has taken on new meaning.

Please join me in praying for Little Andrea and her family. More will be known tomorrow.

A Reminder for Me!

2012-01-04T16:56:00.000-08:00

THINK TRAUMA! THINK FEAR! THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!
there. I feel better. :)

We had a WONDERFUL time visiting family, playing, relaxing and having a carefree schedule. However, it is all coming to an end, until next time.

Why oh WHY did I not think that it would effect Alli? She made it through the holidays so well...yet, there was this little under the surface feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on. And then....BOOM!
Yep! It was a BOOM, because I-ME- Muwa- wasn't paying attention, and didn't address it properly.
And she fell apart. :(

Sometimes our kids are so fragile, it is like a Humpty-Dumpty situation. Thankfully all the pieces CAN be put together again. And they come together quickly, especially when mom has her head on straight.

Last night DURING Family worship, Alli spilled some milk on the coffee table. The milk wasn't an issue at all. It was what happened afterwards....
Daddy asked her very nicely to clean it up so it wouldn't get all over. She was embarrassed about the spill, and brought in 1/2 a paper towel sheet to clean it up. It was not NEAR enough, so he asked her to get more. She complied but was angry. And then she was spreading it on the surface of the table instead of really letting it absorb.
The more he tried to help, the angrier she got, and then she said something snotty. I tried to intervene and help her, but it was too late, and at that point she was combative.

Instead of taking a breath and THINKING.... I walked right into the bee hive, and then I became the bee. UGH
I tried to make her clean the table with my grouchiness.... it didn't work....
After several minutes, and me gaining my head, I apologized for losing my temper. Then we went together into my room away from everybody else.
We were quiet for a few minutes and then I tried to talk with her. She was in full PTSD mode. I could see FEAR all over her face. It was then I realized, everything is over, and it is anniversary time once again. She was moved before at this time. Disruption wreaks such pain and havoc on our children. :(
Even if it is better, than staying where a child was, it doesn't mean that the sting of rejection isn't there. Logically everybody may know this, but emotionally it really does suck dirt.

Instantly I asked her to listen carefully and look into my eyes. Are you afraid you are leaving? She burst into tears. "YES!" "I'm afraid you don't love me!"
She sobbed for a while and said how sorry she was for how she acted.

So we snuggled and I showed her my mama necklace. "I'm your mama... You are NOT going ANYWHERE! I do not love you because you are pretty, or because you are funny or smart, even though you are all of those things. I LOVE YOU because I CHOOSE to love you! And that is that!"
I love your fiestiness.... I love your tenderness. I love you!
That means, I am committed to you and you can plan on getting married and I will be there!

To that she said, "I am not getting married mama!" "Can I just plan on living with you forever?" :)
So there we were looking at each other and I said, "We really need to stop meeting like this!" LOL
After that she went back into the living room and apologized to each of her sisters and her daddy. And I did too. And then we continued our evening..... whew! LOL

I want to work really hard this year on helping HER recognize when those feelings start to come, to be able to let us know so we can address it before it blows up.
I have several ideas on this that I will blog about once I see if they work. :)
I also want to work harder to remember that we have much ahead of us in healing, and I need to be THINKING before I speak.
And Daddy, well daddy is just the best daddy. He talked with her once again this a.m. and reassured her of his love for her.

Today was a FABULOUS DAY!

They Are Gone :(

2012-01-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful visit, and we will see them again....but they are GONE! :(
Truman said, "Ya-Ya". :)

When Generations Collide

2012-01-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

I am an older mom. I was 40 when Anna was born. That is not out of the ordinary in our society today, but it WAS out of the ordinary when I was a child; or maybe my world was just very small.

I was a young mom for our first set of kids, having 4 boys by the time I was 24. They were all grown and out of the house by the time I was 45. (right about the time Anna came)

So, this a.m. Anna requests oatmeal and an egg for breakfast. She had a magazine in her hand and said, "I want to live a longer life!"
I served her breakfast to her and found the article she was reading....It was out of the AARP magazine! ROFL!
Maybe I should actually READ that magazine too! LOL

When Anna And I Went To The Dentist

2012-01-01T20:19:00.000-08:00

This is what was going on at home! :)

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards

2012-01-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

Jonathan Edwards was a Puritan Minister and Missionary who lived during the 1700's. His List of Resolutions is amazing. I have read them many times. I have taken some of these into my own life and made them my own resolutions too. I hope they bless you today. :)

CM

Jonathan Edwards’ Resolution

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards (1722-1723)
Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad’s of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.
2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the aforementioned things.
3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.
5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.
6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.
7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.
9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don’t hinder.
12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.
14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.
16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.
19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.
20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.
21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.
22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God’s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.
24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.
26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.
27. Resolved, never willfully to omit anything, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.
30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
31. Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is
perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.
32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that in Prov. 20:6, “A faithful man who can find?” may not be partly fulfilled in me.
33. Resolved, always to do what I can towards making, maintaining, establishing and preserving peace, when it can be without over-balancing detriment in other respects. Dec.26, 1722.
34. Resolved, in narration’s never to speak anything but the pure and simple verity.
35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.
36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.
37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec.22 and 26, 1722.
38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord’s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.
39. Resolved, never to do anything that I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or no; except I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.
41. Resolved, to ask myself at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly in any respect have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.
42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.
43. Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God’s, agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12. Jan.12, 1723.
44- Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan.12, 1723.
45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan.12 and 13.1723.
46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eve: and to be especially careful of it, with respect to any of our family.
47. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peace able, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5,1723.
48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.
50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether ~ have done my duty, and resolve to do it; and let it be just as providence orders it, I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.
58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May27, and July 13, 1723.
59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July ii, and July 13.
60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.
61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.
62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty; and then according to Eph. 6:6-8, do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man; “knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.” June 25 and July 13, 1723.
63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan.14′ and July ’3′ 1723.
64. Resolved, when I find those “groanings which cannot be uttered” (Rom. 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those “breakings of soul for the longing it hath,” of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be wear’, of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton’s 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.
66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.
68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.
70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak.
Aug. 17, 1723

NEW YEAR'S EVE

2011-12-31T17:23:00.000-08:00

What a DAY! Joe, Becca, Sam and Truman came over for the day. Our friend Kathi came over also, and then Joe and Becca's friends came over with Ella and Thomas. We had fun babysitting while they all went out to dinner.
Becca also did hair today. I love how she did the girls' hair. Thanks Becca!

When all the kids around are Aunts, this is the only hat available. :)

THOMAS

SAM AND ELLA IN THE WHEEL BARROW

TRUMAN REACHING FOR THE ROCK TO PUT BACK IN HIS MOUTH.

YA YA AND SAM TRYING TO DO PIRATE FACES. AYE!

TRUMAN IS ALMOST AS BIG AS ALLI!

And now, we get cleaned up and watch a movie. :)

A HUGE thank you To Anna for all the help with the babies. :)

The Hutch

2011-12-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

We took down the Christmas things today and put them back in the attic. I am SO THANKFUL for all my girls who helped me get it all done in record time! They went upstairs in the attic to "clean" and "play house", and I played house down stairs. :)

I gave this Hutch to my daughter Em's a few years ago, and now she no longer has room for it. So we brought it home. I sure did miss it! So it is happily back in the dining room and the dishes are all nestled back where they belong. :)

So nice to begin the New Year Cleaning Phase! :)

And of course, Erika has asked if she can inherit this.

As This Year Comes To A Close....

2011-12-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have so very much to be thankful for. I am thankful for my hard working husband. I am thankful for all 8 of our children, 4 daughter's in law, 10 grand children (one in the oven still) and all of our friends and family who have loved on us and supported us this year.

I am thankful to the Lord for His Mercy and Grace in our lives. What an amazing ride we have been on this year. We have had excitement and heartbreak, joy and sadness, triumph and tragedy.... and HE has been with us through it all.

We dearly miss Grampa and Gramma and Uncle Jim. Holidays are so different without them. :( But we know that they would be very happy that we are carrying on our lives here as we should.
We have met new friends and reunited with old ones.

The joy and richness of life has been palpable. I love it that there has been change in my heart for the better, and that Miss Alli was able to get deep into my hidden closet of hurts, draw them out and cause me to have to face them. Thank you Alli! :)

I have much more to face about myself in the coming years, I am sure.

One of the highlights this week was talking to My Dabba; my other mom. She is 91 and doing OH SO WELL! We are so far apart, but when we talk, it is if we were always talking all along. She is so dear and special to me. We easily express our love for each other. I owe her so very much.

I am Thankful for our church body, where we have only been for 2 1/2 years. It was a hard decision to change, but it was the right decision. Our pastor, Justin Wheeler is a fantastic teacher and I have learned so much from him.

I am thankful for those of you in the adoption community that have encouraged us, written comments on the blog and called or written private letters. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!

As we come upon 2012, we face the unknown, as does everybody! 2011 has not been an easy year, but it has been a RICH year; not in money but in LOVE.

I honestly cannot believe it is almost 2012! Miss Alli has been home almost 10 months! She has a birthday coming up in February, on the same day as Mike. :)

The Lord will give us the grace to go through whatever life throws at us this year. I am thankful to be a small part of the Body of Christ.

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You and give you a Peaceful, Happy and Prosperous New Year!

And Remember Love NEVER Fails! Never EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER give up! Never EVER, EVER, EVER! :)   Perfect LOVE Casts out all fear! True Love is Unconditional, or it is not love, it is something else. Life is pain.... anybody who says different is selling something! :) KIDS CAN AND DO HEAL FROM TRAUMA! Don't forget to forgive, as you have been forgiven MUCH!
                       Happy New Year!
Love,
Christie M

Something I Adore

2011-12-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

I ADORE that our boys love each other so much. I ADORE that our girls love each other so much, and that our Daughter's In Law love each other so much. These are the things that make a MaMa happy. :)

Our sons are all visiting together (minus Chuck in NM) and loving each other's company. Chuck and Jodie would love to be here too.
It reminds me of them when the guys were young. They were like a pack. And that is what the girls are like too. A giant pack. :)
The sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship you will ever have; even longer than the relationship with your parents. It is so important to foster those relationships in our children.

Becca told me that as soon as Sam and Will saw each other, they were off and playing. Cousins.... so precious.

This is all any mama would ever want for Christmas. :)

Sam and Truman

2011-12-29T07:50:00.000-08:00

I got to babysit yesterday for a little while when Becca took the girls out to Starbucks, and to go roller skating. :)
Sam and Truman are so precious. Sam is amazingly smart! He beat me at Blokus on his first try! Then he asked to play Solitaire on the computer, and he knows how! He is FOUR! LOL

Somehow, this doesn't fit. LOL

It is fun to get into EVERYTHING! LOL

Sam and the famous "Dabba Dimple"..... (Dabba is my other mom. Several of the kids and grand kids have her dimple.)

Playing Pinball.

Playing solitaire.

New Year's Resolutions 2012

2011-12-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

This year has been a whirlwind of activity. I did really good on some of my new year's resolutions from last year. I kept my promise that I will not use paper plates, and we haven't. :) I am still gluten free and have learned to cook even more gluten free recipes that are delicious and healthy.

I have had some big fat failures: Working more in the business, writing and staying away from coke.

I see resolutions as a good thing. If you have nothing to strive towards, you won't strive. :)

So I'm starting my list. I hope to achieve all of it, with the help of the Lord.

My number one resolution after : To spend more time in bible study, reflection and prayer,
is to help out more with the business.
To get the taxes filed early.
To transfer all our mail from the P.O. box to the regular address.
To write and COMPLETE my writing project.
To spend LESS time on social media, and more time being productive.

To exercise at least 3 times a week.
To get at LEAST ONE LOAD OF LAUNDRY COMPLETED each and every day. (that includes folded and put away) That means, no more rewashing the load I forgot to get out of the washer the night before.
To PLAN and STICK TO a SERIOUS budget.
To write letters to prisoners.
To join in active ministry with orphans.
To start and continue an adoption support group.
To be a better teacher.
Learning more chords on the banjo.
that's the begining....

What are some of yours?

What Success Really Looks Like

2011-12-28T06:09:00.000-08:00

This can apply to most anything: Careers, Marriages,Educational pursuits... but it really made me think about "Older Child Adoption" and what a comlexity it is to raise our children. :) I often say, 3 steps forward 2 steps back. This line is much more accurate. LOL

This is what it looks like to raise a child who is all over the place in emotional maturity, intellect, physical ability and sensory issues. It is what it is like to try and understand what emotional level a child can be at, in any given moment. :) It is what it is like to raise a child who has had trauma.
Complicated? Oh Yea! The neat thing though, is that we grow ourselves! We change ourselves, if we are brave enough to see that WE NEED TO CHANGE TOO!
There is HUGE blessing in raising children, and HUGE blessing in raising children who have been thoroughly touched by trauma. The big fat squiggly line part, is where many people feel they cannot go on, and disruption occurs. Keeping one's eye on the end of that arrow, can help those struggling to see that it WILL get better. Trauma blindsides us sometimes. We think we are headed straight and then, we go through a roller coaster. But coming out the other side of that is MORE HEALING, in depth healing that can only be had through the struggle.
So look at the end of the arrow! It is still headed to success! Which means something different for each individual family. But happy, healthy, thriving adults in the future, who are secure and compassionate, forgiving and forgiven, trusting, full of grace and mercy, and striving to reach a newer personal goal, is what I have in mind. :)
Wishing everybody a TRULY Happy and Healing New Year! :)

Guess Who's Going to the Dentist???

2011-12-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

Yep.... It is Miss Anna's Turn! :) So she is getting in some last minute sugar.

And then, she'll make peace with her teeth. :)

We Had Eggs...

2011-12-27T08:04:00.001-08:00

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

We really had such a nice day. It started out with coffee. STRONG COFFEE! :) 2 little girls woke us up at 5:00 a.m.!
We pretended to be asleep, but it didn't work. :) So we got up. Anna asked if it was for real that we were getting up in the dark. Yes deary! :)
So after coffee, we watched squeals of delight and excitement. :)

We headed to Church for services and returned home to BBQ Brisket Tacos. I tried to find time for a nap before everybody arrived, but I couldn't rest. I was too excited, because Joe, Becca, Sam and Truman were on their way from MD.

First, Marcus, Ivy, Will and Charlie arrived. :)

Such precious moments.

Ivy explaining to Will that the lawn man is NOT Santa Claus! LOL

After a while, Tim, Em, Joey, Chris and Ilse arrived!

Those little boys are so sweet. :) Isn't Em's just beaming? :)

She and I headed out to the airport and left all the guys in charge. We arrived right in time. Em's got out and I drove around the airport a couple of times and then just pulled up to the curb to load the MD crew. :) Oh MY the babies have grown! :)

We called Aunt Judy this a.m. and talked with her on the phone.

And then Becca did Anna's Hair today. She is going to do some more girl hair soon. :)

Playing Backgammon... (I won) :
Uncle Bob had to leave today.... we really enjoyed seeing him. Joe and Becca left tonight to go and stay at Marcus and Ivy's. We will see folks off and on for the next 9 days. So excited to have most of us together.
Sure missed seeing Chuck, Jodie, Kate and Lillian, but SO THANKFUL we saw them at Thanksgiving time. :)
Now, off to bed to get some much needed rest. :)

To Be Continued......

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2011-12-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

What a special time. I am still up, stuffing stockings. :) Uncle Bob is here. Everybody LOVES Uncle Bob. Tomorrow Joe, Becca, Sam and Truman arrive. We will celebrate with Marcus, Ivy, Will, Charlie, Tim, Emily, Joseph, Christopher, Ilse.... (chuck and jodie, katie and lilly are snowed in in NM)
So excited to see everybody! Time for me to go to sleep. Alli just got up to see if the Norad Santa tracker had hit Texas yet. :) She knows that Santa is not real, but St. Nicholas, the Bishop of Myra was real. :)
But joining in on the fun is REAL too. :)
Merry Christmas to ALL! And to ALL, a good night!

Christmas Light Hunting

2011-12-24T17:28:00.000-08:00

We like to go Christmas Light hunting. We went tonight. Most of my pictures turned out blurry. But this one was really nice.

And then this one was rather obnoxious, but it was fun. I'm just glad I wasn't a neighbor, I may have had permanent eye damage before Christmas was over. LOL Sorry about the song, "Boogy Woogy Santa Claus, but the kids LOVED it. :)

My Lectric Leopard

2011-12-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

I think this is my Birthday, Christmas and Anniversary present all rolled into one. My little leopard was off the road all year, because my Mike was fixing it up for me. He took out the old batteries and fashioned the inside to hold a different type so I can get more mileage. I think I can now get a 75 mile range and it has more power. :)
He had it painted my favorite colors and added the white roof to keep it cool in the summer. He has a few more details to do, like putting on the grill, making the side mirrors flash when my turn signal comes on, and putting some lettering on. (electricity only by the gas tank) :)
Today, he let me drive it for the first time in a year! YEA! I think it looks awesome!
Thank you Deary! :)

A Shaken Bottle of Soda

2011-12-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

A shaken bottle of soda is about the description of a child who is anxious about the holidays. This being Miss Alli's first Christmas with us, we have been trying to be very careful with her to keep her regulated and even keeled.

The closer we have gotten to Christmas, the more memories have poured in. Of COURSE they have, as she has no memories made for this holiday here.
Some of her memories have been good, some not so good, but we listen and snuggle and work on making new ones.

I mentioned to Mike that she is like a shaken bottle of soda. We can take the lid off and watch the explosion, or we can let the pressure out a little at a time and see if we can keep the soda from overflowing. :) We both decided for the latter, and so we broke tradition. We allowed her to open a very special gift we knew would keep her busy all day, with delight.

She knows Christmas isn't about getting, and she also has not begged to open anything. I am really proud of her for that. But the intenseness of feelings and overwhelm of so many coming over, the unknown, and past memories have caused her to be so excited and nervous at the same time.

I figured that if she had to go all day today with anticipation.... she'd explode. :) There was a gift that Anna and I purchased together. We had seen it for a while but it was very expensive. Then, when we went to Tuesday Morning, there it was..... LESS than 1/2 the price we had seen it for elsewhere! We couldn't resist getting it for her.

She was so excited and right now while I am typing this, is happily and peacefully playing with Sarah. :)

And then, we will get that hair brushed. LOL

Little Women

2011-12-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

We watched "Little Women" tonight, and both Mike and I shed tears. It is really a fabulous movie.
The girls really enjoyed it and LOVED trying to compare themselves with the actresses. :)
Of course Alli totally identified with Amy. And Erika identified with Meg. Anna and Sarah were both between Jo and Beth at different times..... :) And of course, I was Marmie. :)
If you haven't seen this version, it is REALLY a must see!

I LOVE ALL my little Women! :)

Christmas Thoughts

2011-12-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

I am baking those Christmas Cookies to once again hang on the tree this year. I am putting plenty of them at the bottom so little hands that visit can have one and do just as their daddies did long ago. (Hopefully not lick them all like one daddy I know) LOL

Christmas is such an interesting Holiday. We ARE celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus the Christ, but many of our traditions are not necessarily based upon Scripture. Yule logs, Christmas Trees, etc. have Pagan links.
I know some people who will not celebrate it, because of those links to Paganism. There are many who celebrate because it is fun, and they have no religious affiliation with the holiday.

The early Puritans who came to America, forbid the celebration of Christmas, and anybody caught celebrating was punished. I have always found that very interesting, especially in light of how we celebrate today!

The Germans were the ones who brought trees into the house and hung fruit on them to celebrate Winter Solstice. This ritual was said to bring good luck for the following year. It is interesting that many antique ornaments are shaped in various kinds of fruit. I wonder if this is where Fruitcake came from? :)

There was a time when I wondered about putting up a tree, and one of our sons at one point said he would not when he was older. I don't know what his tradition is now....I think I'll ask when they get here. :)
But frankly, I am not a pagan, and I don't know anybody personally who celebrates Winter Solstice. Celebrating the birth of our Lord seems an honorable thing to do, even though the Puritans didn't think so.
So, we celebrate it fully and happily and with great festivity.... Because Jesus IS God, come in the Flesh, the firstborn, incarnate son of God.

Christmas is a time of joy and reflection on the greatest gift of all.
May the Lord Greatly Bless you as you honor Him.

Wishing a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

to all of our readers and lurkers. :)
And a very NON SHAKING Christmas to our friends in Christchurch NZ!

Simeon's Lullaby

2011-12-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite songs for Christmas. :)

Jesus Of Nazareth

2011-12-21T18:50:00.000-08:00

One of the movies we watch during Christmas and Easter is Jesus Of Nazareth. This is a fantastic movie. It is LONG.... over 4 hours, so we break it up over several days. I love how they interpreted the account of Luke.
I remember watching this with the boys when they were younger too. It is so fun to keep the traditions we had with the boys, for the girls. :)

If you ever have a chance to see it, I highly recommend it.

A Little Bit of Respect!

2011-12-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is like in other parts of the country, but in Texas, it is common when a funeral procession goes by, no matter what side of the street you are on, you STOP. It is a matter of respect.
There are 2 times where somebody should be honored no matter what; the day they are born, and the day they are buried. Stopping, is a way of showing those who mourn, that you honor THEM too.

Today, a funeral procession was going the opposite direction. (just like in this picture but a larger road) MOST people pulled over and stopped. But there were a couple of vehicles that honked and then sped through. It really made me angry that somebody could be so disrespectful to a funeral procession. If we can't take 3 minutes of our time to give honor, what is WRONG with our society?? How SELFISH!

I don't know the person who died, but I do know the pain and sting of the death of a loved one. Those few minutes that we wait can be spent in praying for the comfort of another person. And giving their loved one, one last honor.

For the fellow that honked his horn and sped by....I feel sad. He must be foreign to Texas. I pray that our next generation is not so rude!

Simple Pleasures

2011-12-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

Simple pleasures make a happy heart. The area that Alli came from in Russia spoke a different language than Russian. I was reading about it, and it was close to a Bulgarian dialect, but not Bulgarian either.
I have purchased buttermilk for the girls before, and I forgot how much they loved it.
So yesterday, I found Bulgarian Buttermilk at Sprouts and bought it. :)

This a.m. I served it and her eyes lit up with joy! WOW! I remember that my mama used to make this!
I got a big hug out of that one. :)

And the other girls joined her with a glass. That is, except me and Anna. We were not raised on buttermilk. So, while I do cook with it at times, I don't think I could drink it. :)

This brought up a discussion about tasting new foods and foods that they have missed having from Eastern Europe.
Sounds like we need to make another trip to the Russian Deli.

A Precious Sarah Funny

2011-12-21T05:30:00.000-08:00

Last night during Family Worship, Sarah prayed that she wouldn't lie. That perked mama's radar abit. Then, this a.m. when we got up, she prayed again that she wouldn't lie....radar up.....
After prayer I took her aside and asked, "Sweetie, is there anything you need to tell me?"
She looked puzzled.... "No mama."
"Are you having trouble lying?"
again.... puzzled look.... "no mama"

Then why are you praying about lying?
"Oh, because I don't want to, so I pray that I won't and I don't!"

Gotta love that little girl of mine! :)

Do You Like Chex Mix?

2011-12-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

Here is the official Chex Party Mix website. There are several interesting recipes! ENJOY!

A Blast From The Past

2011-12-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

This past week has been incredibly busy! I think we had something going on every night of the week or day last week and part of this week. It culminated with the Christmas Program that all the girls participated in. And then, when it was over, they all tanked up on sugar. :) Me too! :)

Well, today was SUPPOSED to be a lovely, nice, quiet day of school for 1/2 day and play the rest of the day.
But what started out as quiet, turned into a "blast from the past". I say "blast" because it was like a bomb went off. It shocked me. The funny thing is, I had a dream last night about a bomb going off near by and there were all these bombs going off around me. The one that fell in front of me, was a dud.... I moved it away from me and it just sat there... I need to stop reading the news late at night! :)

When it was time to start this a.m., Alli couldn't find her glasses. So, we began to look for them when she couldn't find them. She started to get frustrated, so we stopped and prayed together. I assured her, we would find them, because we NEED them! I wasn't paying too much attention, and suddenly, she perceived that I had not believed her that she didn't know where they were. She then perceived somebody else was rude to her. They weren't. And then.... the PTSD bomb went off. She was out the door and up the tree.

I called her down, and asked her to come to a safe place to cool off, trees are not safe when you are angry.
She actually came down! :)
When we got into the house, she was more combative that cooperative, so we headed to my room. After a few minutes of coaxing, she got on my bed and we sat and began to untangle what went wrong.

There was actually nothing that I could have done other than try to understand. I truly felt this was an episode of remembering the emotions of the past, and placing them into today and they didn't fit.

So I started with, "Sweetie, I'm sorry you are so upset. We will find your glasses, but I don't think this is about glasses." I then asked her, "Have you ever lied?" Her answer was yes. So I said, "So let me ask.... if you lie sometimes, why would you be offended if you weren't believed?" She thought about it and said, "but I was telling the truth!"
I said, "I know. I thought you were." So why are you so upset? Because it FEELS like you don't believe me!"
So then, I was able to tell her about MY issue. A long time ago, I was struck in the face, on occasion. I developed a problem with having my face touched. It would bring up an emotion that took me right back to having my face struck, even though in my heart, I knew that wasn't the case!
So I explained I had to work REALLY hard to get rid of those feelings by telling myself they were mistaken!
"It took a long time, but I got over it!!!! And YOU CAN TOO!" (got over it, is not the best description...It is more like, learned to identify when my perception was ascew so I wouldn't react)

You are not going to be rejected for any reason. You are going to be believed when you tell the truth. And if you make a HABIT of truth telling, you will EARN that total trust that you so desire. But that is definitely EARNED over time! BUT so YOU KNOW FOR SURE.... Mama LOVES YOU, always!

So we had a little lesson in telling the emotions that were mixed up to STOP! GO AWAY! She said it a few times out loud and it was kinda fun! She started to laugh at the idea and then before I knew it, we were totally resolved in about 15 minutes. The rest of our day was really good!

And the awesome thing!!!! We had prayed earlier together about finding her glasses. She looked really hard and so did I. Tonight, I found her glasses under my bed. :) She was playing under there yesterday while I took a rest. :) Miss Alli is still very young in some areas, especially her play, and in some areas of responsibility. So we had a really great lesson in putting our glasses in the glasses case when we take them off and making sure we put them in the same place every time. :)

I'm so glad she was able to regain her sense of safety so quickly. :)

The Christmas Program

2011-12-19T08:05:00.000-08:00

So Sarah and I sang together. She decided right before we left that she would sing with me! I was SO HAPPY! :)
We got a small part of our song, then the camera malfunctioned.... or the camera person.... not sure which. LOL

Mom and Dad

2011-12-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

and 2 little darlings. :)

I Will Not Leave You As Orphans...

2011-12-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

In John Chapter 14: Jesus says, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come for you! Kelly in Toll for Thee says, " Jesus is saying there is no greater pain than being an orphan and he will not leave us like that."
The pain of being an orphan is GREAT! Each of our girls have told us of times of crying themselves to sleep. They have told us of not understanding where mommy and daddy were, or WHAT mommy and daddy were, and they were terribly sad about not having one. Not just terribly sad, but physically longing....

Jesus comforted his disciples, who were adults, that HE would not leave them as orphans.... That gives me much contemplation about the plight of the orphan.
My childhood was not great, but I was not orphaned. I cannot imagine being all alone, rejected, totally ALONE in a very scary world!

The pain of orphanhood is on my mind tonight. Those who have come home recently are also on my mind. :) So many this year! So many that I personally know is just a drop in the bucket of the orphans in this world.

It breaks my heart that millions of orphans will cry themselves to sleep tonight. But it makes my heart happy that 4 of them... will sleep peacefully and happily.

At the same time, I am overwhelmed with the children left behind.
Are you one of those who are supposed to adopt? Are you one of those who are supposed to help somebody else adopt??

Each person involved in adoption is so important! Who are you?

New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-16T04:55:00.000-08:00

Coming soon to a blog near you!!!!
I can't post them till after Christmas. :)
Have you started thinking of yours?

Our Austin Trip

2011-12-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

WOW! What a doozie of a trip! The girls and I left at 8:00 this a.m. and got home at 8:00 tonight!
We had fun though....
I love long car rides anyway. It is close to a 4 hour drive to Austin. The weather was not so great today, so we ran into lots of rain, which really slowed us down on the way home. I followed an 18 wheeler for about an hour and a half because I could barely see where we were going!

When you have paperwork apostilled, you have to go to the State Department. It was directly across the street from the Capitol Building. I think that building is quite lovely. :)

Erika wasn't too thrilled with the back seat, early in the morning on the way there. :) But she was a good sport. After all, there are two teenagers in the house now. :)

Sarah and Alli played with magnetic dolls.

Anna was thrilled we were finally eating! Cracker Barrel hit the spot. :)

I was thrilled I did that silly thing with the pegs that made me a NON ignoramous! :)

Alli was happy we were getting to eat at the same place we ate at in North Carolina! She loves their mashed potatoes.

Erika took some pictures of the buildings.... This is the top of the Capitol Building.

Alli fell asleep on the way home.

I was THRILLED that those reports have been Fed Ex'd to the translator and we are finished with our first of 4 reports. :)
We were ALL so glad to get home! It was a fun trip.....

Off to Austin .....

2011-12-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning, we are headed to Austin to have Alli's first Russia Post Placement Reports apostilled and sent off for translation.
They require 12 pictures along with a home study update report. It is much more complicated of a process than Ukraine, but we only have to do it for 2 years. With Ukraine, you have to do it 1 for each year and after 3 years, one every 3 years until they are 18.

It is so hard to pick 12 pictures over 9 months of time, so these are the ones we picked:

Erika's Poor Bone

2011-12-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

Erika has a sore spot at the bottom of her leg. She is very boney there, and the prosthetic pad isn't giving enough comfort. She has grown and we are most likely ready to start new legs.... But for now, they relieved the pressure area and added a gel pad to help with comfort. In the mean time, she will stay out of her legs and let her bone area heal. Poor baby. :(

She is such a good sport. She has some knitting to do. :) I hope things feel better in a couple of days. She said she can wear her legs, but I am afraid if we don't let it heal first, it will turn into a bigger problem. Our prosthetist agreed...

This is the scarf Erika is working on for a friend. :) The ends are gray and the middle green. She needs to have it done by Sunday.

Mommy's Funny for the Month

2011-12-13T14:27:00.001-08:00

I fell asleep in my chair. I was apparently talking in my sleep when I woke up saying, "No sweetie, fish don't get saved."
I think what woke me up was the roars of laughter with little girls surrounding me, saying, "Mama, what ARE you talking about?" :)

Gluten Free Russian Tea Cakes

2011-12-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

Gluten Free Russian Tea Cakes

1 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup powdered sugar 2 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 3/4 cups of Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Flour
1/2 Tsp Xantham Gum
1 cup finely-chopped pecans
Powdered sugar set aside

mix all ingredients well until creamy. If dough is too soft to roll in hands, put in fridge to firm up a little.
Roll some dough into small 1 inch balls. Bake at 375º until done. (lightly browned on bottom but not on top)
(about 8-10 minutes)

Cool for 10 minutes, roll in powdered sugar and set on wire rack.

Cool completely: then roll in powdered sugar once again.

These are very delicate cookies that taste DELICIOUS!
(for non gluten free: Use same amount of regular flour (not self rising) and omit xantham gum)

Socializing During Holidays

2011-12-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

Some of our children are social butterflies and others no so much. Holidays, with all the extra fun and excitement, all the extra visits with friends and family, all the out of the ordinary activity can cause some of us to be excited and some of us to want to hide behind a book or retreat to a room.

I have been thinking about this for a while. Personally, I am rather introverted. All those personality tests come back as Introvert. I love holiday celebrations, but they also cause me to retreat for energy.
A few of us are this way. One of our girls in particular gets overwhelmed with too much activity and needs to retreat with a good book and a cup of coffee. :)

I wonder how many children and adults stress out at this time of year because they are required to put on a happy face and kiss Aunt Ethyl under the mistletoe, smile at all the silly jokes, smile in front of all the guests they have never met, and have conversation, when this is something that is a struggle in everyday life?
Christmas should not become a litmus test of success if you attend every function and smile nicely or failure if you really need to go for a long walk ALONE. :)

Alone times can be refreshing for the person who is more contemplative and introverted. The one who retreats does not love Aunt Ethyl less than the one who smiles and sits on her lap and lets her squeeze their cheeks! They just need personal space, and I really think that should be respected.

Our personalities are all different, and different things excite one and cause dread for another.
So where is the proper line, if you have a wall flower in your home, or if YOU are that wall flower?

Honestly, I don't know. I think taking part in celebration is a good thing. But if our kids get overwhelmed, we should have an escape for them, so they can relax and regroup.
If a celebration is taking place in your own home, I would not hesitate to let my wall flower retreat to her room for a time of rest and reading. If we are at another person's home, I would not be the last person to leave the party, but be sensitive to the needs of everybody; don't leave first, don't leave last.
I would also encourage the children to stretch just a little to try new experiences and see if they like them.

We did that with the recent concert we went to. Two of our girls were not excited about going, but once they got there, they had a wonderful time. However tonight, there was a piano recital to attend. I didn't force anybody to go. It would have been nice, but honestly , we can't attend everything. I took Erika and let her stay while I went home and did other things and then picked her back up. :) It worked out great for everybody. I wasn't especially feeling social tonight either.

I think what I am trying to say is, that there is nothing wrong with a person who just isn't that social or gets stressed with too much social activity. Everybody should welcome their guests and be friendly.... but they should also be allowed to be themselves, even if that means, retreating for awhile, away from the crowd and noise.

Holidays are for everybody, and we should be able to express our joy as individually as God has made us. :)

The Alli Funny for the Month

2011-12-12T15:29:00.000-08:00

Today, everybody was outside and I decided to try and practice a song I am learning for the Christmas program. It is a work in progress.... but while I was practicing, Alli came back with Sarah from her walk. She had no idea I was recording it so I could catch all the bad spots. She came in at perfect timing of "You're here! I'm holding you so near!".... I could barely keep it together. She broke into dancing. (wish you could see it from the video, then proceeded to hand me mail, hold my nose to see how I could sound differently, and then finally realized that the red light on the camera was on. So : Presenting Alli, ala' natural! :) (she appears at minute 2:05, if you want to skip all that singing) :)
Lots of work to do before Christmas!

Last Night

2011-12-11T19:31:00.001-08:00

I caught this picture of Miss Alli. :) She fell asleep trying to draw a horse. :)

LOVE IT WHEN THEY VISIT!

2011-12-11T19:30:00.000-08:00

Chris was finding cookies!

Oh how exciting!

Aunt Anna enjoying Ilse

Chris loves this horse

Joey and Tim cracking nuts.

Love those smiles

So glad they cracked nuts!

Gluten Free Christmas Cookie Recipe

2011-12-10T20:22:00.001-08:00

I finally feel like I can share this recipe gluten free now. It took some work to figure it out. They are even holding the hooks well!:) If you are NOT gluten free, just use regular flour. same amount and do not use the xantham gum.

GLUTEN FREE
SPICE CHRISTMAS COOKIES
preheat oven to 325º

1 cup of butter, softened
1 cup of white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup honey
2 eggs
1 TLB Cider Vinegar
2 tsp Vanilla Extract (or powdered vanilla)

1/4 tsp finely ground pepper
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1TLB Cinnamon
1/4 tsp cardamom
1/2 tsp xantham gum
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
3 cups of gluten free flour ( I used Bob's Red Mill all purpose baking flour)
Tapioca flour for dusting....

In a large bowl, cream together all butter, sugar, honey, vinegar, eggs and vanilla.Add all spices and blend well into mixture.

Add flour and mix well.

Use wax paper and divide dough into two parts. (for a log of sorts)
Refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Take out one half of dough and divide it into 1/2. Roll out on dusted surface (tapioca flour)
to keep dough from sticking.
Roll to 1/8 inch thick and use cookie cutters.

(if you are going to put hooks in them for decorating, now is the time to put them in. Press dough around hook gently.)
Cover cookie sheets with parchment paper

Bake in oven for about 10 minutes until brown but not too brown.
Let sit on tray for a few minutes and then transfer carefully to a wire rack to cool.

When cookies are completely cool, then you can decorate them. Let icing dry thoroughly before hanging or eating.
The icing will dry well enough that they can go in a cookie jar without getting stuck together.

Icing and sprinkles.
( I make icing from powdered sugar, a little vanilla extract a dash of cream of tartar and a little milk)

1/2-3/4 c powered sugar, 1/4 tsp vanilla, dash of cream of tartar, 2 tsp of milk, then add just a drip at a time until you get the consistency you want. (too thick isn't good, too thin isn't either)
add food coloring..... decorate with sprinkles and set to dry.

NOTE: The flour is a garbanzo bean, fava bean, sorghum, tapioca blend.... uncooked, the dough does not really taste very good, but cooked it tastes like a regular cookie.
*** you can get gluten free sprinkles and colors online*** (just google) :)

More Cookie Festivities!

2011-12-10T15:56:00.001-08:00

Oh my! Flour faces!

They are cookie decorating machines!

I can't believe it is this close to Christmas!

Sarah, hard at work!
AND......... The Cookies are ON the Tree! They will be eaten off and replaced with fresh ones over the next 2 weeks.... :)
I LOVE Tradition!

Erika decorated this one. :)

A Christmas Concert

2011-12-08T22:25:00.001-08:00

Tonight, we headed to Highland Park Presbyterian Church to see the Getty's Christmas Concert. To say we had a good time is an UNDERSTATEMENT! We had a GREAT time!

The music was just fantastic. I LOVE Irish Music. The instruments are so interesting and the Irish Pipes are beautiful.
I have to say, They really ROCKED! We had so much fun. The girlies broke into dance and the audience participated in many of the songs.

Everybody got dressed up for the occasion. We also looked at all the fabulous Christmas lights on the way home.
We took our car, so there were 3 in the back and 3 in the front. Alli sat in the front between mom and dad. She snuggled in and all the way there and all the way home, she was just glowing with joy. :)
It was precious to see.

She is really enjoying all the events of her first Christmas home!

One really COOL thing that happened was that we were able to talk to the American Guitar Player.... and He and his wife are hosting a child from Ukraine for Christmas! :) It was fun to talk with him about adoption.
After the concert, the Irish players had a jam session for about 30 minutes for anybody who wanted to stay. It was such a great atmosphere of joyful expression. :)

On the way home, the girls were all saying what a wonderful time they had. I am REALLY glad we went. :)

Christmas Cookie Decorating

2011-12-08T09:55:00.001-08:00

Alli's first time to make Christmas Cookies

Erika asked, "Why did you make all those J's?" Um.... Erika, if you look at them from the other direction, they are candy canes. :)

Sprinkles

Anna was making home made Christmas Cards

Erika joined in the fun

Then Sarah and Anna joined in too.

The first set is done and when they dry, they are going up on the tree. :)

2011 Christmas Photos

2011-12-06T10:14:00.001-08:00

Anna and her Friend

2011-12-05T14:21:00.001-08:00

Anna and I met Mary Grace and her mom for lunch today. It was a "first" for Anna. :) Mary Grace has been her friend for awhile, and they are both 13 now. We thought it would be fun to go for a "ladies friendly". :) One of many to come! :)

Well, I almost got a picture. :)

And then I got a real one. :)

Twice Abandoned

2011-12-05T14:15:00.001-08:00

These triplets were abandoned once by their biological parents, then sent back to Latvia with no explanation by their adoptive parents, and then readopted by a wonderful family who committed to love them no matter what. :) I loved reading this article!

HERE is the full article:

Their mother told them they were going to Disney World.
She bundled the three children on a plane, all alone, and told them there would be someone there to meet them on the other side.
But when the plane landed, they were on the other side of the world. Returned, without explanation, to the Latvian orphanage where she had adopted them less than two years before. And there was no one waiting to meet them.
They were 9 years old.
Evalds, Inga and Ieva.
Blond-haired, big-eyed triplets from Latvia whose world had just come crashing down for the second time in their short lives.
That was almost 20 years ago. There was no international outcry over what had happened to them, none of the shocked news coverage like last year when an adoptive mother from Tennessee returned her 7-year-old son to Russia like a mail-order sweater that didn’t quite fit.
But if the Russian incident was a worst-case scenario for Tennessee international adoptions, Evalds, Inga and Ieva are the other side of the story.
Tennessee is where they finally came home, adopted at age 11 by John and Carole Bratcher of Murfreesboro, who had enough love and patience to convince three angry, wary children that this time they really were home and that this family was theirs forever.
“It is possible for kids to recover from a failed adoption and for them to succeed. We have living proof,” Carole Bratcher said, smiling over at her three grown children curled side by side by side on a couch.
The triplets turned 28 last week. Renamed Brendan, Catherine and Elizabeth, they’ve grown into smart, happy, poised adults who can talk frankly about the trauma they survived. The same trauma a little boy in Russia is living through right now.
“I wanted to reach through the TV and grab hold of him,” Brendan Bratcher said. “I would sit him down and tell him it’s going to be OK.”
There have been a lot of questions in the year and a half since Torry Hansen, a registered nurse from Shelbyville, Tenn., bundled her adopted son on a plane back to Russia all alone, with a note pinned to his coat: “I no longer wish to parent this child.”
People wonder how any mother — how anyone — could do that to a 7-year-old. They wonder what happened in the home beforehand. They wonder what it will mean for international adoptions in the long term. But most of all they wonder about that little boy, named Artyom in Moscow and Justin in Shelbyville.
“We know what he’s going through,” Catherine Bratcher said. “The feeling of not being wanted. It hurts.”
“I remember, we were walking up the walk to go to the orphanage,” said Elizabeth — who now goes by her Latvian name Ieva — hugging her elbows at the memory.
None of them has a very clear memory of the flight back to Riga, Latvia. Brendan joked that he was still looking around for the Disney rides. The driver who’d given them a lift from the airport simply dropped them at the end of the long drive, leaving the children to walk the final mile on their own, dreading what their former caretakers would say when they saw them again.
“They said if we came back, they were going to beat us,” Ieva said. “We were taking little baby steps, wondering how bad we were going to get beaten. … I don’t think they were very surprised to see us.”

A second chance

There were no beatings. Instead, the orphanage launched an international effort to find them a new home. The clock was ticking. In Latvia, children are expected to leave the orphanages at age 16 if they aren’t adopted, and the few families willing to take the children in weren’t willing to take all three.
Two years passed. It was St. Patrick’s Day 1995, and John and Carole Bratcher were just starting to talk about the possibility of adopting a child from overseas. That’s when the agency they’d contacted, Heaven Sent Children, posed the question: “What would you think about 11-year-old Latvian triplets?”
Stunned, the couple asked for some time to think. And they thought about it, as friends came over to watch The Quiet Man and eat the traditional St. Patrick’s Day corned beef and cabbage. They thought about it as they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed that night.
“You still thinking about those kids?” John Bratcher remembers them asking each other, over and over, and getting the same answer each time: “Yeah.”
They talked for hours, prayed about it and talked some more. That Monday, they asked the social worker for the children’s files. Before they even arrived, before they saw the first picture of the children, they’d made their decision.
“They were ours. That was just it,” Bratcher said. “Everything else after that was directed toward bringing them home.”
The adoption moved at light speed, sped by the Latvian authorities’ anxiety to get the children adopted before they aged out of the system. By July of that year, the Bratchers arrived in Latvia to sign the adoption papers and bring their family home.
In some ways, the adoption was the easiest part of the process. Because there was nothing easy about convincing three traumatized 11-year-olds that this new family wasn’t just going to ship them back to the orphanage the first time things got tough.
And things did get tough.
“They were worried we’d want to send them back,” said John Bratcher, who serves as clerk and master of the Rutherford County Chancery Court. “But when we decided (to go ahead with the adoption), a little switch went off in our heads that they were ours, and that wasn’t going to change.”
A forever home is a tough concept for children who’ve been abandoned again and again — first by their alcoholic parents, then by the family that adopted them and raised them in Boston for almost two years.
“When we misbehaved, we used to try to guess, to rate what the consequences would be,” Brendan Bratcher said. “If it was a little thing, we’d guess maybe a timeout. If we couldn’t guess, we’d say they were probably going to send us back.”
Catherine and Ieva laughed, but nodded in agreement.
“I was scared to get adopted. I was afraid we’d just get sent back again,” said Catherine, who remembers crying herself to sleep over that thought, night after night.
But that never happened. Not when they pouted or fought or spit or threw rocks. Not when they poured an entire bottle of bubble bath into the hot tub. Not when one of them accidentally set the backyard playhouse on fire.
There was nothing they could do that could make their parents give up on them, or give them up.
Again and again, Carole Bratcher said, she showed them their adoption certificates: “This makes it like you were born to us. This is how it’s different this time. We couldn’t have sent you back even if we wanted to.”
A counselor once told Carole that she’d given up trying to convince adoptive parents that things might not go smoothly once their child came home. Every prospective parent, the counselor said, was convinced that the power of love could overcome anything — post-traumatic stress, language barriers, culture shock.
“People think, it’s going to be so wonderful, they believe their love will fix it all. Believe me, that’s not enough,” she said.
Yes, you need boundless love. But you also need support and you need a quality Carole Bratcher — raised in a family of 10 on a farm in Iowa — had in abundance, a quality her husband shared: a work ethic that just wouldn’t quit. Together, they worked on the kids’ behavioral problems, their post-traumatic stress, their separation anxiety and their trust issues.
“We worked at it like it was our job,” John Bratcher said. The new parents lined up a vast support network of counselors and teachers and church youth ministers and friends and family. They went to every game, every Boy Scout meeting, every parent-teacher conference. They sat up for hours with a Latvian-English dictionary, helping the children puzzle their way through homework.
They knew that behind every tantrum was a child who desperately wanted the home and love they were offering.
The orphanage shot video of 11-year-old Brendan tearing through his closet, looking for his “good” shirt, wanting to look his best for the photos they were sending to an unknown couple in Tennessee. When the Bratchers sent a book of photos of themselves and their home in Murfreesboro, the children carried it around with them everywhere. On their first morning together as a family, the children scrambled to make all the beds, eager to impress their new parents.

Rebuilding trust

A few years after they came home to Murfreesboro, Ieva dialed a Boston number from memory.
“Why did you do it?” she asked the woman who answered the phone. Their first adoptive mother burst into tears. “She apologized and apologized.”
The woman in Boston had her reasons. Problems in her marriage. A 13-year-old daughter who didn’t take kindly to close-knit triplets invading her home.
The triplets were a handful.
“We were 8-year-olds being 8-year-olds,” said Brendan, who remembers sliding down the laundry chute in the three-story house in Boston, going to Red Sox games and golfing with their adoptive father.
And even at the first adoption, the children were suffering the effects of early childhood trauma and their abandonment in the orphanage.
“When you adopt a child, they may act calm at first … but you’re going to see what they went through,” Catherine said. “What I knew was somebody not liking me. What I knew was being hit with a belt. I didn’t know how to process” being treated with love and understanding.
“They’re going to scream and kick and show you absolute hate and tell you ‘I hate you,’ ” Ieva said. “But it’s a defense mechanism. It’s too scary to get too close to you. It’s safer to say ‘I hate you,’ to throw rocks at you.”
The Bratchers went into the adoption well prepared for the troubles they’d face. They agreed to be interviewed for this story in the hope that other adoptive parents would get the help and support if they start to feel overwhelmed. Because things can get better.
It took years, they said, for the children to finally relax, to feel safe and secure. They started bringing home academic awards and sports trophies. Brendan became an Eagle Scout and bought his own home at age 22. The good days started to outnumber the bad.
Bratcher leafs through photo albums chronicling years of family vacations, three-cake birthday parties, holidays, horseplay in the backyard, prom night, graduations, hugs for Mom and Dad.
“That right there,” Bratcher said, tapping an early photo of one of his daughters hugging him tightly around the neck, burying her head in his shoulder. “That hug right there. Every bit of it was worth it.”

Contact Jennifer Brooks at 615-259-8892 orjabrooks@tennessean.com.

Framing Memories One Piece At A Time

2011-12-04T19:41:00.001-08:00

One of the things we have loved to do is frame art work. This is a sample of

some of the artwork the kids have done over the years. I need to start framing

more of the girl's work. All of these pictures are hung in various parts of the house.

I love having those memories around. And I think they like seeing their masterpieces of long ago being cherished, just like they are. :)

This was a picture Joseph drew at 3.... it was Super Man

Marcus painted this at 6.

Joseph painted this at 7

Sarah drew this at 6

Timothy painted this at 8

Timothy painted this one at 9.

An Alli Funny

2011-12-03T19:20:00.001-08:00

Tonight the girls were watching an old Popeye cartoon. Olive Oyl was startled and "jumped out of her shoes and stockings".... They were left standing in the shape of her legs. Alli said, "Oh wow! There is a cartoon with somebody else with fake legs!"
When I thought about it, that is exactly what the cartoon looked like...but who would ever think of that!
LOL

Christmas Memories

2011-12-03T19:14:00.001-08:00

I can't believe the Christmas season is already here! Christmas isn't about getting.... after all it isn't OUR birthday. It is about the ONE who GAVE!
GOD sent HIS Son; the baby in the manger, Jesus Christ, who grew up and became our Savior.

But in our society, Christmas goes hand in hand with giving of gifts. And everybody likes to give gifts, including us. We just don't want that to be the focus of the holiday. That is partially why I already wrapped everything and put it under the tree. I didn't want the anxiety of wonder to permeate the season. They now know they have gifts. We will open them when the time comes. It seemed to be a relief for Miss Alli to know. Now we can concentrate on other things. :)

I am so excited for Miss Alli to have her first Christmas with us. She cannot wait to put cookies on the tree that she can "eat off". LOL
This excitement comes from one of our lasting traditions of baking cookies and putting them on the tree. She LOVES the idea.
It is so important to build those lasting memories with our children through family rituals that we repeat each year.
She was able to pick out a Child to buy for from the angel tree and talk about what she wanted the little girl to get. This was new for her to be on the "giving" side of things.

As we sat around the table tonight she listened intently to all the stories we were sharing about Christmas's past, and and it was painfully obvious to me that she was saddened that she wasn't here before.
She has been inserted into our family, and while she feels very much an integral part of our lives, old memories remind her that she was obviously not there, and that is hard for her and for me too.

Honestly, I forget sometimes that our girls were not born to us. It seems like they have always been here.
So we started sharing old funny stories about each of the girls and we all laughed until we cried, and then Alli said, "Mama, tell me something more about me! Are there more funny things I have done?" I didn't have as many funny things I could come up with for her, because she just hasn't been here that long, and she wasn't here when she was 5 or 6. My heart hurt for her loss. :( As all the girls went away from the table full of happiness of hearing fun stories, including Alli, I looked at Mike and said, "We need to make every effort to make sure we catch fun memories for her, so we can bring them up for her later. " He reassured me that as time goes on, there will be plenty of fun moments to remember. But it still made me sad for her. 11 years of her life is GONE. We know NOTHING but a few tragic stories and her fun hair bow story. :(

So we will do our best to make memories for her that she can build on from here on out. We love our little girls so much.
Looking forward to a memory making Christmas!
As we celebrate this Christmas, I am so excited to help the girls make those lasting memories of Celebrating the Birth of our Savior.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

2011-12-03T07:50:00.001-08:00

Brown paper packages wrapped up with strings...

Our son Timothy made this Manger Scene 24 years ago. The star is mostly gone, but I just love that I still have it. (Em's if you want it, let me know)

Chuck and Jodie brought these chili's from New Mexico! YUM!

JOY!

2011-12-03T05:18:00.001-08:00

There is a certain joy that comes from the gift of children. I remember when my guys were little I enjoyed them so very much. That has not changed abit! I enjoy them now too. They will always be cute, and funny and sweet. :) We had 4 boys in 4 years and 9 months. Two of them were less than a year apart and they grew up together in a sort of "herd". :) All little, all elementary and then quickly all teens. What a JOY to have 4 teen age boys in the house at the same time! They had a variety pack of personalities and needs just like any kids do. We had IEP's and walkers and wheelchairs around....casts, stitches and surgeries; but most of all we had joy. :)

So now it is the girls turn. They are even closer in age. For girls within 20 months of each other. Two are now teens and the others will follow rapidly. They too are growing up in a rather "lady like herd". :)
Once again, we have special needs around. Instead of walkers, we have extra body parts, sometimes a wheel chair, casts, surgeries and stitches, and even a handicap placard so Erika can open her door wide enough to get out of the car and back in. But most of all, we have joy!